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Hi all,

I read the previous post about religion which focused on religion.  Since I'm
not religious these days (although raised Catholic), I plan to respect any
woman's beliefs whether that woman is from Thailand or Philippines.

My question is more about the errr... physical impacts of religion.  That is,
being from a Cathloic background myself, I know that there is a certain
amount of negativity about sexuality and the "sins of the flesh" that goes along
with that frequently.

On the other hand, when in Japan recently, I found that the lack of any
negative ideas about sexuality made lots a good girls very "open minded" and
positive about healthy, physical contact.   So I was going to focus on Thailand
for just that reason.  

*** Mind you, I speaking about the "good girls" or the average woman on this
one, since I'm not interested in a woman who "works in the industry" at all. ***

So basically I'm asking about average Philippine-Catholic culture, do they
associate "sin" with sexulaity or is it frequently a healthy positive thing in their
relationships and lives?  How does that compare the average Thai?

Trying to decide where to focus my efforts.

cb

... in response to Religion etc, posted by cb on Jul 6, 2003

I think Filipinos, even the religious ones, are open about sex.  This is sex between married couples of course but kinky sex definitely is not appreciated - majority of Filipinas  stil; feel it's degrading to them personally.  It seems to be considered a woman's "failing" if she likes sex - so women are careful about discussing these things.  Despite that, Filipinas are generally considered to be sensual, caring sexual partners.

A few years ago a lawyer friend of mine was telling a bunch of us non-lawyers about this old case from the 1920's they studied in law school about a woman who filed for legal separation because her husband demanded oral sex.  The case went all the way to the supreme court who ruled in the woman's favor.  The ruling also described the husband every demeaning, degrading name they could use in decent society. Anyway, our friend concluded by saying that Filipinos have certainly gone a long way from those days.
I worked in Bangkok a few months and found the Thais are more open-minded about sex and alternative lifestyles than Filipinos are.

... in response to Religion etc, posted by cb on Jul 6, 2003

my wive has no problems with sex she is from the phils matter of fact she is more open to it than any women i ever met in the usa

... in response to Religion etc, posted by cb on Jul 6, 2003

Gotta go along with what Ray said. But let me just point out that only 1% of Japanese are Christian - all are Shinto and many (more than 50%) are Buddhist, and most Thais are Buddhists. You have to consider though that there are strict as well as "in name only" followers, just like there are strict and liberal followers of Christianity, Judiam, Islam or any other religion. There aren't big taboos and strict codes of moral behaviour in Buddhism, nor in Shinto, as there are in most Christian sects, including Catholisism. There is a mandate, though to improve yourself every day and to be respectful of nature and your fellow man. It's pretty much left to the individual to determine how that is done, as opposed to the printed edicts you'll find in the semitic, western religions. So, yes, if your goal is to get laid with little remorse or social repurcussions, Thailand is probably a far better place to look than the PI.

Let me point out though, that I get pretty bored with the inane posts I see on the Latin and Russian boards about guys thinking there has to be some sort of sexual compatability in order for the man to decide a relationship is worth pursuing - in other words, if there's good sex, love can ensue. This is pure crap. The opposite is more likely true - where there's true love, great sex will ensue - at least in my quite limited experience. Committment, respect, and a great emotional and intellectual communications beget great physial communications in my never humble opinion. Your mileage may vary.

- Jeff

... in response to Re: Religion etc, posted by Jeff S on Jul 6, 2003

I agree.  The best sex I've had was in waiting for that emotional
bond to develop to where the act meant more than the physical.

cb

... in response to Religion etc, posted by cb on Jul 6, 2003

If you were raised Catholic, then whatever gave you the idea that they believe that sex in marriage is dirty? Unless you are into anal intercourse or bestiality, then you won’t find any overall negative attitudes about sex in the Philippines, Thailand, or Japan. I’ve never heard anyone married to a Filipina Catholic complain about the sex, except maybe that they were having a hard time keeping up (LOL).

Since your first post here is concerned only with sex and you seemed to indicate that you will focus your efforts of finding a woman in the country with the freest sexual mores, then I think that perhaps you are headed for trouble.

My advice is to stop thinking with your little head and start using the big one. Study all you can find about the people and the culture of the countries that you are interested in, invest some time in traveling to each country, try to learn a little of the local languages, then decide where to look. Find a good woman with strong moral values and the sex in marriage will take care of itself.

Ray

... in response to Huh?, posted by Ray on Jul 6, 2003

Thanks for the advice.  

To clarify, I'm certainly looking for the truest love/sex combination -
not something kinky.  I just want to get the idea of what Filipina
might expect out of marriage, sex, family.

I certainly think that sex is for more than procreation, and I want to
be sure my wife isn't always thinking "sex = kids, sex = kids" in the
back of her mind based on some religious/cultural upbringing.

You mentioned that guys married to Filipina Cathlics aren't
complaining about the sex - that's more or less the kind of
experience I want to know about.  Just to get a feel for those who
have crossed that cultural gap before.

I guess my question about the Phils came from having seen some
events in the new about some pretty intensely Catholic devotional
riturals - nothing like the middle class 60's Catholicism I knew.
Those rituals made me think their local Catholic practices might
hold some unexpected surprises, ones that I would prefer to know
about before the wedding night.

The question about religion goes further than sex too.  I've seen
lots of personal ads from Filipinas who are looking for "God-fearing
men."  I now consider Buddhism, Christianity and other religions
all equally wise.  Would that come between me and the average
Catholic Filipina?  I imagine the answer is "it depends on how
intensely Catholic she is."  ???

cb

... in response to Re: Huh?, posted by cb on Jul 7, 2003

Well cb, Filipinas definitely do enjoy sex just like most other women on this planet, but they also expect to have kids. Do you want children or just a sex partner? If you don’t want to have any children at this stage of your life, then you will likely have some trouble finding a compatible partner in the Philippines. Much more than Western women, Filipinas in general 'all' want children. They will marry you for love, but they do expect to make babies, at least 1 or 2 if not more.

Modern birth control methods are available in the Philippines and are officially encouraged by the government, but are not used nearly as extensively as in the West. If you want a partner without any children, then I would look for women in their mid-thirties to forties and let them know up front what your preferences are with the children thing. You can find a lot of Filipina women of that age who have never been married or had any children and have pretty much given up on the idea of becoming a mother. If you definitely do not want children, I would go get yourself cut now and then let any prospective mate know early on that you can’t and don’t want to have children.

Don’t worry about that “God fearing” phrase that keeps popping up. It simply means that they prefer someone who is not an avowed atheist. Some Filipinas take their religion very seriously but I think most are more flexible that you might imagine. Most would be happy with anyone who has been baptized a Christian or at least will let them practice their religion after marriage. If you don’t mind your wife going to mass on Sundays and having a few religious items displayed around the home, then go for it. But if you marry a devout Catholic Filipina, expect to marry in the church, probably in the Philippines, and start having babies within a year or two :-)

I think with Filipinas, you’ll find mostly that their number one priority in a man is usually a “good guy” who will treat them with respect and dignity and remain faithful and committed to the marriage. After that, most will willingly make allowances for many of your other faults.

Ray

... in response to Sex = Kids, posted by Ray on Jul 8, 2003

Thanks.   I guess it makes it easier that I definitely want kids.  But I
certainly don't want that to be the only thing sex is for.  I'm looking
for an overall balanced approach to that part, I guess.

The definition of "God fearing" is important.  Glad that there may be
flexibility from person to person on that one.  If an American
woman said she wanted a God fearing man, I would definitely
know she did not mean me.  That usually means a pretty serious
focus on Chistianity and certainly to the exclusion of all other
beliefs.

Since my family is Cathoilic I definitely respect the beliefs, and
even go to mass sometimes myself with them on holidays.  I just
don't limit my belief system to Christianity and see the wisdom in
other teachings.  

I'll have to find a woman who can respect my "flexible approach"
as I would respect her style of religious practice.

cb

... in response to Re: Sex = Kids, posted by cb on Jul 9, 2003

cb,

In that case, I don't think you would have any problem at all with the majority of Catholic Filipinas. There are some Christian religious cults in the Philippines that I would defeinitley be wary of, like Iglesia Ni Christo and PBMA for example.

Before you get real serious with a pen pal, you should be able to discuss this stuff until you both feel that you are on the same wavelength. If she refuses to discuss the subject of sex in general, without getting into all the details, then you will be taking a big gamble. Just bring the subject up carefully but with a respectful adult attitude and see how the communication goes.

In-depth discussions of your mutual feelings about having children, birth control, how you will raise them, etc., are very important also.

Ray