Planet-Love.com Searchable Archives

I found this quote below and i cant remember who said but it doesnt matter the idea that you can control every little aspect of the search for a partner is what i want to address. I think it was Kevin

"My goal is to make a visit to the Philippines within the time frame of about a year. I've got to rebuild my vacation time and continue to save money. I'm trying to make some worthwhile friendships in the meantime. I might go to specifically meet somebody in person who I developed something special with. Or who knows, maybe I'll stag along. Or maybe both (meet somebody new and visit somebody I've established friendship with)."

I hear this so often and I think to myself why, why be so methodical and cautious. Love is weird and action is what most women from any culture want to see in a man. I know thats what my pinay liked about me and its the type of person I am. The only way to reduce the risk of gold diggers and card sharks is good judgement and luck, aside from that this thing takes active participation. Ive been married exactly two months so you can take what I say with a grain of salt but my gut feeling is telling me I set out on a course that is true and will lead to my destination...Bliss. Some of that could be maturity I am 41 she is 32 and we both know what we want and have found it, half way around the world from each other. It was my action that made it happen

Early last summer I was about 9 months out of a 5 year relationship with a good woman who I just was not compaitable with. Our love peaked then subsided then we grew apart and she left. No biggie i had just got a computer and remember the guy down the street meeting a very nice decent, good looking woman online/personals and I was anxious to give it a shot. I come from a small town in the midwest and meeting women can be difficult if not impossible. So I spent all of last summer chasing down  women all over the midwest getting to know them dating them and occasionally getting my ashes hauled. It was alot of fun and i was having a blast but i wasnt meetin the woman I wanted to live the rest of my live with. Then i met this oriental gal and we emailed back and forth but she rejected me without us having ever met. She was from Korea and had married a military guy who had died somhow and was widowed looking for somone new. But from reading her e mails and profiles I knew their was something about women from that part of the world that i liked. She was honest, sincere and even in her rejection of me I felt i had been treated fairly. I said then if i ever get the chance to meet another Asian girl in this process I will jump on it,

About a month later i clicked on a personal from an even smaller town about 100 miles away in the next state over. She sounded just like the korean girl I mentioned above but i couldnt see her picture very well it was small and would not zoom in to get a good look. But her profile was sincere and she had those comforting qualities that I was looking for. So I emailed her and in her first response she explained that she really lived in Manila, worked at a desk behind a computer and had put together a yahoo ID. She didnt know what to use for a postal code so she just threw in some numbers and her add came up in this puny little town in the middle of nowhere. So we started to e amil and chat. I was at the time corresponding with two other women which I continued and dated them but really i was looking past them trying to figure out How to meet the pretty lil girl from manila. She had now sent me several pix, a knockout

So i had to get their and see her. I had no idea about the whole visa process and INS red tape and requirements but jumped those abstacles as I moved forward. I wanted this woman and moved swiftly in her direction because i knew if i didnt someone else would. And thats what is key here. YOU HAVE TO ACT, these are women if you drag your feet and hem and haw there are plenty of guys who will swoop in and take what you dont have the balls to go and get. With thanksgiving coming up I had two days paid holiday with the weekend and my last two vacation days that gave me six days to make that trip and meet this woman to get the INSs pix or what ever. We had a great time in that poverty stricken sesspool and we both knew we had found what we had been searching for. The rest is history, after a tough couple of first weeks here we setteled in and life is perfect, peaches and cream as i fall more and more in love with her all the time. Will it last? I think it will but I will leave that in the hands of god just like i did the search for a woman in the first place.

Get off your butt and do something the world is passing you bye

Bryan

... in response to Actions speak louder then words, posted by bryan on Sep 12, 2002

Bryan

Nothing  ventured  nothing  gained.

... in response to Actions speak louder then words, posted by bryan on Sep 12, 2002

Too many people just sit in front of the computer and try to make something happen. It sometimes works, but not usually.

Others think they can pick one out on the internet and know what they are getting, like buying a car. This doesn't even work well with car shopping.

Too many mistakes are made because guys think they can only spend two weeks a year overseas and they must come back with a wife.

I am previuosly guilty of all of the above.

The best chance of success lies in getting there and meeting people in person. Nothing can take the place of spending personal time together.

So if you're really serious about this, find a way to go.

Just my opinion.

Larry.

... in response to Actions speak louder then words, posted by bryan on Sep 12, 2002

Bryan,

So I'm guessing then that you wouldn't recommend this for me, a college student who has about another 2 years to go before hitting the job market?

Thanks,
NateD

... in response to Re: Actions speak louder then words, posted by NateD on Sep 12, 2002

Colleges are full of tail, get hot: )

... in response to Re: Actions speak louder then words, posted by NateD on Sep 12, 2002

If you can save up $1500, you can go for two weeks and have the time of your life.

Too much emphasis is put on the amount of piso the man makes. This is the reason there are gold diggers.

Be honest with potential mates. If they dump you because you don't make enough, they are certainly not the ones you want anyway.

Larry.

... in response to You don't have to be a millionaire., posted by shadow on Sep 12, 2002

While all of your college mates are going to France and Italy, make your trip to the Philippines. I agree with Larry, the point that if she does not accept that you are still studying and have yet to start your career... she is obviously not the one. It will cost about the same (airfare is the most expensive aspect of the trip).

I will tell you that if you are a younger guy, you will get TONS of attention from girls there (more so than the older men... sorry, guys). There were girls approaching me when I was with my fiance. They would ask "how old is he" to my girl in Visaya... "thirty two" she would tell them... "ooooh, so young, na" they would tell her. I also got used to being called "gwapo" instead of "Joe" (which, actually, is my real name). I loved the attetion... and I love my Lyn for not ever being jealous of all that. She actually liked the attention as well, since most Filipinas who had a relationship with a western man had a much older partner (like 50+).

Filipinas will sometimes equate your youth with possible immaturity (ie., not wanting to settle down yet... a player). I have heard this from the friend of my fiance, who is 18 and has a 23 year old boyfriend in California. She is afraid that he is not ready for a serious relationship (and she is... at 18). I have never actually spoken to him, but I will meet him in Oct, when I go there to Mangagoy. But, if you show her your sincerity, you will be golden.

Joe

... in response to Yeah, Nate.., posted by Kreeger on Sep 13, 2002

Hey Joe,

So am I right in assuming then that you think I should just go ahead and start the process, explain my situation to them, and just go for it?

NateD

... in response to Re: Yeah, Nate.., posted by NateD on Sep 13, 2002

Nate,

By all means go ahead and start corresponding with ladies overseas. But just in case you come across a real good one, it would be a good idea to have a passport and a couple thousand bucks set aside, if at all possible.

Ray

... in response to Absolutely, posted by Ray on Sep 13, 2002

....that he is a college-educated guy, I'm sure he is aware of that.

... in response to Re: Yeah, Nate.., posted by NateD on Sep 13, 2002

My advice would be to just go... follow your feelings and have a great time. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, but, on the same note, don't spread yourself too thin (don't line up multiple penpals to meet). Just keep your options open. Who knows, maybe the girl in the mall (in the Phils) working at the store you may go shopping at is the true Miss Right....

... in response to Re: Actions speak louder then words, posted by NateD on Sep 12, 2002


are sending, is that if you did not already work yourself up to a high station in life (the pinnacle of your career, maximum earning power) then forget about anything called love with the opposite sex.  Perhaps such folks ironically are too accustomed to the standards of the stereotypical contemporary AW.

Think about this.  In the past, men typically married in the early 20's.  They could be garbagemen or janitors.  Or they could be college students in pre-med or pre-law curriculums.  Or they might be young men who just earned Bachelors Degrees, destined to acheive a place on the corporate ladder.  But they got married at a biologically natural age.  They grew socio-economically while being married, not trying to do the same by stabbing competitors in order to become marriageable.  Did you ever hear the saying, "Behind every successful man is a good woman."?

I think today, natural, God-given ideals are pretty much tipped upside down.

- Kevin

... in response to Actions speak louder then words, posted by bryan on Sep 12, 2002

Bryan,
 I agree with you on the necessity of committing to travel, visit, spend time together and generally follow though with this long process.  It's not simple, fast or as easy as the general public believes.  BUT I think you are over emphasizing the urgency to get over there and stake your claim.   You make it sound as if within a couple of months after these ladies sign up with a Pen Pal agency guys are steadily streaming by proposing to them.   It just doesn’t happen that way.  It bothers me that giving this impression to new guys considering this way to meet women will put them in a panic mode where they will proposing with red flags waving all over the place because they will be thinking "I'm gonna lose her if I don't."  

 The truth is that the majority of these ladies never get married as a result of writing letters.   Taking your time and being cautious is never a bad idea, especially where marriage is concerned.   From my experience with the couples I know (American man/Filipina wife), most of the problems they have seem to lie with rushing marriage and not finding their incompatibilities.   I know of no out-right Green Card shark stories personally.  Even the divorces discussed on this board, when you get right down to it, seem to be caused from the same reasons people divorce when both are from the good ol USA.

 Oh yeah, congratulations on finding the lady of your dreams.   :)
                                           SteveG

... in response to Re: Actions speak louder then words, posted by SteveG on Sep 12, 2002

You are right Steve I think I read somwhere that only 4% of the couples who correspond actually meet at sometime in the future. And i think the girls know this so when you show up on her door step she will feel special knowing your intentions are sincere. If she doesnt then i think you have a problem. I spent quite a bit of time on some of the russian boards trying to get a look at this card shark thing and you are right it doesnt seem to be as big of a problem as in the PI although I am sure there are isolated incidents.

I think in my original post what i was getting at was to be active. If you dont have the bux or time to go to the PI look through some personals closer to home, go to church or a bar or both what ever the point is to be active. I was all over those personal adds, i met and dated a co workers sister, and visted my sister regularly as she owns a bar and has lots of friends, all drunks though. If I wouldnt have been so active i would have never gotten on the road that led me to the sweet lil Filipina sitting in my living room.

Bryan

... in response to Re: Actions speak louder then words, posted by SteveG on Sep 12, 2002

Steve,

Let me ask you a question, please: would you see anything wrong with me, a college student with about another 2 years to go of school, using this method to find my soulmate--beginning now?

Thanks,
NateD

... in response to Re: Re: Actions speak louder then words, posted by NateD on Sep 12, 2002


if this is really about finding true love, and not faciliting somebody's economic gain or coming to the land of milk and honey ASAP, then I think it is perfectly healthy to think of that as a strategy.  I have seen Philippine personals before where the girl indicated she wasn't interested in marriage yet, because she wanted to finish college or whatever.  If she interested me, I wrote to her anyway.  You're still relatively young, and like all of us, you need somebody to settle with.  It's ludicrous to think you can pick her off the shelf when you make enough money or are in a high enough position.  The time is now to cultivate friendships with the opposite sex, one which might be a lifetime one (hopefully) with a very special gal.  So what, if it originates with overseas correspondence?  The bottom line is you both love and care for each other and are committed to each other regardless of how your paths may have crossed.

One other thing to think about.  I'm sure college-age pinays in the Philippines that equate love with marriage will wait until they are certain he's truly the right guy, even if he's a poor pinoy who can't offer economic abundance shall they stay living in the Philippines.

- Kevin

... in response to Actions speak louder then words, posted by bryan on Sep 12, 2002

You've got to dive in the water.  

They won't wait several years for you to decide.

... in response to Actions speak louder then words, posted by bryan on Sep 12, 2002

Hi Bryan, welcome aboard.

I agree that you should get on the plane and go visit as soon as you can. The vast majority of those ladies looking to correspond with a foreigner are looking for a marriage partner and few of them are willing to wait for a year or two just to see if you are even willing to visit her in person.

It’s only fair to the ladies to make your intentions known early on in the relationship. If you’re not able or ready to get on the plane, then you’re not being honest by stringing her along while you try to decide if she is worth the effort. If you don’t have the money or the time to take the trip, then don’t pretend that you are ready to make a lifetime commitment with her. I just don’t understand these guys who write for a year or more, make no commitment to even visit her, and then expect her to put her whole life on hold and focus all of her attention exclusively on you. And then when you find out that she has other male interests, you think she’s being “unfaithful”. Amazing!

You will probably never know what her true intentions are until you meet her in person and look into her eyes, but even then you’ll need that good judgement that you referred to. Of course luck plays a part in finding a good one, but there’s no substitute for good common sense. Marriage is always a gamble, but it’s really all about increasing the odds before you make your choice, and that works both ways. If you don’t think that she is also using common sense and good judgement in picking you, then she probably isn’t worth taking a chance on.

When to visit? If you think she’s a good prospect, 3-6 months after the beginning of your correspondence is probably a good time to get your butt over there and meet her, before you invest too much time in a long shot. If you haven’t even committed to a date for a visit after 6 months, then don’t expect her to wait for you to make up your mind.

Good luck with your new marriage :-)

Ray

... in response to Good Point, posted by Ray on Sep 12, 2002

Right, the initial e mail flew on aug 10th, i was there in late november. And she was chatting with others as she had over 300 responses to her personal. Sh!t or get off the pot.

... in response to Actions speak louder then words, posted by bryan on Sep 12, 2002


Or are you here to try to make me feel that no matter what tack I take, I'm screwed up.

The hard, cold truth is that alot of these girls are willing to marry any kano at the snap of a finger just to escape poverty / get to America.  Bash me if you wish.  That's how you bury your own insecurities.  Hmm. . . I wonder where you might be 3, 4, 5 years from now.

I'd never advise anybody to rush into things, hookline and sinker.

And guess what.  Once I was in love with a TNT.  (She tried to conceal the fact)  She was "in a hurry" to get married.  No questions asked, no planning, or anything.  I did try to think level-headedly because something was not right.  Guess what.  I "caught her in the act" of deception.  I was shocked at the time, but she went from lovey-dovey to a cold fish in the mere snap of a finger.  I sure avoided another hell-on-earth situation.

So snmarten up dude.  I'm smarter than you'd like to think.

- Kevin

... in response to Are you here to help?, posted by kevin on Sep 12, 2002

I dont have 4 or 5 years. I am happy now. Im not bashing you specifically, im questioning the largely held belief on these boards that it takes 1000 e amils 17 trips and you have to meet her 4th cousin on her moms side to have any possibilty for success.

Also it sounds like you are dead set on a Filipna when the love of your life might be right under your nose. I was trying to address the idea that it takes a certain amount of time or e amils or phone calls or visits to know somone well enough to make the leap. I think getting married has more to do with me and my needs and wants then my partners. She is the only one that really knows what she wants just like I am the only one who knows what i want. Falling in love has nothing to do with being smart. Some of the stupidest people i know are in loving long term relationships.

Bryan