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So much is written in this forum about how to find a good Asian lady, but what happens if when you find a great lady and she has no interest in YOU?

I've found that the behaviours Asian women find attractive are sometimes very different than the behaviours that American women find attractive. The bag of tricks you use to wow the soccer moms back home sometimes fails miserably in Asia. I've watched some of my friends strike out big time and thought I'd post a few impressions.

My experience is mostly with Japanese, Koreans and Chinese, and I know little about the Philippines, so this may not be entirely accurate for there.

1) Manners: American women tend to overlook manners. Im some cases they even look at poor manners as a challenge to be adressed in their "project." I know of no faster way to strike out with many Asian women, especially high class ones, than to use poor manners. Remember also, what is considered good manners in one country is in very poor taste in another, so do some research before heading out.

2) Gregariousness: While being the life of the party and center of attention may get you all the ladies back home, in most of Asia, it'll get you the cold shoulder. Unlike Western cultures that place a lot of importance on independence, Eastern cultures value compliance, and the ability to "fit in." The strong silent type is definately a better approach than the party animal. Tone down your voice and manner, listen more than you talk.

3) Timeliness: Here in the US, if you get invited to a party that starts at 7:00, and you show up at 7:00, probably the hosts will still be dressing. 1/2 hour to 1 hour late is expected and fasionable. Add at least an additonal hour for the Latin culture. In Japan you'd better get there before 7:05. Now I realize that the rest of Asia isn't quite that anal, but being excessively late anywhere in Asia is considered rude. Any rudeness will win you immediate scorn from all. It's a BIG deal.

4) Respect for family and older people: It should almost go without saying that family is revered in most of Asia. In addition, elderly people are not considered the doddering fools, that the youth based American culture seems to attach to them, but rather they are respected and revered as wise members of the community. In Japan, it's common to use the terms obaasan or ojiisan (respectfully "grandmother" or "grandfather") to older people you don't know. If you called someone grampa in the US, it would be condescending. Want to really turn off your girlfriend? Just show disrespect to an old person.

5) Macho attitude: As much as people think Asian women are supposed to be subserviant and compliant, I've never met ONE who you could order around with impunity. Asian women have delevoped a very successful and technique for getting their way - it's the old "drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall" routine. Follow their lead - get your way the same way, sweetly and politely. You may get be able to get away with ordering around Latin women (but watch out for the hail of dishes that's sometimes the reply) but with Asian women, including them in the decisions, while steering them around to your way of thinking is far more successful and elevates you in their eyes.

6) Bad boy attitude in general: Most AW say they want a nice guy. This is usually a lie - what they're really looking for is a rebel without a cause that they can try to turn into a nice guy. The most successful players know this and play the bad boy well, but offering a hint of hope that they can be transformed. This makes them irresistable to women, until the women find out there is almost no hope that they will ever change. I've found Asian women really DO want a nice guy, and are usually not looking for a project - but a guy who they can imagine being with just the way they are. It's a refreshing change.

I'm sure there are plenty more differences in courting Asian women, but these are a few that come to mind this morning after listening to a single friend complain he got shot down again by a potential Asian woman. Of course, he threats them like short, slim, brunette, AW.

- Jeff

... in response to How to impress an Asian lady, posted by Jeff S on Nov 8, 2003

You may get be able to get away with ordering around Latin women (but watch out for the hail of dishes that's sometimes the reply) . Jeff I have this covered with my Brasileria. I have two world class frisbee dogs, Border Collies and HUM they do not patrol Borders for Mexi's.

... in response to How to impress an Asian lady, posted by Jeff S on Nov 8, 2003

Hi Jeff,

You and Ray have nailed it! Filipinos get their tardiness from the Spanish. The trick is to show up late...but not before all the food is gone. ;o)

Dave H.

... in response to Good Post!, posted by Dave H on Nov 8, 2003

Dave, have you ever been to a Filipino party where they ran out of food? I haven't!

Usually, you end up bringing home about 20 lbs of baon... :-)

Ray

... in response to All the food is gone???, posted by Ray on Nov 8, 2003

Hi Ray,

...I meant running out of the "good food." Who knows...maybe a pig butt hole is considered "choice." :o)))

Dave H.

... in response to Sorry..., posted by Dave H on Nov 8, 2003

You're right Dave.

The pig always seems to go first, except for the butt hole. I usually get stuck eating the lumpia and pancit while all the Filipino men are fighting over the pig's skin and the moms are trying to trick the kids into eating their "chocolate meat" (ROFL)

Ray

... in response to Yeah, posted by Ray on Nov 9, 2003

Hi Ray,

It's a good thing my wife looks out for me at parties or I would be left gnawing pig ears or butt hole. LOL

Dave H.

... in response to How to impress an Asian lady, posted by Jeff S on Nov 8, 2003

Some real good points Jeff!

But # 3 won’t work in the Philippines. Over there, you are supposed to be late to party. It would be consider rude, or at least very weird, if you showed up at the appointed time for a party. If you do show up early, then it means you came to volunteer to help with the preparations, so be prepared to go to work.

I would add a few things to your list:

1. Show a genuine interest in her language and culture, especially the native foods. If you can get her to cook some native dishes for you and you like it, or at least pretend you like it, then you will score major points.

2. Take your shoes off when you enter her home, even if she insists you leave them on. Make sure you are wearing clean socks!

3. Personal hygiene. This one is VERY important! Asian ladies seem to have extremely sensitive noses. Better use plenty of deodorant, bathe regularly, brush your teeth and use mouthwash frequently (especially if you smoke!), change clothes frequently, and ALWAYS shower before going to bed!

4. Make them laugh! That one works every time. Most Asian ladies that I’ve met just can’t resist a guy who can make them fall out of their chair and roll on the floor laughing.

Ray

... in response to Re: How to impress an Asian lady, posted by Ray on Nov 8, 2003

throw away those holy socks.

- Jeff

... in response to Yes, and..., posted by Jeff S on Nov 8, 2003

Jeff and Ray

My present  policy is  to  throw away those holy  socks  after  3 holes  per sock  ha ha ha.  Hopefully Kat will whip me out  of this  habit  or  else I'll  have to  pay the extra  money  to buy better quality socks.  Especially  after I develop holes in the  socks after wearing them only 1  time.

Many people define being rich as having a Million dollars.  but  for me  my stardards are  lower.  I  may  have  mentioned this  here  before in the  past  but my definition  of being  rich  is being able to blow the  money  to  be  able to buy  and  wear  1  brand new pair of Socks  everyday  I figure it's  about $ 500 a year  when you buy  the  10  packs  fo  socks at targer for  $ 7.99  at  target.

Windmill boy

... in response to But only after  3  holes  per sock, posted by Windmill Boy on Nov 8, 2003

Just stop tap dancing while waiting for your muffins to bake. Also try wearing shoes.
Hum

... in response to How to impress an Asian lady, posted by Jeff S on Nov 8, 2003

Very good Post. I agree with all of your thaughts and also would add Modistness. I my experencess in Asia, the woman are not looking for a show off or someone who overly flaunts their welth.

... in response to How to impress an Asian lady, posted by Jeff S on Nov 8, 2003

I'll bet using that advice a guy could actually find a nice AW also.
I'm wondering if your theory still holds true with the younger genaration of Asian women?

What does a Mexican woman looks for in a man?
A big enchilada?  ;-)
Hum

... in response to Great advice Jeff, posted by Humabdos on Nov 8, 2003

n/t

... in response to Great advice Jeff, posted by Humabdos on Nov 8, 2003

I don't know about finding a "nice" AW that way. It never worked for me. And yes, it does apply to the younger generation of Asian women - so long as they're from the old country. If they grew up here, they're short, dark haired and eyed AW.

I've had several hundred Mexicanas working for me in the past ten years and the vast majority of them used the exact same technique in finding a man. They spread their legs to whoever wanted some and the first one to knock them up was the winner. My plant manager and secretary (both Mexicans) crack up when I tell them my theory, but neither disagree. In fact every time a new single one gets knocked up, they now come to me and say things like, "well Maria found a winner!" Now these very same girls in Mexico would probably stay virgins until they get married - probably the family pressures and shame of getting pregnant out of wedlock are muchg stronger there. When they get to the good old US, with everyone banging away on TV and in junior high school, I guess the stigma just goes right out the window.

- Jeff

... in response to Re: Great advice Jeff, posted by Jeff S on Nov 8, 2003

n/t

... in response to Re: Great advice Jeff, posted by Jeff S on Nov 8, 2003

Like in Tokyo, Beijing, or Soul ?
Hum

... in response to How to impress an Asian lady, posted by Jeff S on Nov 8, 2003

I think you're very correct. Another thing I would add would be, for lack of a good term, being a natural male. A stand up guy.

It seems to me that in the modern American feminized culture there isn't much room for the natural male role. Traditional masculine qualities like respect, honor, leadership, fairness, sacrafice, etc; seem to be in low demand. There's still a niche for overly macho idiots, and wimpy little ragdolls. This gives American women what they need; the man they want to marry and the man they'll cheat with.

Asian women seem to admire more traditional masculine qualities. They don't want loud bullies, anymore than they want a dishrag who is easily led and soft.

Ron