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Title: Shadow Post by: don2222 on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM I met Shadow while I was in Cebu waiting for Vilma's interview. He has obviously
been hurt deeply by his previous fiance, and it took a lot of guts for him to post everything honestly on Mag-Anak and Planet-Love. . I think that many of the people on this board are afraid of hearing anything negative regarding Filipinas out of the fear that it may happen to themselves. Filipinas are just like any other people on this earth, there are many good ones, and there are many bad ones. I think it is very valuable for everyone, especially the "newbies", to hear all the stories, the good as well as the bad. Yes, I think Shadow is still bitter from his previous engagement to a Filipina. But, he is handling his situation in the best way that he knows how, and all of us should have the right to do that. Also, he told us at the beginning that he was going to briefly summarize his experiences, and that is what he did. I could talk for hours about all the wonderful, kind, caring Filipinas that I met while I was in the PI for 8 months. I could also talk for hours about all the scheming, dishonest Filipinas that I met. This board is about learning from others successes and failures. So, I do not see anything wrong with what Shadow is writing. If anyone does not like dealing with reality, just skip all of his posts. Don P.S. Fortunately mine is one of the success stories. Life is great, and I will try to share Title: Here, HERE! Couldn't agree with you more Don! n/t Post by: Howard on March 30, 2001, 05:00:00 AM Title: Re: Shadow Post by: Andrew777 on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Shadow, posted by don2222 on Mar 28, 2001
Well stated Don, like you, I feel that the whole truth, the good & the bad needs to be bought out & posted here. It will help all of us who need it. Nelson Rockefeller, the ultra billionare, once said that it's smart to learn from your own mistakes BUT, it's brilliant to learn from the mistakes of others. Andrew777 Title: Re: Shadow Post by: Lori on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Shadow, posted by don2222 on Mar 28, 2001
I think we all walked into the middle of a movie without knowing the whole plot. I myself did not realize Shadow had been burned. If I would have known, I would have understood some of the issues. But, I must say, I think You, (Shadow) need alot of healing time, before persuing another relationship. Title: Re: Shadow Post by: outwest on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Shadow, posted by don2222 on Mar 28, 2001
The only reason i jumped on him is that he ditched a woman simply becuase her sister dressed bad and was pushy, and the woman was in tears as he got up and left, basically leaving her for that reason only, i thought it was very harsh, but, maybe there were other circumstances involved we did not know about. You and others who know him personally seem to say he is a good guy, so I now will go by your endorsement. If everyone knew every thing i said to the one penpal who left me suddenly, i guess i may get jumped on too. We are all just trying to learn and exchange info. To shadow I apologize for jumping on you. Title: Re: Re: Shadow Post by: imdyslexic on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Shadow, posted by outwest on Mar 28, 2001
I feel the foundation for any relationship is trust. I think it would have been a greater disservice to both parties for Shadow to have forced himself to stay in a relationship he didnt trust. Fortunately or not, relationships are too organic, complex, and contingent to have a set of rules that can be externally applied in every case. I sincerely feel for the girl, if her intentions were genuine, but asking Shadow to stay in a situation he couldn't help but doubt (regardless of the reasons) was asking him to live under a facade. Then, who should the girl trust? Someone pretending to love her because he feels obligated? At that one moment, Shadow knew the relationship couldn't work out. I really dont want this to turn into a flame because I agree wholly with both sides. Yeah, it certainly sucks. Either and both ways - both people had a lot of emotional investment - but sometimes its still the best option for everyone involved. Feel free to agree or disagree, abruptly. or abrasively :) m Title: You get what you look for.... Post by: Bear on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Shadow, posted by outwest on Mar 28, 2001
I remember many years ago i was a miserable guy. I looked for bad things everwhere. In music, people, governement (I still do there), etc. Guess what I found? Bad things everywhere. I learned that you get what you looked for. The old saying "you reap what you sew it true." Now I am the happiest, luckiest and most blessed of Gods creatures because I have Marissa. I got exactly what I looked for and I do not plan to give her even the smallest chance to regret her choice of me. Bear Title: So would that make you?... Post by: shadow on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to You get what you look for...., posted by Bear on Mar 28, 2001
A: The uneducated Bear? B: The overeducated idiot Bear? Or C: The ignorant Bear? Hmmmm. Title: Well I thought...... Post by: Bear on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to So would that make you?..., posted by shadow on Mar 28, 2001
this would turn into a flame war. I do not think anything about you one way or the another. I am sure you are a nice guy. If you read my post you would have read that I at one time jumped to conclusions in the same matter you did because it fit the parameters I looked under. You got exactly what you looked for. Didn't you? Bear Title: Yes,...and no. Post by: shadow on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Well I thought......, posted by Bear on Mar 28, 2001
Yes, after going through many "interogations" trying to find an honest one that would tell me what was her true feelings, instead of what she thought I wanted to hear, I did find one that met that qualification. What I wasn't looking for, however, was for that golden friendship to be destroyed before it got off the ground by her jealous friend with "crab mentality". Title: Alright what is crab mentality Post by: Kent on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Yes,...and no., posted by shadow on Mar 28, 2001
Have seen this term used several times on the board. Could someone please tell me exactly what it mean. Thanks Title: Bear summed it up very accurately. N/T Post by: shadow on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM Title: "Crab Mentality" Post by: Kent on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Yes,...and no., posted by shadow on Mar 28, 2001
I know I have been a part of this board long unuff to know what this means but I do not have a clue. Could someone fill me in. Thanks Title: : "Crab Mentality" Post by: Bear on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to "Crab Mentality", posted by Kent on Mar 28, 2001
if u put a crab in a bucket by himself he can and will get out. But if you put 2 crabs in the bucket one will always pull the other back in. Rather that help each other they constantly cause the other to fail which causes them to fail as well. Bear Title: Re: : "Crab Mentality" Post by: kevin on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to : "Crab Mentality", posted by Bear on Mar 28, 2001
The "crab mentality" unfortunately is the doctrine held by many Filipinas once here in the U.S. I'm referring to cliques where divorce, staging false claims of mistreatment to make money from the divorce, etc. are acceptable behavior within the group. Even in America, when some pretty cruel things have been done against dumped American husbands, I don't think the degree of group cohesiveness is this bad. But then of course, in such a Pinay clique, one might be envious of the other afterwards that she got less from the divorce settlement than the friend that coached her. Or that same person might be envious that her friend has a guapo, rich (permanent ?) husband #2. What I say may not be pleasant to the ears of some, but I beleive it to be the ugly truth. - Kevin Title: Yes,...and no. Post by: shadow on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Well I thought......, posted by Bear on Mar 28, 2001
Yes, after going through many "interogations" trying to find an honest one that would tell me what was her true feelings, instead of what she thought I wanted to hear, I did find one that met that qualification. What I wasn't looking for, however, was for that golden friendship to be destroyed before it got off the ground by her jealous friend with "crab mentality". Title: Re: You get what you look for.... Post by: humabdos on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to You get what you look for...., posted by Bear on Mar 28, 2001
Thats all fine and dandy but how would you feel after going through all you have for Marissa for her to turn on you? Theres an old saying (It's good when it's good and bad when it's bad) I would have cut off my right hand for my ex-wife I truly loved her with all my heart. Have I been sewing bad seeds? NO! Did I deserve to have my heart ripped from my soul so she could gain a green card? NO! I have done no evil to deserve this. Sometimes life deals you a bad card who knows why. Was I looking for bad when I found my ex-wife? HELL NO! Fact is Bear you really don't know how things will work out with Maissa You have spent very little time with her. Yes she sounds like a very nice girl and I truly wish the best for the both of you. I hope 40 years from now you will be reaping all the benifits from all the good seed you have sewed to earn such a wornderful life. Yes fokes sew your seed now! Send us here at the church of the blessed your hard earned $$$$$$ so you too can be blessed with happyness. LOL *s* Sounds like one of those TV preachers with his slick back hair and gold jewelry right? What kind of God's creature will you be if you find out she has deceved you? Will you wounder if one of those seeds you were sewing was bad? hmmmmm ? Just somethin to ponder. I truly do wish you guys a long and happy life together. Sometimes one does not always reap what they sew or get what they are looking for. Humabdos *F* :-( Title: Re: Re: You get what you look for.... Post by: Bear on March 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: You get what you look for...., posted by humabdos on Mar 28, 2001
Thats not all true dude. Life isn't fair and no matter how hard you try, it comes back sometimes and bite you on the b*tt. I don't know how many times I been in almost total despair because of the events that I tried so hard to control wouldn't be controled. I have watched numerous friends and family cry there hearts out for doing the same thing, and I did by best to console them. But in the end we will be judged for how we responded to the situation, not what was done to us. The one thing I do know. People tend to rise to what's expected of them. When they hear it enuff or believe it in themselves, then that what they become. Guess what I am trying my best to get!? I wish you luck dude because I know you deserve it as does Larry and Greg and every other dude on this board who only wanted love and instead got anything but love, but its still all up to you. In most cases you find what you look for, reap what you sew and are judged for how you react. Bear Title: We Reap What we Sow???? HuH??? Post by: greg on March 29, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: You get what you look for...., posted by Bear on Mar 28, 2001
What are you talking about??? Just becuz a Pinay is goood in RP, doesn't mean that she's gonna be the same in the States. I don't know where you got the idea that my Mahal doesn't Love or show me Love. How do you know that your seed is sowed on good ground??? Your Mahal's not even here yet, soooo you don't know what's going to happen. What happens to other Guys can happen to anyone even to Yourself. No Matter how carefully we plan, there's nooo guarantee that we found a Gem. We can be either lucky or unlucky, only time will tell. You need to wait until your own Mahal's here and Your been living together for years in a loving relationship before you continue to look down on other Guy's failed relationships. God Bless, greg Title: Don't sow in my neighborhood! Post by: Dave H on March 29, 2001, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to We Reap What we Sow???? HuH???, posted by greg on Mar 29, 2001
There must be something in the drinking water. ;o) There are 3 divorced Colombian women. Also a Peruvian and Argentine, working real hard at it. Four were (1 still) married to Americans. My ex-wife was a fantastic girlfriend. She was even a great wife for 9 years. Then an alien stepped in and stole her body. ;o)) Dave H. |