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I'm having a crisis of conscience.  What's new, right?  LOL

My Birthday was two weeks ago friday.  This past Saturday I received a card from my inlaws.  Yes they're still my inlaws because my Anuulment was moved to April 17th--for those keeping track--because of a death in my lawyer's family that required him to leave town suddenly, forcing him to reschedule my hearing...

Anyway, in the card--which was touchingly sentimental as always--my mother-in-law asks the me to "PLEASE write and tell us how you and Ayesa are doing..."

I have not talked to my mother-in-law since December.  I'm pretty sure that Ayesa has not either.

Here's my dilema.  It's been easier than I thought to ignore my inlaws.  At one point, out of anger and hurt, I wanted to fire off a letter that I thought, hoped, would make them feel awful about thier part, deliberate or innocent, in this whole mess, but you guys, wisely and correctly, talked me out of it.  Now things are different.  I could be much less emotional now.  I could write something brief--I know, hard to believe ;c)--and to the point...  The only thing that's stopping me is the promise I made to Ayesa to not correspond with her parents.  Should I honor it?  Or should I treat it like the promise she made to "Love, Honor, Cherish... until DEATH..."?

Ayesa, I feel, has been honest with me.  I don't have any anymousity(sp?) toward her.  I just feel that her parents, for whatever reason, put their trust in me and that I should at least tell them what's going on, or has gone on...  Don't I owe them an explaination?  AT least a status report?  What if they have NO clue what's going on?  Don't they deserve to know?

I don't know.  I am not obsessing over this, but I am a bit torn over whether or not to respond or not.

Comments not only appreciated, but encouraged!

Keep the Faith!

H

It's not really about honoring your promise to Ayesa anymore, Howard, it's about PUTTING THE PAST BEHIND YOU. You need to get on with your life. The feelings of your ex-in-laws are no longer any concern of yours.

If the above advice doesn't sink home, then consider this -the only reason they are writing you is that they've obviously lost contact with Ayesa, and they're just trying to use you (once again) to get some word about her. Don't get in the middle of this, Ayesa is going to have to deal with them in her own way, eventually.

More than my .02, given in good intention to my old amigo -

Tim

You mean to say that you are STILL getting responses from that ad you ran years ago? Amazing! I guess you got your money's worth on that one...LOL!

Ray

In the 18 months I've been married to Wendy, at least 4 letters from potential pen-pals have arrived.  The last one came about a month ago. Thank God I have an understanding wife !

Regards, Tim

Deport her.

Tell her parents why she is being deported, all of it. Also her aunts and uncles and anyone else you know there.

If you found her through an agency, tell the agency what happened and request they do not accept her again, nor anyone else from her family.

She does not deserve your consideration. She willingly played her part. She swore before God that she would love and honor you. No true Catholic will lie before God.

Did you keep your end of the responsibilities? Did you treat her well and provide for her? Did you assist her family? Yes.

Remember, you promised to send her home if things did not work out well. Keep your promise. Deport her, tell them why. Maybe they wanted to be sure you would send her home so they could "hire" her out again? Who knows? None of them deserve your kindness. You have been more than kind. Her father lives because of you. You owe them NOTHING. Not her, not her family. All debts are paid on your part and then some.

-VICKY

Sometimes it takes a woman to slap the sh@t out of us just so we can think straight, love not-withstanding.

Bear and Honey

P.S. How is Gerlie?  We haven't heard from her lately.

Steveb

I don't think your promise to Ayesa should be a determining factor, as her promises to you obviously weren't a determining factor in her actions.

I think the parents should know what the outcome of their actions were. Theoretically, it should come from Ayesa. However, I don't believe that would ever come to pass. She would either tell them what she wanted them to believe, or tell them what she thought they wanted to hear. Either way, it would not be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Does she have sisters? If so, learning the truth may make them think twice about lining up another perfect marriage to a "rich american". Maybe not.

Just do what you think is right. There are no perfect answers.

Larry.

I  will  give you  my  opinion  before  I  read  what  the  others  have  to say.

I  would  use  the  notorious  phillapine  mail  service  as  an  excuse  and  just  pretend  you never got  the  letter.

You  don't  need  this  additional hassel  in  your  life.  give  the  card  to  Ayessa  and  let  her  deal with  it  if   she  wants  to.  If they  made  the  plans  for  Ayessa  to  come  all  the  way  to  America  for  a  new  life  with  you  then   they  should  accept  the consequenses  of  the  end  result  too.  Ayessa  should accept the  responsibility  of  telling  her  parents  of  what  happened between you or  whether  not to  and  continue  to  cower  in  their  shadow.

Wash  your  hands  on this  and  don't  respond at least  without  consulting  with Ayessa  about  what  to  do and  say first.  Move  on and  enjoy  your  potential  future  with  gerl  and  don't  look  back  anymore.  I  hope  all  is  well  between  you two !

Keep  the  faith

Windmill  Boy

"Who would it benefit?"

In otherwords, if you write, or say or speak words, (of hate, anger, self-embellishment, whatever it is), then who would those words benefit?

In your anger, it would most likely be yourself only, for only a moment, which is obviously the wrong thing to do, and could have the worst repercussions of all.  

Save your anger vents for the pl board, (because they would benefit everyone to read for educational purposes at least - plus it gives us something to do here!), and your good side, for everybody else that you'd just as soon ... ummm, well, like it's said, keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

You might want to change your tag line Howard, from "keep the faith" to "keep the woman".  That might help too sometime in the future..  (ouch, I was joking at your expense! sorry!).  Hope it made you laugh a little.

-- Jeff S.

What is she still doing here in the states? Sorry if this sounds a little hard but "WE" don't need her kind in "OUR" country! Please do your part and make sure she is deported ASAP!  To allow her to stay in the USA is a slap in the face of every American.

Humabdos

How’s your visa application coming along?

Ray

Episodes like this give ammunition to enemies of choice, they will attempt to extrapolate this to show that all MOB marriages are scams. There is enough negative and distorted press about the MOB option-- don't give them ammo.

These incidents also give fuel to all the "scammer wannabe's", when they hear how easy it is to get to the US and stay here, guys will be swimming through a school of greencard sharks.

I am unsure why Howard didn't escort her to the nearest airport and put her on the next plane back to the PI. I would have.

As for "our" country, da*n right. Humabdos and I and every other citizen of this country vote for the legislators to make the laws. These include those laws that regulate immigration. The libertarian nonsense that there should be no immigration laws show law of intellectual capacity.
Give me a break!!!

First, if you think I’m a Libertarian then you’re wrong. If you are implying that I have ever advocated that there should be no immigration laws, then your doubly wrong.

Deport her for what Jim? I don’t know who’s story you have been reading, but you must be confused with someone else’s story on another board maybe. I’m sure that Howard will correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t he say all along that he felt his wife has been honest with him and that he doesn’t have any animosity toward her? If Howard feels that she didn’t lie to him, then why do you imply that she did? You somehow seem to know more about this woman and her intentions than Howard does. Do you have some sort of crystal ball or something?

What’s all this talk about greencard sharks? You say that she knowingly used Howard to get to the USA? Was that her sole motivation all along Jim? Hell, he practically had to drag her back here from the Philippines. If you had been following his story, then you would know that. Doesn’t sound like a “greencard shark” to me.

You say that she committed marriage fraud because she got married apparently knowing she did not love him. Did she maybe love him a little do you think? Or maybe she only thought she loved him but was too immature to know what real love was? Or maybe she did love him but she didn’t love him enough? How much do you have to love someone before it’s not marriage fraud Jim? Is there a specific immigration law that says you have to love someone and how much you have to love them before you can legally marry? Do you see what I’m getting at? You don’t know this woman or what her true motives were yet you are ready to deport her. What gives you the right to accuse someone without knowing the facts? I can only go by what Howard reported in his posts, but people like you and Humabdos and a few others somehow have the inside scoop on what really went on in this woman’s mind. What ever happened to the principle that says someone is innocent until proven guilty? You and Humabdos have already tried her and are ready to deport her on the next plane back to the Philippines.

I suggest that you get your facts straight before you accuse someone on a public forum of breaking the laws of this country. Now I challenge you to state your case for deportation with specifics. Please do show us EXACTLY what this woman did that would PROVE her guilty in a court of law and make her legally deportable. No generalizations please, just hard facts, the kind that would be admissible as evidence. I would like to know the specific section of the immigration law that she violated and specifically how she violated it. No mind reading or assumptions, just the hard facts. Can you do that Jim? Or are you just blowing smoke like Humabdos?

Anxiously awaiting an intelligent response,

Ray

As you recall though, the truth only fully came out once she got here to the US, how convenient. Obviously she is a rather immature young lady, who can't even tell her parents the truth.

You are certainly right that we cannot know what goes on in peoples minds and their changing motivations. If this winds up in front of an immigration judge, they will have to determine whether there was a "Good Faith" marriage, they will determine intent based on the evidence available; conduct prior to the marriage and in some situations conduct after the marriage. See Doc Steen's site. I will leave the lawyering to the immigration attorneys.

Whether the INS orders her removal or not, Howard certainly would have been justified in putting her on the next plane back to the PI. If for no other reason than to protect himself against the very real possibility that she would accuse him of domestic violence to increase her chances of staying.

My main point was that events like this give ammunition to those who oppose choice. If this young lady stays it also gives hope to all those who will do anything to get themselves or their child to the promised land. The events of 9/11 clearly show us why we have immigration laws in this country, the rules are going to continue to be tightened, and will probably make the MOB process more burdensome.

Finally, this is a public forum in which opinions are exchanged regarding MOB issues. I will continue to post my opinion, if it is libelous, let 'em commence court action! I still believe whether due to her immaturity, pressure from her family, etc., she USED Howard to get to the "promised land" and should leave the country one way or another.  

Personally, I do not allow people to attempt to use me without them suffering serious consequences and am uncomfortable seeing others being used and not fighting back.  

From the information presented in Howard’s story, I guess we could all agree that she was immature when she came here to marry Howard. But being guilty of immaturity is a lot different than being guilty of immigration fraud. When Humabdos says that she is just like the wetbacks that sneak in from Mexico, he is only showing his ignorance of our laws. To imply that I don’t support this country’s immigration laws is just more of the nonsense that Humabdos likes to spew from his big mouth. I would be willing to wager that I have personally reported more illegal immigrants to the INS than Humabdos could even think of in his dreams. If Humabdos is really serious about deporting this woman, then he will contact the INS as I suggested. However, I suspect that he is only blowing smoke as usual :-)

I respect Howard’s judgement and if he wants to pursue this matter with the INS, then I support his decision to do whatever he feels is right. If anyone here has the real facts, it’s Howard, not Humabdos. I still haven’t seen any of the "deport her now" crowd present any solid facts as to exactly how this woman broke the law, but if it makes them feel good to shout it to the world, them more power to them.

These marriages to ladies from another country can be very high risk. Because one of these marriages fails doesn’t automatically mean that someone committed fraud or broke the law. It’s so easy to make accusations against someone, but it is a lot harder to back up your accusations with factual evidence.

Peace,

Ray

Humabdos

Since you keep insisting that Ayesa should be treated like a common criminal and deported, would you be kind enough to tell us all precisely which law she violated and how. Come on Humandos, I know you can do it. You seem to have all the answers. Just explain to us all exactly what she is guilty of so we can all agree that she needs to be deported immediately. Please be specific and forget the snide remarks for a minute. I wish you would prove me wrong and say something intelligent for a change.

And please leave my wife out of this discussion. If you are incapable of an intelligent debate, then don’t bring yourself down into the gutter by making snide remarks about your opponent’s wife. You are only showing your ugly side when you stoop to such tactics.

Still waiting for someone to state the section of the law that this woman violated and how.

Ray

Humabdos

                   Peace everyone
                       Joe

And,Kevin, thanks for holding your tongue and keeping it brief.Really!!!

tito Matt

- Kevin

Since you agree with him all the way Kevin, I must assume that you agree with his insulting remarks about my wife. Kevin, perhaps you should have remained silent instead of showing your true colors by getting down into the gutter with Humabdos.

Ray

Let me make one thing clear.  What I agreed with to Humabdos regarding the Ayesa situation has nothing at all to do with your wife.  But here you go again putting words in peoples' mouths again to make the good guys look like the bad guys, and the ones that were the wrongdoers (of which such string topics end up grossly deviating from) you act like some defender of the helpless innocent.

Look at yourself.  I hope you don't pat yourself on the back for giving Howard sound advice.  Look where your advice led him.

- Kevin

YOU picked the time to crawl out from under your rock and YOU picked the flame post to which you wanted to reply and YOU said that you concurred with him “all the way”.

Nobody put all the obscenities into your mouth before Kevin and nobody is putting any words into your mouth this time. YOU seem to be the one who wants another fight Kevin. Now if you can’t contribute anything intelligent to the discussion, I suggest that you keep quiet. Comprende?

Ray

And by the way, who got me going?  I tried to remain silent long enough, but there's no need to be afraid to speak my mind on this board because of belligerent folks like you.  I though what you said to Humabdos was unreasonable and actually a kick in the teeth (an insult) to any male that's suffered because of the act of sweetheart swindling, regardless of the shape or form.

- Kevin

Ray

hum

Anyways, if you're familiar with the new Super Stop & Shop shopping plaza in Cranston, this past Januaru I rediscovered San Miguel beer in Rhode Island.  Until now, I haven't seen it in Rhode Island since 1993.  People's Warehouse Liquors, next to the new Stop & Shop, sells it.

There is also the Filipino-American Association of Newport County, Rhode Island that you and your mahal might be interested in.  Please e-mail me for more details and we can get in touch.

- Kevin

hum

Come on, what are you waiting for? Let's get that wetback hoe out of our country now! She’s slapping us all in the face darn it (ROFLMAO!).

Hurry up and report her Hum! Ask Howard for her address so we can get rid of her. Please keep us posted on your progress in this urgent matter…You crack me up! :-)

Ray (slapped in the face and pissed)

...I'll sell it for pennies on the dollar to recoup some of my investment :c)  But to just GIVE it up for free... Well that's Un-American!

You guys SLAY me

H