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I first thought of seeking a mate overseas without knowing anything about this process. I looked around, did some study, and decided to try it for many reasons, looking first to Thailand, and also to the Philippines. I have already spent some money to buy addresses. I read the articles on this site and they seemed to make sense. I thought more of the same might be found on this board. Now, I'm not so sure.

Appearantly, based on a recently heated thread, the number of scams and unsincere green card seekers in this game is somewhere between very few of them and almost all of them! I am not wealthy, I'm a blue collar man and can not afford to get burned in this process. I don't mind spending money on this at all, but I need to do it right. So hopefully I can ask a few questions here now and maybe get a better bearing towards my destination. So on to the questions! Please don't fight over my little questions.

Has anyone used an agency? If so are there ones you can reccommend or not reccomemnd, and why?

Should the agency process be avoided altogether, by just taking a trip first, and trying to meet someone there in person?

Are there some resources for this that are not in it for the money, where I have a better chance of finding an honest lady to write?

Are there anymore resources out there rating these agencies and pointing out the bad ones and good ones?

I would be very thankful for anything that is offered, whether it is advice I choose to follow or not. Also feel free to e-mail me off the board if you'd like. NOX1967@hotmail.com

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

Hey Nox

Welcome to PL :)  It can get weird at times, but I think you'll find a wealth of opinions to base a solid decision on :)

If there's anything I can do... email me :)

Keep the Faith and Good Luck!

H

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

Good questions NOX.

Don’t worry about the numbers. They are only based on individual experiences because there are no hard statistics for these kinds of things. Some guys around here have had a bad experience with a Filipina woman, so for them I guess it’s 100% bad (one of one). And NOBODY knows what goes on in the minds of these women, no matter how hard they will try to convince you that they know exactly what they are thinking and what their motives are, even when they have never even met them.

What’s important is that you use your head and your own intuition. If the horror stories scare you, that’s good. But don’t let another guy’s bad experience scare you off from finding what you are seeking. File it away and then make your own choices based on what feels right for you. Marriage is always a gamble and your job is to do whatever you can to tip the odds in your favor when you choose a mate, and hopefully she will be doing exactly the same. You shouldn’t expect to find the perfect woman, but one that has similar hopes and dreams and is as committed as you are to making a successful marriage. Don’t wait for a thunderbolt to strike you in your heart, but look for someone who you feel comfortable with and who you can communicate your deepest thoughts with.

Contrary to what another poster here may claim, I have no affiliation with any agencies and I have never used one. I never recommend them because I don’t have any personal experience with them. Some guys have had good luck going that route, so you’ll have to decide if that’s for you. Just remember that the agencies ARE NOT responsible for your successes or failures in life. They will sell you an address, but they don’t know you or the lady. It’s up to the participants to determine who is and who is not right for them. It’s nothing more than a means to meet some ladies. There are some sources of free addresses out there if you look.

I wouldn’t worry too much about finding out which agencies are good and which are bad. They mostly all do the same thing: collect ladies’ names and addresses and sell them to men. They probably don’t care much who the women are and where they’ve been because they are out to make a buck like the rest of us. Likewise, they don’t know you or what your criminal history may be. Some agencies will offer extra services, but I would stay away from any kind of introduction service. Why? Simply because it’s illegal in the Philippines to introduce Filipina women to men for the purpose of marriage, especially if a fee is involved.

Personally, I would recommend that you use your vacation time to make a trip to the country you are interested in. Don’t consider it a wife-hunting expedition, but simply an adventurous vacation. Travel can really open your mind and you’ll learn a lot more by going there than by reading about it. It doesn’t have to be expensive and you never know who you might run into while you are enjoying your vacation. In the mean time, you should be studying everything you can find about the culture and people of the country of your choice. You can find enough on the Web to keep you busy for a long time.

You sound like a sharp guy who is trying to do this right, so you should be O.K. I wish you luck!

Ray

... in response to Re: Questions?, posted by Ray on Sep 27, 2002

asdf

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

Hi NOX:

Welcome to the board. I've been married to a Japanese lady for some time. We were introduced by friends (it was before the internet.) A cross cultural marriage has an entirely different set of problems than a marriage to the girl next door, but most of us find these far more palpatable than the problems many of our friends and relatives seem to be going through. If you're interested in learning some Thai (or other Asian) language, culture & history, you could do well in that country, but if your main interest is in finding a loyal wife with the least amount of inherent cultural/language/religious differences, your best bet is probably the Philippines.

Someone did a survey a while back of the married and engaged people on this board and about 50% were intriduced by friends, 35% met as pen pals or in chatrooms, and about 15% by chance meeting in the wife's country. That's half by introduction by friends! There are plenty of resources on this board with friends and family in the PI.

Sorry, I can't give you any more specific information about exactly how to proceed, except to say, take it slowly. Most mistakes seem to happen when people put arbitrary time or money limits on their search. You see lots of posts by people who to know exactly how much money it will cost and time it will take. This to me is the height of arrogance, as if they're engaging in some sort of business relationship or construction project. Anyway, know that you're embarking on a great adventure. Treat it as such and if you enjoy the journey, the destination will take care of itself.

-- Jeff S.

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

NOX,
My hubby just publish his name in different penpal magazine such as pacific romance.In his profile he say he is a "farm laborer,seeking for devout traditional catholic,love to live in isolated place,like gardening and poultry raising etc.He phrase it to hopely keep away from goldigger.He even send ugly picture.I show the magazine to some of my co worker and they all pick up the doctor,engineer,lawyer and businessman.Oh no they ignore my hubby at least I have no competition.The first time I read his profile he already capture my heart.My co worker keep laughing at me because I pick the ugly one and the poorest one.They laugh more when one of my co worker notice that his cross-eyed .he really look cross-eyed on the picture but his not cross-eyed in person.He say he wanted traditional catholic but there still protestant write him.
I was kinda shock about SteveG.Wow you received 195 letters.My hubby received only 22 letters.The 22nd  letter is mine.Hubby is right most filipina don't like living in the farm and don't like farmer.And I agree with what he say.Most filipina I meet here when they know I live in a farm they laugh at me and look me down.I'm proud and happy here.I have no filipina friend in my area.Poor me.But I have lot's of american friend which much better.

... in response to Re: Questions?, posted by Febtember on Sep 27, 2002

Raquel,
 I wrote to 265 ladies to get that many responses.  I tend to get carried away with something I like and looking at all those beautiful sexy women - well all I can say is that I couldn't stop myself!   Seriously, I kept thinking what if I missed the perfect lady just because I was too lazy to write to more than a few and quit just before getting to her.  

 Yeah, in a similar situation to yours, some British friends of my first fiancee (she lived in Hong Kong) laughed at her when they found out I was from Alabama.  They told her she had fallen for a 'country boy' and it made her mad.  LOL   Who cares what they think as long as you're happy right?
                                          SteveG

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

Hi Nox,

I would meet them any way I could...penpals, through friends or family, or during a visit. The easiest way to get started meeting ladies (many) is through a penpal service. I'm sorry, I don't have any experience in that area, as I met my wife through friends. The end result justifies the means. I don't think that one method insures success over another. You only need one special lady. Use the methods that you are comfortable with and are within your means. Take your time and ask a lot of questions, both of the ladies (not all at once) and here. People are people regardless of where they come from. If something doesn't feel right...it may not be. Don't necessarily write it off as a cultural difference. Good luck!

Dave H.

... in response to It's Al Good!, posted by Dave H on Sep 26, 2002

Dave,

Great advice Possee Comander :P

I think I'm gonna go run out and get a Buddha Statue and paste your picture from Jeff's site on it :P  Just the face... LOL  Do you think they make a Purple G-String small enough for a Buddha Statue???  LOL

Keep the Faith!

H

... in response to Dave H... Profit or Supermodel???, posted by Howard on Sep 28, 2002

I'm getting this mental image of a buddha with Dave's face and wearing a purple G-string, and I'm choking! Thanks H, you made my day...

Ray

... in response to ROFLMAOCUML!, posted by Ray on Sep 28, 2002

Hey Ray,

The legend of the Great White Sumo is born! :o))) I'm sure that my purple mawashi will cause a big sensation!

Yokozuna Dave H.

... in response to He he he..., posted by Dave H on Sep 29, 2002

I met Filipino-American Ernie Reyes, Sr. last night. That guy is in his 50s and doesn't look a day over 30! Incredible! I've got my work cut out for me...starting Monday morning! :o)))

Yokozuna Dave H.

... in response to Dave H... Profit or Supermodel???, posted by Howard on Sep 28, 2002

[This message has been edited by Dave H]

Hi H,

We'll have to get that Purple G-String custom made! :o))) Livin' Large!

Big D

... in response to It's Al Good!, posted by Dave H on Sep 26, 2002

N/T

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

How old are you?

... in response to Question for NOX:, posted by Stephen on Sep 26, 2002

I am 35.

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

NOX(Ron),
 I think agencies are the way to go myself because they give you exposure to so many ladies.   In my opinion, the guys that get all wound up criticizing agencies are putting way too much dependence on expecting the agency to chose a wife for them.   With Russian women the agencies HAVE to be involved in order to translate letters and emails – to some degree this is true with Latin women also, but since Filipinas all speak English fairly well the agencies are out of the picture as soon as they give you the list of addresses.   Since you can go from web site to web site comparing address prices there’s not much way the agencies can scam you.   Having said that, one variation from agency to agency that I can think of is that you may not get as good a response rate from some of the larger more popular agencies due to the ladies receiving more letters.   I personally think this is overrated though since lots of guys will look and buy addresses but few will keep up any real correspondence.  
 
When considering how many to buy, I would recommend against buying just one or two addresses because you can’t realistically expect to choose one or two women and think they will chose you in return as the man of their dreams.   It ups your odds greatly to buy a ‘membership’ in one of the agencies where you get all their addresses for say 6 months.   That’s what I did with two agencies back in 1992/3.  I would recommend them to you but they are both out of business now.

 A few times here on Planet Love we have taken polls on how we met our wives and surprisingly about half (or more) met in ways other than agencies.   I don’t think that represents the norm for guys marrying Filipinas though.   First off there were a significant number who met through an ‘introduction’ from the girls family who were already here in the US.   Whether this is the norm or not, it is practically impossible for many guys to do this when they live in areas where there is no significant Asian population.   I personally never knew even a single Filipino before going to meet pen pals in person.   Also I don’t see how introducing yourself to local Asians for the sole purpose of meeting relatives who are still in Asia helps you avoid the bad ones either.   Think of it, you are trusting strangers (you just met them, right?) to recommend other strangers to you.    Might as well go with the agencies.
 
  As I stated below to JJ27 this is a numbers game and if you are serious about finding happiness and getting married you have to write to lots of ladies.   You simply can’t chose 1 or 2 and expect to find what you are looking for.  
   
  I understand your confusion about whether the women are mostly trustworthy or all con artists.   We have extreme opinions represented here and the one going between Ray, Kevin and Shadow is an example.   First off, they are not comparing apples to apples.   Ray said that approx 1% of the women marrying Americans have no intention of making the marriage work.   Who knows if it is precisely 1% or not but I agree with the gist of what he is saying if you put one condition on it.   The man in these marriages must have used good judgment and listened to his instincts even if it meant backing out of an engagement.   I firmly believe that very few guys marry a woman only interested in getting her green card without first having strong doubts about her sincerity before saying “I Do”.   They chose to ignore these “red flags” and march on down the isle anyway for whatever reason.   I can see those signs clearly and I refuse to believe that I am unique in having the ability to determine who does and doesn’t care for me.    
   
  Now what I see Kevin and Shadow saying is that there is some percentage of women living in the Philippines – much higher that 1% - who are not errrrrr shall we say are good wife material for lack of a better description.   I agree with that too.   I still say though that you can spot them easily over time – certainly before bringing her here to the US.  

   Sorry if I seem to be rambling here.   The reason it seems that way is because I AM rambling.  LOL   I hear guys worrying a lot about details of writing letters.   Some even try to come up with a list of questions to ask the ladies to weed out the bad ones.   My opinion is that this is the wrong way to do it for two reasons.   First it is fairly easy to determine the answer you want to hear from the way you ask the question so there goes the weeding out plan out the window.   Secondly it may come across as too business like or even insulting to a ‘good’ lady.   I would recommend you just be yourself and write as if you were having a conversation.   Let her reveal herself as she really is rather than giving answers to your question.   From my experience most of them won’t open up much for several letters and many never will.   You will get lots of letters that don’t say much.   This is just another reason for writing to lots of girls.
 
   If you want some good advise look for Patrick’s posts on the Latin board.  He owns an agency and runs this board.   He has lots of good common sense advice that many men ignore to their detriment.    His recommendation to avoid huge age gaps and not to go for the flashiest sexiest women should be branded into the brain of every guy doing this!

  Back to the ladies sincerity and honesty.   From my own experience of receiving letters from 195 women, only 3 asked for $$$.   One wanted to sell me a raffle ticket for $100.   Another wanted me to pay for her Engineering degree.  A third was ready to move in with me and bring her family immediately.   These were all in the 1st letter.  :)    You have to admit anybody who fell for any of these is going to be somebodies victim somewhere anyway!   LOL    I saw nothing about wanting money from the remaining 192 ladies except an appreciation for the stamps I was sending them.    Three out right scam artists out of 195 is pretty darned good if you ask me.
                                                                      SteveG

PS - Does the NOX stand for Nitrous Oxide by any chance?    Just thinking you might be a hot rod fan.

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

NOX:

You are smart to be concerned.  This is something that you want to be very diligent about.

Yes, be careful.  You can be deceived....all of us can.  So play it smart.

I got names from penpal sites.  I was very pleased with that approach.

But here's something you might try:  Go to the first post below and You'll find a guy named "NATHAN".  Nathan has lived in the philippines and understands it.  He probably has some ladies that he might help you get in touch with.

One more word....some folks encourter a lot of green-card sharks.  Others don't.  I didn't have this problem.  I met some fine ladies for penpals.  I wish you the same success.

BUT KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.  It can happen to any of us.  Good luck.

Stephen

... in response to Answers, posted by Stephen on Sep 26, 2002

Nathan has lived in the Philippines? I must have missed that.

Jay

... in response to Re: Answers, posted by Jay on Sep 26, 2002

Yes, as I recall he married and lived in CDO for 12 to 18 months.  He's back in the USA now, and will possibly settle back in the Phils later.....CDO probably.

Say....how are you doing?  And how is Matt doing?

best wishes.

Stephen

... in response to Re: Re: Answers, posted by Stephen on Sep 26, 2002

Hi Stephen,

Thanks for asking. I'm ok. Matt seem's to be ok, too. I'm having a hard time quitting smoking. Far as I know, Matt hasn't had a smoke since he went to the hospital. I just have to give them up all at once, I think. This "tapering off" doesn't work too good. I am just finding it hard to find a week or two in my schedule, where I can be free to be a raging azzhole (withdrawls).Stopping completely is the only way to go though, I believe. *sigh*

Jay

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Answers, posted by Jay on Sep 27, 2002

26 months past, I quit smoking on July 17th, I got some zyban from my doctor. It helped me fight the nervousness of no ciggies.  Exercise helps also!  I will never smoke again,,,not even a cheater,,,,It isn't fun quitting,,,best of luck.

Steveb

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Answers, posted by SteveB on Sep 27, 2002

Hi Steve,

Thanks. I'm waiting on a scrip for Zyban right now. Looks like I won't get it till Monday. Insurance company problem. Does that stuff really work? I hope so.

Jay

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Answers, posted by Jay on Sep 27, 2002

I felt it calmed my jitters,,,I stopped taking it after a week.  I reached a point in my life where I decided smoking was going to harm my health.  I can now be with other smokers and it doesn't tempt me at all.  I had probably quit smoking 10 or 15 times.  Then I would rationalize,,," one won't bother me,then soon i would be back smoking again.  This time i made up my mine,,i could never have another.  Hope this helps and good luck!

Steveb

... in response to Answers, posted by Stephen on Sep 26, 2002

great advise Steve. Lets start moving the board to a positive
direction. Around this time twenty one years ago I made my first
flight to P.I. what a experience.

                                 joemc