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First off, I'm not trying to slam those who are trying to find a wife from my home country.  But to tell you quite frankly, I am kind of uncomfortable seeing a very young Filipina with a very old American man.  Call it human imperfection, I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.  I'm not here to condemn either, love knows no boundaries--just borders to cross.

Anyway, how do you guys answer those prying questions about your age difference?  The ladies can answer this too.  How do you guys react to those who drop their jaws to the floor when they see your absolutely gorgeous, young wife?

No flaming now, specially from Mike the Troll.

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

...its the AM friend of mine who wanted to ask the question. He said that if you do that here, you'd be a hairline away from statutory rape.

I guess I couldn't relate because I married someone who is 3 years younger than me.  So I'm kind of curious to know the answer too.

Anyway, thanks for the answers and I'm sorry for offending the others.  Believe me, it wasn't my intention.

... in response to Actually......, posted by Carrisse on Mar 22, 2001

Carrisse,

As you said, your question was legitimate.  No offense taken on my part and I hope none on yours.  I did feel, however, that your post implied the belief in the big-age-difference/trophy bride MOB stereotype.  Kent made a very good post describing how he initially bought into this stereotype, and then worked his way through the prejudice - it was honest and thoughtful.  My response used the phrase "mindset of a troll" which was perhaps too strong.  I apologize for that.

Sincerely,
Jim

... in response to Re: Actually......, posted by Jim H on Mar 22, 2001

Jim,

That's what you get for reading my mind. Carrisse...Jim is sorry. ;o))

Dave H.

... in response to Now Jim..., posted by Dave H on Mar 22, 2001

Dave,

I can read the dirty thoughts too.  Carrisse - are you listening?  Dave has a fantasy about you; it involves leather, whips, and chains...

Jim :o)

... in response to Remember..., posted by Jim H on Mar 22, 2001

N/T

... in response to Actually......, posted by Carrisse on Mar 22, 2001

Carrisse

no offence taken here
Carl & Vemila

... in response to Actually......, posted by Carrisse on Mar 22, 2001

Carrisse,

If they're 18 or over I'm safe. If not, I toss them back in the lake to grow more. Oh wait a minute...I thought you were talking about fishing. ;o)

Dave H.

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

They are both adults and have made the decision to get married, so I see no problem with it.  I hope that they both did some serious soul searching and are ready to support each other in their marriage.  There are so many problems that can come along and no guarantee of the future, that I'd hate to second guess their choices.

For me, I'm trying to stay within 10 years of my age either way, with the idea that we will have more common views.  However, if I had to choose between accepting someone's age and walking away from the person that would be with me for the rest of our lives, I would not hold firm to that number.

Still I'm just starting this process for myself, and am not predicting where I'll end up.  Personally, I'm much more interested in women from Brazil, China, and Russia (in about that order) and haven't sworn off American women either.   Women from the PI are pretty far down on my list, and I'm not interested in Japanese women.  It's just my personal tastes and views on level of culture and society.

Oh, I'm 38, and the age range I'm considering is 24 to 42, not specific to culture.  I'm a young and active 38, not fat and middle aged looking, so it has been a problem for me to find a compatible woman with maturity.  But I only need to find one, if I find the right one.  So not so bad.

Actually, I was a bit surprised just now when I read your profile about your age, Carrise.  I thought you'd be around 22 or 24, something like that.  I don't mean anything by that, just my honest reaction.  So Carl's wife is 15 years younger than you?  Do you feel old, or ok with that?  I'm trying to understand where you are coming from.

... in response to They are both...., posted by HappyIdiot on Mar 22, 2001

Just asking a valid question.

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

But we don't get any questions.

I guess most people just assume that Tess is my older sister or something.

Pardon me.....Tess is hitting me.  I've got to go.

Stephen

... in response to I am 52 and Tess is 37......., posted by Stephen on Mar 22, 2001

nt

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

If the couple is happy, why do you care..

Besides, i thought you were the one who thinks it is
ok for a filipina to marry only for money,
your values, to me, are not that high and mighty, to
pass judgement on others...Carisse.

... in response to what.........business,,,,is it.....of yo..., posted by outwest on Mar 22, 2001

you'd see that I was not passing judgement on others just asking a valid question.

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

Carrisse,
 We all don't fit the mold of being much older than our wives.   I am 40 and Melly is 36 so I have never had to deal with this.
                                       SteveG

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

My wife is three years older than me!!!!

... in response to Got all you guys beat!, posted by Jeff S on Mar 21, 2001

I am 5 years older than my Thai:-)

... in response to I got you beat Jeff.., posted by Lori on Mar 22, 2001

.

... in response to Got all you guys beat!, posted by Jeff S on Mar 21, 2001

Yeah, Jeff, you broke all the rules here!   What are we going to do with you???   LOL
                                   SteveG

... in response to Got all you guys beat!, posted by Jeff S on Mar 21, 2001

Jeff,

You did it all wrong! How are we supposed to maintain our proper MOB image, if guys go out and marry older women? ;o))) Does she at least look 10 years younger than you? ;o))

Dave H.

... in response to You didn't read the book !, posted by Dave H on Mar 21, 2001

Unlike everyone else (by their own estimation) in the MOB scene, I don't look younger than my age, but my wife sure does!

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

When I met Marissa and she told me how old she was, one of the first thing that went through my mind was, "They put you in jails for that don't they".  Strangely enough she was the youngest of all the girls I wrote and I went into this adventure wanting to meet someone much older and more mature.  I have found that Marissa is mature and my understanding of age-maturity had to change.

What I was concern about...

If I loved her enough to want to be a good husband.  One that will put out the lifetime commitment to meet her needs.

If/when my life might come to and end - leaving her alone - knowing how it makes me feel when I am alone.  Money is not an issue because retirement, social security, savings, etc.

If I will be able to put the effort into being a good father doing things like coaching the little league and going to all those childhood activities.  

What I am not concerned about...

If our age difference will keep me or her from loving the other fully.

Whether or not someone in my family, realm of activites or at work thinks it is appropriate.

Whether or not it is immoral, abusive, negligent, controlling, selfish, etc.  These words have been used for years now to control the average man.  I think they are just words unless some action accompanies them and from what I have seen from most men it usually doesn't.

Anyone elses opinion of our love / marriage / beliefs / union / family.

Bear

... in response to Age is important to some, posted by Bear on Mar 21, 2001

I met a Filapina that is was widowed last year.  Now she can be open with her long-time boyfriend.

... in response to Age is important to some, posted by Bear on Mar 21, 2001

nt

... in response to Age is important to some, posted by Bear on Mar 21, 2001

N/T

... in response to God made love, Man made time! (n/t), posted by Dave H on Mar 21, 2001

My sentiments, exactly.

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

Carrisse,

I am 44 and my fiancee is 27. I am not sure if this meets your "very young Filipina with a very old American" scenario? Many of the AW and LW that I was dating, were younger than her. I also dated women closer to my age. No one has ever made negative comments to me personally about me and younger women. If they did, they were not close enough for me to hear them. People are always very friendly to me on the street, because I am a friendly person. ;o)) My fiancee is not in the US yet, but God help anyone that crosses her. Although I am much larger, she is much tougher and meaner than me. I will let her loose on them. ;o))

I experienced the jaws dropping in the Philippines. But it was the opposite of what you mentioned. I am sure many other men have experienced this. It was usually school girls starring, smiling, giggling, screaming, and waving to me. My fiancee got a bit embarrassed over all of the attention I was getting. Don't worry, it didn't go to my head. I would have preferred to blend in. But it just didn't happen.

Dave H.

... in response to No reaction in US!, posted by Dave H on Mar 21, 2001

The issue of age differences is insignificant, when compared to some peoples problem with racial differences. I never heard of the KKK or Hitler having a problem with age differences.

Most of the women I dated were younger and of mixed racial ancestery (Hispanic, SA Indian, Black)...still no problems. ;o)

Dave H.

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

Neither my fiance nor I knew each others age before we began to have feelings towards each other,all based on open communication and shared interests and beliefs. So it didn't even "raise an eyebrow" for us when we realized there is 24 years between our bithdays. I wish I could find the results of a study I read several years back, a study of divorced couples whos ages were more than 15 yrs apart. They all had their stories and reasons for the split, but they ALL had the same message, the age difference had nothing to do with the failed relationship. For some, it bothers them to see a young filipina with an older american man, for others, it bothers them to see a filipina with an american man.

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

Joyce is 23 I'm an elderly graybearded man at 25 ;)  I find that instead of the age differnece people tend to say I'm importing a sex slave. If the age difference is more than 5 years your a pervert, less than that your a slaver :( I don't think age difference matters. It's just a way for someone to tear you down. I've only had a few comments about going to the phils. Luckily I have a strong network of friends, and the support of my family. btw I added a 10 to my name. No password yet

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001


I have to admit that when I courted and married my ex, I was inclined to have a proud attitude because I was more "qualified" age-wise for a Filipina MOB than the vast majority of other men.  This was 1991.  I was 26. My mindset at the time was that I was much more apt to find real love.  Pen-pals indicated that they were so happy too,to have a Kano pen-pal close to their own age.

When I was first married, my ex acted so happy to have found a "handsome" Kano just two years older than her as all the other Kano men were much older.  I can vouch for that when I'd occasionally see a "G.I. Joe" in the Philippines.

Well, my ex was a gossiper.  I admit that I was guilty of going along with her gossip.  When it came to other MOB marriages, "our marriage was the best".  Namely, my ex supposedly married me for love whereas almost everybody else just married to get to the United States.  If the husbands were significantly older, my ex took joy in slamming them anyway.

In the end, I looked to old for my ex because of my balding.  In the Philippines is was OK to be balding, and my ex would squeeze aloe vera onto my bald spot and rub it. Prior to the divorce however, bald men turned her stomach.  I'll never forget the time when she was 28 and was so proud of herself because she was carded for an ID when she bought a pack of cigarettes.

With her, I think assimilation into America, brought vanity to the extreme out of her.  I'd have been much happier if she gained weight and remained faithful to me.  Oh, well!

- Kevin

... in response to A sobering lesson for me., posted by kevin on Mar 21, 2001


I mentioned "G.I. Joe" in the above post.  Well. I'm reminiscing about an extremely hilarious Eddie Murphy show.

Eddie Murphy starts talking about farts.  He rants on about how when he was little, he and his brother would talk baths together.  While taking a bath, Eddie Murphy and his brother would play with their toy G.I. Joes.  While in the bathtub, one or both of them would start farting, and watch the bubbles rise to the surface.  Now what I'm about to say in the next paragraph, had me choking with laughter, and I can never forget it.

G.I. Joe went under water.  G.I. Joe went under water to find out where the bubbles were coming from.  Oh!  There coming from a cave.  G.I. Joe swims too the cave.  Oops!  A brown shark swam by.

- Kevin

... in response to Speaking of G.I. Joe, posted by kevin on Mar 22, 2001

Kevin,

Remind me never to get into a hot tub with you or Eddie Murphy. For that matter, let's say swimming pools are out too. You have made me consider giving up my beloved past time of scuba diving. 0-( Jim and Humabdos are probably considering doing the same. I will never look at sharks the same way again. Now I really fear them. Wait a minute...Murphy...you and Eddie are both Irish. That explains it!

P.S. My ex-brother-in-law's best friend used to be a turd diver for the water and sewer department. His Golden Rule; "Never open your mouth or remove your regulator under water." My rule, "Never go diving with Javier!"

Dave H. ;o)))

... in response to Irish Humor, posted by Dave H on Mar 22, 2001

Kevin and Dave,
 You both have me laughing out loud and I am going to wake the baby!    
                                      SteveG

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

I will admit that at first I guess I was slightly bothered by some of the age differences as well in some of the Fil/Am relationship I have seen on this board a others. Why, well I know I might be stepping on a few toas here, I guess at first I though they were just a bunch of perverts that were targeting younger woman for trophy brides, and that the girls could not possible really be in love with them.  Well after spending time reading posts and learning and maybe growing up a little I have learned that for the most part I was wrong. Most of the guys were not looking for girls with such great age differnce they were just guys, like me, that were looking for love overseas. The girls they found from what I have read are really in love with them. They just happened to be alot younger. Now I guess I feel like if neither one of them have a problem with it why should I, as long as both partners are happy why not just be happy for them.

Now the only thing that bothers me on this board and others are the very opinionated peaple that jump all over you for saying one word that rubbed them the wrong way even know the statement was not meant to upset or hurt anyone. It was just one of many different opinions.

Well hopefully I said that without pissing anyone off. I guess I will have to wait and see.

By the way I am 30 and my Myra is 22. Just in case anyone wanted to know. Our picture is also posted at the Mag-anak sight if anyone would like to put a face on the post.

Take Care
Kent

... in response to Re: So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Kent on Mar 21, 2001

The truth is that some guys on this board take great joy in slamming other guys who are much older.  It's the "I'm better than that old fart is" mentality.  These guys think their more qualified for a good Filipina wife because of their youth.  As if youth is an asset that doesn't depreciate.  These men are themselves insecure.

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

People like to talk , a lot of them have nothing better to
do, and gossip is just as prevalent among pinays, People
like to think they are better than others, and I , have
been as guilty as others of this sin.
    If a guy goes to the phils to find a wife, people are
naturally going to talk, and most of the talk is not kind,
he is desperate, she is desperate, she just wants to come
to the usa, for a green card, or to help her family, blah blah blah, No matter her age, they will still talk, and
the girls family is just as guilty many times.  
    Most of the men going to the phils are just looking
for a loving faithful wife, Its hard enough to find a loving
relationship, and its a waste of time to pick it apart,
by age differences, cultural differences, educational differences, etc etc etc. What really matters is compatibility, loving, and sharing two lives. Hopefully
the relationship will be long lasting and happy.
    Many men, like myself would prefer a 10 year age difference, maybe 15, but, the choice becomes much more limited, when you get near the age of 30 for the woman, many
more women that age, are separated, divorced, have several children, etc, much the same as the situation in the u.s.a.
so men are left with women sometimes a bit younger than they
would ideally prefer. So you end up with women 27 and under,
no matter what the age of the man is....that is what the vast majority of women are available,
     Anyway, I, like most men who make this journey, are
prepared for the comments, about the women from foreign countries marrying Western men, no matter what their age is,
the comments still come. Hopefully, if the man makes a wise
choice, and takes his time, the relationship will be a happy
loving one, the people who made the snide remarks, will then
have to accept it, and see that they had been wrong,
   Ultimately, its hard enough to find a loving relationship, so why pick on the age difference, Would you
rather be with someone whos age is close to yours and be
in an unhappy marriage, or would you rather be with someone
who society considers too young, but you are very much in love with that person.

... in response to like this, posted by outwest on Mar 21, 2001

There are plenty of divorced/widowed Filipinas in the US in the age bracket you would like.

... in response to Re: like this, posted by curt on Mar 21, 2001

why would i want a divorced or widowed woman, with so
much baggage, i have a million divorced women in the
usa to keep me happy if i want that. Thats why i am going
to the phils in the first place

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

Your being uncomfortable with a wide age differnce, does not bother us. We are both quite happy.
Carl & Vemila

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

Well, it depends on whether it's good natured jabbing or serious derogatory comments. With the first, of course I don't have a problem...it's just "guy" talk. The serious comments get a very quick "why would this possibly be any of your concern?" If they persist, I can usually point out their big, fat, bossy old wives and suggest to them that they're jealous. In reality, I've seen more crap on this list against the age difference that I've experienced in person. Some of my friends were concerned that my wife was only after my retirement fund.....but her actions in the year she's been here have dispelled that worry.

Curiously, one of the things I've yet to understand is a few people who champion the rights of gays to do their thing, but dis me as immoral for being in a normal marriage with a much younger lady! Go figure!

Personally, I wasn't looking for any wife, much less a young one, when I met my wife. We were introduced by a mutual friend and it just clicked. For me, it wouldn't have mattered if she was 50 or the 23 that she was...we just "fit"....and got along so well. Nobody in this world agonized over proposing more than I did for several months. Finally, I just decided that our meeting had to be fate, or God, or whatever,and just go with the flow. Believe me, she's the best thing to happen to me in my life. We are very happy....I'm just so contented. It's just great!

Btw, she had her 25th bithday in January, so for now I'm only 27 years older!

Terry

... in response to So how do you guys answer/react?, posted by Carrisse on Mar 21, 2001

Sally is 11 years younger than my 47 years.  I have not seen any jaws drop to the floor, either here or in Asia.  In fact, some from the barangay in Butuan asked her how she got a younger man.  My brother teases me about "robbing the cradle" but his AW is 9 years younger than him.  What age gap makes you uncomfortable - 10 years, 15 years, 19 years, 20 years, 25 years, 26 years?

You have the mindset of a troll when you assume every MOB guy seeks a huge age difference.  It's just not true.

Sincerely,
Jim

... in response to Hold on - age differences vary greatly h..., posted by Jimbo on Mar 21, 2001

Jim,

Sometimes you read my mind! Just don't post the dirty things. ;o)

Dave H.

... in response to Hold on - age differences vary greatly h..., posted by Jimbo on Mar 21, 2001

Age difference and where you draw the border for it being moral or immoral is very subjective.

Analyn is 12 years younger than myself.  I was born in the Chinese year of the Snake.  She was born in the next Snake year.

I don't mean to jump the gun, but my friend's wife has a very big hang-up on age differences.  Whenever I've ever indicated an interest in somebody any more than 4 years younger thanmyself (even at 30-ish, say compared to 25-ish), she accused me of "robbing the cradle".

I've been friends with her husband for literally as long as Analyn has breathed air, right down to about the month, since I've known him since junior high school.  I called himn last week because we hadn't talked in a long time.  He's a great guy, but I'm just not as close to his wife as I was before.  Our friendship has been strained because of my persuits.

I was happy to talk to my friend.  He teased me and said he thought I had died.  He asked me about my love-life.  I did not say a thing to him about that, as I don't yet think the time is right.  I did not even bother to ask to say hi to his wife.

Well, if his wife found out about my involvement with Analyn, guaranteed she'd slam me for "robbing the cradle".  Funny thing is though, there was the same age difference between her grandfather and her grandmother.  But I suppose that was a different story.  Another funny thing is that if the age difference was the other way around, it might actually be OK in her book.  She criticized me a long time ago for not persuing a woman 7 years older than myself, that she arranged for me to meet, who was a nice girl, and liked me, but I didn't feel attraction (frankly felt quite the opposite).  Time and time again, she's slammed me for being too picky.

I'm just trying to find and know love and happiness with a special woman.  The hell with the rest of the world that doesn't approve of my persuits of happiness.

About the age issue, I'd like to think that in my case, a 12 year age difference is almost irrelevant.  Perhaps even better, given that I don't have children from a prior marriage, and the with the thought of starting a family someday, no baggage, a clear slate, etc.

- Kevin