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Well I have decided to marry in the PI.   After exhausting efforts to see if she wants a white church wedding the end result is she wants a City hall judge marriage.   Oh well!
I ask her why coz her sister had a 250,000 peso wedding, and she is going to be a bride’s maid for her cosine in March.   She said she is a practical girl and it is a waste of good money.   She wants a modest honeymoon and the most important thing is that we are together.   What can I say?   I even had my sister going to come from the US if we were going to have a big wedding.   Sis has since changed her mind when she heard of American troops heading for Mindanao with cobra helicopters.  So there we are still in love, and it seems to have gotten stronger since we met.   I am looking for red flags but like you said I probably wouldn’t see them if they hit me in the eye.   I have made a count down chart for her showing the days left before I get back to Cebu.  I ask her where we should get married and she wants to marry in Cebu.   Claims it would not be safe for me in her home town near Kibawi.  She likes the idea of traveling around the PI on bus and ferry to different places for the honeymoon.   I suggested part of the adventure would be for me to get a motorcycle and do some traveling that way.  AAA gets you a free international driver’s license all you need is a passport picture.  I will apply for a 2 month visa so I can have a nice honeymoon with plenty of time to see the sights.  I did what you have suggested and sent her my ATM card using FedEx it cost me $35 but it will take 5 days and that is tomorrow.   Once she gets the card I instructed her to test it by taking out 1000pesos and see if it works.   I will monitor it on this end and see how much it cost for the transaction.  I was told by the bank that they charge $2 if you use a different ATM machine than theirs and a transferee fee of $1.25 so we will see.   There is also a $5 fee per month extra if you don’t keep over $300 in the account.   Once everything is working I can deposit any amount in it, or transfer money out again at will using on line banking from my computer.   So far so good, and thanks for all that good information you guys are great.   I am surprised that she is not so good writing e-mail or using the chat line.  Her vocabulary is limited.   When I talk to her on the phone she is more herself.  
This indicates to me that e-mail and chat lines are limited to find a good mate if you have never met that person.  So my lesson is to just chat and e-mail to meet but not to get romantic till the face to face thing happens.  Even though I control the money in the ATM I told her it is not her money or my money it is our money and to take out just what she needs.   I am looking for red flags here and didn’t see any there.  She did say she cut her finger very badly and needed to go to the Doctor for antibiotics.   Doctor visits I was told was 500 pesos plus the medicine, pretty cheap compared to here.   My bank only allows one ATM card per customer, I was thinking of transferring my vacation money to that account when I go to Cebu in June.  It will take the burden of traveling with so much cash in hiding places which I never liked that idea to much anyway.   I have done what the board has advised slowing it down and waiting till July to get married.   She will graduate in March and go to another school for 2 more months then she is finished.   She wanted to work in the Mall while she waits for our spousal visa to be approved.   I am sure when her interview day comes for the K3  it will be a no brainer to see that we courted in Jan had a long distance relationship for about  7 months and married in July.   It is the long way but the more sure way. But we got the chemical attraction and the distance relationship is going strong.   My position is I would rather be with no one than the wrong one, so waiting for the one that I think is the right one is worth the wait.  Counting down in Daytona!

... in response to Counting down in Daytona! , posted by Peter Lee on Feb 26, 2003

Peter,

I will be getting married this April in my honey's hometown (in eastern Mindanao).  She is also a smart girl with the finances and has put her foot down for a cheap wedding (P90,000 including... you name it). I am more than overjoyed to have found and fallen in love with an honest Filipina out of all the "bad apples" that so many guys have run into.

Best of luck to you and your soon-to-be wife...

Joe

... in response to Good luck..., posted by Kreeger on Feb 26, 2003

Thanks for the info.  I think if I have the wedding in a big city like Cebu it might be a little more.  But my budget is 150,000 limit.  I will see if I can get it down after your letter.

... in response to Good luck..., posted by Kreeger on Feb 26, 2003

I will be in the Phils then,  just post when and where, you might have some unexpected Amerikano guests  at your wedding,  :0)

Don

... in response to Hey Joe......, posted by donb2222 on Feb 26, 2003

...that way I won't be the only white face around :)

So far, she has had the invitations made and she is sending me some (just for keepsakes, because my family cannot attend) and the specifics are listed: church, time, etc.  The wedding will be on April 23 in Bislig City and the reception will be in Mangagoy at the John Bosco college gym... I will send exact dates/times as they arrive.

Joe

... in response to The more, the merrier.., posted by Kreeger on Feb 27, 2003

Hi there,

I would like to ask the question on how much i would be expected to pay for my wedding.  Since you are going through that in real time your information would be current.
The guest list is about 50 people.  I have budgeted for 150,000 is that in the ball game?

... in response to Re: The more, the merrier.., posted by Peter Lee on Feb 27, 2003

... even for Cebu. I am having 300 people at mine and it will cost under P100,000.

... in response to More than enough...., posted by Kreeger on Feb 27, 2003

May I ask if you hired someone that coordinated everything and who they would be.   I e-mailed 2 that addvertised and got no answer back.

... in response to Good luck..., posted by Kreeger on Feb 26, 2003

Tess & I will be in the Phils from April 12 to April 29.  We will be in Butuan City and Cagayan de Oro which is just a few hours away.

When are you getting married?  Perhaps we can meet up while we're there in the Phils also.

Stephen & Tess Brittain
Orange County, CA
sdbrittain@nospam.com

... in response to Hey Kreeger....., posted by Stephen on Feb 26, 2003

Stephen,

I will be arriving on the 14 and I will stay until May 2. We plan to go to Camiguin for the honeymoon, but it would be great to meet up with you guys on the way...

Joe

... in response to Wow..., posted by Kreeger on Feb 26, 2003

Yes, by all means let's have a meal together.  

I'm leaving Orange County, CA on 4-12-03.  I will fly to Manila and spend the night....then catch an early morning flight to Cagayan de Oro or Butuan City.  

By the way, Tess will be going ahead of me.  She leaves for Manila on 3-17-03.  I'll be joining her and coming back together on 4-29.

Looking forward to meeting you.

Stephen & Tess

... in response to Counting down in Daytona! , posted by Peter Lee on Feb 26, 2003

1) any time a woman talks about saving money its good.  She may want a small wedding with a judge but make sure you make it big enuff she can wear a nice dress and get lots of pictures and invite all her friends and family.  Few things are as important as the wedding, family, pictures and children to good Filipinas. Tell her it would make you happy if she had a nice wedding, not necessarially big but memoriable.  She'll see that as you caring about her.

2)  I personally wouldn't worry too much about terrorist unless you are heading to Jolo or Basilian, maybe Cotabano or Zamboanga.  Other than that you are just as safe there as here, maybe more so there because everyone will notice you there.  You will hear "Gwapo", "perfect" and see women looking at you while raising their eyebrows a lot.  

3) Forget the $300 minimum to save $5.  Put $100-200 in there and tell her to take out P10000.  to save the transaction fees and conversions fees.  Don't be weak and tell her to spend it as she wishes.  Say you need receipts for tax purposes required by law.  Brag on the women mentioned on this board who used little or none of the money their husbands put in accounts for them like my Honey.  Tell her a few of the stories of how friends and family memebers tried to get women to cheat their husband/bf's and how they were good, honorable women by refusing.  If you are not strong she might give in to her loving families "pity me" requests.  She'll have friends and family she never knew exisited when they hear she has money.  The pain and stress it will cause her is increditable.  Prepapre her.  I promise you she will respect you for being strong and giving her guidelines so that she can honestly tell everyone her husband has given her strict instructions - its not her.  Talk to her also about christian principles of wife obeying her man, not like a slave but a "helpmate" to make *your* family more successful.  Ensure her that her opinion means more than your own but its still your decision to make bibically and you wish to honor God and obey him and be a good husband/father.  If she is a good christian girl she will greatly respect this and try harder to follow your lead.

4) My wife would not even listen to the question about marriage until I asked her in person.  But she tried as hard as she knew how to be intimate and affectionate in chats.  Honestly she knew little to nothing about hugging, kissing, holding hands much less sex.  She told me it was my job to teach her what I wanted and expected.  You will be surprised if you got a virgin how very little she knows and how much you are expected to explain.  I had to encourage Honey to ask her mother and aunts questions that I thought would be better answered by women relatives.  Later I decided I was glad she wanted to discuss it with me rather than them because of the odd superstitions they have.

5) I purchased an inexpensive laptop, webcam, put a phone in her parents nipa hut and got her to buy "Zoom" cards.  It was the best decision I every made.  Once we were married and I had to come back home we were still able to see and talk with each other twice a day.  Its much cheaper than calling on the phone log distance.  I am not sure I could have left had I not done this and you can not imagine the ease it will bring both of you if you can.  Highly recommended.  Chats become personal and private and much more intimate.

6)  Getting her to take care of herself doesn't seem hard for you.  I had to make mine on different occasions buy shoes, umbrella, clothes and a mattress.  Other than the mattress family members took all the other things for themselves.  As for medical aid I literally had to insist or she would not seek it.  I do remember once after I started sending her money she asked me if she could buy her father some anti-biotics.  I was shocked she would even ask and said of course.  Since you are not married be suspicous of any money requests.  A good girl just will not ask, period.

To give you a really good example I know one guy who sent his wife $1000 for the trip here.  She brought over $970 back with her.

Bear and Honey

... in response to ...Countdown... (long), posted by Bear on Feb 26, 2003

Yes, Bear is correct.  It is better that you play the strict, thrifty American, and set the limits.  Otherwise her family and friends will come up with every sob story to try and extract money from her.  It helps her to be able to tell them you will be very angry if she exceeds (x) amount.

Don

... in response to Guidelines, posted by donb2222 on Feb 26, 2003

Ok I will do that thanks.  One problem I have not encountered yet is family asking for money.  The deal was that I help her with her school.   I am waiting for the family to ask for money but so far nothing.  It is early yet so I will see what happens.

... in response to Re: Guidelines, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 27, 2003

It is more common for the family to ask her for money.
Many times they are too embarassed to ask you for money, so they will try to ask  her.  Putting her on a strict budget gives her an excuse as to why she can say no to them.

... in response to Guidelines, posted by donb2222 on Feb 26, 2003

When are you going to the Phils.  Tess and I will be there in April.

... in response to Re: Guidelines, posted by Stephen on Feb 26, 2003

Hi Stephen,
 I am flying out this Monday, March 3, not sure when I am returning to the states.  Just post here, or e-mail me, it would be fun to meet

Don

... in response to Counting down in Daytona! , posted by Peter Lee on Feb 26, 2003

Hi Peter,

It won't be long! ;o) Your fiancee sounds like a practical lady to me. You offered her a white wedding, so you did your part. I don't know anything about Kibawi itself, but suspect getting there could be a risk. Lots of New People's Army in da bundoks around that part of Mindanao. Davao would also be a good alternative to Cebu, if she has many family members in Kibawi that she wanted to attend the wedding.

$3.25 per P5000 ($100) ($2 + $1.25) still much cheaper than Western Union. That is what they charge with one of our ATM cards, also a $300 minimum. The other card has no minimum. Like Don mentioned...beware of the balance inquiries!!! You will get charged $3.25 every time it is checked. I have seen some ladies check in between each withdrawal to see how much more money was available. I was trying to figure out what was taking them so darn long! It can add up very quickly! The bank somehow deactivated the primary ATM card that my wife planned to use last year when she was in the PI. She was charged a service fee when it wouldn't even work. It indicated that there were not enough funds available, which really confused us. My wife tried to withdraw at several different ATM's and made balance inquiries without success. I finally was able to get the bank to find the problem and reactivate her card. It worked fine for the remainder of the trip. Not realizing she was charged for the transactions that didn't go through put the account below the $300 minimum. That caused additional service charges to be added. Fortunately, the bank refunded all of the service charges when she returned. She left the card for her family and there have been no problems since.

As Don said, the doctor visits are cheap, it's the medicine that "kills" you. :o) My wife recently paid around $3 for an office visit to a very good doctor in Butuan. It won't help with your fiancee yet, but we were "told" by our insurance company to submit our medical expenses from the Philippines and they would be reimbursed. There have not been enough so far, thankfully, to make it worth while...so we will see. It's easier than trying to have doctors or hospitals call the US to get approval.

Good Luck!

Dave H.

... in response to Counting down in Daytona! , posted by Peter Lee on Feb 26, 2003

Hi, glad to hear the good news.
While I was in Cebu, which is more expensive than Mindanao, every time my ex-wife and I went to the doctor it was only 100-150 pesos.  My ex-wife had a heart murmur, and the cardiologist only charged 500 pesos.  An echocardiogram was only 1000 pesos ($20). A dentist visit with x-rays and cleaning was 400-500 pesos. At those prices I took Vilma to any doctor we could think of just to take care of any problems before our trip to America.
I always asked around, and tried to find the best doctors.
The surprising part for me was that I would pay 100 pesos for a doctors visit ($2), and then the medicine would cost 2 or 3,000 pesos ($60).  I don't know how filipinos can afford to pay for medicine.

Also, don't be surprised to receive many charges for her just checking the balance on the account.  I guess it is a thrill for them to show off to their friends how much money they have access to.  You might want to advise her to not check the balance every day.
It might be a good idea to have her on a set weekly allowance, otherwise you might discover that a months worth of money is gone in just a few days.  The pressure from her friends and family to withdraw all the money at once might be too great for her to resist.  She has never had to manage money before, and you might want to set limits.
Just keep in mind that $100 is the average filipinos monthly salary, and many, many filipinos survive on that just fine.

Good Luck,

Don

... in response to Doctors in the Phils, posted by donb2222 on Feb 26, 2003

... just curious (because I am an echocardiographer), what kind of problem did Vilma have with her heart? Did you know specifically (like a defect of some kind)?

... in response to Hey Don..., posted by Kreeger on Feb 26, 2003

The only thing they found was the heart murmur, and doing the echocardiogram was probably overkill.  Actually, upon our arrival in the US, my HMO (Kaiser), did an echocardiogram and found nothing.  So, the Filipino doctors were probably either being extra careful, or more likely, they wanted to stick it to the gringo.

Don