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Hello everyone,

Sorry I haven't posted in a while but I have been reading a little here and there.

First, I should say that everything here is still very good.  Married life seems to agree with me but I am staying incredibly busy.  The main reason I stay so busy is simply because my wife just is never satisfied with the amount of time we spend together.

She can never get enough of me which is rather surprising to me since I thought for sure that she would be sick of me by now.  So that is a good thing.

The second is that now we are both working and it takes more time to coordinate our schedules.  At least we work during the same times.

I work from 10pm to 6am and she works from 10pm to 7am.  I drop her off at work and then pick her up after work.

She got a job at good ole Walmarts and I think is happy to be earning her own money but still has some problems from this work.  She really wanted to go to work because she was getting a little bored around the house so we finally landed her a job at Walmarts.

But she sometimes gets a little depressed and upset because she cannot understand what people are always saying.  All I do is try to comfort her as best I can and encourage her on how well her English is coming along.

Our biggest differences come in the form of style of clothes.  She often hates what clothes I choose to wear so I give her some input into my wardrobe just to make her happy.  Anyway I figure it doesn't really matter since she is the only one I am out to impress anyway.

For instance.  I often wear my old tennis shoes because they are broke in and very comfortable but she often wants me to wear new looking shoes when I go out in public.  Personally I still like the old broke in look of clothing but she is fixated on wearing new looking clothing when we go out.  It is just something that I have to try to adjust to and try to find some compromise on.

I have to admit that I am still stubborn about my clothes but I am making progress in the area of compromise.  

Overall I think we do a good job at compromise up to this point.

I really hope to be able to post more freqently and also sincerely apologize to Wsbill and Richard and Jack for not keeping tabs and getting back to you all.

I really appreciate everything that everyone has done for me and hope that I will be able to do the same at some point.

... in response to I'm still alive :-))), posted by Oatmeal on Jun 26, 2002

What? You don't wear your "Frankenstien" shoes when you go out? LOL! V's got me sportin' a beard and lightening my hair with the dye that she has left over when she does her hair. What ever makes her happy is fine with me.

I'm glad that all is well with you two. V breezed through her AOS and is excited about going back to see her folks.

... in response to Re: I'm still alive :-))), posted by Rags on Jun 27, 2002

Hey Rags, you went through the SAC office? Must be nice, I went through our AOS submittel back in February to San Francisco and we have not heard a peep since my wife had her fingerprints done in April...still waiting for her AOS interview date.
We do not expect it untill November...but Anna is in no hurry to go back to Moscow, although she did cut out an ad for a Mexican cruise down to Cabo...so she also is anxious for her green card stamp.

... in response to I'm still alive :-))), posted by Oatmeal on Jun 26, 2002

Good to hear things are going well.  She will have to learn that she is now in Rome.

... in response to I'm still alive :-))), posted by Oatmeal on Jun 26, 2002

Welcome back,,,,

      Well you certainly went after what you wanted, as I recall losing your job over the whole thing.

Glad to hear all is going well. That is great that you both work similar hours.

Do not get offended if later she does not seem to need as much of you. Right now you are the center of her Universe in a foreign land. The day will come most likely in which she will want to find her wings and live some of the American life without you having to be there.

About the clothes, before I went to Russia/Ukraine, I went out and totally changed my wardrobe. My recommendation is let her dress you anyway you want, even if you think it is a bit spendy relative what you would have normally spent. It is going to make her feel good to do this and she is having to deal with a lot more than you right now. Do not argue with her but be totally compliant is my recommendation.

... in response to I'm still alive :-))), posted by Oatmeal on Jun 26, 2002

You are lucky that your wife cares that much.  My wife has greatly improved my wardrobe, and I look the better for it.  I have noticed that I have a tendency to demand that she look nice, then dress like a slacker myself, so I just don't fight it and let her help me choose clothes.  One thing about America as opposed to over there that appalls me is the way people dress.  People here in ATL will go to a SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA concert in jeans and a T-Shirt; people over there will dress up to go out and to me this makes the experience that more enjoyable.

... in response to Re: I'm still alive :-))), posted by Phillip on Jun 26, 2002


I am with you. In Texas, many guys seem to think that a Texas Ranger's ball cap, and a "Miller Lite" T-Shirt is acceptable attire for any occassion.

We have a really nice little Hall in Ft. Worth called Bass Hall, and it is very elegant and tasteful, and they bring everything from symphonies to broadway shows there... and I am apalled at the way some of the people dress to go there.

Not everyone, of course.

I mean, I like jeans as much as the next guy, but certainly some occasions demand a little dress up.

Of course, to a woman from the FSU, it seems that the occasion is every time she steps out of the house :-)

But as you said, if they do it... I'll do it. No problem. And I just factor in a little "make-up time." No big deal. I am willing to wait...

... in response to No Kidding, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 26, 2002

and it ain't too impressive I am ashamed to say. This is an aspect of being an American that can not generate pride.

... in response to Americans have a class all their own, posted by thesearch on Jun 26, 2002

Don't be so quick to judgement that this is totally an American trait. I was appalled when on my first trip to the Bolshoi I saw that better than half of the people were wearing "casual" (or worse) clothes. I of course had on my best suit for which I suffered because of the July heat but I would not have worn less.

... in response to Re: Americans have a class all their own, posted by Rags on Jun 27, 2002

I was there in April...and I was so hot I was going to fall asleep. Luckily my seat was along the railing..we were on the 2nd level box next to the Czar box...and I was able catch a breeze on occasion. I was dressed up also..and I saw maybe half really decked out....mostly the younger women.

... in response to I'm still alive :-))), posted by Oatmeal on Jun 26, 2002

I have the same attitude about clothes and appearance as you do: The woman I am with gets input.

So I did. I actually preferred it trimmed more, but I want to be as attractive as I can be to the woman I am with.

A few months ago, I was dating this AW and  She made the comment to me once that she thought I would look better if I grew my mustache out. So I did. And, she noticed the difference, and commented on it, and said that it did look better, and she was glad I took my advice. (BTW, I didn't agree, but she was the one who had to kiss me...)

Well, once during conversation the subject of a woman wearing makeup came up, and I mentioned that I really loved it when a woman wore eye make-up. Didn't have to be all of the time, but when you go out someplace special, and get all dressed up... I thought a woman looked really beautiful when she wore eye make-up.

Her response was simply: "Oh, well, I don't wear a lot of make-up. That's not who I am."

Now, she was a very pretty woman. She had the long blonde hair "natural" look going. But dang I would have enjoyed seeing her made up just one time... (And we went out to nice places a LOT...)

Anyway... that little situation was indicative of the reasons why we just weren't right for each other. Not because she wouldn't wear make-up... but because we were on a course of "one-way" compromise. (There were many other examples of this, that I won't get into) That is a bad place to be in a relationship.

I am assuming that your wife dresses to the nines when you go out.

I know that whenever Victoria and I went anywhere she would dress up. I had taken jeans with me that never made it out of the suitcase. I don't mind dressing up, and I sure wasn't going someplace with her looking like a model, and me looking like a stalker!

So, I think you are wise to let her have input into your clothes.

I have always looked at it this way: I will let the woman dress me, if she lets me undress her later :-)

Thanks for posting, don't be a stranger!

... in response to I'm still alive :-))), posted by Oatmeal on Jun 26, 2002

she even goes out now without the 'ballrrom' preparations. Now that we live in a different climate-we have been in shorts and sandles. So I guess if you want to 'dress down'. you got to get down..............to a warmer climate!
I think that these gals are good for us 'bachelors'. I have changed my style of clothing. I look more to hugo boss, versace and armani now-there is definitly a difference in Euro fashion.
Good luck and get thee to a local outlet and get you some versace jeans. You may want to save up your pennies and go back to europe next year and stock up. We are going to Moscow this fall and have her tailor make us a bunch of clothes. Caviar living in coconut grove!
Joe

... in response to I have broken my mare...., posted by yoe on Jun 26, 2002

Not me.

I don't want her dressing down.

I'll dress up instead!

... in response to Yikes, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 26, 2002

write back in a few months after she gets here. You think dressing up is easy? I did it for years, and it was not as demanding as when my wife got here.
Think about this-you will not be able to find a good pair of shoes -unless you go to a big city. you will not be able to wear anything with even the slightest wrinkle. You have 2 choices-either give in or take enough control to have her lighten up. For the first 6 months she was here-the locals thought I was in the Russian Mafia. NOBODY was Dressing like me ( I have decent 'dress up' clothes anyway)but when you are with an eastern european girl who is maxed out! well..............
my wife colored here hair blonde for a while. I think that most of these girls color to some degree. And there style is different than other Europeans I have seen. So you have this animated cosmo thing happening. yet, some of her girlfriends who have been here for a while kind of lost their edge. So find the happy median. Unless you just plan on joining the yacht club and start to live on the 'circuit' you will learn................:)
Joe

... in response to yea right      ,,,,, posted by yoe on Jun 26, 2002

I can't say for sure how things will be after she gets here.

In Kiev, she never complained about how I dressed (Except she did say that she liked me in a jacket -- which was fine in Kiev, but not in Dallas where it is over 100 degrees right now!)

But she may have been watching me the whole week and thinking: "When I marry him, I can really clean him up!"

I think that is a woman thing, anyway, that crosses country boundaries.

I never understood how a woman could think I was cool enough to go out with me, would always tell me I looked nice, and then want to change my whole wardrone the minute I said "I do."

Maybe they don't want you wearing any clothes that some other woman has seen you in? I dunno... but it seems universal...

... in response to You may be right, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 26, 2002

Here is how it will go-
1. you must buy new kitchen stuff-that is her domain 100%
2. you will probably buy new bed clothes and maybe curtains, towels......again her domain
3. you will get her clothes but-you must also buy new clothes
4.then you begin all the fun stuff
You have no idea how your life is going to change. You must remember that she is going to do some serious 'spring cleaning' that means out wit all of the old and in with her new. This is a heavy nesting ritual. I had to tell my wife that even though she left all of her crap behind did nit mean I had to throw away all of mine!
I did not force to to leave her stuff there. hahaha
so be careful if you are sentimental-which I feel you are. Otherwise you will go through a complete white wash and everything in your past will be replaced with your current future. It is actaully not bad. I have maybe a box or two that has I keep as my memory box-otherwise we have everything from bathtowels to spoons that are OURS. You will have a blast hahahahaha
enjoy the romance while she is there because you will work for it in about 6 months. But it is enjoyable work.
Joe

... in response to I am right and further more...., posted by yoe on Jun 26, 2002

That lawyer lady you were checking out in your post above would have made you put pink curtains in your living room!

... in response to could have been worse, posted by Ramblin on Jun 27, 2002

:)

... in response to I am right and further more...., posted by yoe on Jun 26, 2002


Thanks Joe,

I am already thinking about this stuff, but it's good to be reminded:

"1. you must buy new kitchen stuff-that is her domain 100%"

No objection from me. Happily, I need all new kitchen stuff anyway. (Does this mean I have to part with my George Foreman lean mean fat-burning machine? I LIVE off of that thing!)

"2. you will probably buy new bed clothes and maybe curtains, towels......again her domain"

Fine by me. And... hmmm... and speaking of "bed clothes"... I think I'll get her a bunch of new lingerie while we are at it... To match the sheets ;-)

"3. you will get her clothes but-you must also buy new clothes"

Not a problem... but I think I had better budget for that...

Actually, we already discussed her clothes. I told her that since she would have a limited amount of space in her luggage, if she wanted to load it full of "things" as opposed to clothes, to do that and we would go shopping for clothes when she got here.

As long as she is willing to model everything, I am more than willing to go!

BTW, you are right about me being sentimental. I will have to watch that. I don't care about clothes and things, but I do have some knick-nacks that I will have to clearly mark: Do not throw away!

Fortuhately (?) I lost so much in my two divorces, that there isn't a whole lot left that is really sentimental to me anyway...

... in response to I am right and further more...., posted by yoe on Jun 26, 2002

When my wife arrived she brought her own clothes, she told me she liked the way they fit her and did not want "new".

Well....it has been 9 months since she arrived, and her day to day wardrobe is "much" different than what she brought.
Because the winter is cool her in California (no snow) she started wearing casual sweat shirts around the house...then actually wearing them to the grocery store also,instead of changing from her house clothes....she wore the same "comfortable" outfit all day.
 Now that it is summer. .she likes to wear short skirts (smile) I like it too....now when she goes shopping for clothes...short skirts and shorts...because she did not bring any from Moscow.
And I agree, my wife is always telling me to buy new clothes....she does not understand that we  men like our comfortable "faded" jeans and broke-in shoes...

... in response to I am right and further more...., posted by yoe on Jun 26, 2002

Wow!  I can certainly agree with everything you said.  Except she still dresses up and tries to get me to keep up with her.  I remember the first week she was here she completely reorganized every stitch of the house.  I couldn't find anything!

... in response to I'm still alive :-))), posted by Oatmeal on Jun 26, 2002

Oatmeal, russian women always put there best or what you call special occasion clothes for appearance in the public.And they do choose right outfit for her husband so they will look good together.If you had noticed your wife wear nice clothes to even grocery shopping.It takes time to get used to the way american people choosing and wear their clothes.Everything about comfort, in Russia everything about look.Give your wife some time (well I'm talking years actually) in order for her to accept the way people dress here and possibly change her own style of clothes to more comfortable.

... in response to I'm still alive :-))), posted by Oatmeal on Jun 26, 2002

It's encouraging to rest of us to hear when things do go well.