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Have you guys tried tuyo (dried fish) with oatmeal?  My hubby is outside right now while waiting for the tuyo smell in the kitchen to dissipate.

First off, thanks May, Kevin, Jeff, FL, SteveB, Ray and others for coming into my defense.  You guys made me a little bit misty in the eyes, I feel like I've found new friends.  Thank you, because of you guys I won the popularity contest in here; hands down! :0

Let me tell you guys and please try to understand why I feel so strongly about Pinays being lumped with gold-diggers and MOBs.  Because not all of us got here that way.  Not all MOBs are gold-diggers and not all gold-diggers are MOBs.  And most specially not all gold-diggers and/or MOBs are Pinays.

We never get the respect we Pinays deserved from all quarters: from our government and the country we have chosen to live in.  Our government never gives a d a m n about  our welfare--they could at least set up a shelter for Filipinas who are abused by their foreign husbands.

Have you guys tried walking  on eggshells?  Yes?  Then try doing it everyday.  That's how I felt living here and being with people not of my culture.  I fear that I will say the wrong things at the wrong time to the wrong people and get sued.

Have you ever been told that the reason you got the job you are now holding is because you are a minority and that the company you're working for is filling up its quota (Hello Affirmative Action!)? Never mind the fact that you are qualified and have the education and experience to back it up.

And when you turn on the TV and there's a feature about your country, within two minutes you realized that they are expounding all the things that are bad in the PI?

Some of you guys don't realize that it is not easy for us to be here but we went ahead and pulled our roots leaving our friends and family because we found the man who will love us and who we love and is willing to spend the rest of our lives with.  And having the opportunity to make our lives and those of our family back home a little better is an added bonus.

So please stop the generalizations.  Take what's good and leave the things that are bad.

Trust your instinct.  This is a unique relationship you're getting into--fusing two cultures is not easy.  Make the best of it.  And when children get into the picture--make them understand the uniqueness of both because they are getting the best of both worlds.

Humabdos, (you didn't think I would mention you, did you?) I apologized for anything that I said to you over at Mag-anak although I could not find that post. But I still think that you need to get a life--I meant it in a good way though.  Get a good life with a new wife.

Carrisse, who've been flamed all too often that she's now all  warm and toasty!

... in response to As I sit here eating a bowl of oatmeal....., posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

I do feel that I'm walking on eggshells.

First, I think I can understand where you're coming from regarding Affirmative Action, etc.  I think the vast majority of civil, law-abiding people advocate marrying within one's own race/ethnic group.  This includes Anglo-Saxons, and Japanese as well as "cultured" Pinoys who came to this country the conventional way.

Now I can make several analogies about "eggshells".  First, shall I marry again someday, I'd better be darn sure that I'm not going to be perpetually walking on egg-shells.  Towards the end of my marriage, I was always walking on egg-shells as to what mood my (ex)wife might or might not be in.  That's no way to live.  I'd rather live alone than to always be verbally beat on.

Second, after I divorced, I dated and became engaged to a Filipina right here in the states.  She was a nanny for an affluent Filipino couple (her extended relatives).  The father was an engineer/lawer and the mother was a nurse.  They've been in this country for years and lived a very extravagant lifestyle.  I consider myself middle-class and able to live reasonably comfortably.  But to annually rent a time-sharing condo in Disneyworld is way beyond my means.  I don't ever expect to have that kind of wherewithal unless I win Mega-bucks.  Maybe if I get lucky I just might because I do participate in a pool at work when the jack-pot gets up there.

Well, the wife saw me once.  It got back to me that I was just plain no good for my girlfriend.  I didn't dress nice (I wore casual comfortable clothes).  I didn't come over with expensive jewelry to give her everytime I picked her up.  And I didn't take her nice places to eat either.  The way I saw the world was that I thought a nice evening out would be a quaint restaurant with an average price of $30 for two.  Well, in her cousin's mind spendind four or five times that for an evening out still did not measure up.  I took her to a fancy restaurant for her birthday that was suggested, and it ended up costing $134 for the two of us.  I never spent that much on a meal for two in my life.  Needles to say, I didn't buy much in terms of tangible birthday presents such as a $100 pair of earings.  It got back to me after, "What do you see in him?  He doesn't know how to treat you right.  He didn't buy you anything nice for your birthday."

Now, as the egg-shell metaphor applies, I'm courting a Filipina on the internet   I think she is a good woman, and I have given my heart to her.  In my circle, it's pretty much an "in-the-closet" relationship.  I'm very careful about who I do tell and who I don't tell about our courtship. When and if I feel the time is right, I will reveal to folks about this who'm I know won't give their blessing.  It won't be easy, but I've got to exercise my persuit of happiness. For those that are willing and able to accept this, I'm very happy to tell them.  I have introduced Analyn to some friends on the internet.  I think we have something very nice going.  Yet I do have my fears and anxieties.  I hope and pray that time will prove that this is a good and beautiful thing.

- Kevin

... in response to To be frank . . ., posted by kevin on Mar 16, 2001

Hi Kevin,

You were in love with Filipina#2 and gave her your heart. You even went beyond your means to try and please her. Then the relatives that she works for, treat her like a slave and talk bad about you. Un-Frigging Believable! Their family motto must be a line from Tina Turner; "What's love got to do with it?" One day, if she hasn't already, she will realize that money can't hold you in its arms and love you back. Her relatives are the type of people that bleed you dry and kick you to the curb when they have no more use for you. Even their own family members.

You and I, like many others here, have carefully walked on those egg shells. Never again! I jump on those eggs and scramble them up. ;o))

May #3 be your luck number!

Dave H.

... in response to As I sit here eating a bowl of oatmeal....., posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

Carrisse,

I figure your hubby will be outside for about 3 weeks if he’s waiting for the smell of the fried tuyo to clear out.

I never tried it with oatmeal (sounds gross!). What do you do with it, chop it up and mix it in with the mush? Or do you spread the oatmeal on the tuyo and eat it like toast with jelly?

Tuyo isn’t bad with garlic fried rice and San Miguel for breakfast, if you put a lot of Tabasco on it. One of my favorite breakfasts when I was living in the Phils was hot pandesal and sardines with ripe mangoes. The Tome Portuguese sardines with the little red sili inside were the best.

But tuyo is so expensive over here. I was just looking at some in the store today and dried squid or dried fish runs between 4 and 7 dollars for a 6 oz bag.

Ray

... in response to Not with Oatmeal!, posted by Ray on Mar 16, 2001

How about fried tuyo with beans.  If you ask me, I don't quite know what tuyo actually is (the dried fish?  I skimmed over the post), but I tuyo with beans SOUNDS like quite a volatile combination.  LOL

- Kevin

... in response to Re: Not with Oatmeal!, posted by kevin on Mar 16, 2001

Try pairing "tuyo"  with this..... chopped tomatoes with  "kalamansi"  (lemon)....and don't forget the garlic rice.

... in response to Re: Not with Oatmeal!, posted by kevin on Mar 16, 2001

Tuyo & beans? You're playing with fire Kevin! Don't try that at home or you'll blow the roof off your house.

Ray

... in response to Forget it Kevin!, posted by Ray on Mar 16, 2001

Well, before I try this experiment, maybe our friend Dave H. can give me some fire prevention safety tips.

- Kevin

... in response to Re: Forget it Kevin!, posted by kevin on Mar 16, 2001

Ray and Kevin,

It makes me want to fart just thinking about it. 8-O Sounds dangerous! If you must... Extinguish all open flames (including pilot lights), don't allow anyone to smoke in a 500 foot paramater, and keep the house well ventilated. Fill the bath tub with water and remove all of your clothing. Better have the fire department Haz-Mat team on standby. ;o))

Dave "Fire Marshall" H.

... in response to As I sit here eating a bowl of oatmeal....., posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

Carrisse,

Throw away the dead fish, put some brown sugar on the oatmeal, and I will eat breakfast with you and your husband. ;o)

First of all, let me say that life isn't always easy for anyone. Even if you are a white middle class man in America like me. There are problems that go along with my being generalized as a group. I am called a WASP, even though I am more Norman than Anglo-Saxon. What Native-American blood I have, is so diluted as not to count for anything.

Have the satisfaction and pride that at least you are qualified for the job you have. I have been told that I scored #1 on the entrance exam to a major fire department, but wouldn't be hired because I wasn't a minority. My application wasn't processed at another, because I wasn't a minority and told to give up. The funny thing was that I was a minority in Dade (Miami) County. Three years later, I was hired at a smaller fire department, after I scored #1 on their test. They were not complying with Affirmative Action at the time. Two of my good friends, African-American and Cuban, were upset that they were promoted in rank by the merits of their test scores, but are now lumped with other minorities that failed or did poorly on the tests and were promoted any way. It is a double edged sword. Affirmative Action was supposed to help qualified minorities that were being discriminated against.

People can threaten to sue you for just about any stupid thing, but it doesn't mean it will hold up in court or even get there. It usually isn't worth the cost involved in pursuing it. Therefore, I would not worry about saying the wrong thing and getting sued. You are more liable if you are a government employee or work for a government contractor and you deal with the public. Even then, I wouldn't sweat it. Our First Amendment to the Constitution deals with free speech. When people threaten to kill me, then I start to get concerned. ;o)

Sometimes I like to try and put myself in other people's shoes. It is not the same as actually living it, but it can open one's eyes. One of the most enlightening I have found is to picture myself as a woman or a Black man and then go about my daily routine. The external stimulus is not there, but internally you have reactions. One day I was going to breakfast and decided to picture what it would be like as a Black man. As I pulled into a local dinner, I noticed an unusually large number of pickup trucks. Some had rebel flags or bumper stickers mounted on them. I sat in my car and almost didn't go in. I only did so after I "transformed" back to myself. Another thing I will do is go to Miami and pretend I don't speak Spanish. I get really ridiculed for not speaking Spanish, in the country of my birth.

I think that most of the guys on the board have good hearts and are well meaning. They would respect, love and treat a Filipina or Asian wife well. The problem is that some of the guys have been burned real bad recently by Filipinas. I mean charbroiled crispy, not warm and toasty. With the exception of Timee (I went the opposite way), they are still looking for a Filipina wife. Therefore, they must have faith that there are still some wonderful Filipinas.

I have no respect for wife abusers, slave traders, Gold Diggers or Green Card Sharks either, from any country. Good MOB men are constantly being grouped with wife abusers, slave traders and sexual perverts by the media, US and Philippine governments. My fiancee was told recently by an Aunt that I should be checked for sexual transmitted deseases. She said "Those Americans like to whore around and can't be trusted." She probably lumped me in with what she learned about some of the American military that were stationed in the Philippines. That hurt, because she seemed to like and trust me. She even gave me a picture of her daughter hoping that I would find her an American husband. I asked my fiancee why she gave me her daughter's picture if she felt this way. She said it was because many Filipinos think all Americans are rich. Perhaps sacrificing one daughter is worth it, for the "prosperity" of the family. Another question I have is with the Japanese presence in the Philippines and women going to work in Japan. After WWII I am very surprised that they are welcome at all. I guess love is not the only thing that conquers all.

This was not meant as a flame. Just my opinions and questions.

Dave H.

... in response to Throw away the fish!, posted by Dave H on Mar 16, 2001

I work for a government contractor, if you'd look at my IP you'd see it.  And as a Recruiter, I deal with people alot.

Sacrificing love or personal relationship on behalf of the family is not uncommon in the PI.  What you guys are not understanding is our family is very important to us.  Some Asian cultures are known for ancestor worship and that just shows how we value our family.  It is not uncommon for older siblings supporting the education of their younger bros and sis.  Even aunts and uncles will extend this kind of help to their nieces and nephews.

An aunt of my good friend went to Australia to marry a guy she didn't love.  This is so she could help her family back home to live a bit of a better life.  She helped send her siblings to college.  In time she fell in love with her husband and they have two kids.  Last I heard is they are still together after 25 years.  Is she a gold-digger? If she is, then she is my kind of gold digger.  Did she used her husband? Probably and if I were in the same situation I'd probably do what she did.

I understand your hurt.  When the news about Timothy Blackwell broke out here, many of my relatives thought that I would be in the same situation.  When the news about a husband killing his foreign wife for insurance broke out, many thought that I'd be in the same situation.  It got so bad that whenever they call the house and asked about me, I would always answer; I'm still alive.  And my hubby would answer the same if he happened to answer the phone.  It became a private joke between us.

So we are all in this together, boiling in the cauldron of inter-racial relationship.

... in response to Lump, posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

I posted on this sacrifice recently. My fiancee's father helped to raise his younger brothers and sisters (16). He quit school before high school to support his family. He put 10 of his brothers and sisters through college. He put his own 6 kids through college. He never saw his life long dream to go to college himself. His brothers and sisters would always came to him when they needed anything. He would give away the food or only shoes of his own children, because he loved his family so much. His wife would become angry and complain. He said that he could always get a new wife, but not another family. Then he became paralyzed and his brothers and sisters or their children, wouldn't even come to help turn him over in bed. Most live in the same Barangay. His wife was seriously ill and in bed. My fiancee, her brother and other sisters were working in Manila at the time. My future sister-in-law (4'9" and 80 lbs) had to lift a 160 man all by herself. Now that she is married to a Kano, they all come back with their hands out. Because of their parent's illnesses, my fiancee, her brother and sister quit their jobs and moved back to Butuan. The older sister went to Saudi Arabia to make up for the lost wages. When they arrived at their house, their father was already lying in the coffin in their living room. All of the Aunties were crying and the Uncles were so sad. Now they tell me to be generous at Christmas and talk crap behind my back, about me or my fiancee's immediate family. It's OK, my fiancee, her mother, and siblings, are bigger people. They still help when they are sick, hungry or truly in need. But they are not foolish. Sometimes people need to open their eyes before it is too late. Trust me, it is better to marry for love. Let's hope that the "crab" will die one day and the love will go below the surface. I am not saying that it is any better in America. But it is not part of our culture to pretend it is.

Dave H.

... in response to Lump, posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

Carrisse,

Register and write a profile about yourself, if you want us to know where you work or other information about you. I don't guess by reading IPs. I am sure that you company must offer a lible/slander course. I used to be an  instructor. I would ask to take it if you are worried about getting sued.

I think that you don't give most of us credit. Many of use are very familiar with the Philippine culture and are still trying to learn more. Why do you defend all Filipinas? I don't defend all white American males. There are good and bad in every culture. Some of us would like to learn more about the Filipinas that might treat us bad and hurt us. The thing that you don't understand about many of us is, that we LOVE our families very much also. I have been raising my two sons for 6 years alone. They are now 10 and 15. I retired early so that I could do a better job of raising them. My income is now half of what it was. I wouldn't want a woman to come into our lives and ruin it. I wanted to spend more time looking for the right woman, than I do buying a new car. It is much easier to trade in a car if you are dissatisfied. Can you blame us for being cautious? I hope that Filipinas would do the same.

I have been in many interracial and intercultural relationships. If you love each other it is not such a big deal. Eventually you hardly notice.

Dave H.

... in response to Don't Lump Us!, posted by Dave H on Mar 16, 2001

But I couldn't post so I gave up.

... in response to Lump, posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

That situation you pointed out, the woman who marries a man
outside of her country , who she did NOT love, in order to
sacrifice, for her families financial future, ....While
a noble sacrifice, for her family, from your point of view,
how do you think a man, in his position would feel, assuming
she left him after a few years......THAT is the reason,
that the men on this board are cautious and share our stories.  
   You say she is not a gold digger for doing that, well
perhaps not in the traditional sense, but any woman who
marries a man she does not love, as you described, it is
a business arrangement, purely financial reasons, and for
her, yes maybe its a good deal, and for her family, but
from the mans point of view who she marries, I know if I
were the man, it would sicken me, if I knew she did that.

... in response to thats EXACTLY what we are afraid of, posted by outwest on Mar 16, 2001

You say she is not a gold digger for doing that, well
perhaps not in the traditional sense, but any woman who
marries a man she does not love, as you described, it is
a business arrangement, purely financial reasons,

I would have to agree.  The circumstances you describe, while understandable, make her seem like a prostitute as well as a deceitful woman.

Jim

... in response to thats EXACTLY what we are afraid of, posted by outwest on Mar 16, 2001

This kind of "noble" proposition is no better than the japioki who voluntarily becomes a japioki to "help her family".  If anything it is worse, because she is decieving someone with good and noble intentions.

Pause for a moment.  If such a girl comes from a good family and needs to help them because they're poor, one might think that such a girl would hold her husband to the same standard that her mother held her father to.  I'm assuming that both parents remained married and mutually love and respect each other.

My paternal grandparents were poor, but they remained married for life, loved each other very much, and bonded with each other.  My grandmother certainly did not marry my grandfather to improve her lot economically.  Although they lived meagerly, they made their lives to revolve around each other and family, and were able to carve a niche in this world together.  The love shared between them is something all the money in the world couldn't buy.

- Kevin

... in response to thats EXACTLY what we are afraid of, posted by outwest on Mar 16, 2001

that you need to be careful and make sure that you cover all your bases.

Also Love is a risk.  You are taking a risk everytime you get into that car of yours.  Don't expect an angel.  The world and its inhabitants are not perfect.

... in response to How many times do I have to say, posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

Carrisse is confirming a post I made ealier in this forum.  
Gentlemen please do not bully the woman because she is telling you the truth.  This board is about sharing important information.  Information that can spare you the harm and hurt that others have suffered.

I think the best choice of words are that some Philippine women are "sacrifing" to be with you.  You don't know how close that word "sacrificing" defines a belief that exist in so many Philippino's hearts.  I have found that so many women do not plan for the future,  they lack hope.  There are good reasons why Philippino's think and believe the way they do.  It is called survival.  The women have little value.  Walmart and the like makes near slaves out of the people.  People die of diarea.  Think about it,  what would you do to save your loveones life in a hopeless situation?  Love is a tool and often used with a hidden objective.

Many of you men are leading youself down a road which may lead to harm.  I personaly jumped over 20 good women to get to the devil I married.  I know first hand that there are good women in the Philippine, because I left them there.  You will more than likly not find the good one's they normaly don't advertise and are not as agressive.

I do not hate or dislike an entire race as someone noted in a post.  I have made many bad decisions.

How do you know if your Philippino wife loves you?  she is there on day 735 along with your bank account. joke!

... in response to How many times do I have to say, posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

at the inception of the idea of marrying a Kano?  I would think that you wanted to avoid getting entangled in a perilous situation.  I would hope that in contemplating marriage, that love is what leads to marriage.

- Kevin

... in response to How many times do I have to say, posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

How can you cover all your bases , if the woman says she loves you, and she is just using, you...give her a lie
detector test?

... in response to As I sit here eating a bowl of oatmeal....., posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

My wife makes a concotion of ground dried anchovies, ground up wakame seaweed, soy powder, and green powder tea with a little hot water to make it pasty first thing every morning. What a way to start the day! Actually, I'm getting pretty used to the taste. Some of us gringos actually like dried fish and squid!
-- Jeff S.

... in response to Not with oatmeal, but.., posted by Jeff S on Mar 16, 2001


I'd hate to be around you if you were to release an SBD.  (LOL)

On the other hand, I like sqid.  I like fried squid rings.  When I was first married, my ex-wife cooked a Pinoy squid delicacy with tomato sauce.  It was sarap.

- Kevin

... in response to Not with oatmeal, but.., posted by Jeff S on Mar 16, 2001

Jeff,

The things we do for love! ROFL I thought that my All Bran cereal tasted like cardboard and pretty bad. ;o)) Suddenly, my fiancee eating rice for breakfast doesn't sound so bad anymore either.

Dave H.

... in response to As I sit here eating a bowl of oatmeal....., posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

My wife is from China, but she has expressed some of the same feelings that you have about adjusting to life here. I don't think it is easy to adjust to American culture, regardless of the home country of the new immigrant. Heck, I even read complaints from people immigrating here from England.

Regards, Tim

... in response to Re: As I sit here eating a bowl of oatme..., posted by Tim on Mar 16, 2001

when they move to California!

... in response to You ought to hear the mid-westerners whi..., posted by Jeff S on Mar 16, 2001

but in South Florida, the the New Yawk and French Canadian snowbirds are whining so loud, no one can hear me. I will have to wait until spring. :o))

Dave H.

... in response to You ought to hear the mid-westerners whi..., posted by Jeff S on Mar 16, 2001

Remember the "Oakies" in the "Grapes of Wrath" from the Depression Era.

Oops, sorry TNeal and Carl.  I hope that comment was OK.

Ah, another pun.  Life is funny.

- Kevin

... in response to As I sit here eating a bowl of oatmeal....., posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

I am not Pinay but latina and I read your post. It really moved me.You are not alone. I wonder as I read your post how many times I have felt the same way. Getting used to living in a country so different to the place I was born is not easy. I know it was my decision, but sometimes you want for the rest to make it easier for you. Less stereotyping and a little of respect would be helpful. God bless.

... in response to Re: As I sit here eating a bowl of oatme..., posted by Georgina on Mar 16, 2001

Hi Georgina,

Where I live (South Florida), I have had to adapt to the Latin culture. The change was more gradual than yours, or for other people that move to the US. It was my choice, many Americans moved away. But, I love my Latin family and friends. One of my friends is very homesick for Argentina. She has been away for 3 years. She lives here with her Argentinean husband and children, but it is still not easy. She even has many Argentinean and Latin friends. I am the only gringo friend.

Good luck, you are not alone. It will take time.

Dave H.

... in response to Re: As I sit here eating a bowl of oatme..., posted by Georgina on Mar 16, 2001

I wish the men would stop generalizing women period. What has been said about the pinays and the american women sometimes makes me see RED.

... in response to As I sit here eating pineapple and cotta..., posted by Lori on Mar 16, 2001

I am sitting here eating pineapple and cottage cheese too. LOL Maybe I will put myself in your shoes for a moment :o))"Hmmm...I bet Dave H. looks terrific in his purple G-string, eating pineapple and cottage cheese...grrrr" Lori please! Sometimes I feel like I'm just a sex object on this board.

Dave H.

... in response to Now Lori..., posted by Dave H on Mar 16, 2001

ok...ok...sometimes I see purple!!
You better stop it Dave, or your wifes gonna think I have the hots for you....btw--it was only ONE dream and I'm still trying to figure out if it was a nightmere.....lol...you are just too d a m n funny dude!!!
I have been sitting here laughing for about ten minutes before I could reply.
Lori "purple dreams" Mck.

... in response to Re: Now David..., posted by Lori on Mar 16, 2001

I dream of the s/he formally known as Prince. Yuck!!! And then he turns around and shakes that skinny little ass like he did on TV. Talk about a nightmare!

See Lori...it could be worse. Now that I mentioned this, I hope it doesn't happen to you.

I'm counting the days until your trip for you. :o)

Dave H.

... in response to Every time I dream of purple..., posted by Dave H on Mar 17, 2001

Thanks Dave...I am getting a little excited about my trip. Everything is in order now. Tickets, Visa,blah..blah..
I have saved up my goal of $2000 for spending money. And believe me, it was not easy. I had to cut my cable to basic. Get rid of my "extra's" on my phone line. I don't even use "VIVA" paper towels anymore. So, I have made some sacrifices for this trip. I haven'nt even went to get my hair done since october. I know these are simple sacrifices. And when you find someone so important to you in your life, these simple things mean nothing to you anymore. I think my older daughter hates me coz, we do not go shopping like we used to. We now go to the "dollar" theater on sundays and go to the museum on the free day.
It's so funny how my life has changed since I met Thai. The things I used to think were important are not important to me anymore.
The main thing is, I have not dated once since Thai came into my life. Not even before he asked me to marry him. I get mad when my "Ate" Adel tries to fix me up with someone.
This year I have spent alone, solely concentrating on this INS thing, and on Thai. Studying his culture, and bonding with his family here in America.
I hate to admitt it, but I think this is the first time in my life I have made any sacrifice for a relationship other than with my girls. It feel darn good, let me tell you!!! Of course I'll never let Thai know what I did to be able to be with him. Not about the second job, and certainly not about my "Viva " paper towels.
It is amazing to me how we have bonded through our letters. How I can feel so close to someone who I have never seen. For your info, I have a hard time trusting people. I have been burned alot, by men, and by former friends. I have come to think it is because maybe I am just too giving. I like to see people happy, and it kills me to see anyone suffer.
But anyway I am ranting now....Yes, my time is coming!!!!!!

I deserve it, and have earned it. I think for the first time in my life, I have a sense of peace. Wish me luck!!
Lori

... in response to Re: As I sit here eating a bowl of oatme..., posted by Georgina on Mar 16, 2001

Thanks Georgina...I wish you well.

... in response to As I sit here eating a bowl of oatmeal....., posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

Hey we do have something in common I love oatmeal!!  If your husband lets you cook tuyo inside the house he must truely love you! lol
Carrisse do you beleive that there  are no filipina's coming here just to get a green card? come on girl ! Why is it there are more fraudulent cases coming from the Philippines than any other contry.   I for one never said all filipina's are gold diggers! The reson I keep bring this up is because I dont want these new guys many who have never even been to the philippines to get suckered in by a card shark.
If you have been here 7 years why are you walking on eggshells? I find this very strange!  Are you that unhappy here?  Why stay?
You don't like Affirmative Action? Women and minorities have fought for  50 years to pass that one.  How do you think the Kano who was borned and raised here feels when he gets passed up for a good job for some mexican woman?

I don't like all the negitive things on tv about the PI, the only good stuff about the PI is on the travel channel never on the news.
Some of you filipinas don't realize how hard it is to bring a filipina here when all there friends warn them of gold diggers and tell you of the stories of GI Joe getting married whlie at Clark air force bace and how this seemingly sweet filipina girl destroys his life with her gold digging ways only to dump him after getting her green card.
How many shelters for abused filipinas are there in the Philippines? Seems filipino men are very hard on their wive's to me. Take another look at a filipino movie slap slap bang bang. Why can't filipinas find a good man in the philipines? Seems there are plenty of men there? Whats up with that?                                              Take what's good and leave the things that are bad? hmmmm? I don't know about that one!
Your right trust your instinct its not easy but it can and does work!  I have so many happy married friends who are married to filipina! Including my brother married now for over seven years I love my little nice! she is so cute!
Where I live here in oregon it seems there are very very few gold diggers its almost unheard of. That is till my exwife hit town! lol   I like you Carrisse! I don't hold a grudge !  Lets be friends too :-)   Humabdos

... in response to Re: As I sit here eating a bowl of oatme..., posted by humabdos on Mar 16, 2001

Humabdos, when are you going to learn to slow down.  And go easy on the exclamation point.  I'm getting a big headache just by reading your post.

Did I say I'm not happy here?  Being married to a wonderful man makes it more than worthwhile.  I just wish that Americans are not so politically-correct, then we can all have fun and laugh at ourselves.

I'm not saying that I don't like Affirmative Action, I'm just trying to make you guys see that it is not what its cracked up to be.  My hubby and in-laws were on the receiving end of this action--as I have so it is a two-edged sword.

You are right, I have no right complaining about my government's inaction.  I do have a right to whine though.

You actually think that we cannot find a good man back home that's why we married foreigners?  My Dad was a good man, so was my grandpa.  My brothers are all happily married to fellow Pinays.  What you are not understanding is that most of us marry for love.  Sure, there are gold diggers and green card sharks among us just as there are bad drivers among the good ones on the road.  You just have to be careful.

... in response to Maaaaaannnn...., posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

Sorry about my!!!! But I 'm just a poor dumb Pandi! oops I did it again!   PS are you a good driver?

... in response to Maaaaaannnn...., posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

Will I be blasted if I post about bad drivers too? LOL! Smile!  ;-)

... in response to As I sit here eating a bowl of oatmeal....., posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

I love it.......*s*.....it makes me more proud to be in the league of Filipinas like you.

No words would have phrased it as beautifully as you did.  Tho' I may not be an authority in the subject of inter-racial marriage or even marriage for that matter,  I have known other filipinas who have gone through what you have experienced.

Thank YOU!!!   =)

... in response to Re: As I sit here eating a bowl of oatme..., posted by MAY on Mar 16, 2001

Missed out one very important fact.....and that is how we, as a culture embrace each other as family.

And just like a family,  you're starting your day while i have just ended mine and am off to bed (back here in the Philippines)......night and day.....ying and yang.....YET  the ties that bind us together as fellow filipinas have once again been proven....and maybe, just maybe, others also will realize that no matter what nationalites we all come from, at the end of the day,  what matters most is that we all agree and make this world a better place.

Til tomorrow.....*s*....hey, this is getting to be a habit....*s*

... in response to Re: Re: As I sit here eating a bowl of o..., posted by MAY on Mar 16, 2001

Hi MAY,

I am a bit confused about your statement; "as a culture we embrace each other as family." Don't take me wrong, I love the Filipino people and felt very welcome there. But it seems that outside of the immediate family, that love and togetherness as a people, is only on the surface. The biggest complaint that I hear from Filipinas is about the "crab mentality" and how Filipinos don't stick together to help each other and their country. What is your opinion?

Dave H.

... in response to Question..., posted by Dave H on Mar 16, 2001

Hi Dave,

Indeed some Filipinos are guilty of crab mentality, where one person tries to put down or destroy another's reputation simply because the other person is successful or better off than he is.  This has led to disunity among Pinoys residing in other countries.  This has replaced the "bayanihan spirit" practised by our elders, where help is given outright to one's neighbors without expecting anything in return.  In this competitive world such as ours, its a rat race and everyone wants to succeed at all costs.       rgg

... in response to Re: Question..., posted by rgg on Mar 17, 2001

Hi rgg,

This unhappiness with the attitudes of other Filipinas has been expressed to me by overseas workers and Filipinas now living in the US. It seems, once outside the Philippines, it is survival of the fittest. Let us hope that the "bayanihan spirit" will grow stronger in the Philippines and spread to other countries.

I noticed that the Filipinos are much closer as a community in the Philippines. They appear very happy and friendly. Not to say that there are not problems or competition. My observations were only for several weeks, during my one visit to your country. In the US, I have some Filipinos in my church that don't associate or say hello to each other. At first my assumption was that they were perhaps from other Asian countries.

Thank you for your answer.

Dave H.

... in response to Thank You rgg!, posted by Dave H on Mar 17, 2001

I think Jay had a neat word to describe that mentality, but I just can't remember it, do you?

Ray

... in response to Hey Dave..., posted by Ray on Mar 17, 2001

Hi Ray,

Having trouble posting anything past one paragraph. Keep getting page error's, but I may have fixed it. Don't trust it yet though. The word was "Stateside Commando". Congrad's to you and migs!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

I'll try these short post's for now. Lost a larger one this A.M. to Stephen and yesterday A.M. about an easy suggestion to find out if a woman is a "gold-digger" up front. So MANY seem to be concerned about that! :

Take care,
Jay

... in response to Re: Hey Dave..., posted by Jay on Mar 17, 2001

It’s good to see you back on the board Jay!

A suggestion for that problem you’re having with the posts: Type the message in Word or WordPad or whatever you use. Then copy and paste the text into the block where you post your replies on PL. If it blows up before it is posted, at least you didn’t lose your text. Patrick has a bug in the new system that causes my browser to blow up also, especially on longer messages.

Ray

... in response to Re: Re: Hey Jay..., posted by Ray on Mar 17, 2001

Thank's Ray,

I'll do that. I thought about it before, but didn't do it. Don't know why.

Jay

... in response to Hey Dave..., posted by Ray on Mar 17, 2001

Hi Ray,

I think you're right. I can't remember either. Jay had a lot of neat things to say. Looks like he might be my new neighbor soon. :o)

Dave H.

... in response to Help Jay!, posted by Dave H on Mar 17, 2001

Hi Dave,

Just had another page fault on the first attempt at this post. Guess I didn't fix it! D@mn AOL!!

Neat thing's to say? Why, thank you! I kind of alway's though most of my stuff sounded like mindless drivel! ROTFLMAO. Must be my inferiority complex. : Matt told me the other day, I was an egomaniac w/ an inferiority complex!
LOL!

See you in July!!

Take Care,
Jay

... in response to Re: Question..., posted by rgg on Mar 17, 2001

And that includes marriage for the wrong reasons.  Marriage as a weapon.  It is easier to get a marriage certificate, rent your body, and later obtain a divorce certificate.  The fruits of all this:  Another man's wealth as well as destroying his soul in the process.  Let's face it.  For many it's probably a hell of alot easier than going to the PNB and sticking a gun to the head of the fist bank teller and demanding cash.  The drawback is, of course, this strategy takes years.  The probable benefit:  You can get a way with it.

Abstract of my involvement with my ex-wife:

Phase 1 - The Courtship process.  I had lots of pen-pals.  Attractive women.  I though that the majority were looking for the same thing I was looking for.  That is LOVE.  In the letters, phrases like "God Bless You", or "Pray to our Savior Jesus Christ and trust in Him" were pretty common among these girls.  In contrast to the relatively secular United States, and a dating scene that runs quite contrary to moral/Christian principles, I though this woas all the more reason why a woman with a background from the Philippines would make a better life-partner (value marriage as something Divine) than what was leftover of the American girls.  Of course, I'm really more attracted to Filipina women too.  But attraction is only part of the equation to make a good relationship.  And when I say attraction, I mean mutual attraction between each other.  Not the "1 to 10" scale that one will rate herself and tell the world how lucky her husband is to have her because of her looks.  To me, a woman can be on the heavy side but have other features that really attract me.  She might not make it to the Pinay bikini calendar, but I'd rather have a woman that wan't influenced by the "rest of the world".  That's how harmony can really be established.  Frankly, I don't think I'd want a woman with a history of flaunting her attractiveness.

Phase 2 - After Marriage.  At first my ex-wife used to tell me how lucky she was to have me.  That I wasn't a life-insurance-scam-artist-murderer looking for a quick buck as stories are so often told in the Philippines.  Of the friends she made, the "back-stabbing" began.  My ex was educated and proud of it.  She made sure other Pinays know about it to by making subtle insults, and then gossiping behind their backs.  She prided herself on dressing better, speaking better English, etc.  From her point of view, I think it ripped her soul out when she realized that the husbands of certain Pinays made alot more money than I did.  I mean the husbands had professions in higher income brackets.  When my ex realized that, she really turned sour on me.  I think it drove her crazy (and she was jealous) that of the Pinays she ridiculed or looked down upon, there husbands incidentally provided them more in terms of material luxuries than I did.  During our relatively short marriage, we only had one automobile.  But after being married two years, she met a Pinay who's husband has a very lucrative landscaping business.  My ex-to-be became very resentful to me that this Pinay's husband got her a SUV (Sports Utility Vehicle).  The bottom line is after marriage, everything revolved around MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.  Not newfound happiness with Kano mahals.  The whole purpose was about getting material things.  And this can be corroborated by her circle of friends leaving their husbands at home, and congregating at Mustang Sally's (a favorite disco and hang-out spot).  They'd flirt with the guys there, and one guy had the whole Pinay gang over his house after the evening for a 2:00 AM breakfast.  A single man with his harem of married women.

- Kevin

... in response to Re: Re: Question..., posted by kevin on Mar 17, 2001


Kevin ...... I can only say that you have to put your past behind though there is a lesson to be learned from all this.  Healing of one's bruised self-esteem takes a long process, knowing too well that you've been used/abused.  However, forgiveness is a virtue and an important ingredient to healing and ultimately in obtaining peace within you and erasing bitterness in your heart. I am sure you'll find your happiness soon....another Pinay, truly deserving of you ...  :o)  

P.S.  next time go with your wife at Mustang Sally's, she shouldn't be going out till 2AM alone....     rgg

... in response to Re: Re: Question..., posted by kevin on Mar 17, 2001

You are very lucky that your exwife did not try and kill you for life insurance money.

The little details that you point out sound so very famililar to my situation.  The material posessions were very important to Myrna.  She would dress to the hilt, almost to catch the eye of someone with a dime more than me.  My exwife had her boyfreind buy her a sports car TransAm.  

There are so many people who have no knowledge of this forum and  have experinced similar.

I beleive that we as American men are thinking more of the Japanees type of discliplin and culture.

... in response to Sounds Familiar - Must Be Same Family Re..., posted by Timee on Mar 17, 2001

There was a case where an FSU mail-order-bride colluded with her boyfriend and murdered her husband.

The start of all this, the woman had to send money back to the Ukraine to help a "cousin".  She took out the man's life savings and sent it to her "cousin".  It turns out her "cousin" was her boyfriend in her home country.  They built a beautiful house with the man's money.  When the husband went to the Ukraine to visit the wife, and try to grapple with what was going on, he was murdered by the boyfriend while the wife stood and watched.  If I remember correctly, I think the murder was staged as an accident so the wife and boyfriend could collect the husban's life insurance.  I'm not positive about the life insurance bit.

I know there's alot of talk in the Philippines about foreign men that marry Filipinas for life-insurance-fraud purposes.  But, I've yet to know of such an incident.  I think, quite frankly, that's just an alibi that a gold-digger uses to exhibit a facade of innocence and conceal subversive intentions.

When I was visiting an ex-girlfriend in California, a divorcing Filipina mail-order-bride came over for a visit.  I couldn't gather too much of the conversation because it was spoken in mixed Tagalog and English.  But I heard this woman talking about her divorce-in-process, her husband, her boyfriend, a tape-recorder under the bed to record secret phone conversations, and about hiring somebody to murder her husband to collect life insurance money.  I recognized some key words.  It was a creepy feeling.  On the surface, I guess because of the Filipina look, and her voice, she appeared sweet and innocent.

Well, that relationship fell apart (with my Filipina ex-girlfriend in California) when I questioned something.  The ugly truth was that her true colors were evidently bad.  Better to find out sooner rather than later.  The entire circle of friends that came in and out to visit gave me the creeps.  The talk in the air was MONEY, AND TO ACQUIRE THINGS.  One of the friends tried to mess with my head about my relationship with my girlfriend.  This women was screwing around on her husband behind his back big-time.  About the divorcing woman talking about murder, when she came over, it was my last night at that place.  It was the vacation that wasn't.  And I was sure glad to get the heck home, as heart-broken as I was.

Personally, I don't have life insurance.  No need for it right now.  It's a waste of money.  If I die, I have enough in my retirement account to cover my funeral and my burial.  Shall I marry again someday, I'll have to fit term life insurance into my budget.

When I was married, I planned on getting life insurance as part of our budget.  But that was never realized.  There were too many other demands, and desires, in concert with the bills that already had to be paid, and our incomes.  I figured once my wife (my exwife) got stabilized, then we could make life insurance a part of the household budget, just like everything else, including sending some money to help her family.

In hindsight, I think my lack of life insurance could have saved my life.  If I had a lucrative enough policy, the temptation might have been overwhelming to slip poison in my beverage.

- Kevin

... in response to Re: Question..., posted by rgg on Mar 17, 2001

Sure sounds like America and other western countries to me! Of course we been at it much longer than the Phils. HHmmm, I wonder where they learned it from?

... in response to Re: Re: Question..., posted by FL on Mar 17, 2001

(with my head bowed..saying to you very politely)  Thank you, kind sir.   *s*

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Question..., posted by MAY on Mar 17, 2001

A Thank-you is not needed, but humbly accepted :-). My experience in the Phils. is limited to three weeks, my experience with filipinas is limited to writing to many, many and learning to love and become engaged to one(waiting for interview date)But in my breif/limited experience I've learned "We" have so much more to learn from "You" than "We" have to teach. My fiance has taught me more about myself and the true value/nature of the human spirit in the last year than I learned in this lifetime on my own. I believe she shares the true values of the great majority of the filipina heart and soul (heart of gold!) May, Welcome and please keep posting!!!

... in response to Question..., posted by Dave H on Mar 16, 2001

Good morning......I will answer that.....LATER...for now, I am late for work and rushing out of my apartment.

*S*...as I said, this is getting to be a habit indeed.  Never bothered opening this box prior to leaving in the morning before.  =)

Goodnight  (as I am sure most of you are in the other part of the world).

... in response to Question..., posted by Dave H on Mar 16, 2001

...for People Power I and II, where many Filipinos worked together until the end.

My previous post was not meant as a flame, but a genuine question for anyone with an opinion.

Dave H.

... in response to Re: Re: As I sit here eating a bowl of o..., posted by MAY on Mar 16, 2001

I went back home two years ago and is raring to go back again.

How's the traffic?  I read about the People Power II, man how I wished I was there.

Have you been watching Bubble Gang?  I love that show to pieces! It is just so funny.

... in response to How's it going there?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 16, 2001

Traffic is much better in EDSA  (well...*lol*... for me, it is), but then can't say much about other areas since this is the only route i take everyday.

EDSA II was great.  And fellow filipinos/nas outside of the Metro and the country, am sure were with us in spirit.

Believe it or not,  have not seen Bubble Gang in it's entirety except for ads.  Pauwi pa lang ako sa oras na yon.   ;)

... in response to Re: How's it going there?, posted by MAY on Mar 16, 2001


What kind of comedy?  The name siunds kind of funny.

- Kevin

... in response to Who and what is the Bubble Gang?, posted by kevin on Mar 16, 2001

Its a comedy show on TV ...but, as I said have never seen it in its entirety.

Sorry, can't say much more.