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Mark,

First of all, congratulations :c)  I am truely happy that you feel you have found "The One".  She must be a very special young lady and she's lucky to have found a good guy like you ;c)

Dude... I'm not gonna beat up on you in any way.  It's not my style and I have no right.  It is my hope that you have found the relationship that will last the rest of your life and I wish you nothing but happiness, prosperity and wedded bliss! :c)  You don't have to respond, I already have a good idea of the answers you'll give, but I would just like to ask you to really, really think things through.  Trust me, I thought I had all the answers once myself.  I did not, but hey... maybe that's just me :c)

I too am 35 and am about two weeks away from an annulment with a Filipina 13 yrs my junior.  Now, I realize that everyone is different, trust me I do, but somethings are unversal.  Hey, I'm hip.  I'm a young 35.  I listen to music that's up to date, like the Gen X fashions--although Tee-Shirts and Sweats are ALWAYS in fashion :c)  LOL--can not only stomach, but find myself liking the popular twenty-something movies, TV shows, etc...  I'm not an "Old Dude" grasping my youth, I am just who I am.  I march to my own drum machine :c)  HATE drummers LOL, inside joke :c)  (No Offense Mars!  LOL)  Sure, I'm responsible and quite mature, but I relate better to Pop Culture than most people I know our age.  I am a musician and I think young, etc...  Basicly, I'm not an old boring guy, my sense of humor keeps me young :c)

With all of that said, a seventeen year old, no matter how mature she seems, is still a seventeen year old.  My wife was barely 21 when we got married, by the time the good behavior wore off, I was sure she was younger than that!  LOL  For the most part we were destine to fail for other reasons, but do NOT disregard the age gap you will face.  There is no way to prepare for it, it happens when you least expect it and it can be EVIL!

There were so many things I let slide, because I was so into having a young attractive wife, just be smarter than me that's all I ask :c)

Was it worth it?  For me, sure.  I'm not thrilled about the Annulment or the end of my marriage, but I have met someone through this that truely understands and accepts me without condition.  That makes it worth it for me.  My soon to be ex-wife?  I dunno.  She is broken to a point and deeply scared by all of this.  Nothing I did, or so I am told, effected the ultimate outcome of our marriage, it's demise... So I can take small amounts of comfort in the fact that it wasn't me that directly hurt her so badly, but she was/is hurt nonetheless.  Maybe in time she will get it all together, that is my hope for her, but I have seen significantly less "ruin" someone's life because they let it.

I am in NO way saying to ignore your heart!  I am just saying be smarter than I was.  If you see absolutely no reason to be apprehensive, then don't be.  Just don't ignore the potential pitfalls of such an age gap like I did.

I hope that you understand where I am coming from with this post.  My concern is equal for you and your fiancee--Many times here we only focus on the man and not the fiancee, that's why I point that out--and it is my hope that you have a happy and fullfilled life :c)

You just sound so much like I did that I felt I had to say something.  I sincerely hope you understand my intent ;c)

Keep the Faith!

H

... in response to MarkUSA... Please Read, posted by Howard on Mar 10, 2002

:)

... in response to MarkUSA... Please Read, posted by Howard on Mar 10, 2002

Whoa ...

Ok Howard and a few others ...
And those(JoeMc Febtember etc.) who have faith that I will be ok!
I thank you ..

First of What do I say or how should I respond...
Well I think "NO Response" will hold me to what integrity I have....

I just want to say that believe me when I say I understand
all the obstacles that may lye ahead of me ..
And I am sure there are many that I dont see that will appear along the way .. also..

But you know everyone in life takes many chances everyday and
"even just waking up and getting in your car is a chance and descision we all make each day ..
Do we know what the outcome of that day is going to be (good or bad! maybe a accident or maybe we get a promotion) Know we dont .."
Do we let it stop us...
No we dont ..

Tinas age yes is a concern I have pondered over ..
But here love and all the rest is also a reality TODay!

And yes I hope forever..
Can I guarentee that with her or any other woman I may meet ..
Know not really..
now I can look for Red Flags and seriously think over all that is on my plate and make a decision..
Well Let me Tell You all Thanx for Your concern and Good wishs ..
But I have pretty much made my decision after long thought..
Now as in everyday life things could always change..

Nobody knows what tommorrow brings my friends..

I will take my chances ..
chances and prayers that Tina and I will be Happy in all that We do..
In all that we love and all that love us..
I will really enjoy OUR times together as we grow..
This I feel is the most important fact in a relationship..
That it is always growing ...
When that day comes that Tina's dependence on me lessens I also will grow with her independence that she seeks..
I feel I have seen many variances of life for the young man of 35 I am.. and yes I have so much more to see..
but its nice to sometimes be a little wiser then people know Yu are my friends and Please let me tell you dont worry about me for I will surely make some mistakes and take some wrong roads in Tina and I's relationship as well I am sure she will also..

But we DO have something  Trully Special between US'
And i believe in this enough to go the next step..

Again Thanx ..
Now I hope after responding here I have something left to give you a real Trip report..

MArkUSA

... in response to Mumma Mia......... (Special thanx to feb..., posted by MArkUSA on Mar 10, 2002

Mark,

I never alluded to the fact that I don't have faith in your relationship.  If I gave you that feeling I apologize. It is my deepest wish that everything works out for you.  From your posts, I think you area good guy and I do not in any way mean to rain on your parade.

I just remember Tim, Ray and other's, warnings that I ignored in strikingly similar fashion.  It's almost like you are just repeating my thoughts, if not my posts themselves.  I know I am one of the minority and I am probably a bit shell shocked from my own failures, but I felt the need to share my thoughts with you because I was concerned.  That's all.

Please, do not think that I have anything but good wishes for you and your fiancee.  I hope that you see that there is genuine concern here and that NO ONE here is hoping for anything but your success!  It is what most of us hope for everyone here :c)

Good luck and once again, congratulations!

Keep the Faith

H

... in response to MarkUSA... Please Read, posted by Howard on Mar 10, 2002

Unfortunately, I guess He found what he was looking for. Maybe since He's raising his young Sisters, he don't mind raising another Child. Looking at Her picture..She's drop dead Gorgeous(Oh wellll, that's expected of a Girl that young)..hehe..:o)) greg

... in response to MarkUSA... Please Read, posted by Howard on Mar 10, 2002

“Many times here we only focus on the man and not the fiancee…”

Wise words Howard. I sometimes get the impression that a few guys think that their happiness is all that matters. I want, I deserve, I expect, I demand, etc… Too many “I’s” and not enough “WE’s” sometimes. It’s good to stop and think of what some of us are putting these young ladies through also.

Good luck H!

Ray