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Greetings fellow boardsters,

 It looks as if I have a pregnant fiance and am currently gonna seek Larry Holmes to jump me a 120 day visa for his listed price.
 Recently I hurt my back and have been at home for the last 4 months in repair. Luckily my 3 bedroom home and car are paid for in full so I have little bills to bother me except taxes and the so forth stuff. It now seems I am gonna be a father again at 43 years old and am full of mixed feelings about the situation.
 Other than advising me to skirt my responsibility here is there any good advice?

DUDE

... in response to Pregnant situation here., posted by Dude on Mar 9, 2002

ggg

... in response to Pregnant situation here., posted by Dude on Mar 9, 2002

Dude,
First of all, what the he!! were you thinking?  Come on, you're not a 17 year old in the back seat of a car!  Unprotected sex isn't just stupid, it is insane.  Shame on you and your "mature" woman.  
OK, now that I have said all that, let's try to make the best of a bad situation.  If you have made the decision to bring your fiancee here and be a Father to this child, don't screw around any more.  Contact the BEST immigration attorney you can find.  Have the attorney tell you what your options are in your situation.  This is not the time to poll the readers here for advice on how to bring her here.  It is time for you to "belly up" and pay for EXPERT advice.  Time is of the essence, as you should know, so do it now.  You have left far too much to chance already.
KenC

... in response to What?, posted by KenC on Mar 10, 2002

If I understand him correctly he is injured and most likely low on funds. His situation is not so extrodinary and to hire an attorney to do the research for him is probly not an option or at least a finacially wise move if he decides to bring her here, he'll need big money to take care of the mess he's in with the baby and all. Do just as JimmyUSA and see about getting married and bringing her here through DCF. Look at the Embassy web page and see what the requirements are. Also look at this link below it should be very helpful if you decide to do a DCF, K-1, K-3, or if you wait until later the K-2
http://www.mindspring.com/~docsteen/visainfo/visainfo.htm

Mike -- who once read where an Immigration attorny asked his client to have his fiancee get a police report from the KGB!

... in response to Re: What?, posted by Mike on Mar 10, 2002

I agree wholeheartedly with what Ken C had to say in his post. It was direct and to the point, but spot on.

As an aside, the K-2 is not a type of visa used for "later" - it is for children of beneficiaries coming over on a K-1.

- Dan

... in response to Chiming in on the Side of "Tough Lo..., posted by Dan on Mar 10, 2002

N/T

... in response to Re: What?, posted by Mike on Mar 10, 2002

Mike,
First of all, I said the BEST immigration attorney.  You or I are not experienced enough to know if there is any other alternatives to a K-1 for Dude, but a good attorney should.  It isn't a time to ponder what to do, but to find out for sure.  Nine months (or eight) is not a long time to get things together in regard to bringing a woman here from the FSU country.  Your opinion regarding the costs involved with hiring an attorney seems a little misplaced to me also.  I am sure that a meeting and a few hours of charges will not put Dude in the poor house. What is the value of "peace of mind" in knowing you explored all possibilities?  Now is not the time for Dude to place his child's future in the hands of "heresay" from a message board.  If the costs are too much for his comfort, too bad.
KenC

... in response to Sorry to disagree, but, posted by KenC on Mar 10, 2002

A friend my wife grew up with in Russia came here pregnant and they were dealing with the Moscow Embassy ( much worse then Warsaw )and they hired an attorney here and he simply told them what papers were needed for DCF ( which is something you can't do now in Russia unless you've lived there for 6 months ) anyways it was the same information that is on the link I posted. The problem they had was the American was not working at the time and he had to make fake work documents and other things himself. Anyways to make a long story short the attorney was a waist of money. Warsaw does DCF and this will be without question the fastest way to bring her here regardless if she's pregnant, in fact this may speed things up with ZAGS when getting married in Ukrain. If he really wants to get her here as soon as possible he needs to have her start her paper work and he start his then go there prepaired. If he writes me I'll give him the e-mail address of someone that will give him a detailed list of requirements before going there for marriage, if he has no resorces for this then he has no option but the K-1 and there is no way to speed this process up just because she is pregnant, but this will not slow things down either. The exact purpose of the K-1 is for marriage and being pregnant has nothing to do with getting married.
Mike - who is not an attorny, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night!

... in response to Pregnant situation here., posted by Dude on Mar 9, 2002

I don't know that she will pass the medical exam if she is pregnant.  I don't know for sure what the rules are.  But I know they always want to do a full-chest x-ray and wouldn't that be harmful to the baby?
  The second thing is that you can expect it to take up to 7 months to get her here after getting inital approval of the K1 (depending on which part of the country you live in) and the interview at the consulate.  On the other hand, I think there was a recent change in the law that allows people who bring children to the us to file for immediate citizenship.  This mostly applies to people who adopt children from orphanages abroad.  So one route is to marry your fiancee there and try to get the type of visa where she can wait with you here while the processing of her paperwork goes through for permanent residence.  I think it is a K3 or K4 visa.  Check on the embassy web pages for more info.

Good Luck,

Bill P

... in response to Pregnant situation here., posted by Dude on Mar 9, 2002

Dude, I am kind of mixed in my feelings as to whether it would be better for your fiancee to have your child here or there. (I will not comment on some of the assinine posts below.)

Things to consider are the cost of medical treament here and INS hassles that I am sure will occur trying to get a pregnant woman a K-1. On the other hand, because of her age it might be prudent to have her get the best medical care possible (here!). It is also my opinion that if your child is born on US soil it will be a US citizen immediately.

I would not, however, consider aquiring the services of an attorney in an effort to speed the INS processes. IT WON'T HAPPEN. The INS could care less whether you have a laywer working for you. There is nothing that he can do for you except check the correctness of your forms. You would be better served by doing them yourself (with a little help from your friends here) and saving your cash for the inevitable expenses that you will face once your fiancee arrives. Or send your fiancee money to expidite getting her police report/translations done and some prenatal care.

If time is of the essence to you, have your fiancee download and sign (all four copies) of her G-325A from the INS site, get her birth cert translated, get a copy of her international passport, and get them in the mail to you. It wouldn't hurt to get her ADIT photos done now also.

Basically the speed with which you can get a K-1 depends on the service center at which you must file (hopefully CA or VT) and plain luck. The more info that you can give them the faster they seem to handle your case but don't wait on say, the police report, which is not needed until her interview.

Good luck to the both of you.

... in response to Pregnant situation here., posted by Dude on Mar 9, 2002

Greetings again,

 Thanks for the input as it was well taken from me.

    I'm sure dna tests work as well as many means of science and I am aware of my abilities there. In my state it matters if you sign the birth certificate as the father and also if it's actually your child. In other words if it's mine then I will take responsibility but I do not think I will be duped here.
    The thing about this situation is that it feels good for many reasons. My fiance is a year older than myself and is in good physical condition as I am at 42 years old. The abilities for people our age to have children and to start a new life together seem to be more blessed than not. Having visited many orthodox churches on my trips and in particular this trip it seems logical that nature may actually have a say in all this.
    Please feel free to kick me in the arse and give the advice I need at this time. Do not hesitate to speak your mind on the subject as I do need your input.

DUDE

... in response to Re: Pregnant situation here., posted by Dude on Mar 9, 2002

I was holding off in making a comment but when you volunteered that your girlfriend is in her 40s, I thought I'd pipe up. I know lots of guys are saying backpedal as quickly as you can, but if indeed the child is yours, I believe it's your obligation to do what's right. It sounds like you're willing to love this woman, but what about her? Is she willing to love you? Notice I didn't say anything about having fallen in love or finding love, because I believe love is something you do, not find or fall into. Thousands of arranged marriages in the past turned into wonderful, caring lifetime relationships because both parties expected to stay married forever and committed to each other completely. I assume you both felt an attraction for each other, having slept together as mature adults ather than a couple of kids playing show me yours. If the basis for a lifetime together is established, then go for it. If either of you feels you're doing it because you have to, or because you're trying to save the baby from a tough life in a third world country or some other nonsense, then maybe you should work out some sort of financial support arrangement. Time for some soul searching and decisions about what you are willing to do for the long haul, then some serious communications with her on whather she thinks it's right. Everyone is apprehensive about making a lifetime committment so don't let a bunch of what ifs cloud your thinking. Time to be as honest as you possibly can with yourself then try to get the same from her. Remember the do comes first and the feel later. It took several years of marriage before I knew what love really is. Sure, my wife made my heart go pitter pat when we were dating, but then again so did many of the women I dated, Only after there was years of putting effort into our relationship by both of us that we both really made (not found) love.

Just my 2 cents worth. I don't envy your position, but with some effort you should be able to turn these lemons into lemonade.

-- Jeff S.

... in response to Re: Re: Pregnant situation here., posted by Jeff S on Mar 9, 2002

Jeff S,
Think you're right that the age of the parties does make a difference. An older woman makes it less likely that "Yuri" and family are trying to pull a fast one. Course with a biological clock ticking, women can get pretty desperate; Dude doesn't say if she has other children.

... in response to Re: Re: Pregnant situation here., posted by Jeff S on Mar 9, 2002

Greetings Jeff,

 I agree with what you said in all areas because you speak from a sense of logic and care.
 My situation is from love and the care that two people have shown. It seems like time speeds up as you get older but love follows you in any case.
 My 8 year old daughter thinks all things in this matter are of effect that is kind and simple but myself being her custodial father and the parent of contention looks at her and laughs with a gentle smile.
 I really wonder if I can be as good a father to the next child as I am a savior to my only daughter.

DUDE

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Pregnant situation here., posted by Dude on Mar 9, 2002

I know exactly what it's like lavishing all your love and attention on one child, especially a little girl. Mines a stepdaughter who's never met her father and I couldn't love her more, even if she were my own. Remember that love isn't a fixed quantity that has to be distributed out in equitable quantities - loving your new child doesn't take loving your own daughter less, Perhaps it means doling out your time, but as she grows up, she'll want and need lass and less of that commodity, particularly in those wonderful teen years.
-- Jeff S.

... in response to Re: Pregnant situation here., posted by Dude on Mar 9, 2002

Doynkus..  Advice?  Not sure anyone can really help.. It's all you now

Good Luck
Ryan

... in response to Pregnant situation here., posted by Dude on Mar 9, 2002

You'd think he'd have learned something.

... in response to Pregnant situation here., posted by Dude on Mar 9, 2002

Better not to have sex with them over there or else use protection.  That way you do not have to wonder if you're the father or not and you're not forced to bring them here under duress.  You should have used protection anyway because of the chances of catching STDs.  Condoms won't completely protect you but they help.  I was reading one guys post about how he got an STD every time he went to Ukraine.  

Guys, don't do what this guy just did.

... in response to Pregnant situation here., posted by Dude on Mar 9, 2002

Dude,
I take it that your fiancee is still in the FSU?, and you now feel pressured to "do the right thing."  

How do you know that this is YOUR child?

I would just wait--let the kid be born in FSU, demand genetic testing ($300) before I take the next step. Course, this may prompt her to practice Russian birth control-abortion. There are also practical reasons to have the child born there-- your fiancee would be surrounded by friends and family, not a recent arrival in an alien culture.

Otherwise, your risk is that you bring her here, marry her w/in 90 days, any child born during the marriage is legally presumed to be your child. What if it isn't?

In other words you could wind up paying American sized child support on a child that is not yours. Averages $325.00 per month. In some states it is very hard to disestablish paternity even with genetic testing.

Think, don't get rushed!

... in response to Re: Pregnant situation here. Whoa, stop!, posted by NW Jim on Mar 9, 2002

If she has it there it will cost you nothing. Play what tricks you need, but put off bringing her here until it's born. Maybe you'll learn the blood type and that may tell you if it belongs to someone else ??? ( I don't know, but I thought that the blood type has to match one of the parents ?? ) I know TWO men that had a fiancee from FSU and were pregnant with another mans child!
Mike

... in response to Good point --- also something to conside..., posted by Mike on Mar 9, 2002

In the last few months a testing kit has become available to the general public to enable men to test whether they are the genetic fathers of there children.

You do have to send it off to a laboratory to get the results though.

Apparently in independant studies, 7% of fathers are not actually the biological fathers.

It would therefore seem that this issue, for men at least, needs to be given serious consideration whether you live in USA or Ukraine.

STEVE

... in response to 7% are illigitimate in the USA, posted by SteveD on Mar 10, 2002

Steve,
Actually the studies I have read indicate that 7 to 10% of children born DURING a marriage are not the biological children of the husband. That doesn't include all the co-habitaters and one night stands, where the guy gets tricked into thinking it's his child.

Of course like most forms of dysfunctionality, this cuckoldery tends to be centered in low class, low income marriages that may not have a lot of stability to begin with.

So even if you're married, genetic testing may be worth the cost for peace of mind. Plus, if she knows that there will be a test ahead of time, it may cut down on that possibility.

As Pres. Reagan said, "trust but verify."

... in response to 7% are illigitimate in the USA, posted by SteveD on Mar 10, 2002

I would like to know what the statistics are for white men.  I have a feeling that 7 % statistic you quote does not separate racial factors.

... in response to Re: 7% are illigitimate in the USA, posted by Bobby Orr on Mar 10, 2002

With our system being so politically correct I doubt that they calculate their statistics based on race.
Mike

... in response to 7% are illigitimate in the USA, posted by SteveD on Mar 10, 2002

That doesn't surprise me! Actually I thought it was 1 out of 9 was the statistics ?? Either way it should be .00% ..
It sure would be nice if there was a way to tell before a child is born, and also a way to test this without the women knowing!
Mike