Planet-Love.com Searchable Archives

I have been to Russia/Ukraine 3 times now and never do I remember seeing a married woman with anything other than a gold band as a wedding ring..  There may be some that have diamonds, I just never remember seeing any (I guess it's not customary to give an engagement ring in the FSU from what I understand).
Now that I am bringing my girl here, I am wondering what some of you guys who are almost married or already married can tell me about your experiences with this.  
Do I get her a band? Once they are here, do they want a diamond instead of a band, etc??

Appreciate any input...
Thanks in advance,
Oscar

... in response to About engagement and wedding rings-, posted by Oscar on May 15, 2002

Oscar,
We kind of blended the two traditions (band only there and diamonds here).  I almost had to force diamonds on Lena as she wanted to just have a gold band.  Instead I found a gold ring with a series of diamonds set into it.  Many jewlers refer to the style as an aniversary ring.  It worked for us.  An untraditional ring for an untraditional marriage.  LOL.
KenC

... in response to About engagement and wedding rings-, posted by Oscar on May 15, 2002

I did the traditional American thing:  a band and a big diamond and she was thrilled.  Now, I do agree with some of the comments below:  1)  don't bring the diamond to the FSU and 2) the RW do seem to prefer the pinkish gold to the more brassier types found here, although you can come very close if you shop.

... in response to About engagement and wedding rings-, posted by Oscar on May 15, 2002

They don't use engagement rings. In Norway we do and I think it's a nice tradition. We went and bought engagement/wedding rings together in Norway right after the engagement (Way more expensive, but I don't like the color of Russian gold). I thought the girl should have something to say about a ring she will be wear the rest of her life. We also kind of made a small ceremony in a church just the two of us after when we putted the rings on. That was nice.

After when she went home to Ukraine nobody understood anything. She was wearing a ring, but nobody had been invited for a wedding. :-) Be understanding if your girl doesn't want a ring until marriage, because it might cause quite a confusion.

Now, about diamonds or not is a matter of taste I think. I offered it to her, but because of the price we decided that if we wanted diamonds we would put it on later. We haven't done it so far.

My personal opinion is that wedding rings are something you use everyday and everywhere you go. E.g. if you're visiting your wifes relatives in a village, or going for vacation to a poor country full of children begging for money, diamonds might be a little distasteful. Diamonds are something special that maybe only should be weared on special occations? Buuut, it's really a matter of personal taste.

... in response to Go and shop with her, posted by Paci on May 15, 2002

I just read Greg's comment and felt a need to do the wsbill thing (reply to myself).

In Norway, and I *think* in Ukraine/Russia, it's most common with no diamond. If diamonds is by far common in the US maybe it should be diamonds. She will be live in the US after all.

But, as I said, take her out shopping for the rings. It might not be usual in the US, but I heard no protests from my Ukrainian woman.

... in response to About engagement and wedding rings-, posted by Oscar on May 15, 2002

They were first going to start off with a band and over the course of TIME, say after 5 or 10 years give her a really nice ring.

I guess the logic being, why give her the best up front.  If her love is true, she will stay the course of time and then you can reward her love with an expensive ring.

... in response to Re:  I like what someone said earlier ab..., posted by wsbill on May 15, 2002


If I didn't have much money, then I would buy what I could afford... but I wouldn't let the fact that I didn't see many rings over there dissuade me from getting her a ring.

You won't be the romantic man you want to be... because her expectations low enough to get away with it? Really???

What's next?

"Darling, in Kherson, they don't have hot water much of the time, so I'm going to turn our water heater off periodically..."  ???

If she expects only a band, and she gets an engagement diamond... I doubt she will be disappointed.

But, what if she is expecting a diamond and doesn't get it?

Part of what we are doing is making a woman's dreams come true. We can't do everything, of course, but treating her as well as you would treat an AW seems a reasonable place to start...

BTW, I am a big advocate of buying the ring and giving it to her as a surprise. Yes, ring shopping might be a great romantic time together... but can anything top the joy you get from surprising her with something she didn't expect?

When I got married (last time) we weren't going to do anything more than custom bands we had made up. Unbeknownst to her, I had an engagement ring made to match the bands. At the point in the ceremony where the pastor asked for rings, we both took the rings off of our fingers and handed them to him, and he prayed over them. When it came time to put the ring on her finger, I siwtched the band for the engagement ring.

I thought she was going to pass out right there...

The ring might not have been what she would have picked. It was not the biggest diamond, or the best band... but it couldn't have had more effect if it were the hope diamond, and you would have had to pry it off of her cold dead finger, she loved it so much. (Well... until she decided to divorce me... then it came off easily enough... but hey, it was just a diamond... not magic... It wasn't something I had to fight trolls and elves for, after all...)

Anyway... buy the ring.. surprise her with it. Do it right. Give her something to talk about and tell her girlfriends about.

How many times are you gonna get to do this? It's a once in a lifetime opportunity... (Well, in my case two... but... you know what I mean...)

... in response to Re:  I like what someone said earlier ab..., posted by wsbill on May 15, 2002

How many married AW do you see with just a band? May be fine for over there but things are different here.

You do what you want but I do not think that you want to treat your FSU lady less than you would an AW. She will notice that other women have a diamond ring all of varying sizes. How do you think that is going to make her feel?

... in response to Not me, posted by thesearch on May 15, 2002

she won't feel very good about a band.  :)  If she is using you as a mule, she won't feel very good about it either.  :)  If she loves YOU, it won't matter one way or the other!  So, I'd say it depends upon your risk level.  How much are you going to spend on a ring for her so that should things not work out, she'll have some pawn value to at least get an attorney to try and take the rest of what you may or may not have.  LOL.  Yep, you guys need to visit the RWA board (the Russian language side) a little more often.  From the postings over there, I'd say marriage is about a 50/50 chance of success.  Unfortunately, the 50% that don't make it are frequently advised by the other 50% of RWs to get an attorney immediately and try and take you for everything they can.  That's of course after she files abuse charges (frequently, emotional).  So buy her the biggest most expensive diamond you can afford!  She may need to use it against you later.  FWIW (no pun intended)

... in response to If she's materalistic, posted by DE on May 15, 2002

My Russian wife has been telling me stories she has heard from other women(both Russian and Ukraine) about the good, bad and just ugly relationships here in my city.

One Ukraine girl, came here 2 years ago when she was 19 has her husband buying her everything in site (jewelry, new car, and now a new $300,000 home) and goes and brags about it to all of the "good" FSU women. Needless to say these FSU women do not think much of her, including my wife. This youg bride had the audacity of telling me that no woman would marry me for anything less than one months salary expenditure on a ring. My wife is very happy with her 1/3 carat, and she did not let me spend more than $800...it was her idea!

I heard one story my wife told me was a total scam:
this woman from St. Petersburg was angry with her russian boy friend and hooked up with a man from my city, she came on a fiance visa and then married....at the first opportunity went back to Russia to be with the boyfriend again...6 months later she wants to come back...and so it is told the bridge was burned and now she is stuck in an abusive relationship with her russian boyfriend.

Not all relationships are bad, some work very well indeed.
I have meet several mid 30's women that are very happy with their husbands, even though they do not have much to show for in way of materialistic demands, they came here for the relationship and not so much the country or wealth of their husband.

By the way, my wife tells me everything...sometimes more about people than I want to know!

... in response to Re: If she's materalistic, posted by apk on May 15, 2002

There are good women and those that are selfish and into their own needs and agendas. Sounds like you got one of the good ones. Congrats to you.

... in response to Not me, posted by thesearch on May 15, 2002

n/t

... in response to Re: That makes sense., posted by wsbill on May 15, 2002

asdf

... in response to About engagement and wedding rings-, posted by Oscar on May 15, 2002

Everyone will be different on this, but what worked best for us was my then-fiance finding a ring she really liked and us getting it for her when I was over visiting.  Not only will it be cheaper than in the US (maybe 50-60% less?), but guaranteed to be a Russian diamond (here you may get some strange looks if you ask what country the diamond came from).

The ring settings and stone cuts will be different, so your taste and hers may argue for looking here instead of there.  We both liked the simpler setting and deeper cut on the stone that we could get there.

Also, about wedding bands, remember the gold there is smelted with copper and has a slightly pinkish tint.  We preferred that to the brassier look you get here, so we bought both of our gold bands there instead of here.

Good luck,

Steve M.

... in response to Re: About engagement and wedding rings-, posted by SteveM on May 15, 2002

What city were you looking at rings in? My experience was different. I found the quality to be less and the price higher in Russia.

A $2700 diamond ring here was about $4000 there. Of course I'm no expert, but I definitely felt better buying one in the states. Plus I was scared to have her walking around wearing it there, which also played into my thinking.

... in response to Re: About engagement and wedding rings-, posted by SteveM on May 15, 2002

Diamonds are cheaper in Russia?

Really? Why...?

Are they the same quality?

... in response to Diamonds are cheaper in Russia?, posted by MarkInTx on May 15, 2002

I had my wife's ring appraised when she got here for twice what I paid in Ukraine. Maybe I just got lucky but I bought her one that she liked. (Of course I had to threaten to buy one five times more expensive before she would agree to let me spend that much on her :) We both favor the color of Russian gold over the more yellow American gold.

The flip side of this is that she only wears it when we go out. She doesn't wear it every day (around the house) as I had intended but that is her choice. I don't feel the need to have her tagged as being married because I know that she is mine and mine alone.

I do wear my ring constantly but only because it reminds me of her. No other woman could possibly hold any interest for me now that I have found her.

She says that she has no fear of wearing it at home because nobody believes that those are real diamonds.

... in response to Diamonds are cheaper in Russia?, posted by MarkInTx on May 15, 2002

The Oppenheimer cartel has not yet taken them over so they sell at a price which reflects the cartel prices but is below the cartel price structure.  A diamond is a diamond.  There are "grades",  valued characterics,  which increase the "grade" or price of any diamond. Like size,  clarity, color etc.  It is not important where the diamond comes from.  It is a geologic process.  Unless a diamond is microscopically "tagged";  holographically---there is seldom any way to know for sure just where a diamond came from.  Few diamonds are tagged.  "Blood" diamonds from Africa (Sierra Leone) can easily be mixed with diamonds from anywhere. Here we are talking about high-gem quality stones.  Some industrial (cheap)quality stones will tell a knowledgeable gemologist where the diamonds come from.

If you are planning on buying in Russia (or anywhere) it is best to learn the basics so you can affirm the quality of the diamond.  Or bring your own gemologist (pricey).  I think one without knowledge could be easily swindled and you could buy a very inferior stone at a very high price.

... in response to Diamonds are cheaper in Russia?, posted by MarkInTx on May 15, 2002

I don't know about quality but Russia is one of the world's biggest exporters. More diamonds equals less cost. There was a good artical about the world diamond trade in a recent National Geographic. Unfortunately I don't remember all the details.