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Chapter 11: Day Four – "In Which I Get Engaged"

One thing I notice, the next morning, is that it seems to get much brighter, much earlier, in Kiev. I guess its closer to the east, and the sun rises there or something. But in no time, it seems like the room is bright.

Of course, my internal biological clock is so screwed up, it doesn’t know if it’s coming or going. But, as I open my eyes in the morning, and check my watch, I am surprised at how bright it is for only 6:30 am.

Victoria, again, is already up. I close my eyes and try to sleep some more, and in a little bit, she comes back in the room to check on me. I’m curious by her behavior, so I “play possum” and stay with my eyes closed.

She climbs back into bed and lays down with me. I can tell she wants to wake me up, but she resists for a little while. She is acting a little like a kid on Christmas morning, trying to decide if it’s OK to wake up her parent yet. (And, guess which present she wants to unwrap first…?)

After a few minutes, she starts kissing my neck.

Well, hell... I’m really not that tired…

Later… we sit down to breakfast. Breakfast is pretty much the same every day: Sausage, bread, olives, cucumbers, and cheese. As she is getting the juice, I butter a piece of bread. The night before, at dinner, I had made the mistake of letting her butter my bread for me. The bread came with a half inch layer of butter piled on the top.

Today trying to lower my cholesterol to a level that might be accepted by the FDA, I butter my own bread.

When she comes to the table, I offer her the piece of bread that I just buttered. She looks at and shakes her head, then proceeds to butter her own. I watch her slap on the butter, and wonder if I should offer her a putty knife for it or something.. it would make it easier for her.

She must have read my look, because she starts laughing and says: “I like butter.”

After breakfast, she draws me a hot bath. That’s a mistake, because after that, I am feeling sleepy. I tell her that I need to rest for a moment. She tells me OK, but first she wants do something for me. She rolls me onto my stomach, and proceeds to give me a massage, complete with lotion.

It’s not a sensuous massage. It is one of those massages designed to loosen tired and sore muscles. That is the last straw, and when she is finished, I really am ready for a nap. This seems to be her plan. She draws the curtains in the room and leaves. I nap for about an hour before she comes back in and lays down beside me.

She wakes me up gently and asks me what we will do now?

Well, we talk for a bit. At some point in our conversation, I look at her and say:

“I want to take you to America with me.”

She is very happy by this, and although I have not used the words, we both know what I mean. We talk about America for awhile, and it occurs to me that I have kind of botched things. The Romantic in me is offended by the way I am handling this.

So, I stop in the middle of the conversation, and look her in the eyes, and say, slowly: “I am sorry. I have not done this right” She looks at me confused. I smile and start again. “In my country, it is custom that a man *asks* a woman to marry him. I haven’t done that. So… Victoria, will you marry me?”

She tears up and holds me for a moment. It was one of the few times that I knew she understood exactly what I said. “Yes,” she says into my ear. “Yes, I will marry you!”

There, I thought. That was better. Could have gone down on one knee, I suppose… but at least the Romantic in me can rest now.

After a bit, I ask her where we can go to get a ring. She is not following me, so I get my computer, and begin typing for her:

“In America, when a man proposes to a woman, they become engaged”

She nods.

“He buys her an engagement ring” I type. “And in Ukraine?”

She nods and smiles. She knows where this is going now…

I type some more: “Does the ring have a diamond on it?”

She is puzzled by this, and we have to look up some words. Finally she understands and says. “No, just a gold ring.”

I type again: “Just a gold band?  She nods.

I smile and type: “Then I will buy you an engagement ring.  So you can show the old women that you are engaged” She had mentioned that some women at work were always trying to fix her up with someone.

She is so happy now that she can barely contain herself.

Then I had to figure out where to get a ring. I asked her if she knew of any jewelry stores. She suggested we go to the department store again, where we had bought my guitar. I tell her, OK, but only if we take a taxi.

She laughs and says that maybe we can find a jewelry store closer, if that’s what I want.

I tell her that will be fine, and ask her again if she would like an engagement ring with a diamond on it. This whole idea of a ring with a diamond seems completely strange to her. She says, no, she just needs a gold band for her right hand.

I pick up my computer, and try to explain it to her.

“This is my plan…” I type, “We will buy you an engagement ring here. You will wear it on your right hand. To keep all of the Russian men away…” She smiles. “ Then, I will buy us matching rings for when you come to America. You will wear this one on your left hand. (I will wear mine on my left hand, too, for we will be in America)"

"However, in America, The ring I buy you will also have a diamond on it. It is our custom."

"In America, you will have two rings. One is a gold band. This is called your wedding band. You also have a ring with a diamond. This is called your engagement ring."

"You wear your engagement ring when you get engaged. You put on your wedding band the day you get married."

"Engagement ring tells the world you are 'spoken for'. You will marry. The wedding band says: You are married.”

She smiles at me when she reads this, and says: “Whatever you want.”

I laugh and tell her that I like the sounds of that.

We get dressed and go shopping for rings.

Since we are going to buy rings I decide to dress the part. I put on nice slacks, a green silk shirt, and a blazer. I get into the bathroom first, since I need some time while she gets ready to figure out my money situation.

Victoria gives me an odd look as I sit down with my laptop. I note it, but don’t think much of it, she emerges later with her “Vogue” look.

I have decided that I can spend a few hundred dollars on a ring, without much worry. I put American cash in the breast pocket of my jacket as insurance, in case the store doesn’t take a Visa.

And off we go.

As we get in the elevator, Victoria is keeping an unusual amount of distance between us, which is very odd. I’m thinking that somehow I have violated one of the infamous unwritten “Russian Rules” that you hear about. (i.e. never buy an even number of flowers, never whistle in the house, never wear your shoes in the house… etc…)

Whatever it is… something must be bothering her. I’m sure of it. All of my instincts tell me something is wrong.

Finally, she turns to me. Aha! I think… here it comes. Mark is about to hear about how he screwed up… I can feel it coming.

“It is bad that we are leaving now,” she says.

Bad? Hmmm… maybe you have to buy the ring when the hour hands are sweeping up or something?

“Bad?” I ask. “Why?”

“Because I want you very badly right now, and it will be hard to walk around Kiev with you.”

Oh.

Geez… with instincts like mine, it’s amazing I’ve been divorced twice, huh?

She somehow soldiers through, though, and we find a small jewelry shop not far from our apartment. It is REALLY small, and we crowd into it and look at rings.

All of the prices were in hrvinas, obviously. So, I am taking the figures and dividing by 5 in my head. Victoria’s math, however, is sharper than mine, and a quick look around is all that she needs. She takes my hand and pulls me out of the shop.

“We will go somewhere else,” she says.

“Why?” I ask, even though I know the answer.

She just shakes her head. “Those prices are…” her hand gropes in the air as she searches for the word. “Crazy,” she says.

I have just managed to do the math and realize that the rings, which had diamond studs on them, were about $200 - $300.

We find ourselves back at the department store. At the jewelry counter there they have a large assortment of simple golden bands. As others have described on here, the rings are a copper-gold color.

Unfortunately for Victoria, she has a real dilemma now, for none of the prices are shown for the rings. She stares at row after row of golden rings. Finally she says to me: “You choose which ring.” I can see that she is clearly stressed over the choice. She doesn’t want to pick something too expensive, because she knows by now that I will be just crazy enough to buy it.

“No,” I say. “I will pick your American ring. You choose this one. I want something that you like, and that everyone will know you are taken.”

She looks at the rings again. She is nervous now.

“OK,” I say. “Pick three rings out that you like, and I will choose the final one.”

She nods, and motions for help. A woman comes to help us and she points to a ring.

The woman gets it for her so she can try it on. Of course, the first thing she does is look at the price. I see her smile and relax a little. She puts the ring on, and it fits. (Good thing, because I’m pretty darn sure that they didn’t have a sizing service…)

“This one,” she says looking at me and smiling.

“You like it? Good… do you want to pick two others?”

She shakes her head emphatically. “No, I want this one,” she says.

I know that the reason is that she is afraid she will choose one too expensive, and that will be the one I end up buying. So, I give in, and buy her the ring “of her choice.” I know that the day is coming when I will buy her the ring of my choice. And I will do this without consulting her, I can see now…

The engagment ring, the token of my esteem, this ring which made her feel like she could go home with her head held high, cost about $60 US. She kept looking at it like it was the Hope diamond.

We walk out of the department store “officially” engaged. And I have the happiest woman in Kiev. (I am told this, by the way, which is how I know…)

A cool front is moving into Kiev. And although my jacket was a little warm earlier, it is just right now. But Victoria seems a little chilled, so I take my jacket off and give it to her. She hands it back.

“You seem cold,” I say.

She smiles and says: “But I like seeing you in your jacket.”

She won’t accept it, so I put it back on.

We go back to the apartment, and I tell her that we will have to go out to celebrate. I get my old faithful “Whats-On” and start looking for romantic restaurants.

Victoria has other ideas.

In a moment she saunters into the room wearing nothing but her engagement ring. It was a very small ring… it didn’t cover much…

Later… I have finally decided that we will eat at the “Empire” restaurant, which is located in the “Premier Palace Hotel. The Whats-On guide described it as: “Luxury interior design. Good atmosphere. Enjoy our chef’s new creations in our panoramic 5 star restaurant.”

Sounds good. And it was. (Just do yourself a favor… and don’t order the steak… Especially if you are a Texan who knows a good steak when he sees one.)

We take a taxi to the restaurant, over Victoria’s small protests. I tell her that there is no way that I am going to walk on our celebration night.

The Premier Palace Hotel is gorgeous. The Empire restaurant is at the top (I think the 8th floor) and offers a fine view of Kiev. Victoria has never, I don’t think, been in a place like this. She is almost too intimidated to eat.

Since the waiter speaks English, as well as Ukrainian, She asks that I order for both of us. I order the Chateaubriand for two. (It was a mistake.. everything else was perfect… the Chateaubriand was a bit tough…) Though she didn't seem to think so. We have a greek salad, and she tells me later that her favorite salad is a greek salad. It is very good. In fact, other than the steak, everything is excellent.

She orders juice with her meal, and I have a beer. (I’m growing fond of this Ukrainian beer. I don’t know the name of it, since the label is in Ukrainian, but I recognize the logo now…) Victoria never has an alcoholic drink the whole time I am with her. Whether she does not drink at all, or whether she was trying to be gentle on my bar tab, I don’t know.
 
Despite the fact that I think that the meat is tough, our celebration dinner goes very well. At one point, she turns to me and asks:

“Have you watched the television in our apartment?”

What a strange question, I thought. “Yes,” I say. “I looked through the channels. There is not much there.”

“Do they have a music station?” she asks.

“I think they have a couple,” I say.

She nods. And then says the most incredible thing: “Tonight, I will dance for you.”

Waiter… check please!

Ok… now, those of you who think she might be referring to some native tribal Ukrainian folk dance, done with native costumes made of yak hair and goatskins… you haven’t been paying attention.

Those of you who think that the kind of dance she is talking about you usually only get to watch if you have a fistful of five dollar bills… go to the head of the class.

Actually, to Victoria’s disappointment, the music stations on the TV are playing techno-crap. Fortunately, I have a backup… I get my Shakira CD out of my luggage, and slide it into the CD player (which the apartment so kindly provided...)

And... she dances. For the whole length of the CD, she dances for me.

I will never hear “Underneath Your Clothes” again without blushing… When the CD ends... she finally ends my torment, and lets me take her into my arms...

My second day in Kiev ends… incredibly… even better than my first.

I think about that one great scene from the first “Cocoon” movie. In it, Steve Guttenburg gets to make love to a sexy extra-terrestrial (Played by Tawny Welch, Raquel’s daughter.) She undresses, and then touches her breast, and this brilliant white lights shoots around the room, and then impacts Steve. You can tell that he has just had an incredible sexual experience, and as the she closes in on him and the scene fades to black,  he says: “If this is foreplay… I’m a dead man…”

Well… if each day keeps getting better… I’m a dead man…

... in response to My Trip Report: Part 11, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 10, 2002

I'm enjoying the posts on your trip to Kiev and your description of Victoria... The dedication she has for you is astounding... You are a lucky man... I'm currently on my way to LA in my search, but your posts are making me wonder whether I am looking in the right place!!! Good Luck...

... in response to Re: My Trip Report: Part 11, posted by wizard on Jun 10, 2002

Where in LA are you going?

I do think that there are some undiscovered gems in Brazil... I really do...

... in response to Re: Re: My Trip Report: Part 11, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 11, 2002

I am off to Cali in a couple weeks for my first time and I am really looking forward to it...

I would love to go to Brazil as I think these are the most beautiful women on the planet... Just my opinion... But my spanish is bad enough and my portuguese is positively non-existant... lol...

We are all searching for that which will allow us to be  happy... It seems that your quest is almost over!!!

Good Luck with Victoria...

... in response to Re: Re: Re: My Trip Report: Part 11, posted by wizard on Jun 11, 2002

Cali scares me... as does all Colombia.

VTW, most Brazilians at least understand Spanish.

I had three dates in one week whil eI was there, and they all spoke English. One rather well... better than Victoria speaks it, actually.

Good luck in Cali. Keep your head down when the bullets fly!

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: My Trip Report: Part 11, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 11, 2002

Secret is... don't look like a dea agent when visiting anywhere south of the border - (which unfortunately I'm a dead baldy mighty whitey ringer for one).  Bullets ain't no worse there than in nyc.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: My Trip Report: Part..., posted by BrianN on Jun 11, 2002

Hey, I know how to duck flying bullets... I lived in New Orleans for awhile and now Houston is no better... Virtually everyday there are multiple murders in Houston... Four dead just yesterday, one was a 29yo policeman... And I don't look anything like a dea agent... lol...

... in response to Re: My Trip Report: Part 11, posted by wizard on Jun 10, 2002

If you're from Houston enroute to LA to a Latin babe....  Crank up your attitude a couple of notches.  LA will definitely test your patience.  Nothing wrong with latin girls either, (btdt), it's just the "society".

Good luck.

... in response to :-), posted by BrianN on Jun 10, 2002

I am cranked about going to Cali in a couple weeks, but reading Mark's post about the level of dedication that Victoria has for him is something I think we all yearn for... I have NEVER seen the level of commitment that Mark has conveyed about Victoria... Just haven't found the ONE yet... I have seriously considered Russia/Ukraine route too, but it seems that every time I begin that process I get hooked into a scammer... Thank goodness for the black list sites...

I have been in relationships with latin women here in Houston, so I know the potential... Been SOTB many times so I understand the differences in culture and society... This will be my first trip to Cali so I really looking forward to it... Would love to go to Brazil but my Portuguese is non-existant...

And the search continues...

... in response to :-), posted by BrianN on Jun 10, 2002


The one reason I was concerned about a LA woman in Texas is that it would be so very easy for her to live and exist without ever having to learn English.

Texas is very nearly bi-lingual.

I know that learning English is hard on Victoria. But I know she can do it. And in the end, it will help her feel like an American who is from Ukraine... instead of a Ukrainian living in America...

And I think that's an important distinction...

... in response to Re: :-), posted by MarkInTx on Jun 11, 2002

That's an interesting view about the language barrier... Actually, it was one of my reasons for searching for LW in the first place... I thought it would be easier for them to assimilate into society here without the immediate culture/language shock... You can go just about anywhere in Houston and speak either english or spanish...

Just my opinion...

... in response to Re: Re: :-), posted by wizard on Jun 11, 2002

Don't know if you saw my lengthy post on the LA board about my feelings on this...

But I ocmpared the number of LA ballplayers on the Texas rangers, and how a very small percentage of them can speak English even after years here.

The Russian players in hockey on the other hand are giving English interviews within a few years.
Desire is the first ingrediant in learning a new language.

When you HAVE to learn it, the desire is that much higher... IMHO

... in response to Re: Re: Re: :-), posted by MarkInTx on Jun 11, 2002

Right on.  Now you can see why I have more respect for my new family than for... any other route I could have chosen.

Cheers.

... in response to My Trip Report: Part 11, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 10, 2002

I have to say Mark, I like that you as a fellow Texan didn't follow the rules of this game. I am from the HOU area, I also like the idea of building a relationship via letters. My trip is going down the same trail yours did. Do it all on My Own! One think my lady is doing different is she is getting the appartment at Ukrainan rates so maybe I save there. I am also going to Kiev, I am sure that it will turn out simular because like you and your lady have a lot in common being single parents. I know besides the many things that my lady and I have in common one of the biggest, I am a single dad that takes care of my son fulltime, "Full Custody". She is amazed at this fact, "A Man take Responabilty" not found in the FSU as you all will agree.

Thanks for the wonderful post, and I also look forward till Aug. to see my lady for the 1st time, and possible my future wife.

SO tell us what the food prices was like, the place of your celebration "The Palace" The stake was not Texas quility what was the other choices, and prices. Thanks again
Tom

... in response to Re: My Trip Report: Part 11, posted by Tom40 on Jun 10, 2002

Hi Tom (or should I say Howdy!)

Interestingly enough, I am also a single Dad... And it is part of what amazed Victoria, too...

The Palace prices were not too bad. I'd have to go back and check the receipt, but I think that I paid about $50 or $60 for two.

I horrified Victoria by also leaving a 15% tip.

They had a lot of other dishes... Chicken, Lamb, Veal... I would say that every mean I had in Kiev was really good except the Chataeubriand.

They have a shiskabob dish called Shashlysk (or something like that) that you can hardly ever go wrong with. It's as close as Ukrainians get to Texas BBQ.

They actually have a BBQ place called "Phoenix BBQ" that sounds good... but I never made it over there. If you're like me, you're almost always disappointed whenever you get BBQ anywhere but Texas.

Where are you going to stay in Kiev? As soon as I am done posting this, I'm going to scan some "scenery shots" and put it up on my msn communities site.

BTW.. have you been over to visit anyone else yet? Or is this your first time?

-M-

PS: The trip report is not finished yet... I'll be giving some more restaurant reviews before I am through...

... in response to Re: My Trip Report: Part 11, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 10, 2002

It's called "Home Cooking".  It's in Kiev and I was told about it in Odessa!  It is cafeteria style but the food is great!  And it cost about $6.00!!  If you want to try a LOT of different Ukrainian dishes at the same time, it's wonderful.  It is extremely popular with the locals too (so you know it's good)..  The place was packed!  Just ask around, I am sure a lot of people there could point you to it..

Later,
Oscar

... in response to Don't miss this restaurant in Kiev!, posted by Oscar on Jun 10, 2002

I'd recommend a place called Pantagruel near the Golden Gate (Zoloty Borota) metro station.  I have been there several times over the past year, for both late breakfast, lunch and dinner.  It was always good.

... in response to Re: Don't miss this restaurant in Kiev!, posted by Richard on Jun 11, 2002

Concorde (for French) in addition to Pantagruel and Tekila House (previously mentioned) are among the best in Kyiv.

Tsarske Selo (Ukrainian - near The Lavra) is also outstanding, but REALLY pricy.

- Dan

... in response to Don't miss this restaurant in Kiev!, posted by Oscar on Jun 10, 2002

n/t

... in response to and it's so romantic, sliding your trays..., posted by KenC on Jun 10, 2002

Why Ken...

You're getting more sarcastic than ME these days :-)

... in response to and it's so romantic, sliding your trays..., posted by KenC on Jun 10, 2002

I'm sure it's more romantic than Oscar and Dan creating a huge hyperboloid thing on my screen with the discussion below!  (couldn't resist, sorry!).  lol!

... in response to Re: and it's so romantic, sliding your t..., posted by BrianN on Jun 11, 2002

n/t

... in response to and it's so romantic, sliding your trays..., posted by KenC on Jun 10, 2002

n/t

... in response to My Trip Report: Part 11, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 10, 2002

I found this to be very common with FSU women, that they are willing to dance for their man, whether at a Disco or in private..  When I asked women there whether they would be willing to dance for their husband, the most common reply was "of course, why not?".  Never did a woman there I asked about it say she would not be interested in this!

I just think that as has been stated, these women for the most part are very feminine and they really revel in their femininity as compared to many AW who seem to almost see their femininity as a chore or something..

I remember the first time me and my girl went to a disco (we had been together for a few days) and she asked me very casually about two thirds of the way into the evening "so would you like me to dance for you?"  I could see from the look on her face that she really wanted to so I said "sure"..  I think she loved it as much or more than I did!  
These women really do thrive on attention from their man so you really need to be ready to give that attention!

And these girls can DANCE! LOL!  I have wondered sometimes if they don't all take striptease lessons or something because they ALL dance like strippers! ;-) Not that I'm complaining!

... in response to Totally relate to the dancing thing-, posted by Oscar on Jun 10, 2002

I can totally relate to it too but on my last trip I noticed that many of the ladies in several cities in Ukraine were into waving their arms over their head and all I could think of was how they looked like they had an invisible rope and were trying to rope a calf.  Yee Haw.

... in response to Re: Totally relate to the dancing thing-, posted by Ramblin on Jun 11, 2002

Hmmm... funny, that's not what came to my mind when I saw them with the arms over their heads... ;-)

... in response to Re: Re: Totally relate to the dancing th..., posted by MarkInTx on Jun 11, 2002

that style of dancing just looked too retarded to be sexy.  Which is not to imply that ladies have not danced sexy for me in Ukraine because they have only without the lasso action.

... in response to My Trip Report: Part 11, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 10, 2002

Congrats on your engagement. Your lady seems great. Best wishes to both of you and I hope she gets over here pronto.

... in response to My Trip Report: Part 11, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 10, 2002

I haven't had your experience with AW using sex as a tool and with holding to punish, etc.  Many times they refuse to have sex, but not as punishment.

And I was glad to read about your sex on first day.  I had the same experience (first, second or at latest 3rd day) with several of the RW that I met.  I was starting to feel like the Lone Ranger about it since many of the guys here post about spending 10 plus days with a gal and just barely get to the hand holding stage.  I can't help but think that some of those gals must be thinking . . . what is wrong with these AM.

JR

... in response to More, posted by juio99 on Jun 10, 2002

Well... first off, I hate to say anything derogatory considering that you just commended me and all...

But, I do want to draw a slight distinction between what happened between Victoria and me, and "sex on the first date".

We were very emotionally committed to each other before we ever met... and I wasn't going to meet anyone else while I was there...

I think that when guys talked about "taking ten days to get to the hand-holding stage" they were referring to a woman that they had just met.

That really wasn't the same for Victoria and me...

FWIW

... in response to More, posted by juio99 on Jun 10, 2002

Juio99,
Maybe *this* is the reason why you are still not married(I mean having sex within first 3 days and loosing interest in lady after that)? Have you heard that modesty and demureness are virtues? I am not saying that every lady that does it right away is a scammer, but there is a big chance of that. Besides, IMHO, it is rather strange to have sex without knowing a little about your partner in person and establishing emotional contact first. Everybody is different and I am not judging anybody. However I am Ukrainian and I can tell you that most sincere Ukrainian ladies are shy and guys shouldn't expect sex on the first date.
Phillip's wife

... in response to Re: More, posted by Phillip on Jun 10, 2002

and specifically how it applies to me or to Mark.  The main reason I am not married at the current time is because I don't want to be married and I do not mislead any woman about that.

JR

... in response to My Trip Report: Part 11, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 10, 2002

Mark, thanks for your reports.  I am just now getting around to reading.

But I think I know what you mean about this dancing thing.  I had read on some of these sites where the gals danced for their guys while they were out at discos, etc.

I bought a small cassette player while I was in Turkey and played some tapes that I had brought.  I danced with my ladies to some of the tunes and then asked if they (alone) would dance for me.  I was quite surprised when they did, because these were 40 year old plus gals.  They didn't do hard core strips (but sometimes some clothes came off), but their dances were sensusous and they seemed to enjoy doing them.  This definitely seems to be a Russian or Ukranian thing as I have never had an AW do a private dance like that for me.  After the first time, it got to be a daily routine.

JR