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Hi All,

First of all, thanks for all of your help on my religion questions.  

On a few websites I've been surfing, in their writing tips, they recommend telling your pen pal your intentions, like "through this process, I hope to find a nice Filipina to marry" and that sort of thing.  I was just wondering, did any of you do this?  Is it really necessary, or should I just write to a Filipina like I would write to any other pen pal I might have?

Thanks,
NateD

... in response to intention, posted by NateD on Jun 12, 2002

. . . and I agree with, is don't get too caught up in the mechanism of the process. It sounds like you're taking every detail pretty seriously. Just be yourself and take your time to find someone and fall in love. You'll not ever find a bride in your first letter, no matter how carefully you craft it.  Look at it not like buying a new car, but like dating with the hope of falling in-love with a special someone and her with you. I do believe you should tell the ladies you're writing to that you're searching for your soulmate with the plan of eventually getting married. I think many write just for fun. Conveying your eventual intentions is a good thing.

-- Jeff S.

... in response to intention, posted by NateD on Jun 12, 2002

Don't over do it.  Write, converse... attack... the woman of your dreams and hope she wants you the same.  Mind meld with what makes sense and works.  This "penpal" crap... is just that.  Very few people your age have pen-pals... more like babes in the mail.  Call a spade a spade.. ahh I forgot it's a shovel.  I hate playing PC.

... in response to Analysis by paralysis..., posted by BrianN on Jun 13, 2002

Brian,

Would you care to explain what you meant by "babies in the mail"?

Thanks,
NateD

... in response to Re: Analysis by paralysis..., posted by NateD on Jun 13, 2002

babies in the mail.  I wrote "babes".  Which is what it is.  I hear this term "pen-pal", like people are writing some buddy overseas.  uh hunh!  yeah right.  I don't call a person that I would consider marrying a pen-pal.  I call them "lady".  (sorry, tired of this subject and I need to rewrite my profile and reiterate that I just hang out to piss people off - lol - no offense intended).

... in response to intention, posted by NateD on Jun 12, 2002

Here's what I said:

"I'm searching for a friendship that leads to possible romance and marriage."

I think you've got to step into the batters box and let them know you're serious.

Stephen

... in response to intention, posted by NateD on Jun 12, 2002

Nate

That's exactly what I did.  But those were my express intentions at that time.  I think honesty and being forthright are essential.  I laid it all out on the table in the first letter and reinforced the points that were important to me.  Obviously my first attempt was a disaster, but not because I was dishonest.  

Gerlie and I are very honest with each other.  We like alot of the same things, but have plenty of differences as well.  We just accept each other as we are and enjoy each other as friends.  To me that's what's most important, that we are friends :)

Keep the Faith Little Brutha :)

H

... in response to Yep, posted by Howard on Jun 12, 2002

I think that's the key exactly. Become friends first, then see what happens...

What have you been eating? You seem to get smarter every day :-)

Ray

... in response to Yep, posted by Howard on Jun 12, 2002

Hey H,

I laid it all out on the table in the first letter too. LOL Some people would say that I was too honest or open. I just didn't want to waste her time or mine, with the possibility that she couldn't accept things later when they came up. My honesty was one of the things she loved about me...it also hurt her feelings a few times. But, she understood why I said what I did and asked certain questions. There were things that she wanted to know too, but being a Filipina, wouldn't ask. By being upfront, I answered most of the questions without her having to ask.

Keeping the faith alive,

Big Brother Dave H.

... in response to Same here..., posted by Dave H on Jun 12, 2002

...we became friends, fell in love, married, and lived happily after ever...that is our goal that we work, play, and love toward each day and every day. :o)

Dave H.

... in response to Yep, posted by Howard on Jun 12, 2002

Heya Howard,

First off, I thought I'd let you know what's happening in my neck of the woods: first, I am writing to a Filipina here in the States.  Today, she sent me her picture, and there's only one word to describe her: WOW (I think you know what I'm talking about LOL! :)  And even better, she's beautiful on the inside too; we share a lot of the same interests and beliefs--which is a good thing :)

Secondly, thanks for your help.  In my past attempts, I'd never really thought about just laying all my cards out, you know?  I mean I realize I probably should have, but you grow with experience.  I think I've matured a lot in these past few years, and I think I'm a great deal more ready now than I was then.  

So I'm thinking that from now on, in every letter I send out, I'm going to tell all the women I write to that I'm looking for my soulmate...actually, why don't I just write the paragraph for you and let you tell me what you think:

"Because I believe in being completely honest and open up front, there are a few things I want you to know.  First, through this journey, I hope to find my soulmate, and I'd also like to make a few new friends along the way :)  Also, I want you to know, again because I believe in being completely honest and open, that I am writing to other ladies.  I realize also that I may seem to be too young for this, but I promise you that I am not.  While I am a kid at heart, I am also mature; I know what I want out of life: a stable career that allows me to have a close, loving family, and I know how to get there.  And getting there means a lot to me.  So please, give me a chance."

So tell me, Howard, what do you think?

Thanks,
NateD (obviously keeping the faith :)

... in response to Re: Yep, posted by NateD on Jun 12, 2002

Nate,

Hopefully everyone will understand where I am coming from with this and I won't get beaten up too badly, but...

Everything you said was great, but I personally never brodcast the fact that I was writing to other women.  It's kind of an unspoken truth, for lack of a better term, that you are writing other women and that she is writing other men.  If anyone ever asked I would have been totally open about it, but no one I ever wrote for any length of time ever asked me about writing anyone else.  The only one who discussed her pen pals with me was Ayesa, but that was after I went to the Philippines.  During my trip, if I remember correctly.

Anyway, from my expirience, the ladies I corresponded with seemed more interested in focusing on getting to know me and letting me know them than they did on who else I was writing.  I was once told that coming right out and admitting it, without being asked, would plant a seed of doubt about your sincerity.  Obviously it takes time to get to know someone well enough to make such a huge decision like going to the Philppines, but I don't think many realize that right away.  Realisim and romance don't always mix ;)  Be honest, but some information is better left asked for.  Be tactful.  That's the best advice I can give :)

The Faith is Strong with you young one ;)

LOL

H

... in response to Pretty Good Nate, but..., posted by Howard on Jun 13, 2002

Hi H,

Even when they ask, I find that most people don't really want to know the "WHOLE TRUTH," right down to the very last gory detail.

Dave H.

... in response to Pretty Good Nate, but..., posted by Howard on Jun 13, 2002

Frankly, I think it's "trial and error" and "hit or miss" on both sides.  Starting out it is not easy, but when both sides really "hit it", it truely is the most beautiful thing that could ever be.  In the realm of courtship, that is how a man and a woman can not only find, but discover each other if they are truely meant for each other.

- Kevin

... in response to Re: Yep, posted by NateD on Jun 12, 2002

I just hope you aren't writing to my step-daughter...  all I need is more problems!  LOL!

Crap, since you showed your colors here, I'll silently bow out and wish you the absolute best as there is no comparison (that I know of) to what you're attempting to do....  especially on this thread.

:-)

... in response to Maybe... and I'm no Howard.. lol :-), posted by BrianN on Jun 13, 2002

Brian,

I'm half-asleep right now--just woke up, which may be why what you said above doesn't make much sense to me LOL! :)  Care to rephrase that just a little so that we can be on the same wavelength? :)

NateD :)

... in response to Re: Maybe... and I'm no Howard.. lol :-), posted by NateD on Jun 13, 2002

There's nothing to explain.  You're writing to an american - asian.  The circumstances are entirely different to writing to a lady that is in PI, Thailand, or anywhere over there.  So nothing I say will compute.  (like it ever does).

... in response to Re: Re: Maybe... and I'm no Howard.. lol..., posted by BrianN on Jun 13, 2002

Brian,

Yeah, I'm writing to a Filipina in the States, but I'm thinking about writing to Filipinas in the Philippines; would something like what I wrote in the " " work in that case, or am I still over-doing it?

Thanks,
NateD

PS  I don't think she's your step-daughter :)

PPS  My "colors"? :)

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Maybe... and I'm no Howard....., posted by NateD on Jun 13, 2002

They are entirely different breeds of women, if they've been here for a while.  (Your colors - refers to your situation - that you're writing her here, and not there).  

There is absolutely no comparison to writing and visiting a lady in PI and writing and visiting one here in the USA.

In the meantime I'll quit kicking howards name all over the place.  :^)

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Maybe... and I'm no .. l..., posted by BrianN on Jun 13, 2002

nm