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Hello folks,  since this is my first post I thought it best to introduce myself.  I'm 44, live in Washington state, and have been reading these forums for over 2 years now.  Took some time after a brutal divorce to get myself together and research my options. I've dated a little lately and succeeded in further convincing myself that my best bet was to look to women from another culture.  

My preference is Asian ladies so I joined Cherry Blossoms and have met some fine women there. Met quite a few that were questionable too but that's another story!  The Chinese women have captured my interest the most.  From reading these forums it seems not too many of you are with Chinese gals.  I hope, at some point, to be able to get some insight from those of you who are.

There are a couple of questions I have that I'm hoping someone can help me with.  I have recently met a couple of filipinas who I've been exchanging emails with and I'd like to talk with them on the phone.  I have their numbers but don't have a clue how to complete the calls (country codes and such).  Any advice?  Also, what is the cheapest way to call the Phillipines?

Nice to meet you all and thanks in advance for any help you can give me. I hope I don't sound like too much of a rookie.  Like I said before, I've been looking into this for a long time but until now haven't taken this step before.

Doug

... in response to introduction and a couple of questions, posted by DougM on Feb 24, 2005

[This message has been edited by Tim]

Hi Doug, sorry I am coming in late on this. Feel free to join the group Windmill told you about, we specialize in the area you seem most interested in. The URL is in my profile, just click on my name.

Regards, Tim

... in response to introduction and a couple of questions, posted by DougM on Feb 24, 2005

Welcome Doug!

Don't feel too shy, we were all rookies here once :P

I don't know much about China, my Asawa is Filipino, but Windy and Tim are GREAT guys and I'm sure will help with the stuff that is unique to a Chineese fiancee

Keep the Faith!

H

... in response to introduction and a couple of questions, posted by DougM on Feb 24, 2005

Hello Doug M

I am engaged to my Chinese Fiance from southern China.  My  experiences are somewhat limited to only her and the Chinese church congregation I interact here in the USA. Most of them are  assimilated into being americans by now.

I was in China a year ago  and I will be returning in about 1 month to help my Fiance move to the States.  Maybe I can report a small trip travelogue  when I return with here.   I  reported in depth on my trip to Japan 2 years ago (it is somewhere in the archives).  but I was very busy preparing to move accross the country and I was hesitant to write down my experiences in china since I knew we would be starting our visa processing and I did not  want to upset any one in either the Chinese or American governments.

Based on my first trip to China  I thought  it  was a country of amazing contrast. So many foreign aspects like traditional temples and lakes and traditional chinese culture items scaffolding made out of bamboo women who sweep the streets with straw brooms, that you can imagine from what you have seen in travel books.  and then you will walk around the corner and see them selling Hummer H2's at a dealership.   I felt the same way about Japan,  and many people who tell their tales of the Philippines say the same thing -- this obviously ain't America.   I  would have to say  that  visiting  Japan first was a geat buffer before going to China.  I had studied a little Japanese prior to going  but still nothing compares you  to  being a 6 foot 2 inch white guy in a sea of  mostly shorter asians. signs and everything thing else is in foreign languages, and the cities are degigned differently  than american cities  with lots of Neon being used in both countries.

As for selecting an asian mate to live in harmony with you for the rest of your life here  is how I would approach it.

1.) Learn about  the differnt asian cultures  and  figure out  what you are  interested in.  you will get plenty of imput here  about the Philippines  Japan, China, and maybe Vietnam  but there are other asian cultures not really represented here  that  you might want to consider.  We hear very little about Korean, Thai, Cambodian, Malaysian and Indonesian cultures here on this  forum so you might want to consider  this.  It's been said many times here before  you are not only marrying a woman but also her culture and thinking.

2.)Once you've figured out  what culture  you are most interested in  then ask yourself what kind of mate are you interested in. Do you want an assertive woman, a docile woman, a mover and a shaker or a home body,  a spunky  girl who will give you a run for your money or a quiet girl.  Figure out  what is  important to you. I am an advocate  that you select a woman who has a high degree of English fluency or else you are facing an up hill battle.  I am  blessed that contrary to what she might  say  my Fiance speaks very good  English skills.  

3.)  when you have narrowed these aspects down  then start fishing through the data bases of  women on cherry blossoms  - hearts of asia -  I used  Asianeuro.com  or any of the other agencies that appear legitimate to you.  Use your common sense  you will know who feels good to you and who doesn't.  I met and corresponded with many nice Japanese women  but ultimately  for me  I realized finding a woman who has the same faith as me  and can express  herself openly and interstingly to me  was  most important to me.  I found my  Fiance in China  and within 3 letters  I knew  she was  for  me  and I forgot about all of the other canidates and I stopped  looking for others.

4.)  If  you cannot  talk about absolutely  everything  with her  in a very  comfortable  manner  then  I think you are  wasting your time with her.  Come totally clean about everything in your past  and  you should not see any hesitation on her part either to do so.

5.) Tim - our member ar a distance, runs a discussion forum on yahoo called [CUC] Chinese US Couples.  Most of the converstions there are about people going through the Visa processing  stages.  but  some  members  there live presently in china right now and they can tell you anything you want to know about first hand.  There  is also a website called Candle for love that can give you insights too.  

6.) As  I mentioned before I am only somewhat of an expert on my particular fiance.  and I cannot sum up 1.3 billion people  but If you  wich to e-mail me at TheobromaC@aol.com  I will try to answer more questions if you have them -  I will also  give you Tims e-mail address to ask him if you can join [CUC]

That WINDY guy  ERIC

... in response to Re: introduction and a couple of questio..., posted by Windmill Boy on Feb 25, 2005

Fantastic information, Eric!  Thank you.  I have read your posts here with much interest in the past and have spent considerable time in the archives.

I have spent these last couple of years trying to learn what I can about the different cultures.  My source of information is pretty much limited to the internet and I live in an area that doesn't have large populations of people from different cultures.  While I've basically followed the course you recommend,  I have much to learn.

Thanks again for your post.  I will send you an email soon.  Thank you for that, as well.

Doug

... in response to introduction and a couple of questions, posted by DougM on Feb 24, 2005

DOUG:

Took some time after a brutal divorce to get myself together

STEPHEN:

That's a very good idea.  You don't want to rush into anything.  Many folks go to fast after a divorce and they carry a lot of baggage with them.  Go at your own pace.

DOUG:

and research my options

STEPHEN:

That's smart also.  Get to know something about the process.  The fellowship of other men here who have gone through this process will give you excellent advice on how to do things.  Also, from reading the success stories of others you will realize that you can also successfully do this.

DOUG:

My preference is Asian ladies so I joined Cherry Blossoms and have met some fine women there. Met quite a few that were questionable too but that's another story!

STEPHEN:

Cherry Blossoms is a good organization.  Lots of fine ladies there.  HEART OF ASIA is another good place.  And then there's FILIPINA HEART.

All sites have some fine ladies......and some not-so-fine.  You have to keep your eyes open and think things through.

DOUG:

The Chinese women have captured my interest the most. From reading these forums it seems not too many of you are with Chinese gals. I hope, at some point, to be able to get some insight from those of you who are.

STEPHEN:

Lots of fine ladies in China.  I stuck with the Phils.  Why?  (1) Because just about every lady in the PHils has at least an elementary grasp of the English language.  Furthermore, the PHils are probably the most "westernized" of the Asian nations.  People in the Phils like Americans for the most part.

(2)  I felt like China was a committed enemy of the United States.  I didn't want to marry a woman who had ties to an emeny of my own country.  I didn't see any future in that.

NOW....that's not true of everybody.  There's a guy on this board (ERIC...."Windmill Boy") who has just completed the visa process for his lady in China.  She's a nice lady and will make him a fine wife.  Believe me, I'm not trying to start a fight with anyone.  I'm just stating how I felt.  To each his own way.

By the way....there's also a guy that used to post on this board who married a lady from China.  He now has a board exclusively devoted to China/American relations.  That board could be a big help to you.  I don't know his webb address, but some others can give it to you.

DOUG:

Also, what is the cheapest way to call the Phillipines?

STEPHEN:

I'd use a pre-paid phone card.....you know, 100 minutes for $10.  That way you won't get any surprises on your monthly phone bill.

One more thing.  WELCOME TO THE BOARD.  It's good to have you here.  I look forward to getting to know you better.

... in response to Re: introduction and a couple of questio..., posted by Stephen on Feb 24, 2005

Here's the address for Tim's group that Stephen mentions:

http://groups(dot)yahoo(dot)com/group/China-USA-Couples/

--just replace the (dot's) with .

... in response to Re: introduction and a couple of questio..., posted by Stephen on Feb 24, 2005

"I felt like China was a committed enemy of the United States. I didn't want to marry a woman who had ties to an emeny of my own country."
Hong Kongers, Singaporeans, and Taiwanese are also ethnic Chinese but probably have no great love of the mainland PRC's tyranny either, so may be a viable option for those who are attracted to Chinese culture but politically feel the same as you.

"...the PHils are probably the most 'westernized' of the Asian nations."
Westernized in what sense?  That they speak English and know about Starbucks and McDonald's?  Then maybe, as they (Filipinos) would be more familiar with many of our commercial products and pop-culture exports.  But IMHO, Western Culture means appreciating democracy, valuing individual liberty, and most important for establishing a civil society, respect for law or the rules of the system as established by democratically elected officials.  If you are commonly expected to baksheesh the civil servants just to do the job they were hired to do, if graft and corruption are the norm at most levels of government, if there is not a snowball's chance in hell that the country will ever be elligible for the Visa Waiver program (see: http://travel.state.gov/visa/temp/without/without_1990.html and http://travel.state.gov/visa/temp/without/without_1255.html), I would not consider it a Westernized or even 1st World country.

  If one is looking for an ethnic Chinese but Westernized (as I define it) spouse, I'd recommend first looking in Singapore (for democratic values, respect for rule of law, and economic prosperity that breeds a respect for money as produced by honest labor) because Singaporeans can travel to visit you without a troublesome visa, then Taiwan for similar values, though they need a visa for travel, and then Hong Kong or Macau (though not necessarily for democratic values, but generally law abiding and respecting of hard work) whose citizens also need visas.
Though among them, generally speaking (so YMMV), I think only Hong Kongers will have English ability closely approaching the fluency that is common in the Philippines.

For more info, see: http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/index.html

Just my 2 yuan.

... in response to Re: introduction and a couple of questio..., posted by Stephen on Feb 24, 2005

Thank you for the welcome, Stephen, and the info.  I did get through to one of the ladies in Cebu and we had a very nice talk.  She seems like a real sweetheart.  We'll see....

I have mixed feelings about your views about the Chinese.  Part of me feels the way you do.  I guess I tend to think in terms of the individual ladies as opposed to the country as a whole.  There can be a big difference between a country's government and its people, but I certainly see your point and agree somewhat.

Thanks again for your post.

Doug

... in response to Re: Re: introduction and a couple of que..., posted by DougM on Feb 25, 2005

My many experiences in China (both Hong Kong and the mainland) have taught me that there is a HUGE difference between the Chinese people and their government.

YMMV

Regards, Tim

... in response to Re: Re: introduction and a couple of que..., posted by DougM on Feb 25, 2005

DOUG:

I have mixed feelings about your views about the Chinese

STEPHEN:

You certainly have a right to think differently than I do.  Remember, I'm a right-wing conservative. (Right, Luther!)

It's a matter of individual taste.  And you're welcome to have your own likes and dislikes.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: introduction and a couple of..., posted by Stephen on Feb 25, 2005

Don't forget these parts of what I said...........

"Part of me feels the way you do.  I certainly see your point and agree somewhat."

... in response to introduction and a couple of questions, posted by DougM on Feb 24, 2005

Hi Doug and welcome aboard. Nice to hear from a lurker finally coming out of the closet. We have a number of guys with Chinese wives or girlfriends - hopefully one or mode will pipe in.

When my wife or I call Asia, we use the 10-10 numbers (10-10-220 or 10-10-345) These bill directly to your phone bill and it's more convenient than calling cards or other methods. We call Japan for something like 9 cents a minute- worlds better than the $1.00 a minute we used to pay back in the AT&T monopoly days. I'm not too anal about buying things for the lowest possible price - convenience is just as important to me. If I spend $6.11 making a call instead of $5.37 and I can dial it on my phone any time I want, without having to go on the internet or drive to a store to find a card , give my credit card, wait for a card to arrive in the mail, etc, etc. Then do it all over again when you run out of minutes, I figure I'm miles ahead. I figure my time must at least be worth minimum wage. Of course, some people have a different style than me. We have a guy who posts here who hitchhikes to the airport instead of calling a shuttle to save the expense.

Anyway, making an international call you dial 011, then the country code, then the area code and number. To use one of the direct dial numbers, 10-10-220, for instance, you dial 10-10-220, 011, then the country code, area code and number.

Hope this helps.

- Jeff

... in response to Re: introduction and a couple of questio..., posted by Jeff S on Feb 24, 2005

It helps alot Jeff. Thank you.

... in response to introduction and a couple of questions, posted by DougM on Feb 24, 2005

I'm a newbie too but here's my 2 cents.

First, remember the 16 hours time difference.  At 1:00 pm here Pacific Standard Time it's tomorrow 5:00 am Manila/Philippines time.  There is only one time zone there.  When Daylight Savings time changes in the summer the difference will only be 15 hours.  I made a chart to look at because when my wife asks me what time I am going to do something, my mind goes blank, and the result has been a few very worrisome failures to communicate.

Most or all phone companies have an Asian Calling Plan.  I tried making a call to the Phils before I enrolled in my Asian calling plan and it showed on my bill as a $115 charge.  I called the company when the bill showed up and they eliminated the whole charge for me, since I had enrolled in the Asian plan the next day.

I found that the phone number my fiancee had given me was not exactly what I needed to dial.  When I was in the Phils I noticed that they sometimes add a zero where we would not, if dialing from the US.  She had given me the area code 0920, which didn't work, so by experimentation I discovered that from the US I had to dial 920.  That is an area code for a cell number, but the land lines are often a two digit number like 82, which we would dial as 082.

In summary, my fiancee told me her cell number was 0920xxxxxxx.  I had to add 011 to get out of the country, then 63 which is the Phils country code, then the area code and number.  011-63-920-xxx-xxxx.

Land lines are a lot more reliable and some companies charge less to call a land line than a cell phone.  But I never met anyone in the Phils who had a land line except at work.  Everyone has cell phones.

... in response to calling the Philippines, posted by Luther on Feb 24, 2005

Welcome back and Congratulations!!!

What calling plan did you end up going with?

Keep the Faith!

Nephew H

... in response to Hey Unc, posted by Howard on Feb 25, 2005

Hey Howard,

Thanks for saying hi, and it was really nice to hear from you and Gerlie on my first day in the Phils.

I have tried Asian Calling Plans by SBC, ATT, and now Qwest.  They are all pretty well equivalent, each has its advantages and disadvantages.  I've settled for the convenience of having my long distance and local bill all with the same company.

I miss our Little Panay family--Jovie has been bringing her relatives to CT Net so I have been getting lots of pics of Christine (Tenten), Dave (d'Boy), and Kent (our ring bearer.)  Kent shied away from me for two weeks but one day I got through to him somehow and after that he was my best little buddy.  They are all so sweet.

I will never forget my first night at Little Panay.  I was outside under the mango trees, surrounded by little girls who had elected one of them to do the talking...she kept firing questions at me: Kuya Luther this and Kuya Luther that...they made me do impressions of monkeys, lions, bears, snakes, etc.  When I got tired of being center stage I made them sing "Today" for me.  If it's not the Filipino national song it is at least the most popular song in Little Panay.  "Today while the blossom still clings to the vine, I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine, a million tomorrows will all pass away, ere I forget the joy that is mine...Today..."  That little serenade has to be among the top ten memories for the whole time I was in the Philippines.

Keep in touch.

Unc for Unconditional

... in response to Re: Hey Unc, posted by Luther on Feb 26, 2005

Unc,

Yeah, Little Panay really stold my heart as well :)  I warned you about that :P  The kids are just so adorable!!!  It's been a couple of years since I have been there :(  D'Boy cried constantly and Tenten wasn't even a glint in Noel's eye yet :P  Kent and Divine were my little buddies :D  Yanyan, Lowell, Jayruse were never too far away, but it was Divine and Kent that were hot on my heels :P  I remember Kent asked his Nanay, on my first day in Little Panay, if he could sleep in the bed with Santa Claus :P  Hahahahahahahahaha

Aiko brought the two of them to CTnet a couple of weeks ago and boy have they grown!!!  It was good to see my little pals, but it made me miss them even more!!!

Oh yeah, I remember that group of girls undey the Mango Tree.  On my first night the kept antagonizing Divine to go sit on my lap, so I picked her up and gave her a piggy back ride while the rest of the kids snickered and followed us around :P  Me and Divineko were good pals after that :P

I'm on the SBC plan, which is the least expensive and keeps my bill "all in one", but they have this ridiculous $200 limit on long distance.  When you exceed it, even if you're not past due, haven't received a bill since the one you paid and you next one isn't due for two weeks, they will cut you off faster than I can rip through a plate of Lumpia!!!  VERY irritating!  I used to be with AT&T and that plan was just about the same as SBC, I may have to go back again.  The phone cards are great, but hardly ever work around here.  I need the convenience of it being hooked up to my local phone!

Keep the Faith!

Welcome to the Family :)

Oh HEY... you guys look GREAT in te wedding pictures!!!  You picked up a tan pretty quickly Unc, you almost look more tan that your asawa :P  hahahahahaha... I am SO happy for you guys!!!

NH

... in response to Re: Re: Hey Unc, posted by Howard on Feb 26, 2005

Thanks for the warning but nothing could have prepared me.  When I told Jovie that children in the US are taught to not speak to strangers, she was horrified.

Tenten is a little over a year old and she is the center of attention a lot.  She is so cute, and whenever she and I encounter each other, Jovie tells her to "bliss Oncle" so she grabs my hand and puts it on her forehead.  Then waves.  Divine loves to carry her around.

D'boy still cries a lot (I think he's almost 4 yrs old) and he works hard for negative attention.  I think it will pass because his parents are very loving and patient with him.  They don't overreact to the hitting and throwing things.  He and Kent sit next to each other in the TV room baiting each other, and usually he gets Kent to cry.  I call him the little monster because he is downright mean, but if he knew what I was saying I wouldn't call him that.  I think he deserves a chance and I hope for the best in the development of his personality.  His parents are certainly sweet people.

When Jovie brought Kent to CT Net the other day I must have taken 20 pictures of him.  Asleep, awake, making faces at the webcam, eating ice cream.  I miss him most because of the way he used to come tearing my way whenever Jovie and I returned home on the tricycle: "Kuya Luther!  Kuya Luther!"  Compare that to what I get from the young people where I work...well, never mind.

I took six rolls of film and had to leave them there.  Jovie will get them developed when I send her the money.  I got a good one of your mother-in-law weeping when I showed the video of you and Gerlie's wedding.  And Auntie Thelma.

I noticed in more than one family, not just us Maquirans, that Filipinos are very affectionate with their children, they have a little to say about bad behavior but they don't seem to overreact and lay huge trips on their kids over small stuff, they are patient and hold their babies a lot.  There is no room for baby buggies and car seats.  Manang Emmie (Bert's wife) is taking care of her grandson Vince, and I swear that kid's feet don't touch the ground, she is always holding him.

A friend of mine who visited Bali told me the Balinese pass babies around so the child doesn't touch the ground for the first 200 days of its life.  By the time they're 18 months old they're very independent, running around in the woods in unsupervised peer groups.  I don't know if that's an exaggeration, but the general idea seems to be, give them security as helpless babies and they won't be helpless babies their whole life.

I want to mention that I did not see any melodrama or irritability in the household (and very little anywhere) despite close quarters.  I think our hurry-hurry ways in this country are devastating what's left of our culture.  People don't matter anymore, just things.  It's all profit and productivity.  Of course I flunked Reality 101 but when I was in the Phils I felt vindicated, like the professor of my Reality 101 class had lied so he could flunk me.

Well it's been one of those lives...

... in response to calling the Philippines, posted by Luther on Feb 24, 2005

Thanks Luther.  That's exactly what I needed.  I'll try it and see if I can get through.