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I know that guys like to look at attractive people, and when it happens frequently he either thinks she's 1.) dropdead gorgeous or 2.) he simply fancies her. (Please correct me if I'm wrong!) At least, that's what I *think* =)

Now, I'm a bit puzzled by my current situation. I never had any reason to feel ugly, in fact, people often told me that I belong(ed) to the "attractive"-category... But lately, I've been suffering from a (temporary) case of severe eczema on my face. It could've been anywhere, but it chose my face... (I don't have it anywhere else on my body.)

I feel downright unattractive, even ugly. When I look in the mirror, the only thing I see are red (big, small) spots all over my face. They're just red, sometimes a bit swollen, but not to the extent that you can't see what I would look like without them. There are days where I want to stay in my bed and never come out, it's horrible...

However, there is one guy who still glances at me. Whenever I look in his direction, he looks away. He's great to talk to, we always have great fun, but still I wonder: how can he look at me when I have these red spots on my face?

I don't look the way I used to, with clear skin... Does it matter though?

Thanks for taking your time to read this =)

Tjien

... in response to I wonder... Why do guys look?, posted by Tjien on Dec 2, 2002

Shallow men do but those with more maturity and sense will look further and get to know a woman's heart.

... in response to Re: I wonder... Why do guys look?, posted by Mita on Dec 4, 2002

We're hard wired that way. Don't take offense. Don't assume that if a man looks, that makes him shallow, with little maturity and sense. There's a great new book out called "Why Men Don't Listen, and Women Can't Read Maps." It goes into detailed explanations many of the common gender behaviors. In fact it points out that women look at men just as much, if not more, than men look at women, they just don't get caught as much because of better peripheral vision and more ability to multi-task. Modern American feminists seem to expect men to act like women as if that's some preferable condition. Millions of years of evolution has made us (men and women) different, and there's little chance much will change in the next few hundred generations or so.

- Jeff S.

... in response to Re: Re: I wonder... Why do guys look?, posted by Jeff S on Dec 4, 2002

No offense taken.  I should have made myself clearer that when it came to lifetime commitments, men would look deeper than the surface. As humans, we would certainly choose a partner whose appearance doesn't turn our stomachs each time we open our eyes.   Women are not different from men that way.

... in response to I wonder... Why do guys look?, posted by Tjien on Dec 2, 2002

I'll bet it was Ray!  He LIKES ugly women -LOL!!

Jim

... in response to How can he look?, posted by Jimbo on Dec 2, 2002

Ahaha, where can I meet this guy?!?!

LOL

Tjien

... in response to How can he look?, posted by Jimbo on Dec 2, 2002

Did I ever say I liked ugly women Jimbo? No, I just recommend that 'other' guys seriously consider finding an ugly woman for a wife. But that doesn't include me! (LOL!)

Seriously though, to me there are a lot more important characteristics to a woman than outward beauty alone. Physical beauty is fine, but it's not at the top of my list. It may be perfectly instinctual for man to tend to choose a mate based on physical attraction, but the guys who can really look beyond that will do much better in the long haul, IMHO.

That's one reason that I personally don't care for those Internet sites that sell addresses. The girl's photo is the primary selling feature and I'm afraid that too many guys fall for a photo instead of the lady's character. But of course, as always, I could be wrong :-)

Ray

... in response to Who told you that?, posted by Ray on Dec 2, 2002

I guess it has to do with age as well. The older you get, the more you appreciate someone's "inner beauty". The reason I'm insecure about this, is because well, we're both 18 (= critical age).

Tjien

... in response to Re: Who told you that?, posted by Tjien on Dec 3, 2002

Hi Tjien,

As a father who raised 3 girls, I think the critical age for girls is around 14 (boys 13). If you have made it to 18 without getting pregnant, without any drug or alcohol problems, without being arrested, without getting kicked out of school, without attempting suicide, and with a positive outlook on life, then your on your way.

Your temporary medical condition is nothing compared to all the more serious disabilities or diseases that could befall a young lady of your age, so count your blessings and enjoy your life while you are still young. Believe me, you'll look back on these times 10 years from now and smile about it.

A suggestion: If this guy is great to talk to, why don't you just ask him what he sees when he looks at you. If he only sees your skin condition, then forget about him. If he sees something inside of you that he is attracted to, then just maybe this one is a keeper...

Ray

... in response to Critical Age, posted by Ray on Dec 3, 2002

[This message has been edited by Dave H]

Thanks Ray!

That's what I wanted to say, but couldn't put into words. :o) "If this guy is great to talk to, why don't you just ask him what he sees when he looks at you. If he only sees your skin condition, then forget about him. If he sees something inside of you that he is attracted to, then just maybe this one is a keeper..."

Hi Tjien,

Hang in there! You will get through this temporary condition and have a deeper understanding of yourself and others. You are much more than your skin surface. Anything that's important is on the inside. I was just wondering if you know the possible cause of your condition. Stress, food allergies, new laundry detergent? Did you recently move away from home to begin college? I hope that you are in much better spirits soon.

Dave H.

... in response to Who told you that?, posted by Ray on Dec 2, 2002

Hi Ray,

Actually I agree with you, except that I do like the address selling sites because they bring in people who wouldn't have thought of it otherwise, like me.

hmmm... what's with these SD Bolts?
Jim

... in response to 8-4 !!?, posted by Jimbo on Dec 2, 2002

They have a new coach this year and now they actually have that hunger to win. Last year they lost all of their close games but they have done pretty well in those close ones this year. But please don't ask what happened in Miami last week... :-)

So Jimbo, who do you pick to make it to San Diego in January?

Ray

... in response to Bolts?, posted by Ray on Dec 2, 2002

vs New England.

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear :O)

Jim

... in response to Philly, posted by Jimbo on Dec 2, 2002

Nice call Jimbo!!I have gotten Joy into football.She knows alot of the NE players and she loves Tom Brady.Thinks Brady is gwuapo.Then again she thinks Bledsoe is gwuapo too!Joy arrived here last Nov and the Patriots went on the 12 game win streak.My lucky charm!!She didn't know what I was like when the Patriots loose till the 4th game this season.It's not pretty.In her expert opinion the Pats will win the East because they have "home court" advantage next 3 out of 4.Hope she is right!!!!!

Have a nice trip to the RP.Happy Holidays.

tito Matt

... in response to NE, posted by Matthew on Dec 3, 2002

Thanks Matt,

Sally likes football too.  She'll predict the winner and watch a whole game with me.  This week she called the Buffalo game.  I hope Joy is right - Tennessee should be the tough one!

Jim

... in response to I wonder... Why do guys look?, posted by Tjien on Dec 2, 2002

Tjien,
 I don't know you or the guy who keeps talking to you but I can assure you that a man doesn't repeatedly approach a woman he's not attracted to!  

 OK, I know that no matter what he may think of you, it sure would make you feel better about yourself if your skin would clear up, right?  I think I can help you.  My wife had the very same problem about a year or two after arriving in the US from the Philippines.   She had never had any skin problems at all before comming to the US and was surprised when acne started to appear.   It got bad too, completely covering her face.   We went to a dermatologist for about 2 years and she recommended treatment after treatment with no results.   Finally I saw a TV infomercial and ordered some face wash and treatment.  The stuff worked just like they said within a month or so!   We still get it now years later - she has had no reoccurrence whatsoever.   We initially ordered it in 1998.        
The company is called:

  PROACTIVE Solution
  P.O. Box 11448
  Des Moines, IA 50336-1448

  1-800-950-4695

 The cost is about $45 for a 3 month treatment - well worth what it does.   I can't guarantee it would work for you, but I know what it did for my wife.
                       Good Luck,
                       SteveG

 PS - I just found their website  http://www.proactiv.com/index.php?acnt=GTPZO01H

... in response to A Suggestion, posted by SteveG on Dec 2, 2002

Thanks for the suggestion Steve, I'll take a look at the website =)

Tjien

... in response to I wonder... Why do guys look?, posted by Tjien on Dec 2, 2002


My darling is busy and will be for the next two days so I am writing.

I think the "wandering eye" of men goes very deep into their genes. Men were the traditional hunters. Movement attracts hunters. Don gives everyone that passes us the "once over" he calls it. He sort of looks them up and down. Mrs. Mayor says he is "eye frisking" them. True his eyes linger a little longer over pretty girls darn it but he is after all a man. But his eyes also linger longer over anything unusual too so it is of no matter. He gave one man in a suit a long look and I asked him what was the matter. He said the guy must be a policeman, or so he hoped. I asked why and he said "because he is packing heat" which I have learned means carrying a concealed handgun. I looked and I could not tell but then I do not have experience with concealed weapons. I think men have the hunter's look. Anything that moves catches their attention for at least a second. If they are curious or it pleases them or there is something unusual then their look lasts longer. Surely Roseanne Arnold or Rosey O Donnell do not rate more than a passing glance except for their celebrity. And Mrs. Mayor gets looked at well wherever she goes and she loves it. When I am out alone looks sometimes frighten me a little.

When we are back in the Philippines my husband gets looked at very much by all the women, and I would like to scratch their eyes out for it too. My darling is very gwapo indeed and the girls all circle him like sharks. Even my little neices all flirt with him outrageously, all the way down to the six year olds who hug his legs.

Oh, for all the old cow people here the criminals that cut the fences and chased the neighbor's cows all over creation have been caught and tried. They were stupid activists and the judge was not lenient. They got a week in jail apiece and fined for vandalism and for creating a public safety hazard. More than one of the cows caused a trafic accident. The neighbor is going to sue them in common court for damages. It would be funny if they have to pay to replace lost cows and for all the fencing and Don's and other people's time to assist him to recapture the cows. These are not poor people and now that their money is threatened instead of our neighbor's money they are all of a sudden very concerned. They should have thought of that before creating mischief. The damages will run into many thousands of dollars alone, then there are punishment damages added on to that. Then there will be lawsuits by insurance companies and people who were injured and had their cars ruined when they hit a cow. I imagine that these will be very poor activists when this is all over.

... in response to Re: I wonder... Why do guys look?, posted by The Walker on Dec 2, 2002

There's a new book out called "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps."  It's really well written, funny and brings lots of the differences between men and women to light. Anyway, it's true, men's eyes work very differently tham women's. Men have much less peripheral vision tham women and tend to focus much more narrowly while women can take in lots of things around them with a glance. It's probably why men get caught looking at women but women, who look just as much as men, rarely do. Men have far more spatial orientation than women also. This is the hunter gene that goes far back in time, way before civilization.

Anyway, also in this book is a description about men not noticing faults of women they're attracted to.  I always noticed that whan I was dating. Girls who I thought were very attractive at first, after getting to know them and not liking what I learned, I suddenly realized they weren't nearly as pretty or well built as I thought. This is why when women ask their husbands,"Am I getting fat?" or some other question about appearance, most men thruthfully answer, "You're perfect for me," which most women reject as some sort of appeasement. The fact of the matter is that men REALLY DO think see her as perfect even though othersmay mumble something about thunder thighs. It's likely that's what Tjien is experiencing.

- Jeff S

... in response to Good Call Vicky., posted by Jeff S on Dec 2, 2002

As I said earlier in another reply, it almost always is age-dependant. We're both 18 and well, still growing up. I'm not sure how he feels about it, but if he DOES look beyond my (temporary) skin condition, I'm more than happy!

Unfortunately, I still don't know =(

Tjien

... in response to I wonder... Why do guys look?, posted by Tjien on Dec 2, 2002

Women tend to be a lot more critical of their own looks and of other women than men are.  He's probably looking past a few minor blemishes to, what? Pretty eyes? Silky hair? Full pouty lips? Nice cleavage? (Gasp! An interesting personality with simiilar interests?)
Yes, men can be simple superficial creatures.  Use that to your advantage!  You are worried about something he may regard as minor and transitory.  What about you is he staring at?  If he regards that as your best feature, fine.  Don't sweat the things you can't do much about.
(If it sounds like I'm rambling, sorry. It was a long trip today from Hong Kong to Tokyo, and I'm kinda groggy.)

... in response to Mountains & Molehills, posted by Bob S on Dec 2, 2002

Thanks for replying, with all the grogginess ;) Haha, just kidding!

Sometimes when I talk to people they twitch their eyes. When they do that, I KNOW they are examining my face, from top to bottom. Whenever I talk to him, he either looks at the floor or looks me straight in the eyes. He doesn't make me feel uncomfortable when he looks, he rather makes me feel interesting.

[ "Yes, men can be simple superficial creatures. Use that to your advantage!" ]

Do you mean using (what he thinks is) my best feature to my advantage? I don't even know what that is (to him), that is why I'm so insecure about the whole situation, I have questions like: "Is he really looking past my red spots?" "If he isn't looking at my red spots, what IS he looking at?" and "How?"

But I'm afraid he's the only one who could answer that... =(

Tjien

... in response to I wonder... Why do guys look?, posted by Tjien on Dec 2, 2002

[This message has been edited by outwest77]

http://www.earthwormherbals.com/eczema.html#retail

Not sure how expensive it is, on the retailers link it says 25 dollars for sample kit but it looks like they know what they are talking about, or at least i hope so.
My condolences to you i know im a bit self conscious about
my thinning hair, to the point i wear a baseball cap alot
but still im told Im very gwapo in the phils whenever i go there. even though i tell my gf they say that about all white guys

Hope that link helps you.

... in response to try this, posted by outwest77 on Dec 2, 2002

Thanks for the tip, I'll certainly look into trying it =)

Tjien