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Hi guys,

I haven’t posted for a while and now I noticed that a lot of “old” regular posters disappeared and many new posters appeared. So probably I have to introduce myself once again in order to avoid situations when people comment my posts as they were posts of an American man.

I’m a Russian woman and I live in Moscow. I have been to the US several times and I have a multi-entry US visa. I had an American boyfriend but things didn’t work between us and now I’m again in a “free search”.

And I need your advice.

I don’t want to post my ad on Internet sites where RW are looking for foreign men. First men usually correspond with many women, second very few men finally come to Russia, third if they even come to Russia they meet many women and I’m not sure I wish to take part in such competition. It seems to me that to win the competition results in taking too much responsibility. Later a man can always tell the chosen lady: “I met so many women and chose you and you didn’t meet my expectations”. Sorry it’s not for me.

Also I’m not eager to correspond long. Often it is just waste of time. There are too many things you cannot find out through e-mail or telephone calls. In the past I corresponded with an American man for 2 years and it took me a minute to realize that we didn’t match when we met in person.  I admit importance of correspondence before meeting in person but I would prefer it was short.

There is no problem for me to find 10 (20, 50, 100 or more) AM to correspond with. I can post my ad on International sites or e-mail men myself.  I’m sure in some time some of men will suggest me to come to the US and perhaps even offer to pay for the flight although it’s not so important. But here is a great problem.  First I will hardly agree to stay at home of a man I never met in person and hardly know. Second, even if I stay at the hotel (and who will pay for it?) I have a risk to find myself alone in a strange country in a strange place without any help (and taxi to the airport will probably be not cheap).  Third, if one of us doesn’t like another I will have to go back to Russia and two long flights within a week isn’t something easy and good for health. Fourth, in this case one of us will loose money (flight, hotel etc.).  Therefore going to the US to a man I’ve only corresponded with before is too risky.

Another option is to choose men from one place (like some of you choose women from one city), correspond with them for a short time and then come to the US at my own expense and meet them. Here is another problem. Staying in the US for a month will hardly bring anything and obviously I will need more time to find out “who is who”. With my visa I can legally stay for 6 months. Unfortunately so long stay cost a lot of money and I cannot afford that. It could be perfect if I could find job but I don’t have work permission. My friend has been to the US and worked as a maid without work permission but she didn’t recommend me such option. She said the work was very hard - she cleaned big house, cooked, washed, ironed and took care of 2 children and 3 dogs. She had only one day-off and as she said on this day she was too tired to go out.

Maybe some of you have any other ideas what shall I do. I thank you for your advice in advance.

Yours,

Tootsie

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

I could set you up with a page here at PL.  Since you live in Moscow, I'd think you'd get at least some clients and who knows, maybe you'd meet a man that way.

I think finding illegal work here in the US is going to be difficult and could create problems later if, and when, you want to change your status to permanent in the future.

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

nt

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

It sounds like you're looking for something that everyone wants...  a reasonable, loving, and attractive partner with chemistry that works for you.  You obviously respect a lot of the people here, and their input, why not post more of your bio on your profile. Maybe a lurker that might meet these qualifications, may pick up on it. (sounds cheap, but what else can one do?)

A store that has closed doors, gets no customers.

Just a thought.

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

My good friend Bob has recently got engaged to his new fiancee. Bob has never traveled to Russia and I don't think he used any agencies or responded to ads in any way. His fiancee came over on either a business visa or a tourist visa over a year ago and she stayed here for several months her first time in the US with some of her relatives. She worked for an American company in Vladivostok. I believe they met at an Orthodox Church but I'm not sure if it was our regular church or another one. They have been corresponding with each other for a long time now. She arrived last week with her daughter on a medical visa. He did not formally ask her to marry him until she arrived because of the type of visa she used to enter the US with but it was his intent all along and she knew of his intent as well. He has consulted an immigration attorney concerning this and was told that it would be no problem to get an AOS once they were married.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you don't have to meet someone from the internet. You can also do the same thing that we do... you can correspond with many different men, take the trip over here, meet them, and see who you like. You can even stay and get married here once you feel you've found the right man. You have many more options than most RW because you have a visa. Find the right mate is very difficult, I know. The funny thing is, what you have as a vision in your mind of the right mate is not necessarily the true one. Keep an open mind and you may be surprised at the result.

-blm

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

You need a visa to work legally in the US.  You could probably live a better life working legally in Russia than you could working illegally in the US.  If you have an engineering degree you may be able to find a job through the H1-B visa program.  These are for jobs in the high tech industry mainly.  Unfortunately, times are slow right now so it will be difficult.  What type of engineering is your degree in?  I have friends in Atlanta who are recruiters. I could probably get you some more visa details if you email me.

... in response to Jobs, posted by Mark W on Mar 11, 2002

Tootsie's lanuage skills (Russian, German, English) might qualify her for a job as translater.  However, H1B's, as pointed out by DE, take some planning.

... in response to Jobs, posted by Mark W on Mar 11, 2002

The problem with the H-1B visa is that they reach the allotted quota usually by February each year.  Unfortunately, it is probably already to late to get one for this year as it requires a lot of pre-planning and a job offer from a company that is willing to wait until the next quota becomes available.  Planning now for next year is a good idea!

... in response to Re: Jobs, posted by DE on Mar 11, 2002

Actually, with the downturn in the economy the H1-B quota has not been filled the last two year.  They were well short last year.  My friends are recruiters who specialize in this area.  The problem now is convincing companies to take the extra expense of the H1-B when the market is filled with unemployed US nationals.

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

I think I read that you visited Washington DC. I think you would have a great time in Baltimore or Philadelphia area.  I moved just southwest of Philadephia 6 months ago and love it. It is close to the 3 cities mentioned, also close to New York City, Atlantic City(nice on weekends to see shows and gamble)and many small places.  This way your not just near one city and each are nice in there own way(Philadelphia is my favorite so far).

Just an idea on an area to look at...Good luck!

... in response to Re: Need advice, posted by Sal on Mar 11, 2002

:-)

... in response to are you on the 'mainline'? n/t, posted by Stan B on Mar 12, 2002

I'm not familar with the term "mainline"(95?).

... in response to Re: are you on the 'mainline'? n/t, posted by Sal on Mar 12, 2002

I believe he's refering to the old Pennsylvania Railroad local that goes out to the western suburbs like Malvern and Merion.  It is where Society lived.

I grew up in the southwestern burbs near, but not on, the Main Line.

Another iteresting area to visit is Pennsylvania Dutch Country or Amish Country in Lancaster County.  Reading to the North of Lancaster is an outlet mall mecca.

... in response to Re: Re: are you on the 'mainline'? n/t, posted by Richard on Mar 12, 2002

I live in north Delawre now. I haven't been to Lancaster in years, but planning a trip after I get back from Europe in first part of June.

... in response to Thanks, posted by Sal on Mar 12, 2002

Try connecting onto route 741 (that's the PA route number) to Route 30 in Gap.  It's a real country two lane road, but the distance is so much shorter that you do save time.  I used to use that road to commute to work every day.

... in response to Re: Thanks, posted by Richard on Mar 12, 2002

in Wayne (on rte 30 )and my family still lives in the area. Now I live on Maui...aloha

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

I just sent Jack an e-mail that may be of some help to you.  Please contact Jack.

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

Tootsie, sorry to tell you that you will get few honest answers here because you, as a RW, are viewed as a protected species.  There is a saying (perhaps from Oscar Wilde or Somerset Maugham) that goes something like: I can handle my enemies, but God help protect me from my friends.

We have the perfect example right here within a few postings.  Greg has stepped forward with some hard hitting advice for Stevo.  Since Stevo is an AM, this advice will stand on its own and no one will step forward to criticize Greg for giving honest advice.  But when Ryan gave you some
hard hitting advice, none other than the same Greg stepped forward to severely attack Ryan for daring to give honest opinions to a RW.  Sadly for you, the result of Greg’s attack will be to discourage others from giving you
the hard hitting honest advice that you need and deserve.

Now Greg (and others) will respond and attack me with a well written song and dance to demonstrate how the two situations are different, etc., and once again you will actually be harmed by someone who professes to be your friend.

Here is my advice for you.  Because of your protected status, you will only get honest answers when the writers know that their words to you will not be attacked by the RW protectors.  Therefore, you should set up a secondary free e-mail account with www.yahoo.com or www.hotmail.com
or www.mail.ru.  Post that account address here, and then again ask for input from the readers here.  By using this secondary e-mail account, you protect the privacy of your primary account, and can discontinue its use when the purpose is served.

Since I am one of the rare ones who don’t give a sh!t what others may say, I will give you some hard hitting advice here.

First, you cannot set your own rules to this game.  With the expanding use of the internet for matchmaking, it is becoming one of the best examples of a free market economy.  You say you don’t want to compete with other
ladies and you don’t want the men to have other options, but that is how the game will be played, so you best just get onboard.

Second, presumably you don’t want to get hooked up with someone who is stupid.  But a man who will invest a couple of thousand dollars or more to come and see you alone on a first visit will be a stupid man.  Interestingly, you know this yourself as you mention a return trip to US to see multiple men.  So you know what is logical, yet you don’t want the man to do the logical thing.  Well that makes you a . . . . .     You can fill in the blanks.

Third, I recall in some of your past posts that you proudly proclaim that you are not a typical Russian woman.  But you also know that a typical Russian woman is exactly what most of the men who are going to Russia are looking for, so I would say you are wasting your time playing this game in
the first place.

Fourth.  You should decide that you are going to do a complete change in your way of thinking and get into the market as an active participant and competitor; or you should stop deluding yourself and drop out.

Fifth, if you decide to become an active competitor, I read in a newspaper that the largest internet dating site was www.friendfinder.com

Sixth, if you do decide to become an active competitor, you should post here the sites your have placed your profile on.  Why keep it a secret if you are serious about finding a man?

Sincerely,

JR

P.S.  I did thank you several posts below for your advice to me regarding the Mediterranean area.

... in response to RW cannot get honest opinions or good ad..., posted by juio99 on Mar 11, 2002

I think you must have used your fast reading training. Or, someone else simply relayed to you what I wrote about.
 Caaause - you got it wrong.

I never got on Ryan's case for his advice. Go back and read it - prove me wrong. I got on his case for insinuating that Tootsie was nothing but a ME ME person while he was seemingly trying to attempt to label all FSU women this way --- most likely because of his own misfortune with a lady from Lugansk.

Besides, I do not agree with your idea about not possibly getting good advice here anyway. You may be right and she may not get it but, what would anyone not tell her? You must have an idea or you would not have said this. Honestly, I am not sure what we would protect her from other than insults.

... in response to I guess Tootsie will have to determine t..., posted by greg2 on Mar 11, 2002

But, I will admit, I have not come up with anything other than stated relative to advice yet ---- still thinkin

... in response to RW cannot get honest opinions or good ad..., posted by juio99 on Mar 11, 2002

..First off, I applaud Greg's advice to Stevo, it was sound so why should he be criticized? As I recall, this is the guy whos wife gets drunk in strips clubs, so he isn't gonna be too objective anyway.

Second, although Ryan's shot at Tootsie wasn't really all that bad, hes got a history behind him so he is naturally gonna get jumped on. I would hardly call his opinions "honest", as he was operating off of a bout of self pity at the time. He was more fufilling his needs than hers. The rest of the replies to her struck me as genuine. (All except your's, of course.)

Third, It *is* different. Greg knows Tootsie personally, Ryan does not. Also, Ryan at least can give "advice" to a lady without resorting to less than gentlemanly behavior like calling her a "fill in the blank....", unlike you. I'm certainly not known for my tact, but I soften it around women as needed. This is why I can call you a serious Richard Cranium for such a comment and feel pretty good about it.

Fourth, I actually agree with you about how any R/W who comes here is treated like God's gift to losers but, as I said, in this case I (and others) know Tootise personally and Ryan does not. Nor, I suspect, do you, so what qualifies you to give her advice of the "quality" you've offered?

Fifth, Tootsie has the right to conduct her search using any method she sees fit, just like you. Besides, comparing how an A/M goes about it with a R/W seems like apples to oranges to me anyway. Btw, hows *your* success rate?

If I'd known you were such a weenie, I wouldn't have wasted my time on you with Cyprus. Who shot JR? I dunno, but he oughta try again.

... in response to Listen here...., posted by LP on Mar 11, 2002

based on one reported incident.  To wit:

"First off, I applaud Greg's advice to Stevo, it was sound so why should he be criticized? As I recall, this is the guy whos wife gets drunk in strips clubs, so he isn't gonna be too objective anyway."

The fact that I reported one incident does not make my wife someone who "gets drunk in strip clubs".  Also, Greg's advice to me was unsolicited.  I post for info only; that others might take what they can (if they wish).  Had I asked for advice then it would be warranted.  I never said, "Geez, can someone give me advice on staying married 5 or 10 years?"  I'm a big boy and I know what works in my situation.  You'll notice I never criticized Greg for his advice, since he can say what he wants to say, even if the advice was not sought.  And lastly, you don't have any idea as to my objectivity, now, do you?  That's all.

Stevo

... in response to Please don't make general statements..., posted by Stevo on Mar 12, 2002

Hi Stevo,

My advice was not solicited? Stevo, I had to really think about this as I found myself agreeing then questioning moments later. It dawned on me that what is black and white also has progressing shades of grey on the path to black relative to what we could label as solicitation.

Now at the black or white of it, you did not solicit advice. And, if you would prefer that I not comment on anything from your posts at all but merely, give advice when requested I would certainly not have any objection to such a request.

Here is how I see the grey so to speak. When you make a post, you are in effect opening up yourself for comment - in that sense it is an indirect invitation for comment/solicitation. There could be not comment without your initial post. Perhaps you will notice as I have that a great amount of comments/advice are not directly solicited here --- it is an off shoot of what that person posted. And, many times more important dialogue is spurred from this and the thread takes a whole new direction.

And, not unlikely many times to perhaps most of the time the advice benefits someone other than the person being given the advice - just a reader who reads the post and never even comments. In this sense advice to a person in all practicality becomes pertinent for someone other than who the advice was given. I suspect this is common.

If I felt motivated to post what I did, I could have started a new thread about such issues and thus I could state what I want in a form of general advice and not specific to anyone.

From your perspective, you did not feel that the advice had any relevance to you. You may be correct, but I also say that I know men personally who have responded to me this way when I know their wife or significant other thinks otherwise. So, I do not necessarily blanketly accept that you did not. However, if giving you that advice, I actually was reinforcing my own thought process so that there would be less likely hood that I would need that advice myself. So, that post at least had benefit for me.

It is just a fact that most men have a tendency to drift into taking his wife for granted as time moves on with only moments of trying to correct it. At, least this is what many women say. And, it is very common that women are jealous of other women who have a husband that is keeping the romantic fire lit more than their husband is.

So, if you do not want any comments other than black and white solicited ones - let me know - I will be happy to oblige

... in response to Please don't make general statements..., posted by Stevo on Mar 12, 2002

....guy yet who was objective about anything concerning his wife, your statement only proves this further.

As for what works in your situation, two years means squat.

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

Hello Tootsie!

Sorry that I am not good for advice now, but I wanted to say hello.

Yours is the same dilemna that AM face - although more difficult. I don't know what the answer is, but I really believe that if the AM is not willing to go to see you in your country then they are unworthy of having you. You are too unique and special a lady to settle for having to go meet the man yourself. To me, the man's willingness to make the journey to Russia is evidence of his sincerity as well as his worthiness.

Of course, you have to watch out for those guys who have multiple appointments! :o

*But*, as you discovered, you can travel half way around the world and know in a matter of minutes that you will never match the other person. So what is good for the goose is good for the gander - if you make a trip to USA, target a large city and schedule a lot of meetings!! I think that you would prefer a northern city like Louisville or Chicago, or maybe St. Louis or Denver. But don't forget Atlanta. If you targeted Atlanta I could render aid and service :)

I think you need to go get a part time job in Moscow at an Amerian company. Look around and maybe you meet a nice AM there. And don't forget the First Baptist Church of Moscow! There are some good men there. In the US, it would seem that your translation skills would be valuable to an American firm doing business in Russia.

That's all I can think of right now.

Take care.

WmGO

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

Hello Tootsie,
The post I made below was uncalled for and I am sorry.  I consider you sort of a veteran on this board and enjoy reading your point of view.  I just could not understand your question as to me it was common since what you have to do and that was keep trying like I and a number of other people here are doing.  In the first part of the post I was trying to point out that you go threw so many of the same frustrating things we have to go threw.  Then I let my frustration show by taking a little of that out on you.  Again I am sorry.
Ryan

... in response to My apologies, posted by Ryan on Mar 11, 2002

Hey,

I appreciate that you got burned. You got burned big time and you were able to tell everyone about it. I respected you for that.

Just realize that there are more out there like her. Now doesn't that make you feel better. Of course I am kidding. The point is that there are and you could get burned again, but if you cop an attitude because of what happened you will turn off the sweet lady that you meet who is what you want. I know that it is hard to do but, you have to do it that way.

If something does not seem right with a lady, there are plenty of guys here who will give you their opinion so that hopefully you do not get scammed again.

Honestly, I am very sorry that happened to you.

Also thanks for that apology - I would not be able to compete with LP anyway - he is just too good at what he does.

... in response to My apologies, posted by Ryan on Mar 11, 2002

..to do it Ryan, good for you.

Look, I understand your frustration. Maybe I can offer you some advice. My experience is that these chix *do* seem self-centered at times, but its not that black and white.

First off, stop applying A/W "standards" to them. Your experience is likely with A/W and that just ain't gonna work. When I started long ago I noticed that the very things we like about FSU women can manifest themselves in *very* complex ways other than the obvious.

Take their femininity for example. I've seen FSU girls who wouldn't hesitate to kill a rat, yet be afraid to go on an amusement ride or drive a jeep. They may have a difficult existence but are taught to "be" and "act" like women. That means they expect you to be and act like a man. That means footing the bill, opening doors and showing them courtesy you normally would get beat up for in our culture.

Much of the stuff you've been "programmed" not to do for A/W is what they expect, indeed, take for granted. This feminine nature and expectation can manifest itself in every interaction you have with them and, if you ponder it a little, you'll soon learn what to expect in *most* situations. (After all, they're still women) You'll find that these expectations are often in complete conflict with what you're used to dealing with. To paraphrase: "its the culture, stupid." You must stop expecting them to react in a manner that you're accustomed to in almost every scenario you find yourself in with them.

Think about it. In general, femininity is easy to understand on one hand, but difficult on another. Higher emotional energy levels, pride, how they resolve conflict, ect, ect, is often directly effected by this trait.
This can appear at times to be the "me" part you've experienced. It can appear that they have higher expectations of you than an A/W and, in fact, they often do, especially if she isn't here yet. They're expecting us to "go through" what we do because its' "our job". Get it? In other words, while she must adapt to the practical aspects of our culture, its my opinion we have the more difficult job in adapting to the emotional aspects of theirs.

The point I'm trying to make (and not very well) is that these expectations from them of you "being" a man is not at all what you're used to. You really need to have both some experience *and* learn to think in an entirely different way before you make a judgement or determination of them based on your past experience with western women.

This is gonna apply to most interactions you have with a sincere FSU girl. It requires you to relearn some skills you've either lost or, if you're a young guy, maybe never had. When dealing with them, stop auto-reacting and start thinking very carefully before you say or do anything around them, simple as that. Weigh what their response may be based on an examination of *their* programming, not your's. (Even taking my own advice, I'm still trying to figure mine out and it isn't easy at all.)

(lol, in general, just look at a given situation and ask yourself how a 1950s A/W would react in the same instance. No experience with that? Then just work a little harder at being a gentleman.)

Believe me, it isn't gonna be easy sometimes but you'll soon learn to appreciate the way they are (mostly), and in the final analysis you'll decide thats exactly why you looked at them in the first place and come to the conclusion you wouldn't have it any other way. Now having said all that, remember that women are women on a core level the world over. Culture aside, it isn't too difficult to deal with that part, unless you're brain dead. You know, there is a lot of good to be said about how some Russian men treat their women. If you could remove the bad things they do and leave the good, blend together the good from them with the good we offer, you'd make her the happiest woman on Earth. Do that, and she'll likely do the same for you.

After all, isn't that why you're here?

... in response to Thats the way..., posted by LP on Mar 11, 2002

posts, Gary. I liked this a lot - they ARE high maintenance although not in a 'fiscal' sense.
And, I do agree that it's ALL worthwhile when you find the right one!!!!  :-)
Too bad this'll be wiped when Patrick see all the crap.

... in response to My apologies, posted by Ryan on Mar 11, 2002

It's nice to see that you are man enough to apologize. Tootsie has helped a lot of us on this board. She never once asked for anything from me for the help that she gave. It's a rare thing to find people like that. If you'd met her you would understand why some of us are protective of her. I arrived late on the scene and it's hard to match Greg's eloquence.

You need to learn to control your frustration. Hey, I got hurt by a lady that I fell for. It cost me thousands of dollars. But it was a learning experience. I have regrets about what happened and the mistakes that I made. But instead of getting bitter and condemning the ladies I'm trying to do this a second time and avoid making the same mistakes twice. I remember the good times we had and try to forget about the meltdown.

I know about frustrations. I've got a heavy bag in my basement. I take my frustrations out on it, not on my keyboard. You made some big mistakes. Guess what! You're human. But if you learned from them then some good may come from those mistakes.

One thing about life with RWs for good or bad it's always interesting. I strongly believe that there are good ones out there to be found.

... in response to Good boy,Ryan, posted by Zink on Mar 11, 2002

Thanks for the compliment Zink. I am usually pretty laid back and conservative however, Ryan did bring out a little LP in me :)

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

Tootsie,
I've always admired your contributions to the board and would be interested in starting a correspondence with you.

Please send me some details about yourself and what you are looking for in the future.

Marc    

mlaytar@umm.edu

... in response to Please email me, posted by Marc on Mar 11, 2002

spasiba@softhouse.net

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

I think Squirecam gave some good advice.  With your English skills I'm sure you could work as an interpreter for an agency.  That way you'd be exposed to many American men and instead of spending money, you'll be earning it.

Of course you'll still have competition to deal with, but at least you won't be invested time in corresponding with men who will write for months (or years) and never visit.

... in response to Work for an agency, posted by Patrick on Mar 11, 2002

Tootsie, you should really consider working as an interpreter, either for a large marriage agency or as an independent agent for people with connections to men going to Moscow.  As an interpreter, you would get to know a lot of American men and the ones that you are interested in, you could tell them that you are single and interested in seeing them socially and not as their interpreter.  I think Patrick is right.  I think it will work for you.

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

Tootsie, please contact me at your convenience as I may be a solution for you.

poramoidryg@hotmail.com

... in response to Re: Need advice, posted by poramoidryg on Mar 11, 2002

interesting you worded that :)

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

I thank you very much for your advice and comments on my post.

Now I wish to ask you some more questions (sorry I didn’t do it in the earlier post).

1) Which jobs in the US besides maid can I find without job permission (maybe waitress or something like that)?

2) Is it possible to get job permission in the States? Maybe there are companies that need specialists who speak Russian and German besides English (perhaps on a temporary basis in hotels for holiday season) and maybe such company can apply for this permission?

3) Is it possible to find job like taking care of kids and helping them with their school homework? I have degree in engineering and very good in mathematics, physics etc. And I can also tell fairy tales to little kids. Hmmm… and to big kids too :).

Thanks in advance,

Tootsie

... in response to Thank you and some more questions, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

Tootsie, do you really want to be a maid or waitress? I don't think so.

I can't speak for the US but in Canada most of the larger companies can and will help qualified people with visas and work permits.

I know of one Ukranian lady that came to Saskatchewan this way. I do not know her personally but I am friends with her husband's cousin, so I know a little of her story. She had met her husband while they were both on vacation in Greece. She wanted to come to Canada without the fiance visa. So he found a job opening at the local telephone company that she was qualified for. She didn't tell anyone that she was involved with a Canadian man. The company helped her with all of her visa paperwork. They dated for about a year after she came here and then got married.

You are well qualified for many jobs so it should be possible for you to find a corporate sponsor. Try searching for job openings in areas that you are interested in. It wouldn't surprise me if a company became very interested in you because of your linguistics abilities on top of your engineering degree. I don't know your resume but from what I do know about you I think you are a capable woman.

If everything else fails I could use a physics and calculus tutor. Then I would be able to finish my degree. I live right on the border and it would be simple for me to smuggle you across to the US. I promise I won't even make you milk my cows!

... in response to Thank you and some more questions, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

Ok, regarding job in USA without permission.Most likely you will be able to find job in cities of USA with large Russian communities as New York, Chicago etc. Of course you can work as nannie or as housekeeper like my mother ( she's cooking,cleaning,doing laundry etc) but in most cases refferences are required otherwise it is pretty difficult to find even this kind of job.

... in response to Thank you and some more questions, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

Please e-mail me Tootsie: kmsauto@pacbell.net

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

Hello Tootsie,

What I suggest that you do is contact an american agency that does business in the FSU. Pick one that seems to have alot of clients in a large area. Give them a profile and tell them that you would like to meet men of that area (pick somewhere large, like california).

If you find enough men in an area that interests you, travel to the city and meet with the men.

Agencies usually charge alot of money for men to come see the women. Maybe the agency can do a similar thing for you here. For instance, the agency could "charge" each of the men a small sum. This money would be used BY THE AGENCY to obtain accomidations for a week or two. At that point, either you have not met someone, and can return home, or you have met someone, at which point I am sure they will be more then willing to help you out. If the are a reputable agency, they should be willing to try this out.

The agency wins (they get $$) the guy wins (he gets you) and you win. It's a win-win-win situation

Squirecam

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

I've always enjoyed your perspective and reading your advice on this board, and ahve a thought. I've always heard that often the best action in a situation is to zig when everyone else zags. In other words, what you might try is to not necessarily do what everyone else is doing, that is to list yourself with Russian agencies. You're obviously very fluent in English, have internet access, and have far more knowledge about America and american men than your average Russian country girl. I've seen your picture too, and if there's anyone out there who doesn't consider you quite attractive, I say their taste resides somewhere where they sit down. You should consider the American dating sites. There are plenty of middle aged, divorced or single, intelligent. professional men out there who have a hard time finding someone special. You don't necessarily have to point out that you live in Russia until you get a two way communication going and find out if you have the basis for mutual interest and attraction. Believe me, there are very few men who wouldn't hop on a plane to meet someone they come to enjoy in e-mail and voice mail communications. Especially comparing you to the choices many men have in their own home towns. If a middle aged American white collar man is so poor or manages his money so poorly that he can't afford to visit you, you probably don't want to meet him anyway - he'll be trouble. There are tons of internet matchmaking sites that are not specifically international oriented. Someone who never considered the international scene might be just the ticket. Just a few thoughts for you.

-- Jeff S.

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

What shall you do?  You just explained exactly what us men go threw to meet Ukraine/Russian women.  There is little to no difference…  

First I will hardly agree to stay at home of a women (And her family) I never met in person and hardly know. Second, even if I stay at the hotel I have a risk to find myself alone in a strange country in a strange place without any help.  Third, if one of us doesn’t like another I will have to go back to U.S.A. and two long flights within a week isn’t something easy and good for health.

All you did in your post was complain about the money, money, money and who would pay for it…  Again this whole process makes me sick…  Stay home and find your love in your country, are the Russian guys really that bad?   Look I am starting to see a pattern here with Russian woman and I really do not like what I see.  They seem to be all ME ME ME….

... in response to Re: Need advice, posted by Ryan on Mar 11, 2002

I know you are here

... in response to Re: Need advice, posted by Ryan on Mar 11, 2002

Ryan, I am ashamed of you.  You have been making a real effort to improve your thought process which has been most welcome, and then, out of the blue, another innane post demonstrating your to take or repeat a course in Maturity 101.  I agree with all of the comments expressed in the earlier posts and, if you are a gentlemen, you owe this lady an apology.

... in response to Re: Need advice, posted by Ryan on Mar 11, 2002

Ryan, go and find AW who won't be all ME ME ME...I'm sure many of them around ...Because if you don't like what you see about RW then how about RW  surely don't care for guys with attitude like yours.

... in response to Re: Need advice, posted by Ryan on Mar 11, 2002

You can't compare the situations at all.  If you think it's too expensive, then don't bother with RW.

Tootsie is not complaining...just telling it like it is for RW.  What do you think, that RW have the same financial wherewithall as AM?  Better think again.  Tootsie should expect the AM to pay, if you think otherwise you are very naive and immature.

Stevo

... in response to Re: Need advice, posted by Ryan on Mar 11, 2002

Where do you come from talking to this lady like this. You do not know her at all. You have got a hair up your buttt and now can only see things one way - like you have this incredible revelation.

I know this lady. She is not a me me me person. She has contributed to this board many times in the past and shared with men what she knows about Russian women and has been appreciated like every sincere Russian woman who has come here.

I have also personally met this lady. She helped me greatly while I was in Moscow and it was not about ME ME for her. I paid her very little and she drove me all around Moscow and to its outskirts.  She was always available and I could trust that this lady would be there for me when I needed her.  She really would never accept anything except enough to cover her expenses. ME ME - no way.

Now, she is attempting to come back and you only seek to drive her away. You do not start out by attacking, you start out by asking questions.

Ryan, why do you think she is talking about money? You claim it is ME ME attitude. She is only relaying the truth about financial limitations. Her point is that either if it is her or the man that puts money into a meeting, the money can be lost without any results for either party.

She also is telling you that she can not afford to come to the USA if she foots the bill herself - but perhaps one time, and if it fails there is not a second chance with this approach for some time.

She is talking to you about realities of economics for her. She is talking to you about a dilemma and trying to sort it out. She asked for your advice. She is not telling you ME ME.

You know Ryan, I do not think that you should be involved in this process until you quit being so reactionary and until you can appreciate what these women have to deal with.

Ryan, you have actually turned this whole thing on yourself. It is you that is saying ME ME ME not the honest women. You are not being understanding of the woman's situation. It is all about your situation  and thus Ryan - it is you that is all about yourself  and again it is you that is displaying a ME ME ME ME attitude.

Now I know you have read this all wrong with this lady. You have simply made a horse's Asss out of yourself.

Now you apologize to this lady or you will never ever get the benefit of the doubt from me on anything. I will be your worst LP nightmare from today onward if you do not apologize to this lady.

... in response to Your head is up your______ Ryan, posted by greg2 on Mar 11, 2002

....I'll take that as a compliment, I *think*. -smile-

The truth is, *I'll* be his worst LP nightmare from today on if he doesn't apologise. After his comment to Barry, his "last post, I promise" crap below and now this, he needs to be whacked upside the head by the real McCoy.

Ryan, whats wrong with you boy? Unlike Tootsie, you haven't offered us a whole lot during your tenure here and now you're taking potshots at her?? Listen clown, like Greg and others, I personally know this lady and you only *wish* you could find someone as classy. Lucky for her kind it'll never happen in your wildest dreams because you haven't a clue as how to treat a real lady, so stop being a frigging weenie for once.

Didn't it even occur to you she may be recovering from her situation and needs even more consideration than a real gentleman would typically afford her? Whatsamatter, forget how you felt when you yourself screwed the pooch? In fact, weren't you just whining about your lack of success in a post below?

Do you always kick people when they may be down? Do you always talk to women from the very culture you're pursuing in this manner? Do you always ask advice of others but offer these pearls of wisdom in return? No *wonder* you be pissin in the wind during your pursuit. You be starting to annoy me boy, and I usually have a fairly thick skin when it comes to morons like you.

A "Me" personality? Thats the *last* thing Tootsie is, and if you knew her you'd see what a stupid statement that really was. Grrr, forget it. I'd rag on you a whole lot more but your history shows it'd do no good anyway. Besides, Greg said it all better than I could, so just apologise and be done with it or some here are gonna run you outta town on a rail.

Just do it. Be a man, for once, or its gonna be you and me on the equivalent of a dusty street at high noon.

... in response to lol, Thanks Doc,...., posted by LP on Mar 11, 2002

sdf

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

I suggest you post yourself on free sites as well as go to the big tour parties as well as belonging to a good local agency that does not charge you anything.  See what responses come in and email the guys you are interested in yourself.  The more exposure you get the better.