Planet-Love.com Searchable Archives

Good Morning,
The forum seems quiet so if I may I can fill in some empty space and ask for some advice and comments.
For 8 days I did not hear from my wife, the chat before I asked for her sister’s phone number.  The last chat we had was a long and good one.  She had hurt her knee fetching water from the spring and it was described as black blue and yellow.  She managed to get to the email café about 30 minutes away.  She is at her mom’s house in Kapatagan Lanoa del Norte.  That is South of Ozamis a ferry and 3 hour ride.  Her older sister is married and has a little 2 year old boy.  She lives in Tambulig 3 hours away which is west and in Zamboanga, her husband works for the city at the registrar’s office.   The sister has a neighbor that has a land line phone.  My wife staying with her mom has no phone and her cell phone is out of coverage area coz of the mountains.  I made the phone call and talked to the neighbor who was so excited “Americana, Americana.  So this was the first time I have talked to my wife’s older sister.  We talked for over 30 minutes and she said that she would go to visit her mom and bring Maricel my wife to her home so I can talk to her and see what the problem is.  We made a schedule for me to call 48 hrs later.   When I called the neighbor answered and told me to call my wife’s cell number.  I did that and Maricel answered from next door.   The location had cell phone coverage and we talked for 2.5 hours.   She sounded very weak, she said the reason she didn’t call was that she is sick with a high temp.  39 + centigrade.   The doctor told her any higher would be dangerous.   The doctors did not know what was wrong but gave her some medicine.  What ever she has made her very tired and sleepy.  I ask if it was her kidney or balder, she said no.  She was glad to hear my voice and she would be going back to her mom the next day.   I asked her why she was going home so soon and it would be wiser to stay with the sister until she felt better.  The 3 hour bus ride would not be good in her condition.  But she had to get back coz she heard the news of the highway engineers surveying her parent’s house and saying that all these years the house was built on Govt. land too close to the highway and the highway is being widened and the whole house had to go except for the kitchen.  When she left her folks were still not sure what they were going to do.  They own about 7 acres [2.5 hectares] or farm land and there is a lot where they can build a house a safe distance from the highway.   Her dad owns 3 Caribou and a Cow and may have to sell them to build another house.   A caribou   nets about 15,000 peso or $300 aprox.   I can’t see how they can build another house with that.  Anyway how could they farm without the caribou?   The aunt is well off and would probably help them.   I am not sure what I should do in these circumstances.   To make her feel better I said that I would help a little but gave no amount.  If all this is really happening it is a tragedy.  The house is where she was raised and went to school.   So it was a sad story for sure.  She promised she would get to an email café the next day.   I said that in her weakened condition she should wait till she feels better.   I finished by talking to her sister.   The next day there was no email or chat.  But tonight Maricel was on the chat line.  After a few words of her saying it being hard to get on line I could not get her back.  Her name kept highlighting and I could see it say typing new message, but no message came through.  I tried to reboot but we couldn’t communicate.   I wanted to know just how sick she was.   I wanted to give her instructions on getting her passport and NSO copies of her birth certificate and Marriage certificates.   I wanted to know what her parents were doing about the eventual lose of the house.   While on the phone for that 2.5 hours the sister was telling stories of how a Muslim stole a motorbike and put it in a Muslim village.  No one wanted to retrieve it coz if they did they could be shot.   She said there a lots of soldiers there and a Muslim on a stolen motorbike was asked to stop on the highway.  He didn’t stop and they shot him, he died in the hospital the next day.  I had asked many times many Philippine how dangerous it was to travel to see my wife’s home in Lanao.  Always the same answer, “To dangerous”.   Successful business men that live in the areas are kidnapped and when there is no ransom paid they are known to cut your stomach open.   It sounds like a fairy tale, it is so bazaar.  We talked about me visiting Ozamis even Iligan, but it seems that I will never be able to see their home.  My papers are in waiting for the receipt from the I-30.   The clock is ticking so if I place all the paperwork in time things should move along smoothly.   But I feel helpless not being able to communicate with her.   She did not want to stay with her aunt anymore in Cebu.  It was my idea to send her to her mom.   I thought at the time it was a good idea, if she would get sick or needed help her parents would be there.  I did ask if her parents could move away from there to Cebu or a safer place.  She said that the city is so expensive and they could always make a living off the farm.   Any comments or advice would be appreciated from any members here.   All my plans seem to have back fired coz theory has met reality.  I do not know what other options I have, the papers from immigration will be sent to her aunt’s house in Cebu but that is months away.  I asked her when she finally goes to the US who should get the motorcycle.  She said her dad is to arthritic to ride it, her sisters are to young her mom can’t ride.   So she said it was up to me who gets it when she leaves.  She does not want to sell it coz she doesn’t believe she will ever go to the US.  She feels that I will not be able to qualify as I don’t make enough money.  She knows her cousin is married to an Australian and he is having trouble, they have been trying for over a year.   She wants to know if I would live in the Philippines and retire as one of my options if we can’t go the US together.  I said yes to calm her down coz she seemed to get upset about it.   I feel that it should be a clean cut approval as the papers go through but I can’t convince her.   To change the subject a little, when I was in Palawan in the rain we seen signs that said you’re going into a malaria area.  Well now Florida has the west Nile virus and it is spreading.  The news seems to downplay it but people are dyeing from it here in Florida.  This month alone there were 3 bank robberies and several restaurants robbed at gun point.   To tell you the truth I felt safer in Bohol, Panglao then here sometimes. LOL
Seya wish I could be Ya
Peter Lee  

... in response to Need some feedback, posted by Peter Lee on Oct 4, 2003

.. how everyone laughs at me when I say it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich girl as a poor one? When stuff like this comes up in my wife's family and I offer to help, they all just pat me on the head and chuckle.

Anyway, Peter, I agree with Raquel. This is YOUR family now, start putting out. What are you a cheapskate? Planning on taking it with you are you?

- Jeff

... in response to Isn't it funny..., posted by Jeff S on Oct 5, 2003

LOL well I don't have much to take with me right now.  And yes I am a cheapskate if you read any of Da Trip.

... in response to Re: Isn't it funny..., posted by Peter Lee on Oct 5, 2003

.

... in response to Need some feedback, posted by Peter Lee on Oct 4, 2003

Mom sick, Dad sick, lola sick, lolo sick, piggy sick, house sick, wife sick ,Kano rich! Never ending problemas and guess what you are the answer to all their problemas.

You never know Peter maybe they're sick maybe not...What's next???
Welcome to the Fil Am club! lol

Think with your brain sailor!

Hum

... in response to Need some common sense?, posted by Humabdos on Oct 5, 2003

Well how about I'm sick of it? LOL

I posted as it comes my way as it is so I can see with your eyes and mine.  It is to early to tell just what is going on.  She has money in the ATM to access and didn't take it out, I promised $100 to $200 per month.  Remember I was so sick the first 12 days I was there.  When things are sick and no one asks for money they are probably really sick.  But I'm with you let's see how it pans out.  Right now I can't communicate with her coz she is sick.  I am waiting to be the member of that Fhil Amer Club LOL.
You can bet if I am the only one contributing to any cause the contribution will be small if  at all.

... in response to Need some feedback, posted by Peter Lee on Oct 4, 2003

Hi Peter,

I agree with the other posters! She needs to get back to the city, where communication and dealing with the visa paperwork is easier, preferably Cebu or Manila. Also tell her to stop listening to people who don't know what the hell they are talking about! She will be here faster than you know it!

Dave H.

... in response to Re: Need some feedback, posted by Dave H on Oct 4, 2003

.  Well I had the problem of where she should go when I left.  My first thoughts were Cebu with her Aunt.  That was my first choice but she didn't want to stay there again as she felt like Cinderella.  So I didn't feel comfortable with sending her to Manila where she doesn't know anyone.  Most of the papers are done and she does have a few things to do like NSO marriage certificate, more duplicate copies of her NSO birth certificate and her passport.   She has completed her CFO seminar.  Once she requests the NSO marriage certificate and applies for her passport there is a waiting time 3 to 4 weeks maybe more.  My plan was to have her apply for them and go to her Mom's in Abu Sauff's country and wait.   If she didn't get sick or have accidents we would be communicating more often.  Last night she was on the chat line and could not get the thing to work.  She was being bumped off.  I also didn't get any email from her.  I don’t know if she has read my mail to her yet.  I instructed her to read it and follow the lists of things to do step by step.  The fact that she got sick puts a monkey wrench in the whole thing.  Even the ATM will not work in Ozamis.  She will have to go to Cebu to get any money.  When she does that she can do all the passport NSO stuff all at once.    I really don't know what else I could have done better under the circumstances.  I know now I have to wait for her to recover from being sick.  In the past I never had trouble communicating with her from Lanao.  Before she was sick she would drive the motorcycle to the email cafe and chat with me without a problem.  But I remember how sick I was when I arrived in Cebu.  I was in the Hotel for 12 days and was just tired of being sick.  These unforeseen things happen.  At least I had her sister’s phone and talked to Maricel for 2.5 hours.  In the yahoo chat last night she only got a few words out before the communication broke down she said she felt happy that I got to talk to her on the phone and it made her feel good.   She sounded so weak on the phone, I felt guilty for making her take that long trip to her sister's so she could talk to me.  I am sure she doesn’t know what is wrong with her coz the doctor didn’t say but gave her medicine anyway?  Now I sit here helpless waiting for her email or chat.   But at least she is with her family that loves her; they will take better care of her than anyone.  My plans with Ray's help are all set I just have to wait for her to get better.   She is convinced that  she will never be able to come to the US.   That is why she doesn’t want to sell the motorbike.   At first she didn’t want the motorbike either, but now that she is home with her friends she is appreciating having the bike there.  Oh well, it is wait and see time.

... in response to Need some feedback, posted by Peter Lee on Oct 4, 2003

Peter,

"The house was built on Govt. land too close to the highway and the highway is being widened and the whole house had to go except for the kitchen."This is really a tragedy if this is all true.
Hmmmmmm why should this happen to her  family now that she's married to you.The Good Lord really know and plan everything.You are an Angel to them Peter.How many hundred of family be affected by this widening on the highway.This is really bad.Why not help her since she's already your wife.You can help them build a new house and tell them it's your wedding gift to them because they let Maricel marry you.Building a house in philippines is not that expensive. $6,000 to $12,000 you can already build a fancy,concrete house.You have to think too that if you build a new house here it cost $150,000 up and all you get is a house made of woods.
I'm pretty sure her parents be really happy if you help them.I don't beleive her Aunt will help them with this.About the motorcycle tell her to sell it.Raquel

... in response to Re: build a new house for them, posted by Febtember on Oct 4, 2003

[This message has been edited by don2222]

Hi Raquel,

 $6,000 to $12,000 for a wedding gift ???

I agree with most of your advice, but this is a little too much. That is a lot of money out of pocket for most people.
Also, far too many filipino families now come to expect something like this. I have been in several conversations with filipino families that try to sell me their daughter like she was a pig or a chicken. They have a price in mind for their daughter, and it typically includes a new house and lot.  You know how filipinos like to talk, and if one family receives a new house and lot for their daughter, then all their friends and neighbors come to expect the same.
I do understand that most women want a responsible man to marry and have children with. I understand that most women want the best possible future for their children. But, when money takes priority over love, then marriage becomes just a business transaction.  Many filipino men say that ANY filipina that marries a foreigner is a prostitute. That is taking things a little too far, but I do agree that any woman that marries for money is no different than a prostitute.
Yes, i do understand that Peter and Maricel are already married, and the family has not asked him for a new house.
But, the more men that give away such large sums of money, the greater the expectations that many filipino families will have that they also deserve a new house and lot in exchange for their daughter.  I have met many penpals where it was very obvious that it is the family forcing the filipina to find a foreigner to marry.  The families don't really seem to care at all if the foreigner man is good or not, they just want that house and lot as a wedding gift, and then that monthly allowance from America.
I know you suggested this out of the kindness in your heart, but , in general, I think it is a really bad idea.

My opinions only,

Don

... in response to Re: Re: build a new house for them, posted by don2222 on Oct 4, 2003

Well Don I read someplace that it is a good idea to match what ever other members of the family contribute to the help fund.  What would they have done if they had not know me is what my reaction is.  I want to help, sure, but how much?  I was thinking in the neighborhood of $500 if and when the time comes.  The only problem I have is if the parents are put in a situation that if they are not helped enough it would be more expensive for me in the long run.  I know if I was in trouble tomorrow I would not get help from anyone to rebuild a house or replace a car.  I would expect to get a little help to get me on my feet again.   The parent’s attitude so far has been to keep out of married couples affairs.   If there is a decision to be made her parents tell her to ask me first.   I like that attitude and it gives me a lot of respect for them.  I remember in December when I gave her mom a gold necklace she was reluctant to take it coz it may have been interoperated as buying her daughter.  I had to give the present to her in a way that showed respect and a gift.  I explained that I used a Master Card loan to pay for the necklace as I may not see her mom again for years and wanted to do this on my own.  
Maricel also said that her family would never influence her on whom to marry.  She made the mistake of marrying me on her own LOL.  I do not know yet how this will develop; It would be a mistake to let them sell the caribou which would make a living a real burden.   In the long run that would cause a bigger problem for me.  Yes I am sure that they will disassemble the old house and use some of the material for the new one.  But I know the dad is arthritic and not in the best of health so I will wait for more information before I commit to any major help.  Maricel’s mom is quiet and don’t say much but isn’t shy.  She listens a lot and when she talks everyone listens.   I know they are a proud family and still have resources and I would have to be careful on how I offer any help.
I did not want to get into the debate on women who marry for money, position or power are they prostitutes?  Well we are all in a sense prostitutes when we work for money and hate our job.  When we work overtime to get ahead in the bills with work that we hate and that takes us away from our families.   There are some who chose work that they love like myself and mostly pay the price of not making much money.  So which is better a happy fool or a rich prostitute?  Did I prostitute myself when I gave 20 years of my life to the Army?   If I hated it and did it for the money, yes then I was the worst prostitute of all.   But if I did it coz I loved it and looked forward to getting up excited to do my job then I am the prostitute who takes no money, just does it coz she likes it.  Under the law a woman who gives herself freely can not be charged with a crime.  When she takes any amount of money it is now a crime.  Now if she charges and enjoys it what would we call that.  If a woman marries for money and still loves her husband to his death, what do we call that?
Till later
Peter Lee

... in response to Re: Re: Re: build a new house for them, posted by Peter Lee on Oct 4, 2003

Hi Peter,
I don't believe you understood what I was trying to say.
I was saying that a woman that marries ONLY for money is like a prostitute. And that the men who give away comparatively huge sums of money are the ones encouraging some Filipinas to marry ONLY for money.

Best of luck,

Don

... in response to You did not understand what i was trying..., posted by don2222 on Oct 5, 2003

Well Don that is the only way us ugly guys have a chance to meet a pretty lady.   Now if you don't have personality, smell like dead fish, your ugly and you don't have money then what?  LOL   GIVE US UGLY GUYS A BREAK.  It also promotes incentives to make more money, keeps the economy going so the hansome poor guys can get a job.

... in response to Re: You did not understand what i was tr..., posted by Peter Lee on Oct 5, 2003

Posted by Peter Lee on 10/05/2003

In Reply to: You did not understand what i was trying to say.... posted by don2222 on 10/05/2003:

Well Don that is the only way us ugly guys have a chance to meet a pretty lady.

"Peter Lee" You obviously haven't seen Don 2222 he's
quite a Charmer. Of course he's no Rico Suave like Hum.

Cheers

... in response to Re: Re: You did not understand what i wa..., posted by Dingo on Oct 5, 2003

Well Don that is the only way us ugly guys have a chance to meet a pretty lady.  
I was not infering that Don was ugly, [us guys was me and anyone who thinks their ugly]  if the shoe fits?  Now if your a charmer and have money how will you know what the ladies are after?  Or do you really want to know LOL?

... in response to Re: You did not understand what i was tr..., posted by Peter Lee on Oct 5, 2003

LOL, i'm sure you don't smell too much like a dead fish :0)

Take Care,

Don

... in response to You did not understand what i was trying..., posted by don2222 on Oct 5, 2003

I'll have to agree Don I've seen it happen many times.
Bleed the Kano dry then split after getting the green card.

Green card shark and prostitute one in the same.
Hum

... in response to Re: build a new house for them, posted by Febtember on Oct 4, 2003

[This message has been edited by Dave H]

Now they have a Kano, they need a new house! LOL

Dave "Bugoy" H.

... in response to Need some feedback, posted by Peter Lee on Oct 4, 2003

Peter,

If you don’t move her to the city, you’ll go nuts without regular communications. It’s ridiculous to expect her to travel that far just to use the Internet or make a phone call. Even if she is in the city, you can’t expect daily communications all the time.

That K-3 visa paperwork may start moving faster than you think and she should get everything ready for her medical and interview NOW, not at the last minute.

Dave H is right about the house. It’s no big deal normally to move it a few feet. They don't need a new house. If they can’t afford a pig and a case of San Magoo like Dave suggested, then they can hitch up those water buffaloes and drag it off the highway :-)

If she doesn’t know what to do with the bike, tell her to donate it to the local church and you can write it off on your taxes.

Ray

... in response to Need some feedback, posted by Peter Lee on Oct 4, 2003

Peter,

She should understand that it IS possible for her to come here, but it will take alot of work on her behalf. The fact that she lives in a small, obscure and remote place may make it more difficult (travel and staying in unfamiliar places for the process, ie. Manila) it can be done. My wife had some of the same issues about the process, mostly how it was rumored by her friends to take 2 years to be approved... I talked to her thoroughly and convinced her that it would take less than 6 months... and it has!

I have dreamed of retiring and moving to the Philippines and I plan to do that someday, but I want to have a fat bank account and a pension going before I make the move. That seems a good 20 years away at best for me and that will work out because my children will be in college or at least on their own (hopefully). I have come to the conclusion that I am a Filipino in a white man's body and I belong there.

In my opinion, you need to convince her that she needs to go and stay with her aunt in Cebu, at least until the paperwork arrives. She needs to also get a passport and she can do that while she's there. There is alot that needs to be done, and things could get crazy for her during that time, but she should stay strong for this... it's a sacrifice she will need to make for a lifetime of happiness with her loving husband.

If there is any way you could move there to be with her during the process and stay there to help her, I would say that is the ideal situation.

Good luck.

... in response to Need some feedback, posted by Peter Lee on Oct 4, 2003

Don't u think she's preggy already? curious....
I dont think her Aunt could help them unless she has a big heart....
If the engineers were surveying the land then their house should still be there today and tomorrow.....

... in response to Need some feedback, posted by Peter Lee on Oct 4, 2003

[This message has been edited by Dave H]

Hi Peter,

The house itself does not sound like a big deal. It's very common to see a group of men pick up the typical Philippine house and carry it to the new location. A meal of roasted pig and some San Miguel and everyone is happy. In this case the government would probably pay for it to be moved. It could also be dismantled and the materials reused at the new location.

Dave H.

... in response to Need some feedback, posted by Peter Lee on Oct 4, 2003

Relocating to RP sounds safer, go for it.