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this will probably be my last message. warsaw was a success and everything was good until she found my house was to small for her three bedroom home was not big enough and it looked old they said. Mother daughter It is a 8 yr old modular. I am giving them 2 nights in hotel then putting them on a plane back see ya, She is wacked and our food here is no good in the states. food is all old when in cans by everybody. they also said it gave them an allergic reaction tick

... in response to successful disaster, posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

What a bummer. I feel for you.

... in response to successful disaster, posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

[This message has been edited by BarryM]

I think there is a possibility that your fiancee has decided it's not such a good idea to immigrate to the USA. She probably is not ready to get married and she's making excuses is harsh cold manner. I wouldn't call her a scammer unless she does this again to someone else. If she keeps advertising at agencies then she is a gold digging harlot.

Sometimes a woman will behave horribly when she has decided to break things off. It may be a way of preventing you from trying to change her mind about leaving.

You avoided a disaster, so you are successful.

-blm

... in response to Cold feet = cold b!tch...., posted by BarryM on Oct 5, 2002

Where do you get all this from the little that Snow wrote?

You are getting a little "trollish" IMO.

... in response to Excuse me Barry..., posted by Rags on Oct 5, 2002

My main point was the possibility that Snowego's fiancee decided to back out of marriage at the last minute. It's also possible that she did not want to argue or be convinced to stay. Of course she feels guilt. The best way to achieve that result is to play the offensive cold b!tch. She gets a ticket home without any hassles and without having to make any excuses.

Is she a scammer? Maybe. She didn't get a luxury vacation but she might have got some cash prior to the trip. Still, her leaving after 2 days is far less a hassle than if they got married and she decided back out then. Another long time PL poster, Dande, had a similar situation. His fiancee decided to go home after 2 weeks. She wasn't a scammer, just not happy with the situation.

Maybe Snowego's girl will write him when she gets home, apologize for all the trouble she caused, and explain why she decided to leave. Then again, she may not feel any guilt at all and she may really be a cold scamming b!tch.

-blm

... in response to successful disaster, posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

And I think you're making the right decision.  I've seen this type before (in Latin people).  If they arrive and immediately start complaining about the US, they're most likely never going to change, and will never assimilate well into our culture.  Twenty years later, they still "hate" the US, they still don't speak English well at all, but they still don't go back to their country.  You don't want that type of person in your life.

... in response to I don't think the complaints will stop, posted by Patrick on Oct 4, 2002

Patrick, my wife is still not too crazy with some aspects of American life (neither am I for that matter) but she is here to be with ME not just to live in the US.

I listened to a lot of what some people would call complaining but in reality it was more of thinking out loud and using me as a soundboard for feedback.

Yes there were preconceived notions of what life would be like here (thanks to her only frame of reference, HOLLYWOOD) but we talked through the problems and concerns.

I will not say that she loves America as much as her homeland but she will live wherever I choose. Whether she will ever totally "assimilate" to life in the US remains to be seen.

... in response to successful disaster, posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

Maybe you should contact one of the trusted guys here on the board and have your lady talk with their wife... That is if you really do love this lady.

If you're having second thoughts, well that's why you bought a round trip ticket.

Gee, I still like the concept of giving her atleast a 30 day vacation...but that's just me.
---
Just remember guy, there alot of ladies living with their parents in some old dumpy highrise, wondering what a backyard is ?

... in response to Re: Maybe you should , posted by wsbill on Oct 4, 2002

What round trip ticket?...

... in response to successful disaster, posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

Rick,      I feel for you, man, and sincerely hope that this is NOT your last post.  

Other than a few informational questions before you headed for Warsaw, the following were about your last two posts.  Sounds to me like you had a spooky premonition about her having no concept of middle class (which is what she walked into.) i.e., she was expecting either what she had OR a mansion in the sky, but NOT something in the middle.  Going further out on this theoretical limb it sounds like she was here for a percieved lifestyle and not you.  Last, I am wondering what affect moving here with a teenage daughter (17?) factors into this whole culture shock process.  I don't think you can seperate the collective personalities when a FSU woman moves here with her children.  I have yet to read anywhere on this forum about guys spending any time getting to know the children involved.  I think upper teens would be more difficult to figure than pre-teens.  17 year olds have a lot of adult ideas because they are "almost there" but lack the maturity to be making all of their own decisions.  Just some food for thought...

I hear your anger and your pain because I've experienced parallel situations too many times in my life.  At least for you it did not take 10 or so years for the "irreconcilable differences" to surface and hit the fan...

I'm sure you know the cure for what ails you -- when you're done licking your wounds, get back up in the saddle and try again.

Bob
__________________

"Posted by snowwego on 08/21/2002

my fiancee had to heat water on the stove to take a bath and then mix with what little cold water. That trickled out of the tap. NOt mention do not drink it or wash your teeth with it. Then to use the old wash water to pour down the toilet. The girls only know a little of what it is like here and they do know that some poeple have nice homes there. They do not understand that we have many levels in the standard of life here. Yet we all can live decent. Over there you are either have very good money or poor. basically they have no middle class"

"Posted by snowwego on 08/22/2002

You have to remember the only good men in the fsu/russia is the ones with a high education and a good job (not many). Most others, not all can not afford a family. My point is that they only know that a good education is a better life. The poeple from the FSU/russia, for the most part, do not understand the middle class thing."

... in response to successful disaster, posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

Snow, I guess you lost me here..  Are you saying that her Mother came here with her??  If so, why was that?  I met one girl who said she insisted her Mother come to the states to live with her.. that was our last date!  

How well did you know this girl, how much time did you spend with her or communicating with her?

Really sorry this is happening..

Oscar

... in response to Re: successful disaster, posted by Oscar on Oct 4, 2002

His lady had a 17 year old girl that came over with her...

... in response to successful disaster, posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

....and please don't take this the wrong way, but isn't there supposed to be love involved in this somewhere?

Hey Jack, keep towing that line! ;-)!

... in response to Sorry to hear...., posted by LP on Oct 4, 2002

Well Lp! you romantic...hehehehehe
Love is what happens after the sex is gone!
But a condo on the beach-can be ammortized!
Joe
ps. this is not a game for the weak at heart-too many people get hurt!

... in response to Love?, posted by joe on Oct 4, 2002

...Tough break. Fact is, I do feel for him. No one deserves this kinda crap.

As I said in a recent post: The harder you work to get something, the harder it will be to lose, especially when the thing you worked so hard to get is doing the deed.

For the best I suppose. One bright spot: Proves she wasn't after a visa.
I just don't understand her motives is all. It ain't over yet, maybe she'll change her mind. After all, it's a big shock to her system.

Hey Rick: You be one tough guy to spill this, my compliments.

... in response to successful disaster, posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

I feel you may have just had the wind sucked from your sails. This is a good think for all newbies to see. This is not a fairy tale. When these women get here, they are going through an array of propogandized notions, fear, alienation and who knows what else. Mostly it is not personal-they are just very afraid. So if you have a trailer or live on a pig farm...........EMPHASIZE YOUR LIFESTYLE. Do not romanticize or glorify. Be honest. As far as Snowwego, take a deep breath. Your girl is just wondering how you are going to support her-as you obviously live in squalor :)
You must explain that your are a bachelor and this is all that you needed. BUT, now that she is here, you wish to work towards a better life-if this IS the way you feel.
Trust me-these women do motivate you!
I have seen men buy new houses, get higher degrees of education, move across country-for the first time, al because of the influence of a RW.
So good luck.
And Newbies-if you do not have the minerals-stay away. If you think AW are tough, wait till you life with her FSU siter. They are the REAL DEAL!
Joe

... in response to From the looks of your post...., posted by joe on Oct 4, 2002

I in the process of of building a 1800 squre foot house. I have an 1100 sq ft house. and I have a it beautifully landscaped because I am a landscape contractor. I do not live in a squaller. paved wallkways and garden paths. I also sent her many videos of where I live an of my work and the area I live. From the start and I told I make a better than average income and the proofs of stocks and bonds. and of assests.

... in response to Re: From the looks of your post...., posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

I agree with a lot of what Mark says.. and I am really sorry for your situation.  It's easy to get her butt back on the plane to Kherson IMMEDIATELY (which I would do!), that's the easy part.. the hard part is trying to make sense of it all and get over the loss of care, time and money you put into the whole bloody thing.  But I really have to say that I would find it very difficult to believe that you would have seen absolutely nothing that would have set off your warning bells before this!  Most of the guys I have spoken to who have had things go bad said that they saw some things that worried them but they just looked the other way because they wanted it to work so bad etc,.  Or they admitted she was such a hottie they were thinking with the wrong head or they just didn't want to start the search all over again after all the investment they had made in the girl, they just couldn't see it straight to cut their losses.

Hang in there and know that whatever there was that you may have been unwilling to address or look at in her, you CAN learn from it and you CAN find another woman who IS sincere, loving and honest!  You may not feel that way right now, but you will see it in time.

"How quickly flow the sands of life, save in the hour of pain"
(Subtitle from the silent film "The Hunchback of Notre Dame")

Of course I am not the one in pain so I can look at it a little more objectively, but I look at it this way-
You are now just one step closer to finding that woman you really need to be with.. this one was NOT it! This stumbling block has now been removed and now you can move on to that woman who is truly waiting for you...

Good Luck,
Oscar

... in response to Re: From the looks of your post...., posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

Rick,

First off, I think the world of you for sharing all of this. It isn't easy to come on here and say: "I made a mistake" and let the armchair analysts have a crack at you.

Hell, it's not easy to come on here and say: "I'm happy!" and let the armchair QBs play their game.

But... since you have posted, and I think you probably are looking for people to talk to about this who are at least a little sympathetic, and who might offer some counsel...

Here is one thing I think happened:

When you had her quit her job, and started sending money to her every month, you raised her standard of living too high.

Here she is thinking that life in America is better than Kherson. The life she lived in Kherson was deplorable. You come and change that. You send her a princely sum every month, and she moves out of her old apartment and into a nice place.

Remember that the dollar buys A LOT over there. So she moves into the rich side of town and lives like a Princess.

But in her mind... she's still thinking: "When I get to America, it will be even better!"

And so the bar got raised impossibly high.

I really think that this set expectations that you couldn't fulfill.

However.. having said that, I must add: This is MAINLY about her bad charcater.  And, honestly, you had a lot of glimpses of this before she ever got here. Even your lawyer/interpreter told you that.

I think two things are incredible:

ONE, that you have the guts to say: "No, I'm not putting up with this!" Good move! Hats off to you! You are making a VERY good decision, and a lot of guys wouldn't. You are to be commended for that.

TWO, I'm amazed that she is being so transparent.

I honestly thought that when you told her: "You know what, you can go back to Kherson and resume your life B.R. "BEFORE RICK" -- that she would recant, and suddenly try to work things out with you again. I think if she takes the time to honestly think about going back, and picking up where she was before she met you... that she is going to suddenly have a new attitude.

BUT DON'T BUY IT!

You have had a vision of true clarity here. You know what she is now. Don't let her dissuade you.

And forget this: "Give her a month vacation" crap. You've paid your dues. Giving her two days is too much! Send her packing now! You owe her nothing! Not you. Other guys, maybe. But I know how hard you tried on this. You owe her NOTHING.

Is she a scammer? I disagree with that. But I certainly think she is a lady with poor character, and if you wanted that, you could have married any AW nearby.

You are doing the right thing.

Years from now, though, you'll look back and tell yourself: "Honestly, I should have seen it coming, though..."

... in response to Yes.. but, posted by MarkInTx on Oct 5, 2002

I agree 100%.

... in response to successful disaster, posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

Rick,

I'm really sorry to hear this! I was hoping that things would be OK when she got here...

... in response to successful disaster, posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

for a little while to see if things change?  My wife thought our house was 'small and old' when she first arrived, plus she hated the inside (decor).  She said she was ready to go back to Russia after stepping through the doorway.  Now my house is a 2600 square foot contemporary, so it isn't exactly small, but she was used to the homes in movies.  Any way, she now thinks it is 'too big' (too much cleaning).  And the food issue takes a long time to resolve (at least 6 months).

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Stevo

... in response to Sorry to hear this.  Any chance you can ..., posted by Stevo on Oct 4, 2002

I think the writing is on the wall in this case and it's flashing in big red letters- "EXIT."   No sense in trying to convince himself that she's something other than what she really is.

When my wife arrived, we lived in a one bedroom apartment and it wasn't even a very good one.  We didn't buy a house until two years after she got here.  There were no complaints.

The woman described here obvously thought she was marrying a "rich" guy and is also, from what was written, not likely to assimilate into our culture in any significant way.

... in response to Better to quit now, posted by Patrick on Oct 4, 2002

WOW! I'm new to this & I have my 1st trip coming out so this is good for me man. It obviously sounds she DOESN"T care about him because otherwise it wouldn't matter. When I was married to my 1st wife we lived in MY HOUSE but it was my little bachelor pad home. It had 1 room that served as a living room bedroom combo! 1 kitchennette & a bathroom. We lived there FOR THREE YEARS MAN!!! THEN we moved to my current home which has 2 bedrooms a living room kitchen & bath but it's only 900 some square feet. That is a shame. But better now than later. Sorry to hear this. I've laid ALL my NEGATIVE down with my lady so she knows what she is in for. However I've never met her so who knows. I could be in for a rude awakening in Luhansk. In either case I'm prepared for the worst. I'm going to have a blast regardless.

... in response to agreed man..., posted by Frank O on Oct 4, 2002

When you answer this... maybe you should create a new thread, as I can see the guys lining up with their answers for a guy going over for one lady.

Hey, don't feel bad... I did the exact same thing on the second trip over. (Their words resonated with me when I was there feeling kinda stupid).

Live learn... Get a backup plan before you go!

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