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[This message has been edited by senge]

Hello everyone.  I don't post here often, but i read the threads almost daily.  Currently, i'm in need of a few answers.  so i'll be posting questions for you all here from time to time.  thanks in advance for any advice.

I'm actively pursuing both latin and filipina women.  I've been leaning towards filipinas for a variety of reasons.

however, it seems that every filipina girl i've corresponded with implies that i must be a benefactor for their family members, to some extent.  i really don't want to have to bother with sponsoring their mothers/fathers/siblings for US immigration, nor do i feel it is fair for  my future wife to ask me to send money back home to support her siblings going to college, or her retired parents, or whatever.

have i just been encountering low-level scammers or are these monetary obligations mandatory requirements for interacting with filipinas?

... in response to filipinas, family members, and $, posted by senge on Aug 31, 2003

Find someone else who is not looking for a source of income for the family. You'll find one.
Find a woman who knows what it means to earn her own living and help her family herself, someone older (mid-30's) who has a sense of responsibility and will appreciate the love and affection you can give.  Single Filipinas in their mid-30s are not rare and are not necessarily ugly.  I wouldn't call myself ugly and I'm now 40 and will always say I'm very glad I waited for the right man to come along.
We're the smarter ones (or so I want to think) who stayed away from marriage for practical reasons - like a head on our shoulders and unwillingness to support a lazy husband. :o)
My husband knew I was supporting my eldery parents and helping out my siblings.  I never obligated him to help but he promised my parents' maid's salary cause I was the only one(out of 6 girls) at home when I left more than 2 years ago.  I'm working here in the US and still help my family financially when it's needed and send the obligatory balikbayan box every year for Christmas.
If you meet women who asks money even before you've met them or are engaged to them - drop them fast, they're not worth your time.  

... in response to Re: filipinas, family members, and $, posted by Mita on Aug 31, 2003

thank you, mita, for your insights and advice.

... in response to Re: filipinas, family members, and $, posted by Mita on Aug 31, 2003

You are describing Imelda to a T, and all of her friends as well!

EXCEPT- do you mind if I send you something in private? It's pretty (or not pretty) complex, and I AM loathe to lay it on you.

... in response to Hi, Mita. :), posted by HaroldC on Aug 31, 2003

Sure...send it on.

... in response to Re: filipinas, family members, and $, posted by Mita on Aug 31, 2003

We have found it was cheaper to send Christmas cards with money in them rather than send a balibayan box.  How do you justify sending the balikbayan box when things are so much cheaper there?

Bear and Honey

... in response to Mita, a question, posted by Bear on Aug 31, 2003

I have nephews and nieces whom I've always spoiled. My favorite niece is now 9 years old and we chat every weekend when she can go online.  You should see how much she has learned to navigate the shopping sites - even Ebay now.  She'll cut and paste all the links in our chats.
Then there are medical supplies my diabetic mother needs that are more expensive in the Philippines.  I actually spent more for my family, especially the kids, when I was still home.  
For my sister with the no-good husband I do spend money every Christmas and enrolment time so she can have a decent Christmas and pay for her kids' tuition.  I have 2 other sisters here in the US and we all don't have kids of our own so it's easier for us to help out this sister.

... in response to Re: Mita, a question, posted by Mita on Aug 31, 2003

I usually send each of the kids a $20 or a $10 depending on their age.  The adults I send a $50.  We were going to send a balikbayan box but our research proved that everything we were going to send was cheaper to purchase there plus the wasted cost of shipping and the chances you take sending packages that the stuff would actually get there.  We decided it was cheaper to just send money, let everyone purchase what they wanted the most and report to us what it was.  No one has ever asked for anything in particular (other than a cell phone of course).  Marissa wanted me to send my old microwave and some old clothes but they could buy all brand new stuff for what it would cost for me to send it to them.

Bear

... in response to Re: Re: Mita, a question, posted by Bear on Sep 1, 2003

Oh come on Bear! If you researched Christmas you’d probably find out that Santa Clause is a fake too (LOL). Sending a balikbayan box really has nothing to do with saving money or determining on which side of the ocean you can buy an item cheaper. I think Mita described it perfectly. It’s a labor of love and it’s really the thought that counts. Just the fact that you went to all the trouble and expense to put the box together and ship it 7,000 miles means more than you could imagine, at least in my wife’s family it does. Getting a bill in a Christmas card is boring and just wouldn’t be the same as opening that big box.

My wife told me that a can of corned beef that came all the way across the Pacific Ocean in a big box from loved ones in America just tasted much better than the one you got across the street from the sari-sari store. I know that you can buy corned beef or Vienna Sausages cheaper over there, but all the Filipinos I know send those items anyway. Used clothing in good condition is very much appreciated, especially if it has a label that says “Made in USA”.

We like to send things that they have never seen or tasted before to make an adventure out of it. I’ll throw in some chili con carne, B&M Brick Oven Baked Beans or Taco Bell Refried Beans so they can experience farts that they’ve only dreamed about until now. Brod loves that canned pink salmon and sis just loves those Betty Crocker cake mixes and frostings. Of course there’s always chocolate and candy for everyone, and in the Philippines they actually love canned Spam.

We always try to include a mystery item that they have likely never seen before so they can try to guess what it is used for. There is a prize enclosed for the one that guesses correctly. We had the whole family stumped for almost a month a couple of years ago with a package of corn skewers; the little handles that look like corn ears. Her niece would text the latest guesses at all hours of the day and night and the wife would text back “sorry, try again... LOL”. They couldn’t sleep at night trying to figure out what those things were. They asked all their neighbors and friends and nobody could come up with the right answer. Finally, her brother was in Cebu on business for a few days, so he went to the mall and looked in all the stores to see if he could find it. He found an identical pack in the SM Supermarket and then sent his “guess” that he said he figured out using sound engineering principles (he’s an engineer). He later confessed because he felt guilty (ROFLMAO!). Fun like that is priceless!

Ray

... in response to Balikbayan Box Fun, posted by Ray on Sep 1, 2003

One of the biggest problems according to Honey is when we send balikbayan boxes all the neighbors come over and claim things in the box, particularly their landlord.  If they refuse to give out the stuff in the BB then it causes problems with the neighbors and landlord.  

Honey assures me that they are just excited to be able to have the money and think about what they will get to buy with it.  Her youngest 2 brothers both bought trucks, big ones, last year.  I was going to send them each a train set. She says that they had been asking her mother for those trucks for months.

Bear and Honey

... in response to Re: Balikbayan Box Fun, posted by Bear on Sep 1, 2003

Maybe you should send the landlord and neighbors a separate box-one with a big bomb in it (ROFL!)

Ray

... in response to Re: Re: Mita, a question, posted by Bear on Sep 1, 2003

[This message has been edited by Nathan]


  I don't know where you are exactly, but I sent my last box from Portland
via LBC delivered to the door in Cagyan De Oro for $65. It  weighed over 100 lbs. There may very well be an LBC agent in your area.

Nathan

... in response to Shipping LBC, posted by Nathan on Sep 1, 2003

That's a great rate Nathan. We just sent a box to Surigao via LBC last month for $75. Before Christmas I think it was $85.

There seems to be a lot more competition now for shippers and some of the promos are getting pretty good. Some are shipping anywhere in the PI for $50, some will deliver a free sack of rice if you ship two boxes at one time, and LBC ships the 6th box for free. Some even take a photo of the family with the box at delivery time that they will mail to you later so you’ll know it got there safely.

Ray

... in response to $65?, posted by Ray on Sep 1, 2003

Ray-

  Yes, that was $65 from Portland OR to Cagayan De Oro delivered to the front door. It was a special, but one that had been running for some time.

... in response to Re: Re: Mita, a question, posted by Bear on Sep 1, 2003

Bear,
Do you send money inserted in your Christmas card?  I find Philippine mail very unreliable.  My sister sent us a package via USPS once and inserted a $100 bill - we never got the package.
When I was in the Philippines, I made a big production out of our Christmas.  I'd have all the gifts wrapped under the tree and even recycle corporate gifts I got that year so we'd have more gifts for the kids.  My Christmases as a child were very mundane so doing this really made me feel good, especially when I saw the sparkle in the kids' eyes.
There's an added thrill for the family to get together and open this huge balikbayan box now.  We used to say "Amoy Amerika" when we opened pasalubong boxes from rich relatives who traveled when I was a kid and I want my nieces to get that same thrill.
I'm also a very good shopper and look out for half off deals on stuff they consider "designer" goods back home.  I space out my shopping throughout the year, waiting for the best bargains, and have my balikabayan box sitting in our guest bedroom for half the year.  I'm notorious at the Philippine store for being very late in sending my box - like 6 months (or more) after I get the box.
For me, it's more than the dollars and cents of sending the box.  I'll work an extra weekend to get that box on its way.  I have to admit I had second thoughts about the costs but I do send the box every year "pikit-mata" after  I consider how the recipients would feel when that big box from America got to their door.  
The best reward for doign all this happened this year. My 9-year old niece told me she was getting a balikbayan box ready to send to me and David.  She insisted I tell her what I wanted and even asked to speak to my husband and kept saying "Is that all you want?"
Sometimes, it's the thought that counts the most.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Mita, a question, posted by Mita on Sep 1, 2003

I send it Fed-ex so it always gets there but I have heard that the balikbayan boxes are opened and much of the stuff is removed and then resealed so no one knows.
Last year although we did not send presents they were all excited.  They had to purchase what they wanted then put it under the artificial tree we purchased when we were there till Christmas morning.
I have had several people tell me nightmares abought sending balikbayan boxes and there is a major shipper here in Houston quite a few people use.  Its just that it seemed so wasteful economically and likely that all or part would not even get there.

Bear and Honey

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Mita, a question, posted by Bear on Sep 1, 2003

Hi Bear,

Yes, there are thieves who will rip off those balikbayan boxes and nothing is fool proof. We’ve been lucky so far and have had no problems with LBC. I believe LBC uses their own employees at every step of the shipping process so your box shouldn’t be handles by any unknown contractors. There is a lot of competition now in the business and one of the worst things that can happen to one of these shippers is that they get a reputation for employing thieves. When those stories get around, they will lose most of their business, so they tend to be very careful how they protect and handle you cargo and who they hire. I think you are ‘probably’ safer to stick with the larger companies with a solid reputation.

There are some things you can do to minimize the chance of getting ripped off:

1. Don’t send anything of great value! Keep it simple and inexpensive as much as possible.

2. Seal the box well. I always glue the bottom flaps so it’s virtually impossible to open it from the bottom without signs of entry.

3. Include your own itemized packing list inside so that the folks receiving it can take an accurate inventory. Also send a copy by snail mail or e-mail. Without the list, they may never know if anything was removed.

4. Make sure they examine the box carefully before signing for it. Tell them to pay close attention to the bottom. They should note ANY damage or signs of tampering on the receipt before signing it. It would help if they take photos of any damage.

5. Report ANY thefts or damage to the shipper promptly. The standard insurance coverage is limited, but it’s important to report it. They will need a detailed list of missing items and photos of the box if possible.

6. Pray that the Philippine Customs people don’t open it and get greedy! :-)

Ray

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Mita, a question, posted by Bear on Sep 1, 2003

On the contrary Bear, balikabayan boxes are hardly regulated and do not go through customs inspection as other freight.  This was actually a cause for concern after 9/11 but it's still not being inspected. The contents are also not taxed.  It can take time for the box to get to its destination (2 months during the Christmase season) but will always get there intact.
I would assume that a city the size of Houston would have reliable door-to-door shipping service for the Philippines - you have so many Filipinos there. Here in Colorado Springs, we only have one Philippine store but the owner is pretty resourceful and has door-to-door shipping and money transfers aside from the usual Filipino goods.  Her money transfer service is so reliable, my sister got a remittance (for my mom's medical expenses) only 8 hours after I sent it - at 11 pm in Manila! I didn't even have time to email her about it so it was a big surprise.  For shipping, the Philippine Market uses Manila Forwarder, also reliable but more expensive here in Colorado.  My sister in RI will share the cost of shipping this year.  She sent me things to include in the box last year and wants to do the same this year.  That's pretty considerate of her.
When I was a kid, I liked receiving cash gifts too.  My nieces always preferred the presents though.  It took them longer to appreciate the value of money and just kept it in their wallets and thought they were millionaires.  
When I started earning, I gave myself a bigger role in making the family Christmas special - decorating the house, planning and cooking the Christmas menu, getting the whole family together and all that. It's a habit that's not easy to let go of I guess.  Of course, in the Philippines we get Christmas bonuses and 13th month pay at work so it wasn't so difficult to do.
I'm glad my husband is supportive.  Over here, we spend Christmas with his son at their place - we always try to make it grand especially since my stepson has a girlfriend with 3 young ones.  I see the gifts kids get here and am sooo surprised....it pretty much is like the Wish List my niece makes every week and knows she will never get.

... in response to filipinas, family members, and $, posted by senge on Aug 31, 2003

It'll be exactly the same way for a Latina as these guys describe for Filipinas. Any time you take someone from a closely knit extended family in a poverty stricken nation (the PI, Latin America, or Eastern Europe) you're going to run into the "we're so rich and they're so poor" attitude where just a little bit here will mean a whole lot over there.

There's a solution, though. Just fiond a girl from a rich family. That way, you can plead poverty, and maybe get the flow going the other way. My father always said, "it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich girl as it is with a poor one."

- Jeff

... in response to Re: filipinas, family members, and $, posted by Jeff S on Aug 31, 2003

I'm leaving for the Philippines next Sunday. Although I know the wealth/poverty gap is much broader in the Philippines, I would describe my girl's status as a kind of working class. By no means are they wealthy, but they are not living in abject poverty either. Everyone works, and contributes, and they seem to make it just fine. In her family, all 9 siblings have gone to, and graduated from four years of college, with each progressive one aiding the other with funds. And now they all send money to their parents. I guess you can think of it as a retirement system. There seems to be a big difference between those educated Filipinos living in and near growing cities, and those out in the provinces still living an agrian life at the reigns of a carabao.

... in response to Re: filipinas, family members, and $, posted by Jeff S on Aug 31, 2003

A woman from an even moderately well-off family in the third world is going to have had hot and cold running servants her entire life. What are the chances that THEY are going to pay for her to have servants here?

A fellow here who married such a woman from Indonesia told me that there they don't even bother to diaper the toddlers because there are plenty of servants to follow them around and clean up.

... in response to Tongue in cheek, I hope. :-), posted by HaroldC on Aug 31, 2003

My wife is from a quite well to do family, not third world, and she had no servants. I couldn't ask for a better wife, mother, lover and best and friend. The concept that only poor girls have traditional family values is not only false, the opposite is probably true. If anything, those steeped in poverty are more likely to abandon their traditions, beliefs, and mores, for a way out of their plight.

In my never to be humble opinion, even if you pick a poorer country, like Colombia or the PI, picking the poorest of the poor is a mistake. There's a reason poor people are poor, and it's not just because hard luck has somehow frowned on them. Those with their wits about them manage to survive and prosper even in the face of adversity. That's the kind of life partner I want, anyway. Your mileage may vary.

- Jeff

... in response to Not at all., posted by Jeff S on Aug 31, 2003

Jeff,

This is an interesting concept.

... in response to Not at all., posted by Jeff S on Aug 31, 2003

I agree with you  Jeff.  There's such a thing as dignity in poverty.  Those who retain their dignity and as you say, have their wits about them, are not going to be forever poor.

... in response to Not at all., posted by Jeff S on Aug 31, 2003

I agree with what you said- just cautioning that your solution might have its own pitfalls- but don't see how your own example applies. And family values were not mentioned.

There may be some in the third world who qualify as rich and don't have servants, although I would be astounded. It would be socially irresponsible of them NOT to employ anyone, if nothing else. Luckily there is a lot to chose from between "the poorest of the poor" and the "rich".

Whatever. Congratulations to you and compliments to your wife.

... in response to "not third world ... no servants.&q..., posted by HaroldC on Aug 31, 2003

...and others who seem so concerned about sending money back home to their wife's family. Most of the posts about "rich girls" going back several years, and including yours about a women who wouldn't change her baby's diapers, imply that if a woman's family has money, she's a spoiled brat who's only interested in gucci shoes, country club memberships, and servants to snap to her beck and call.

I, and several of my friends, are testiment to the fact that just because a women is well off doesn't mean she's a spoiled brat. There are classy, elegant, traditional ladies in Asia, (remember this is the Asian board, not just the Philippines board) who's family you do not have to support. In fact, my wife's sister and her American husband were often supported by our in-laws with gifts and loans. Seeing how much trouble that caused, (they're divorced now) reinforced my already firm resolve, never to lobby for nor accept any such support, even though it was graciously offered.

Other than you folks on this board, the vast majority of the  Asian wife, Western husband couples I know are Japanese/American, a dozen or more. All of the ladies are from middle class to upper crust families, though a few are from blue collar homes. Most have terrific, very happy relationships. I've also known several couples who's story didn't end up so happy, for all the usual reasons men and women split up - none of which, though, turned out that one of the parties was scamming the other.

I know this board is heavily Philippines oriented, and so the vast majority of the stories are all about how to find, woo, marry, and import a Filipina wife. I find nothing wrong with this approach, as the many happy marriages of the regulars on this board will attest to. I just like to point out, on occasion, that there are alternatives to the Philippines, and that by pursuing some of these alternatives, many of the newby concerns, i.e. scamming, supporting her family, sponsoring her relatives, heck, even getting a tourist visa, become non-issues.

Just some food for thought.

- Jeff

... in response to My posts were mostly for Senge's benefit..., posted by Jeff S on Aug 31, 2003

Jeff,

honestly, i've never seriously considered a japanese woman, and i think its because i always assumed they would only desire the 'idea' western man (eg-highly educated, upperclass, blond/blue).

it seems that filipinas are not as picky or rigid in their standards.  i may be wrong.

... in response to My posts were mostly for Senge's benefit..., posted by Jeff S on Aug 31, 2003

Useful perspective, for sure.

And for the record, the Indonesian lady does change her babies diapers and from all reports is an excellent wife and mother- and electrical engineer. She is just wistful about moving back 'home' because it is 'easier'.

... in response to My posts were mostly for Senge's benefit..., posted by Jeff S on Aug 31, 2003

import a wife i do find fault in that statement.
tneal

... in response to Re: My posts were mostly for Senge's ben..., posted by nealt on Aug 31, 2003

What I was referring to is the paperwork and interview issues we often discuss on this board. How are you holding up, Tom? Is Jessica still in the PI? Good to see you posting.

- Jeff

... in response to filipinas, family members, and $, posted by senge on Aug 31, 2003

Senge all I can say is that in most third world countries families are very close and have been raised to help each other.  The R.P. is no different.  Many families have children in hopes that one or more will be successful enuough to help provide for their family.  Yes they go overboard when it happens and take radical advantage of the success of that member but its because no one laid out the rules.  Be proud that you sweetie wants to help and assure her that you will help to a limit and then the two of you determine what that limit should be according to the needs, use and or abuse of that assistance.

College is very cheap there.  I was paying for Honey and her brothers college (hers less than $600/yr and his was P650 every 2 weeks).  I stopped at the insistance of my wife paying her brother's college when he failed to follow our rules.  These rules were not hard and clearly spelled out.  Honey saw this failure as an insult to her and would not allow it to continue where if I hadn't spelled it out she probably would still be paying.  The next brother saw what would happen and decided not to even go.  Her sister though wants to attend college next year an agrees to our rules.

The average Filipino makes about $1100/yr.  To send even half that is to permenently aquire a dependant family for the rest of your life.  I send P2500 on the 1st of the month.  They used that money to purchase an entertainment center (TV, VCR/DVD player, etc.).

I have seen fools who sent  $300-1000/mo.  They find themselves in constant family predicaments and a marriage that has several of the leading causes of divorce confronting them daily.  I know one Filipina who many here know who made the mistake of send large sums home to help her elderly and ailing mother.  All her mothers family moved in with her an takes every penny.  When she threatened to stop sending or reduce the amount they let her know that her mother would suffer first.  She is now a very unwilling slave to her family in the R.P. while she lives in poverty here in the States.

The moral is simple.  Filipinas like "simple" life.  They need you not control but to lay out the rules (which you discuss with her 1st) so that they don't have to suffer with such unexpected surprises and/or make these hard decissions that look like they are "bad daughters".  If you think you are not going to help at all then you need to stop looking in 3rd world countries for a spouse because you are just fooling yourself.  Just be smart and discuss it.

Bear and Honey

... in response to Re: filipinas, family members, and $, posted by Bear on Aug 31, 2003

Hi there, I am glad I am back, maybe you could advise me a little.  I am married now and the whole time I have not been asked for any money in the 8 months we have known each other.  I did pay for my wife's school the last 3 months of her graduation.  The Aunt she was living with is well off coz the Uncle is a chief engineer as a seaman.  They have jeepneys, taxies, sory, sory store and a nice house in Pardo Cebu.  The Aunt was paying for her collage for 2 years.  After our civil wedding the Aunt had me get a roast pig for the celebration and we could only eat a little of it that day.  When I came the next day to have a little more of the pig it was already stripped and packed away in the freezer, LOL.  Although the Aunt is the one that wheels and deals with small businesses and hands out spending money for the kids going to school she has never come close to ask me for anything.  Maricel's parents are in Mindanao in Lanao Del Norte in Kapatagan.  She has 3 sisters, and older sister who is 24 with a new baby and happily married to a man who works for the city.  The two younger sisters 12 and 15 are living with the parents.  The Dad now my father in law had a heart attack and had bypass surgery years ago.  He had to sell some of his land to pay for the operation.  They now have only 2 hectares of land where he plants rice, mangoes, coconuts and papaya.  They have a house and it is on the main road.  I ask how they get there water to the house.  Maricel told me it was her job to get the water from a spring half a mile away from the house with 5 gal containers.  The mom whom I met when she visited in Cebu has never asked me for anything.  I did buy her a nice gold necklace in January which she wears proudly.  I have been reading these posts and hear the horror stories of some family demands.  I have expected it especially getting married to a young Filipina.  We so far nothing.  I left her with $400 and an ATM card coz I didn't know when I was going to be able to send her more money.  I have $20 in the ATM card and she was instructed to try to withdraw it near where she lives, but the ATM which is 1st Union is not good anyplace.  We know it works in Cebu but that is faraway.  We will see what she does with the $400, she knows that it may be a long time till she gets any more money.  I offered to send her $100 a month as she is living at home.  She asked to send her $200 a month and I have no problem with that in a few months when her $400 runs out.  I told her not to do any investment of or business plans yet unless she confides with me first, she said ok.  Maricel has my motorcycle and is using it to help get water in the 5 gal containers.  I told her to have some fun with it.  It seems that she is far away from any e-mail café and she is using the cycle for getting there.  She used the motorbike to ride to a mountain town to get cell coverage.  I was surprised to get her call coz she has never called me from the Philippines before.  I feel bad knowing that her Dad is probably not in the best of health.  I ask Maricel if her dad would mind taking the motorcycle when she comes to the US.  Her answer was that he is to arthritic to ride the motorbike.  Wow, it put tears in my eyes, I feel this family has lots of pride and will never ask for any help.  In Jan I helped her Mom get some steel tip shoes for Dad, they also have my bicycle I bought in January to get around and her sisters are using it.
The last chat I had with her was that she was very bored living back with her family.  While we were in Bohol Maricel mentioned that some men were providing loans to farmers so that they can plant crops.  They pay back in the crops yield so the interest is always paid.  A $1000 investment is required to get started.  She also told me that her sister ran a sory - sory store attached to her house and ran it till she got married.  That requires a $500 investment to get going.  But the problem is that she should get over here in about 8 months if all goes well with the K3 visa.  I told her to study things more and not to do anything right now coz she won't be at home for long.  In Panglao Island we seen a resort for sale and I really liked it.  Maricel wants to stay in the Philippines and wants me to settle down and retire there.  I am also surprised that she has no great desire to come to the US.  But she says she will go anywhere that I am as long as we are together.  I plan to go back in Feb 2004, I want to check out that beach resort again it looks real nice.  Now I did not go to Mindanao to visit her parents.  Everyone I talked to said it was not a good idea.  Now in her last chat she said there was an American who married a girl near her home and he got married there.  He was 40 years old and stayed for 3 weeks.  Does any one have more information on the safety of Lanao Del Norte and Kapatagan.  I see it on the map and it looks like a boarder line to being safe or not safe.  I know little about that area and stayed away.  I almost went to Ozamis with a ferry to go part of the way to her home.  At the ferry when I picked up her Mom I did see foreigners stepping of the boat.  She has to go to anther ferry from Ozamis then a 3 hour motorcycle drive on a good road.  Anyone got any ideas?  Most of the Moslems are in Lanao South.  But there are scattered Moslems near where she lives.  I sure would like to meet her family in there home in Feb.  Her sister operated a profitable sory - sory coz the Army base is close by and lots of soldiers are stationed there.  On another note Maricel is showing that her Mom is unhappy that they were not attending our civil marriage ceremony.  She says that her Mom feels that I don't like her family.  All the talking of how that's not true doesn't seem to help.  Any comments or advice would be appreciated with my marriage situation.  I am lonely; I have never felt so lonely before.  
Till next time Peter Lee

... in response to Re: filipinas, family members, and $, posted by Bear on Aug 31, 2003

About Filipinos, exclusively men, not going to college even though someone, foreign or Filipino, has offered to provide. They have to know they are not going to get a job without that education.

I can only speculate they figure that they:

-won't get a job anyway, so what's the point?

-will fail and want to avoid the loss of face.

-will end up being taken advantage of, as Bear describes.

Or are they just spoiled? (I am flabbergasted at how my girlfriend gives priority to a four year old nephew's preferences.) Weird concept that- destitute and spoiled.

... in response to filipinas, family members, and $, posted by senge on Aug 31, 2003

My wife works and sends $100.00 home about every 6 weeks this is money she makes the rest she spends on the home and me (beer and chips).this has made her family go from very poor to upper middle clas
tneal

... in response to filipinas, family members, and $, posted by senge on Aug 31, 2003

your answers were perfect info for me.  i understand better now.  for the record, i guess if i had to, i would not mind sending money home to her family, as long as it doesn't impact our own family's living standards.  and i'm sure my wife would not let that happen.  okay, thanks again!

... in response to filipinas, family members, and $, posted by senge on Aug 31, 2003

senge,

I think Nathan gave you a real good run down on the situation. Not all Filipinas here provide financial support for their families back home, but probably 95% do to one extent or another. Some send money regularly and others only occasionally or when family emergencies come up. To avoid future disappointment, you should assume that your Filipina wife will want to help her family in some way. She may not expect to send money home monthly, but there will be times when she will want to help them out. Also, you can pretty much assume that your wife will want to work outside the home, at least part time. If you aren’t asked to help out directly, then she may very likely want to send part of her wages home. Family support is not mandatory but it is customary in Filipino culture, so you shouldn’t automatically assume that those ideas are scams.

A considerable percentage of Filipinos may want to bring other family members over, but it is not the norm. You cannot sponsor her parents or siblings, only she can, and only if she is a U.S. citizen. She could theoretically petition them on her own, but normally would need your financial backing to qualify. Like Nathan said, it takes a long time. If you figure that it would take her at least 4-5 years to attain U.S. citizenship, then the soonest mom or dad could possibly immigrate here would be around 5-7 years and about 27-29 years for brothers and sisters.

You should also expect that she will want to visit home every couple of years or so, so you would need to budget for that. My first impression from reading your post is that you would probably not be happy with the typical financial arrangement that a typical Filipina wife would desire. Of course there are always exceptions, so you certainly don’t have to accept the norm. Supporting a wife is never cheap, but the financial responsibilities that come with a Filipina wife are not normally excessive overall.

Ray

... in response to filipinas, family members, and $, posted by senge on Aug 31, 2003

[This message has been edited by Nathan]


  Contrary to the myth, it is not likely that you will be sponsoring an
immediate family petition for parents, brothers etc- the quota for this kind of petition has forced a waiting list of at least 20 years, so that is unlikely to be a factor.
  As far as family support goes, you need to realize that
most filipinas feel some obligation to their family.
Why is it that some guys ( and this may not be you at all) have been through every kind of financial screwing possible with an American woman to the tune of tens or even hundreds of thousands, and they think it must be a scam if the little filipina wants to send home a hundred bucks or so every month?
 If you are simply not interested in being any part of an extended family where you are going to chip in a few bucks, I would strongly advise against getting involved with most Filipinas.
  So...just where did that tan cutie who (unlike some AW in one's past) develop the attitude to run a frugal household, not max out the credit card, and sift through the clearance corner at the Gap, learn her attitude? Most likely from her mother, and yes, she likely feels a deep extended family connection to her mom for example. The Philippines is not filled with rest homes full of old folks parked there by
children who want to be free of family obligations. That science is being perfected HERE in the grand old USA.
  Now if one loves a filipina and just wants to be able to set reasonable limits, you can do well. Make it clear that you are NOT RICH, contrary to how many filipinas picture all Americans.( We are all millionaires, right?) Build reasonable expections, and don't set yourself up by strutting your cash, because compared to most filipinos, you are at least a bit rich. Set limits and make those clear from the start. Very often, the filipina soon has a job in the USA and is quite proud to be able to be the one who sends her family a little extra every month. Don't assume that this is always a one way street. If you spend significant time with an extended filipino family, you will see what I mean. You will see considerations and favors come your way in all sorts of ways.
If you have the difficulties that most likely come to all marriages, you will be glad that you have a credible close connnection to her family- they may end up being your biggest supporter in that situation.
   I hope this helps...I pass these tips on out of personal experience.

Nathan