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I agree with getting her away from Mamma for a short time. Mamma misses her little girl; she's not considering her daughters best interest. Parents tend to do that! Go on a trip somewhere...ANYWHERE. Y'all need to spend some time together, just the two of you, without Mamma's influence!

Forget the $2k dog until you know the wife is gonna stay. Otherwise you may end up with a $2k dog you can't stand and that is useless. I got a mutt (can't say her name here :-) that has the best nature you ever saw. And she hunts tree-rats (squirrls).

Get divorce outta your mind and her's if you can for now. If it's only been a week she's just being a bit immature and silly. She should have considered all this before she made the decision to place an ad. Give it a little time and keep her occupied.

If in the end you've done all you can do, then heed LP's advice and take care of you!

This could all fall apart.  As long as you tried your very best now,  you will never have to kick youself in the butt later.

My wife did not miss Ukraine, but she did miss her family.  This issue did not really materialize until somewhat later (I don't know how well I could have handled it right off the bat, such as in your case).  But we stayed busy with a lot of different things.  It took my wife a couple years to become familiar with things here, such as simply responding politely to a clerk that says "may I help you" or "thank you" instead of ignoring the person.  After a few years here and becoming accustomed to simple things such as forming lines and being polite, we did return to Ukraine.  This trip only reinforced her lack of any affinity for Ukraine, and the people's behavior -- other than for her family, which she misses more than ever (she has great concern over her grandmother's health, and how she cannot be there to help).  My point is that she would never have understood this if she had returned soon after coming here, and had not yet developed some sense of what we jokingly refer to as "civilization".

Personally, I would not purchase a $2K dog.  But, perhaps talk to her about attending/returning to school with an eye on becoming a veternerian or vet's assistant.  This will allow you to show her you care, and that she can have a future here (no, at the moment you and marriage are not enough).  It will also get her involved in something that provides focus outside the home.  Point out that with the extra money she can make with a future job, she will be able to provide a certain amount to her family each month or whenever they need it (for instance, send $1K at Xmas time).  It can also provide the extra income to pay for visiting (after you get over the IRS hit).

Yes, I know that (theoretically) being married and having each other should be enough, but she needs to push your buttons right now.  If you were to ask her, she would not know or admit to this being any kind of test.  But let me tell you, behind any such emotional situation there is a test of your abilities at being "a good man".  Stay calm, hug her, ask her what she wants and make nudging suggestions about what you would like and what you can do for her.  I suspect her mother is just reinforcing whatever your wife thinks she needs -- going home -- you must do the same but within your lives here, this is her home.  Not to be too base, but if it is that time of the month, then get her through it and give her something else to focus on (but not an expensive dog, I think that will set the wrong tone).

dave

Here you invite a lady over to our foreign land and expect everything to just like work out.  Yal make fun of my tomatoes, but in reality they could have made a lady very rich and there wouldn't be any IRS tax bite.  There's big money in growing hydroponic tomatoes.

Besides you can eat what you don't sell.

Last year I ate a helluva lot of tomatoes!! hi hi.

Maybe I am missing something, and would enjoy a more expressive insight on this matter as it relates to tomotoes, and a homesick wife.

MNKenr

What have you done since she's been here (not sex wise).  Where do you live again???

Don't try and buy it with the show dog bit.  As that'll be money out the window.  Time to wake up.  Allow reality to kick in and tell her good-bye.

Or as I would say.... C ya!!

...I know you're already doing all you can, it's why you came here in frustration. I didn't offer much advice like Ken's because, although excellent, it's common sense. I'd certainly heed what he has to say but I fear it may be ineffective in this case because the root of the problem seems to lie elsewhere.

Not that she isn't suffering from a form of withdrawal. It's no different than what happens with a broken heart and the treatment is the same: stay occupied and let time do it's part. I repeat: This is a normal reaction and she must accept she's not the first to go through it. If she has a desire to stay based on commitment alone she'll eventually come around. If she doesn't she's using it as an excuse. Her mom only sees her little girl in distress from afar and her response is completely understandable. If that culture had the same bent towards independence as ours her mother would be telling her daughter to grow up and deal with the choice she made but unfortunately that's not the case. And if her daughter isn't emotionally developed enough to seperate her new life from her childhood then all is probably lost.

I think you understand the situation well enough. Your "it takes two to tango" comment and the desire to divorce her if she leaves is absolutely correct in my opinion. You did your part in the past and you're doing it now, the rest is up to her. I hate to say it but our resident hillbilly's view of the situation (other than his moronic comments about sex and shipping her back in haste) has a ring of truth to it. If she truly loved you she would still be having these problems but responding differently. Stick with it until you've done all you can *within reason* but as you said, it takes two and even if you get past this there'll be future issues that'll arise from the lack of commitment that accompanies a fragile emotional bond. There is no guarantee that bond will grow and it should've been present before she came over. Frankly, from where I sit, even if she stays it's gonna be a real crap shoot.

$2K for a show dog? Yikes. Careful, you've done enough as it is. Now is not the time to be crossing over into the dark side. If she doesn't love you enough that she needs an expensive dog to serve as a surrogate in order to overcome simple homesickness, well, there isn't much more I can say. Try a mutt from the pound instead. Do what you can within reason and remain supportive but never give up your dignity and always protect your own interests first.

In the end no one can tell you what to do. You're a big boy and know the score. Plus you're the only one actually in the thick of it. In fact you/we may well be overreacting at this point. Settle down and be patient. Listen to the little man we each have living inside of us because The Little Man knows all...especially when the chips are down. Remain in control at all times and maintain the perspective that if it blows up you did your part and it's not the end of the world. It still could work out, stranger things have happened. On the other hand it may soon be time to pay the MOB piper. If that time comes don't fight it. It will be painful yes, but with time your own withdrawal will subside and you'll continue on a wiser man. And fwiw even though I suspected this deal might falter I'm genuinely sorry to see you suffering.

-blm

She sounds like she just not mature enough to make decision for herself.  So, what I'd do is tell her she can board the airplane anytime she'd like.  But, before she does atleast show her a good time in America.

Be the real "Amassador of Good Will" they've always heard about.

Frankly, I'll bet this chick would actually like to stick around once she saw how great the place is...cause you know in the back of her mind for the rest of her life.  When she does return to Ukraine, she'll be saying 'dang, I was there and I wanted to come home to this dump'.

Look at all those Russian spies who had the time of their lifes in Washington DC during the cold war... They knew, their country was the pits.  Don't you know that's why so many were double agents...ha.

They were lookin for a easy way out or a better way of life!

I think, once you show the girl around...she'll wise up.

If not, her loss.

Atleast, there's a dozen more lined up to take her spot.  So take your time, be a great guy you are...and have fun.

This was a learning experience for you.

You are getting laid, right?  Just making sure you were paying attention...  Just don't force it on her.

Betch a dozen donuts, you tell her to go pack her stuff up and  
your taking her to the airport, she'll try and stall for more time.

Best of all, go to the city and ride public transportation!
She probably knows all too well how it is in Ukraine, nuts to butts packed in...  Heck, she rides one of our buses and she'll think she's riding in a limo.

-blm

Maybe she could get some additional support there from the many already here and read or hear what she needs to hear or see from someone who has experienced already exactly what she is feeling.

Maybe a pet,a new family member,that you 2 could choose together and begin together for now...

We try to have empathy toward them but it's hard to understand something you've never done before yourself.
If you truely love her,become her best friend and stand beside her.

Most good things in life require TIME,a word we all hate to deal with sometimes...

KenC said it best...GET HER INVOLVED...She needs to feel a part of something positive and happy...

beattledog

Concentrate on saving this thing and don't be so quick to bail.  Easy come, easy go, eh?  This is the hard part, now buck up!
KenC

I know you want support right now and I'd like to give you some. However, I can't make it all wine and roses because it's my nature to be, well, frank.

If I was in your shoes (and I never would be in this case) I would appeal to your wife's common sense. You need to explain to her that she is not the first to go through this process, that tens of thousands have come before her and came out winners. She should understand she's only been here a few weeks, that this is a completely natural reaction, and that it *will* get better with time. As I said, it's only common sense.

Now for the bad part. You should be asking yourself why you should have to explain any of this to her in the first place. The way I see it there are three answers. 1) She is a kid. 2) There is an insufficient emotional bond between you. 3) A combination of both. Even if you get past this you'll have to deal with those issues as they manifest themselves in other ways in the future.

What does her mommy say? Is she with ye or agin ye? If she's with ye than use it. If she's agin ye you're screwed, because her little girl is still that. What about your family, can they talk to her?

If not it's time to think about the future Frank. Your future, not hers. You come first. Something you should have realized way back when you got into this. Don't get me wrong, I'm sorry to hear about this, I really am. But *if* you can't make her understand what I've written above, which is something any mature adult should already know, and something anyone involved in MOB should have thought through from day one, and if there isn't a strong enough bond between her and you, it's more than likely time to send her home before the hole gets too deep.

Otherwise, the only thing she needs now is time. It's her (and your) best friend at this stage of the game. Try and make her see this. Try and make her understand that if she goes back she'll be adrift in the same ocean as before, on the same ship she wanted to jump so badly. Remind her an entire new life streches out in front of her to the horizon, one filled with oppurtunities and experiences unimaginable at this point. Remind her that as she travels that road you'll be right there by her side in support of every single problem that comes along, that you will love her with all your heart, and never, *ever*, let her down. Impress upon her it would be utterly foolish to throw such a sweet deal away over something you'll both probably laugh about in a year. She has to grow up someday Frank, it might as well be with the man she's already chosen.

Tell her there is no excuse for becoming a slave to her emotions, even if she is a Ukrainian woman. If all else fails appeal to her logic, contrary to popular belief women have quite a bit and when something like this is at stake it's usually the better path to follow. If none of that works then bend the rules: Do whatever it takes to gain time. Cancel the ticket, take her on a trip, do anything to make the clock go by. Hell, tell her the board's biggest a-hole is rubbing her face in it and she should show him how full of shti he is. Do whatever it takes...but if in the end she's really adamant about leaving let her go, for your own sake.

I wish you both well but I'll be you again for a moment and say that everything you've ever written about her lead me to believe she was not mature enough, not strong enough, nor in love enough to have made this move to begin with. I was hoping I was wrong and I still am but if she continues this behavior past a certain point it'll be time to start thinking about yourself. If she can't see this was supposed to be a two way deal, if all she can do is think about her own problems and ignore how they affect her partner and the commitment she made when she said "I do", than it may indeed be time to bail.

No one said this MOB stuff was going to be easy remember?

LP and KenC gave you some real good advice. Do whatever it takes to buy some time and it’s very important to help her keep busy. Take a few weeks off of work anyway you can so you can be there to support her. Take some short trips or make it a second honeymoon. Don’t leave her alone now and try to give her a chance to get over it. If her mom is against you and talking her into returning, then get her out of the house for a while where mom can’t call her easily.

As for your question about revoking the K-3: IF you should divorce, then technically her visa validity ends when the marriage ends. You could cancel your I-130 petition by sending a signed, notarized letter to the Service Center or to the NVC depending on where it is in the process. With the K-3 visa in her passport, she may be able to get on a plane for the States during the next 2 years, but she may be turned away at the POE if you notified CIS that your marriage was ended and you canceled the petition. They should change her status in their computer system and it will show up when she tries to clear immigration. Even if she did get into the country again, who cares? You did your part in notifying the government so it wouldn’t be your problem any more anyway.

I hope things work out for you two…

Ray

Gee, I was under the impression there were roller coasters rides there and such...

Now that I think about I've seen some photos of people in paddleboats...  Wheee, that must be alot of fun!  It's bad enough, ya gotta walk a million miles in that country and now they got a "fun ride" where you like huff around a lake in a bicycle powered like boat.

Yea, you gotta take her to Disneyland or Six Flags.

Give her something to talk about to the folks at home... Who are missing out on all the fun.

Course, they'll try and talk her back "misery loves company".