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I have to agree with what everyone else has said. Lori, the best thing for now is to give lots of love and have plenty of patience. When he cries or if he becomes angry or cold, try not to take it personal, you are not to blame. Thai loves you and it was ultimately his decision to join you in the US. Try not to become absorbed in his grief, but be strong and supportive...easier said than done. His family in the US will probably be able to help a great deal. At the moment, I’m sure he can express his feelings better in his own language and with people of his own culture. Keep busy with small things and don’t overwhelm him by trying to do too much too soon or plan grand schemes (large parties, meeting everyone, Disney World…) until he is more adjusted and ready.  America is a huge intimidating country, with a strange culture. We can be loud and large, and also quite funny looking. ;o)) A quiet walk in the park or country can sometimes work wonders. Books, movies, puzzles, trips to an Asian store, picnics and bicycle rides are just a few of the things that might help...whatever he is fond of. I usually convince my wife to walk with me (I need the exercise) each night, even though she doesn’t always feel like it. We end up having a nice conversation and she feels much better when we return. After a short while, Thai will improve greatly. He will go into what has been called the “Honeymoon period” around here. Everything becomes interesting and exciting for a few months. There may be  periods of homesickness, but usally short and not so consuming. Then the homesickness sets in again, although probably not as intense as what you are experiencing right now.  That’s where my wife is at the moment. With her it is usually not so apparent on the surface, but revealed from her lack of interest in things. Sometimes the tears will come. I must say that she has done much better than I would have. Having her sister nearby and a trip planned to see her family in the Philippines in a few months, has also helped lift her spirits. Most people seem to take up to two years before they do really well. A job to occupy some of Thai’s time (especially when you are working) may prove to be very helpful.

Stay strong and good luck,

Dave H.

Thanks! That's an honor! And boy would I have fun teasing you. ;o))

Keep up the good work, you're doing fine! Love, patience, and communication...and whatever else you can think of. Tell Thai that I said hi. At first, whenever my wife would cry or become upset...I thought it was something that I did. Now I just kindly smile at her and hold her gently.

Dave H.

-- Jeff S.

ROFL I forgot there's not a whole lot of snow in Vietnam and the mid-west doesn't have much of a monsoon season. :o)) Better to take those walks in the mall.

Dave H.

Again... we are all pulling for you guys :c)

Keep the Faith :c)

H

Another thing I forgot to mention is my 4 month old niece (brother's daughter). My wife and her sister are having a ball taking care of her. In fact, she is here right now. I sure wish I was a Filipino baby! ;o) It has helped my wife and sister-in-law GREATLY in dealing with the pain of leaving their 5 year old niece (whom my wife was raising) back in the Philippines.

I'm getting ready to go to the Filipino store to buy Chippy and some sort of shrimp chips. I think we're running low on lumpia wrappers. My wife is going to make me some atsara.  Mas sarap! I may have to pick up a San Miguel...or two ;o))

Your faith may very with your mileage...seems like I've been retreaded. ;o))) Faith Once More!

Dave H.

We've been eating a lot of grilled salmon lately because it's only $.50 a pound for the whole fish. Last week she told the Filipino fish-cutter that he could keep the head, so I guess the wife is starting to become Americanized already :-)

She just loves those fish tacos if you want me to send you my recipe.

Ray

No tabos...Chippy and Roller Coaster $.75 cents each, San Miguel $9.80 for a 12-pack. I wonder if I can trade them a 12-pack of fine Colt 45 malt liquer :oQ. Along with the above items, I bought some bibingka, frozen lumpia (for emergencies), Maxx candy, dried mangoes and pan de sal. My wife will have to do the real shopping. ;o))

Dave H.

Anyone knows a store in Denver that sells those things you mentioned?

Are these guys on the board are invited? (o;o)

Best wishes!

Sally & Jim

Didn't expect this much reaction.....was just glad someone mentioned where  "tabo"  was available.  *grin*  Mahirap kasi hanapin ng isang lalaki na hindi filipino yan....lol.  Nahihirapan na syang maghanap nyan para di na raw ako mahirapan pag-dating dyan. lol

Sorry, guys,  have to say that in Tagalog. Though I know some of your sweeties can very well translate that, it still feels different when posted in english.  

Mea culpa.  ;)

You should be practicing your English now that you will be living in America. I know that your English is excellent, but there are some changes to the language coming soon and you should start preparing for them. This is a new world in which we live and change is inevitable. Europe is already starting the changeover and the U.S. and Canada will be next. I saw this interesting article on the subject recently that will give you an idea of what to expect:

-----
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the  EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze world!
-----

Ray :-)

Seriously now,  he has started learning Tagalog after some errant txt messages (mine) went to him and he said I should be grateful that his tagalog isn't that great yet....lol.

He has learnt the most important ones, though.....first line he asked to be taught? .... I guess, you can figure  what it was.  *s*

Was that it? I can't think of anything more important at the moment... :-)

Ray

Hi May & Ray,
sorry to interrupt you two :) speaking about learning Tagalog language. My husband's first Tagalog phrase that he had learned was;
'Mahal kita'= meaning I love You
but after 5 months spending with me in the Philippines He has learned & picked up a lot of both Visayan & Tagalog words so now every time I talk on the phone with my family or friends He could pick up and understand what I was blabbing about *S* :)

NNP

*s* I am very happy for you! I find that I can buy some Filipino canned and bottled foods at most Asian stores. One Asian store even sells Chippy, Sarsi, Pop Cola, lumpia and lumpia wrappers. Fortunately, I found a Filipino store a few blocks from my house. I thought it was just another Asian store since it is next to a Chinese restaurant. When I walked in, a big pile of San Miguel greeted me. ;o)) Green mangos are another matter. The Filipino store said they will get some in when they are in season. In the mean time, my wife eats unrippened mangos from South America. OK, but not even close.  

Good Luck!

Dave H.

P.S. Thanks for the congratulatory emails! I switched back to AOL and seldom check my other mail. Sorry for not responding.

Where have you been hiding? Do I detect a long trip in your near future?

I could only find one store in Colorado, in Boulder.

http://www.filipino-americans.com/usa_stores.html

Better be safe and pack your tabo :-)

Ray

I  am  happy  to hear  that  good  things  are  coming  your way soon.  I  lived  in  colorado  Springs  for  a  year  (1  hour  south  of  Denver)  for  a year  and  Colorado   has  some  of  the  most  beautiful  scenery  in  the  Country  If  you  prefer  the  mountains  like  I  do.

I  hope  you  will  be   able  to  find  an Asian  store  that  will  be  closer  to  you. But  dont  fret  Boulder  is  only  30  - 45  minutes  out  of  downtown  Denver.  It  is  certainly  a  beautiful drive  out  of  Denver  and  towards  the mountains.  Boulder  is  butted  right  up against the  flatirons  rock formation.  Boulder  is  a  fun  and  funky progressive town  to  visit  and  the  views  driving  into  the  mountains  into the  Boulder  canyon  are  very  spectacular.

If  you  and  Barry  have  the  chance  to  sight  see on  you  first  visit  and  can  go  south  to  Colorado  Springs  Visit  the  "Garden  of  the  Gods"  park  that  is  also  very  interesting  to  see.

I  am  happy  to  see  that  you  have  found  your new  sense  of  bliss  and  things  can  only  get  better  for  both of  you!

Windmill Boy

I think God truly decides for us in HIS time.  I love the mountains....nature.  I am not one for the city lights and all that.  Baguio and Tagaytay has always been my escape from Manila and I am told Colorado is such a place.

But, you know what?  I think I'd fly anywhere...live anywhere just as long as Barry and I will be together.  *s*

Now, it's my turn to lookout when your time comes.  *s*

Japan sure is beautiful, but, I think you know that.  *grin*

I  have  not  been  to  Japan yet so  far.  But  I  am  happy  to  say that  "The Japan Fund" is growing due  to  some  overtime  that  I  have  been  getting  at  work.  I  figure right  now  I have enough  to  fly  there  and  back  If  I  get  a  good  off  season price  next fall / winter out  of  LA.  I  am  about  1/7  of  the  way  there.

Windmill  Boy

And yes,  in about 4 months, with God's help (and the Embassy's.....hehehe), I will be taking that long trip to my new home.  *smile*

I wish you mucho happiness in your new home May!

Ray

Now, you two, behave and leave me in peace, pls..  *s*

-- Jeff S.

Jeff, my promise stands....you'll have first hot at our pictures.  *s*

Sorry.......feeling warm here.  *grin*

OK...You're both blessed! *s* I will leave you in peace. *s*

Dave H.

I now sing, Dave........just one tone.....BARRYtone.  *grin*

I know that you know how it feels to finally find that love you have waited and prayed for all your life.

I have also read up on the recent developments with you and Thai.  Keep the faith, Lori.  Love is all that matters.  *smile*

I'm happy for you May!

Ray

All I can say is.......now, I know why I waited and never compromised what I believed love is. *s*

Hum

Barry comes first and foremost.  *s*

Stop teasing us! Come on...out with it! *s*

Dave H.

Got to get out of my lurk mode, I'm all curious about who this lucky guy is.  We're all ready to listen to your story, May.  Will you be a June Bride?  Happy to learn that you have finally found your TL ;-)

Roy and Celia

He's more of a "feeling" person than I am so I know that he can do more justice to our love story.  

Glad to know I can make you come out of hiding.....hehehe.

But She does cry.  I think its mainly because she was so "belittled" by so many people she was close to she has a hard time believing the "ego building" I praise her with constantly.  And I think she has some serious hormone imbalance at that time of the month.

I think people forget that men can cry too.  I think its not unnatural that he is lonely or scared or worried or misses home or whatever.  I think he does need you to be there for him and let him know what ever his need is you'll provide it.  I know you are concern but it really isn't about you at this point, stick with him and things hopefully will approve.

Bear and Honey

- Kevin

Maybe a part-time job would help him take his mind off of home. Also, make him laugh any way you can and as often as you can. You can do it Lori. Maybe Dave H could help you with some material? :-)

Ray

... You mean those Purple G-String pics floating around the internet?  LOL  Was THAT the kind of material you were thinking of?  LOL

H

Maybe I should jump in my car and head to Lori and Thai's place. Me "table topping" in my pruple G-string should clear away those tears of saddness and relace them with tears of laughter. It works for my wife. Of course, I might freeze my azz off up there! ;o))

Dave H.

To clarify that mental image a little more, just watch the movie "The Full Monty" and focus on Dave. That would be pretty close. ;o)))

I like your Little Saigon road trip idea. :o)

Dancin' Dave H.

It's getting late...the wife is working. I have to go practice my moves in the mirror before I go to bed. ;o))) Have to be ready for tomorrow. Filipinas seem to like the song "I'm Horny" by Vinyl. Great tune to preform for the ladies to! Although most Filipinas seem think it's about horns growing out of your head. =:o)))

Dave H.

Ray

My heart really goes out to you and Thai.  I remember all too well going through what you are now.  In my situation, it went on for about a week before it seemed to lessen and then eventually disappear over the course of about six weeks.  Keeping busy--with the wedding plans, etc...--is very helpful and diverts attention elsewhere.  I would bring friends and family over a few at a time, so that she wouldn't be overwhelmed AND so that I could schedule several little events, instead of one or two huge ones.  Another thing that helped was that I kept a close eye on who Ayesa seemed to warm up to.  There is NO way of knowing ahead of time who will strike a cord with Thai, but when you find someone that does--hopefully it is someone you LIKE being around :c)--make sure to invite that person to the rest of these meet and greets.  It will give him a sense of "knowing" someone and make him feel less like a stranger.  There isn't a whole lot else you can do, except to be the caring person that you are.  Just be patient and try not to take it personally, I doubt any of it's because of you.  It's just like everyone is saying, it's homesickness and culture shock.

I will keep you and Thai in my thoughts!  I wish you guys the BEST!

Keep the Faith

H

-VICKY

Ray

To him....this is a STRANGE, new country.  When people talk funny sounds come out of their mouth.  It's different and he wonders where he fits in.  HE'S ALSO SCARED, i'll bet.  I know I sure would be scared in such a strange new enviroment.

Also....some people talk about how these people just can't wait to get to America any way they can.  For some, that's true.  But for others they prefer "home" and loved one.

I know that if something happened to me Tess would be on a plane back to the Phils.  She has no desire to become a US citizen.  She's very satisfied with being a Philipino.

Hand in there, Lori.

Stephen

-- Jeff S

About YOU though. Keep your chin up, be sympathetic but strong. You haven't done anything wrong. Rest assured that ten years from now you both will look back on this time and laugh, maybe even reminisce fondly. You have to be his anchor since his world is upside down. Keep things as light and fun as you can. He'll love you for it in the morning. Now if your both fall apart you may add gasoline to the fire.

Hey, take a deep breath and relax. It's only been two days!

-- Jeff S.

It's a helpless feeling, I know, but just hang in there and do whatever you can for him.  To some degree it's normal, but almost certainly it will pass.  Sally cried herself to sleep quite a few times in those first 4 weeks and nothing I did could bring her much comfort.  I just held her at night; the moans and the sobs wouldn't allow me to sleep until she had finally dozed off.

Jim