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Thanks everyone, please don't have to read the last long communication we had.  I just reminded her of Western Union return the money and I haven't heard from her since.  Thats 3 days now quite unsual since we contacted almost every other day before.  We talked for 2hr 15min an all time record for her.  I am truely heartbroken but will get over it.  I certainly agree with not sending money but at what time would you?  Fiance Visa or marriage in the PI was planned she was my fiance there was a trust relationshp established.  Did I have a sign on my back that said kick me?  This was so convicing that I feel that I could not trust myself again in another filipina relationship.  Oh well, any body got some ideas?  For those  who wanted to read the whole thing here it is.  You told me so!!!
I can't believe it is the end even now.  I needed to get slapped out of it.

maricelbandiana: hi
peterpan: Hello Maricel
maricelbandiana: are you there
peterpan: yes all of me
maricelbandiana: hi
peterpan: hello i am on web cam too
maricelbandiana: did u read my e-mail my dear
peterpan: yes i did
maricelbandiana: then what can you say my dear
peterpan: i want to forgive you
maricelbandiana: but whats the problem
maricelbandiana: my dear
peterpan: there is no problem just
peterpan: that i need to know you more
maricelbandiana: yes bec,i lost already ur trust
peterpan: Not all of it
maricelbandiana: and im so sorry for that
maricelbandiana: plssssss
peterpan: yes I understand
maricelbandiana: what do you mean pls
peterpan: I was trying to put myself in your shoes
peterpan: to try to understand your thinking
maricelbandiana: no my dear
peterpan: what then?
maricelbandiana: im not
maricelbandiana: pls try to understand pls
peterpan: yes i will try to understand
peterpan: I know you have only known me for a short time
peterpan: and
peterpan: loyalty is still to your family
maricelbandiana: then after that i want to help you so when your here and you dont have job i can help you ok
peterpan: ok
maricelbandiana: coz i have save money
peterpan: I want to ask you a question Maricel
maricelbandiana: but my fault is to hide you that
maricelbandiana: ok
maricelbandiana: whats that
peterpan: what were you going to do with the money ? what kind of small business?
maricelbandiana: a small store if you want
peterpan: in Cebu or Mindanao?
maricelbandiana: in cebu
peterpan: May I ask how much the store would cost
maricelbandiana: the rent for the store i think is 2.500
maricelbandiana: or something
peterpan: what would you sell?
maricelbandiana: food any kind
maricelbandiana: drinks something like that
peterpan: do you have experiece on how to make a profit like that Maricel?
maricelbandiana: it dosent need alot of capital
maricelbandiana: yes bec,b-4 when my ate not married she selling like that
peterpan: What confuses me is if we got married it would take about 9 to 12 months before you come here. What would become of the store when you leave?
maricelbandiana: even its small profit atleast you have a profit everyday not like setting everyday
maricelbandiana: ok. b=4 we live we sell it
peterpan: OK to whom?
maricelbandiana: every body likle it
peterpan: who has the capitol to buy it later?
maricelbandiana: peter thers so many people wants it sell so i thought somebody well interested
maricelbandiana: to buy it later
peterpan: yes
peterpan: Maricel?
maricelbandiana: what
peterpan: do you trust me?
maricelbandiana: yeessssss
peterpan: I will look into it if I come in June
maricelbandiana: pls peace
maricelbandiana: na tayo pls]
peterpan: how can we build back your trust now?
maricelbandiana: ok lets have a deal
peterpan: what Maricel?
maricelbandiana: dont send me any money from and all i have in my mind i well share it to you
maricelbandiana: b-4 doing any decission ok
peterpan: but you are already rich hehehehe
maricelbandiana: dont ever send me money ok
maricelbandiana: what you want i well you the bank book
maricelbandiana: where i keep the money b-4
maricelbandiana: do i know whats in your mind now is im afterring your money
maricelbandiana: no
peterpan: how much do you have now
maricelbandiana: 15,000
maricelbandiana: if you want i well the bank book
peterpan: yes you told me and i believe you
peterpan: I don't understand about sending me the bankbook?
maricelbandiana: you know peter i born w/ apoor family but i born w/ dignity and i always keep it
peterpan: yes that is why i am still with you
maricelbandiana: so that you well know that i cannot touch your money
peterpan: I thought you were going to buy something for your mom
maricelbandiana: so dont think that im using you no
maricelbandiana: you really touch my pride yes
maricelbandiana: no i wont give them anything
peterpan: how did I touch your pride
maricelbandiana: i born poor so i well dei stell poor
maricelbandiana: i dont want use someone else
peterpan: yes
maricelbandiana: to reach my ambition if i have
maricelbandiana: any im a hard working i can earned money w/ own way
maricelbandiana: i can work
peterpan: yes you told me that
peterpan: but if you work here
maricelbandiana: so dont think that im using you
peterpan: minimum wages are $7 per hour in Daytona!
maricelbandiana: coz i know thats the thing you you thinking last wensday
maricelbandiana: that i have no utang na loob
maricelbandiana: no loyalty
peterpan: I thought your loyalty was with your Mom and dad
maricelbandiana: and also no pakikisama
maricelbandiana: b-4 but sence i commited w/you ofcourse i well love you more than my family
peterpan: I understand your loyalty is still with your family
maricelbandiana: how did you say that
peterpan: Maricel i don't expect you to be loyal to me right away, your family is first
peterpan: in time your loyalty will be for us i believe that.
peterpan: 'when i was 13 we came to America
maricelbandiana: ok if thats your way of thinking i surrendered but god knows ok
peterpan: from Austalia
peterpan: we were very very poor
peterpan: i worked so hard
peterpan: i never had time to play like the other kids
peterpan: I had my own business
maricelbandiana:
peterpan: sometime i made more money that my dad
peterpan: I was like you
peterpan: didn't buy anything for myself
peterpan: only to help my mom and dad
maricelbandiana:
peterpan: I know you wanted to get the cruise ship job to help your family
maricelbandiana:
maricelbandiana: no i want you ok
peterpan: and now if we are married you will not be able to go on the cruise ship
maricelbandiana: b-4 yes but you came and it well change
peterpan: maricel?
maricelbandiana: you believe or not i love more than my job or anything
peterpan: Yes
peterpan: Maricel?
maricelbandiana: peter i love you
peterpan: may i say something
maricelbandiana: really
maricelbandiana: what
maricelbandiana: what
peterpan: we are chatting important things to each other
peterpan: i like this very much
peterpan: I want to know what you are thinking
maricelbandiana: you i want also that everything in your mind you well also tell me ok
peterpan: I have never kept any secrets from you and i hope i never will Maricel
maricelbandiana: from now we should build a strong bonding of relationship
peterpan: Please
peterpan: I would like dat
maricelbandiana: yesss
maricelbandiana: i promise i well
peterpan: you have no idea how sad you had made me last week
maricelbandiana: sometimes in one relationship they lost ther love ones bec,they are weak bec,of pride
peterpan: yes
peterpan: but this is like a bump in the road to a long journey
peterpan: I want to ask you so many things
maricelbandiana: and someday they may look back and thy say thats all i want in life
peterpan: yes
maricelbandiana: my only love
peterpan: yes
maricelbandiana: but what thy do it already lost
peterpan: Maricel? How do you picture our married life in the USA?
maricelbandiana: sometimes inlife you have to choice untell it comes that you have no choices but to give up
maricelbandiana: coz you really make me feel so empty and like a criminal last week
peterpan: yes i understand it has happened to me
maricelbandiana: to you whats happened in even you dont asked
maricelbandiana: i always cry
peterpan: so how do you feel now Maricel?
maricelbandiana: and i said to my self and i also asked god why he given you to me and he gonna get you away from me
maricelbandiana: and i found out the answered today when i go to the church
peterpan: what was that Maricel?
maricelbandiana: that if you find love treasure it,be true to it and keep it and fight 4 it if you dont want to lost it
peterpan: yes
maricelbandiana: but sometimes no matter how you tryied is stell not enough
peterpan: sometimes
maricelbandiana: yess
peterpan: so this will open us up to better comunication and talking
peterpan: what are your plans now that you are in Cebu?
maricelbandiana: no im not in cebu now
peterpan: oh sorry
maricelbandiana: im w/ my family
peterpan: ok
peterpan: what are your plans?
maricelbandiana: i well be going to cebu to find job ther
peterpan: when?
maricelbandiana: after the wedding of my cousin
maricelbandiana: im the made of hunor
peterpan: yes i see that on my calander
peterpan: i was confused when you said you were going to Cebu so early
maricelbandiana: yes coz i almost cry at that time and ther so many people at that time
peterpan: have you talked to any one about us?
maricelbandiana: yes my mom coz i always cry last few days
peterpan: does she know what you did?
maricelbandiana: yes
peterpan: Please don't tell any one else, it should be between you and me
maricelbandiana: and she said in one relationship you have to share anything on whats in your mind
peterpan: yes
peterpan: I was shocked when the ATM was empty
peterpan: coz you didn't tell me what you were planning
peterpan: It looked like you were going to run away
maricelbandiana: no i wont do that
peterpan: yes
maricelbandiana: ]you think i can do that
peterpan: i didn't want to believe it
maricelbandiana: yes thats the way you look me like right
peterpan: but you didn't contact me for 4 days
peterpan: I almost went crazy
maricelbandiana: peter
peterpan: yes'
maricelbandiana: peter you really know well
peterpan: what do I know well?
maricelbandiana: i thouhg you trust me when your here but
maricelbandiana: stell you so many doudts
peterpan: I had trusted you with my life
maricelbandiana: you have letter in my book and it said that when ever i have doubts i well read it
peterpan: yes
maricelbandiana: then makes me comport
peterpan: good I still mean that Maricel
peterpan: Will you stay in your Aunt's house in Cebu?
maricelbandiana: maybe i dont know
peterpan: what will make you make up your mind about dat?
maricelbandiana: bec,if i worked its hard 4 me coz i worked also in ther house
peterpan: yes i know dat
maricelbandiana: so my job well be double
peterpan: for sure
peterpan: what is the problem of a bording house?
maricelbandiana: you think i well run away
maricelbandiana: last week
peterpan: i did not know?
peterpan: you did things i did not know
maricelbandiana: yes and im so sorry 4 dat
peterpan: i believe you
maricelbandiana: peter
peterpan: we must go on from there
maricelbandiana: thank you
peterpan: yes
maricelbandiana: for everything
maricelbandiana: ok
peterpan: I have done anything for you for total love
maricelbandiana: yeess and thank you for everything that you have done to me
maricelbandiana:
maricelbandiana:
peterpan: Did you still want to get married to me?
maricelbandiana: peter i well be the one to asked that
maricelbandiana: if you stell want to marry me
peterpan: Ok ask
peterpan: I have to
maricelbandiana: after what happenned
peterpan: I have no choice
maricelbandiana: whyy
peterpan: coz you have all my money hehehehe
maricelbandiana: really
peterpan: if i marry you now i will be rich
maricelbandiana: you know peter if dont love me and if you dont want to marry me
peterpan: I will marry you coz of your money hehehehe
maricelbandiana: i can give back anything you have given to me
maricelbandiana: ]yes
maricelbandiana: i dindt force you to marry me
peterpan: i wanted to joke a little i hope you didn't mind
maricelbandiana: you dont have to marry me if you dont want
maricelbandiana: hello
peterpan: yes
peterpan: we are still enguaged
peterpan: I still have your ring
maricelbandiana: yes i well give you back the ring
maricelbandiana: anything you give me
peterpan: did you want to finish our enguagment?
maricelbandiana: the deccision is yours
peterpan: No
peterpan: we are still enguaged
maricelbandiana: i dont want to force somebody to marry me
peterpan: oh
maricelbandiana: never
peterpan: how can you force me to marry you?
maricelbandiana: no i cant force you i said
peterpan: that is true, and I can't force you either
maricelbandiana: yesssss
peterpan: we will marry coz we love each other
peterpan: this is the first bump out of many that we will cross
maricelbandiana: yesss
maricelbandiana: so if you dont love me tell me ok
peterpan: yes i will tell you if I don't love you
peterpan: but i still love you very much
maricelbandiana: really how did you know that
peterpan: but there is much i don't know about you
maricelbandiana: i know you cannot tell me coz one time we talking on phone you tell me that
peterpan: what did i say?
maricelbandiana: sometimes you have to lei to not hurt someone
peterpan: oh
maricelbandiana: you have to lei to not hurt someone
maricelbandiana: yes you tell me
maricelbandiana: that
maricelbandiana: so if you dont love me tell me now ok
peterpan: ok
peterpan: I still love you Maricel
peterpan: but now things are different
maricelbandiana: ohh thank you peter
maricelbandiana: peter i have and advice if you have doubts you can refused coz we well be the one to suffer it ok
maricelbandiana: if you are not happy its useless
peterpan: did you want to hear what i have to say
maricelbandiana: marreid is alife time
maricelbandiana: what
peterpan: Things are different coz
peterpan: you are more mature now
peterpan: you chatt better
peterpan: you are more concerned about my feelings
maricelbandiana: yessss
peterpan: you talk more of what you are thinking
peterpan: this in the long run
peterpan: is a good experience
peterpan: we both don't know what we have lost till it is gone
peterpan: so lets not loose it
maricelbandiana: yes
peterpan: i see you more like a women now
maricelbandiana: i know untell now you are angry w/ me i understand i cannot blame you
maricelbandiana: so
peterpan: Maricel my heart is now your responsability
maricelbandiana: what well be the punishedment i well accept it w/ my two hands
peterpan: your punishement is
maricelbandiana: what
peterpan: to have me bother you for the rest of your life as your husband
maricelbandiana: ohh thats good
peterpan: I get up grumpy in the morining
maricelbandiana: why
peterpan: coz that is how I am in the morning
peterpan: i am very stubborn
maricelbandiana: yess i know
peterpan: and i will tickle you when you are busy
maricelbandiana: ohhhhh
peterpan: we may go sailing in bad weather
maricelbandiana: you i ride a small boat yesterday
maricelbandiana: on abeach
peterpan: wow
peterpan: did it have sails?
peterpan: or row boat?
maricelbandiana: row
peterpan: but you can't swim
maricelbandiana: yes he teach me
peterpan: who he
maricelbandiana: the husband of my ate
peterpan: oh
peterpan: coz if you drown
maricelbandiana: yess
peterpan: I will loose all my money ehheheheheheheehehehehehehehe
maricelbandiana: so sorry 4 lossing ur money
maricelbandiana: so you better pray that i may not dei untell you dont get ur money ok
peterpan: yes i am praying now
maricelbandiana: pray 4 it hahahhahhahaha
peterpan: every day till i c u
peterpan: wait
peterpan: you said you would send me the money western union
maricelbandiana: coz if i dei now your money well lost hahahahahahahaha
maricelbandiana: ok how much it coast
maricelbandiana: if i send you it
peterpan: about 22$
maricelbandiana: is that ok
peterpan: it is up to you
maricelbandiana: ok
maricelbandiana: i well
peterpan: your second idea was ok too
maricelbandiana: ok i know its getting late so
maricelbandiana: ok
maricelbandiana: byeeeeeeeeeee
peterpan: bye
maricelbandiana: ok
Yahoo! Messenger: maricelbandiana has logged out. (3/30/03 12:15 AM)

... in response to Cinderella and the smelly slipper, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 2, 2003

okey for her age of only 19. Personally, I would think of the 200 bucks as a gift, let her keep it. Just go slow with her, you both need to get to know each other better...Don't send anymore Money, unless you decide to bring her here. Btw, I wonder if she's chatting alone with you??

... in response to Cinderella and the smelly slipper, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 2, 2003

[This message has been edited by Jay]

Hi Peter,

I don't know why you are writing things off yet. She sounds ok to me. Probably just made a stupid mistake. Btw, your joking about the money wasn't the best idea. Filipina's that are not used to the American sense of humor, don't get it. You might think she does because she laughed in all the right places before. However, I assure you she don't get it. Also it sounds like two different conversations overlapping each other. Use the phone. If it was me, I would be on the first plane out if possible. Face to face talk's are the best. If not possible, then use the phone.

Just my 2 cents worth.
Jay

Ps-if you DON'T get your money back, that is the time to make your decision. Ya know, if you think she just had "the kid in a candy store" thing, it IS possible to forgive her.

... in response to Cinderella and the smelly slipper, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 2, 2003

She can't swim,she's into a seaman course....hmmmmm....
That he teaching her how to swim, I just hope it is really her brother in law.......
So sad for you Peter......
Good luck ...hope you'll hear from her again....
If not she might be sailing the whole islands of the Philippines having a good time together with the he .....ha....ha...ha... (joke)

... in response to Cinderella and the smelly slipper, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 2, 2003

Peter,
 I have to say that she does sound more mature in this chat discussion than the one's before.   One thing I noticed is that she is now saying that she was going to use the money you sent to buy a small store.....didn't she tell you before that she was just going to hold it (the money) to prove to you that she could be trusted and then give it back to you when  you return to the Philippines??   It's hard to say what her motives were really.   Maybe she is trying to con you, maybe she is just showing poor judgement in thinking of a way to gain your trust.   Only you see enough of her true personality to judge this.   We can offer opinions based on the small glimpses we see of your relationship but don't let this board have too much influence on what you do if it conflicts with your instincts.
 
 Oh yeah, I wouldn't worry too much about the 3 days without hearing from her.   The way things are in the Philippines, there are any number of things that could be the cause for a short period without communication.

         Good Luck,
          SteveG