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With all the rash of engagements there are more than a few guys here waiting for their Russian dream brides to arrive.  There is some things to do other than prepare your K-1 package and find the best airfare from Warsaw.

Prepare your bachelor dump er, pad:
Do the necessary things you have been putting off.  Like painting, cleaning and organizing.  A special note to organization: get rid of all ex-girlfriend photos and correspondence.  I know of a guy that didn't and he paid dearly for this for a longer time than it was worth.  If you MUST hang on to the memories, just know that sooner or later your Russian wife will find them and you will have some long (and very uninteresting) conversations about your ex-whatevers.  As for getting Russian TV installed, I am against it at first.  I think having the option NOT to watch American TV is too tempting and she may rely on it as a crutch.  Even though watching American TV will not raise her IQ level, it will help greatly with her English skills.  "Feminize" a room for her.  If you have an extra bathroom, make it "her" bathroom.  Throw out the reading material you have stacked next to the crapper and go buy a silk flower arraignment for the counter.  While shopping for the flower arraignment also buy her an industrial size hair dryer, a good hair brush, a nice "girly" bathroom set (soap dish, water glass ect).  Think about new towels, rug and shower curtain too.  Stock this bathroom with feminine products like Tampons, liquid bath soap (with a scrubby), lotions, women's razor, women's shaving cream ect.  A gift basket from Victoria's secret or Body Works will cover more ground in this area than you realize.  Of course you should wear your most manly outfit while doing this or the store clerks may think you are gay.  LOL.

Scouting the territory-
Search out a local Russian/ Eastern European food store.  Much the same as the TV thing above, this store can be used for some comfort food occasionally, not as a steady diet.  There is nothing more settling than a glass of Kefir after a stressful day.  Usually, the little Russian markets also carry Russian tapes and CD's.  Also check for a local Orthodox church if your lady is religious and of that faith.

Things to research-
Find out what your state's driving laws are concerning foreign drivers or new drivers.  While doing this also inquire if your area provides the written test in Russian.  CA does.  If they do, ask if they have a driving manual written in Russian.  Washington does.  Check out the requirements to add your wife (and child) to your health and auto insurance.  Check out your local laws on what is required to get married.  

Prepare yourself mentally-
Get ready to have some rely on you for EVERYTHING 24/7.  Think about how your woman will fill her days while you are at work.  She won't have the luxury of knowing anything in the beginning and housework will not do it.  Think about activities that she can do by herself.  As much as you love her, you both will want a break from each other every now and then.  ESL classes are great for this.  Check your local college or adult education for ESL classes.  Prepare to pay big bucks for the college sponsored classes though.  Foreign tuition is high and I think the ESL classes are a profit center for them.  While on the subject of education, have your lady get a certified (and sealed) copy of her college transcript if she is going to continue her education here.
Get ready for the ride of your life!
Any other ideas from the married guys are welcome.
KenC

... in response to Get ready guys!!, posted by KenC on Jun 12, 2002

Thanks Ken for offering some advice to our recently engaged guys...
My honey arrived in November and we were married this January... here is some tips from my point of view.. and by the way my honey is from Ukraine and Ken if I am not mistaken ( I havent been following the board as closely as I have in the past so it is possible) most of the new brides to be are from Ukraine too--- toeja  LOL.

Tip One... as Ken said getting your pad ready is a good idea so she does not think you are a total slob BUT...  do not over do it BECAUSE unless you are a total anal retentive guy there is the distinct possibility your baby will find dirt in places you never imagined. I say do some cleaning and some organizing and then when she arrives get ready for the REAL cleaning to start... lol. This is because she is better at it (in most cases) and also because she is nesting... gives her something to do and to make the place her own.

Here is what I did... very simple and made her feel like she was coming to a place that was "ours" instead of her husband's place.  I went out to the dollar store and bought those apx 4 inch gold letters that have adhesive on the back. I spelled out her name and put it on the molding in the kitchen... saying  Kate's Kitchen... perhaps some may think it is corny but I think because the kitchen was the first place she saw when she saw our place for the first time and the first thing she saw was Kate's Kitchen and I also got some balloons and flower's for her... I think this really made her feel at home... her home not just mine. by the way greet her at the airport with some roses.. odd number of course.

Tip 2  The most important words for success are of course I love you but also   LOL  Yes dear... it is making me almost cry with laughter because I know of at least one guy on here is going to say he is a macho guy and he rules the roost at his house and he is perhaps the biggest yes dears of all time... living in the land of de nile  LOL...
I am only half kidding about the yes dear part... It is true you are going to have to get use to compromising and really if she is a good woman and not some control freak itch... what if you let her have her way on most of the small things... life is to short to make a major thing out of a minor thing... dont sweat the small stuff and most of it is small stuff... of course if something is important to you let her know how you feel... she will have more respect for you if you do... but 9 times out of 10 (IF you have been careful to pick a smart and good woman) yes dear is the way to go...

Tip 3   the most important one!!!  as I have countless times written on this board... one size does not fit all... each woman is an individual... your mileage will vary...  oh and someone mentioned ESL  classes... get her involved in the free ones first unless you are just rolling in money.. yes they are a good social event to look forward to... find some Ukranian friends for her... if I can find some in my small town... Im sure you can find... you may be amazed at how many Ukranian, Russian and other Eastern Europeans are in your local area  ... and as always...
all the best,
Keith

... in response to Get ready guys!!, posted by KenC on Jun 12, 2002

...and even after arrival, do something every day to neat up the place. Frame her prize pictures etc. etc.
;)
Karl

... in response to As usual, Ken covers the field....!, posted by tfcrew on Jun 12, 2002

Yes, I forgot... my wife is a budding artist and I took one of her paintings that she scanned and emailed to me and took a floppy with a copy of it and took it to a local photo shop and had it blown up to a 8 by 10.. cost about 10 bucks as I recall... bought a frame and hung it on a wall of our house... if your lady is not an artist... take a picture you made together when you were in Ukraine and blow it up and put a nice frame and put it on the wall... just an idea...
Keith

... in response to Get ready guys!!, posted by KenC on Jun 12, 2002

Ken,

I agree with everything you say except "feminizing" her bathroom, and picking out lotions, razors etc..  I think most of these women would really enjoy doing this them selves, picking out what they want, as their tastes are certainly miles from ours.. and many of these things are pretty personal items anyway..  It could be a lot of fun for them to pick out these things themselves..

Later

... in response to Re: Get ready guys!!, posted by Oscar on Jun 12, 2002

Oscar,
Your wife will have the rest of her life to pick her own stuff out.  Even if you misjudge on a few items, she will appreciate the effort.
KenC

... in response to Re: Re: Get ready guys!!, posted by KenC on Jun 12, 2002

Ken,

I can see doing a few things but I would much rather support her in choosing things she may like..  As I said, women's tastes are far different than most men's..

Just me..

... in response to Re: Get ready guys!!, posted by Oscar on Jun 12, 2002

And... as far as that goes... I can't imagine a woman being happy that I bought her tampons for her...

... in response to Re: Re: Get ready guys!!, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 12, 2002

smile

... in response to Re: Re: Get ready guys!!, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 12, 2002

Mark,
Think about her having to ask you to take her to buy Tampons.  Don't you think it would be better that they just happened to be there for her instead?  Give the girl time to adjust is my thought.
KenC

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Get ready guys!!, posted by KenC on Jun 12, 2002

She will probaly bring a few... and if not... I doubt a guy (or least I am speaking for myself... doesnt have much experience picking out tampons... quite a few different kinds and sizes etc... ) so my advice is to try to get her involved as soon as possible with friends..who can help her out with this ... unfortunately she may have to take "potluck" for a month or so if she doesnt have any friends or family to advise her... like I said before I doubt most men will be able to pick out the right one that meets her needs... I remember my wife asking me questions the first month about them while we were at the supermarket... and while I could explain some of the english terms to her... and she bought some ... she got her russian friend to help her the next week who had been in the country for3 years... frankly I wasnt embarassed and she wasnt embarassed... we arent teenagers anymore are we? but there are many different kinds of these things and most men dont have a clue about them until their wife shows them which one is best for them..

... in response to Re: Re: Get ready guys!!, posted by MarkInTx on Jun 12, 2002

if she doesn't like them.. ;-)

... in response to Mark, you can always use them for X-mas ..., posted by Oscar on Jun 12, 2002

OK Oscar...

You need to take a step back from your computer and breathe deeply...

Yuuuck! That one was bad...

... in response to Re: Get ready guys!!, posted by Oscar on Jun 12, 2002

and besides it gives you one of the many Kodak moments when you take her to the local supermarket and other stores and she is amazed at all the different choices she has in hair spray, soaps, food etc...  the look on her face will be priceless to you... enjoy it....

Keith

... in response to Get ready guys!!, posted by KenC on Jun 12, 2002

Nice job Ken,

I done things very similar to what you outlined with my Russian wife.  The ESL classes (English as a Second Language) I think I got the most return on.  This was not only beneficial for her to learn English better, but also it was a social event and something for her to look forward to.  Luckily after we got married the college she attended allowed us to get the in-state tuition rate which saved me quite a bit.  

I would also suggest supporting any hobbies your wife (or soon to be wife) might have.  My wife had a huge interest in Hobby Lobby (arts and crafts store).

Well done...Rick

... in response to Nice, posted by Rickster on Jun 12, 2002

My wife also enjoyed her ESL class, but became bored with it after 2 months since her English skill was already pretty good, she needs to learn the many English axioms but speaking to more people every day improves that.
What we found to help her was a English language "Berlitz" computer program complete with headphone and speaker for pronunciation feedback...quite cheap actually, and she works with it every day.

Hobbies are very good for her to find something to do while you are away to work...I work from home, so my wife never is without someone to talk to...but her garden is giving us a lot of fresh tomatoes right now, soon we will have cucumbers. It is impossible to go to the supermarket or any store with a garden dept. without her eyeing the flowers, I tease her that I could drop her off at the nursery and come back in 3 hours and she still would not be finished looking!
She takes a painting class at a community center, and the she enjoys the little old ladies there who are facinated she is from Russia....not to mention she enjoys the sweets they bring for her to sample..for some reason there is never any left over for me (smile).

I found that giving my wife a cell phone with a generous calling plan gives her the freedom to stay networked with her FSU girlfriends that live here in California. Calling home to Moscow is a Sunday morning ritual for her, and with a 8 cent/min. phone rate it is not expensive.

My wife was never homesick...too much to do here, and her son keeps her very busy after school...beating his homework into him.

... in response to ESL CLASSES, posted by Apk1 on Jun 12, 2002

The garden is a great idea... my wife likes to do everything organically... unfortunately she has come to realize that Florida unlike Ukraine has about a million different kind of bugs that love cucumbers and pumpkins, and zuccini (spelling?) and other things she grows... besides just picking off the critters (which we have been doing) any ideas beside spraying...
Keith

... in response to Re: ESL CLASSES and garden...., posted by keithandkatya on Jun 12, 2002

My wife told me a funny one...the many people that live on the outskirts of Moscow that sell their fruit and vegetables near the metro stations all grow organically....because they are too poor to buy fertilizer and pesticides, but the goats are well fed...eating the trash the city people leave behind.

... in response to Re: ESL CLASSES and garden...., posted by keithandkatya on Jun 12, 2002

it does seem to work with most of the bugs here. And, she will feel 'comfortable' using it!  :-))))

... in response to Get ready guys!!, posted by KenC on Jun 12, 2002

There's also been a lot of diccussion on the Asian board about getting rid of evidence of past relationships. Maybe a photo album with pictures is OK, but odds and ends laying around that you're used to, that may be indicative of other women is a no no and will cause more grief than it is worth.

I agree that any major redecorating is probably better done after she arrives, but a thorough cleaning and Ken's idea of some handy feminine products, new sheets and towels for her, dry cleaned draperies, popourri in the bathrooms, maybe some scented candles to get rid of the stale beer and pizza odors, and other ideas are really good. Nothing will say welcome more than fresh bouquets of flowers around your home on the day she arrives, too.

-- Jeff S.

... in response to Get ready guys!!, posted by KenC on Jun 12, 2002


Ken, good advice, and I enjoy this stuff, since it is pertinent to me right now.

(All the newbies are probably saying: "Sheesh, who cares about this stuff?" That's how I used to be when guys would talk about K1 issues, and now I read every word...)

Here's my thinking about it...

"Prepare your bachelor dump er, pad:"

Ha! I've got this one taken care of: I'm moving! Lease is up here in July. I should just have boxes unpacked by the time she gets here. No time to start building my patented mold projects in the fridge...

About pictures: I hope this doesn't include pictures of my ex-wife. I don't have them prominently displayed, but they are in the picture albums, and I don't want to ditch pictures of my daughter's mom...

"Scouting the territory-"

This is good advice. I will start doing this. I was thinking about getting Dish TV anyway.. maybe I will get it, but not add the Russian channels right away?

"Things to research-"

Real good advice on the driving laws. I am adding that to my things to do list...

"Prepare yourself mentally-"

Good advice... but how can you prepare for it? Isn't it like a woman preparing for the pain of childbirth? Nothing can prepare her for it, it is more excruciating than she can imagine, but later she always feels that it was worth it...

... in response to Get ready guys!!, posted by KenC on Jun 12, 2002

Ken C:

Prepare your bachelor dump er, pad:
Do the necessary things you have been putting off. Like painting, cleaning and organizing.

Richard:
What about leaving the redecorating for a project she could be in charge of after she arrives. I think that being able to redecorate the house according to her tastes - picking a color scheme and all - would go a long way towards making feel that it is her place too.  (I can be a real cheap azzed SOB at times, but I don't want to redecorate twice.)
I have been working on the outside of my place plan on making the inside her project if/when she gets her.

... in response to Re: Get ready guys!!, posted by Richard on Jun 12, 2002

smart man...

... in response to Re: Get ready guys!!, posted by Richard on Jun 12, 2002

Gotta show YOUR stuff..However some research may be in order..favorite colors... paint or wallpaper... that kind of thing ;)

... in response to Re: Get ready guys!!, posted by Richard on Jun 12, 2002

Richard:
What about leaving the redecorating for a project she could be in charge of after she arrives. I think that being able to redecorate the house according to her tastes - picking a color scheme and all - would go a long way towards making feel that it is her place too. (I can be a real cheap azzed SOB at times, but I don't want to redecorate twice.)
I have been working on the outside of my place plan on making the inside her project if/when she gets her.

Stevo:
God forbid that I let my wife redecorate when she first got here.  If I had let her go to town, my place would've looked like modern Russian (i.e., 60s American).  We had LOTS of fights about this and I had to stop her from making my place into a recreation of a typical Russian flat.  Now, after 2 years, her tastes are much, much better and I pretty much can let her do anything she wants with regard to redecorating and I find it very acceptable.

An example: I have some very classic/expensive mahogany bedroom furniture that is done up in 1800s style with a distressed finish.  She thought it was all old stuff and wanted to replace it with one of those cheap lacquered sets.  She just couldn't understand what she was looking at.  She just kept telling me that if she wanted old furniture she'd have stayed in Russia (everything has to look new!).

Now, she has learned to really appreciate the good quality stuff and really likes the style (after having visited other homes here and seeing what is typical American style).

So, make your place clean and let her decorate a LITTLE, but she'll need quite a bit of time to learn American style and apply it to your apartment or home (unless you happen to like that 60s American look of Russian flats!)

Stevo

... in response to Bad idea!, posted by Stevo on Jun 12, 2002

Stevo,
I gotta agree with ya.  It takes a while to aquire the tastes that we have here in this country.  The RW new to this country don't have a clue as to what is available here and won't for a while.
KenC

... in response to Get ready guys!!, posted by KenC on Jun 12, 2002

ggg