Print Page - what are these 'big cultural differences?'

... in response to what are these 'big cultural differences..., posted by Stan B on Dec 19, 2001

Hey Stan,

Glad things are working out well for you from the start. Count your blessings-even some of the best marriages here involved somewhat rocky beginnings.

As far as the cultural differences, my wife did come with a pretty full complement of superstitions and beliefs. Most of them were amusing, and some even make sense. I would now sit quietly for a minute before going on a trip, even if she didn't make us.

On the other hand, you may run into some differences that are a little harder to handle when you get into things like medical insurance and doctors. Many are used to easier access and less hassle, plus a lot of common medicines over there are only available by prescription here.

Probably some of our worst fights early on were over sickness, so make sure you follow her lead the first couple of times your daughter gets sick.

Anyway, despite these things we have been married for more than a year, and loving it more all the time. Hope for the same for you and yours...

Steve M.

... in response to what are these 'big cultural differences..., posted by Stan B on Dec 19, 2001

For me it had nothing to do with food, transportation or choices of entertainment. It was more what each of us expected from each other in different situations, how we reacted in different social settings, the subtlties I was supposed to be picking up on and was totally oblivious to, and vice versa. Maybe some of it was typical man/women misunderstandings, but these facets of my foreign wife are vastly different than those of my (American) mother and sister.

-- Jeff S.

... in response to Re: what are these 'big cultural differe..., posted by Jeff S on Dec 19, 2001

Yes I so agree with your post. I blew my first meeting with my friend mostly because we were looking at each other but two different things. The Agencies didn't help this, I later found out that she was paying someone she called her friend the whole time almost 40% of the money I sent. (Yes yes that was stupid but I am past that) I think her firend was writing things that the girl I met was not saying etc. It was screwed.

I think when we met... I came on too strong I mean the letter we wrote were real mushy.. etc.. So I was a little gun-ho... Anyway then things got worst after that.

She would tell me stories about men coming over and sleeping with woman then never writing back ... I was pissed that should would even think I was like this. We were both good well intentioned people but took things totally different.

Not to mention the saying "Please" thing that was well discussed here before. The whole thing was just down hill and I wish I could have talked it through with her but she was closed by the time I could do anything about it...

More reason why I just want to see her as a friend in the future when I visit. I want to get to know her in a different light. But what the hell life is short probably best to move on and learn from my past.

... in response to what are these 'big cultural differences..., posted by Stan B on Dec 19, 2001

Well I guess I should start at the beginning, breakfast. If we don't have eggs or pancakes, we have yougurt, toast and maybe some cheese. For lunch we either have just a sandwich or we have a full meal depending on my work schedule or our plans for the day. As for dinner, I like raw and smoked fish more than she does, otherwise we take turns cooking and we haven't found anything that the other doesn't like. Yes she does use mayo more than I ever did, but she never over does it and after trying our different kinds of salad dressing, she has stopped using mayo on salads.
As for leaving stuff out, she doesn't. We have a big frig. and its full. As for plastic bags, we had a drawer full when she got here and I'm sure that made her feel right at home :-)
As for the no cold drinks, when she 1st got here she would drink them, but she tried not to let Katya have them, the sore throat thing, but that is what Katya is used to and prefers.
As for money, she never had much of it, so that is my thing and I also do most of the shopping, as I did own a restaurant and I do know what and where to buy. Otherwise I give her fun money for when I'm at work, but since the pool, gym and beach are free, she doesn't need much.
As for other superstitions, she doesn't seem to have any, and I have whistled in the house and gone back for something I've forgotten, so I seem to be safe there.
What differences I do see compared to the AW I dated are the way she really cares for me, her willingness to do more than her share and the almost constant smile on her face. And the way that even the smallest things and gestures please her. In other words things are great...aloha

... in response to I too had Ukie grandparents, posted by Stan B on Dec 19, 2001

they became. And without any problems or cultural junk at all. They accepted both worlds. They loved their roots to the old world---but they loved the economic goodness which America offered them. TV? I am told my grandfather got the first TV in town, back in 1948...I saw it in the basement. They did not throw it away. I think it had an 8 inch screen with a very hi-tech magnifier(for the time). I have not been sick in maybe 15 years. I follow my UKrainian grandmothers cure, if I feel a flu or something coming on. " Go to bed, plenty of blankets, stay warm, sleep, and drink hot tea, some chicken broth and a little toast." It really works for me.

... in response to what are these 'big cultural differences..., posted by Stan B on Dec 19, 2001

I have seen a good number of the cultural differences and I have only visited the country for 10 days. I stayed with friend that I met on the net and her family. We didn't have anything hot and heavy going on we were learning about each other and all the differences.

For the guys that go through agencies and go on the meet and greet tours your not really getting the know these people. I mean you want to live the rest of your life with them but you know little about them... Good luck with that...

I feel guys will start waking up and realize that most all agencies are really not the way to go. Their very interests are in conflict. As soon as an agency looses a girl who is going to get married.... they loose her revenue stream. The agencies are really for new guys whom know nothing and get suckered in while they are still playing with themselves or guys without any imagination. And it is a little difficult to get around not using an agency… but with a little imagination and patience...you will (Statement taken from a friend of mine sure he would not mind).

In the near future I will put together a web site that will inform people on many issues and or help them get around the agencies or use them for specific things. As some offer expectable prices for one thing and rape you on other things. I have to get some more experience under my belt but I feel I am going in the right direction.

The agencies are just getting everyone on the wrong page from the get go…

Ryan

... in response to A good lesson for new guys searching, posted by Ryan on Dec 19, 2001

...just take it easy on this whole RW thing. Take your time and learn from your mistakes. Theres a fairly big learning curve to this, I think. There are a few good agencies out there and they will charge a fee for their service...like any other service. They can make some things easier for you. Like I pay a girl to do my gardens and a guy to mow my lawns and another to plow my driveway. I could do these things myself...but I usually don't have the time. Or my time could be better spent. Take your time and be patient and keep learning...you got a ways to go and enjoy the ride. And don't let yourself get too obsessed with all this. Make it fun.

... in response to A good lesson for new guys searching, posted by Ryan on Dec 19, 2001

Ryan,
A whole TEN DAYS and you're an expert? LOL. A few posters got pissed off at "mis-information" being posted here, but some how your BS slipped through. Tell the newbies just how successful your methods worked for you. Tell them how much money you sent to a woman that didn't want to be in the same room with you, let alone have a relationship. Wasn't it over $4,000? You have the nerve to call agency owners "pimps" when the best you could do is buy your way into a few BBQ's? LOL Now your going to create a website to help other guys get screwed like you did? You're a joke.
KenC

... in response to hmmm a WHOLE ten days?, posted by KenC on Dec 19, 2001

Well thank you Ken. Well put you read my past posts well. However I do see a way that I can make some difference and I am quick learner. As for the woman not wanting to be in the same room or have a relationship is more my business but yes I did give that impression in earlier posts. Ulia her family and I speak on the phone quite often we both realize now that things were off on the wrong foot. No I am not sending money anymore but if I did that would be my business as I know first hand how they live and what they deal with.

Since my major is in E-Commerce I might as well put it to good use. It will be a collaboration of a number of peoples experiences maybe you will have some constructive input? Ok the pimp thing was a little heavy but I am corresponding to women that have some of my same feelings. Getting creative coming up with improved methods of correspondence could do no harm… Who's the Joke old man?

... in response to Re: hmmm a WHOLE ten days?, posted by Ryan on Dec 19, 2001

Ryan,
The "privacy" of your business evaporated when you told your story on a public forum. As for being a "quick learner", you still are clueless that you are just another American money machine for a poor struggling Ukrainian family. Hell, send me $4K and I'll accept your calls too. LOL As long as you PAY for them!

You have no experience with agencies and yet you think you know enough to slam them and worse yet, try to lead some newbie down your path of failure. There are many good agencies that deliver EXACTLY what is promised. Many here swear by Jack at Firstdreams and from what is said here, the praise is well deserved. But he is just a "pimp' in your book. Jack has forgot more about the pursuit of FSU women than the total of your vast experience. If you would have spent only some of the $4k you pissed away with Jack (or a good agency) you might have something more to show for it than Western Union receipts. LOL.

I have always told my kids that there is no harm in making mistakes, the harm comes from not learning from them. You are not smart enough to know you made a mistake, let alone learn from it. That may be an "old" concept for you, but I call it experience and maturity. Some of the guys here need a little "hand holding" that a good agency could provide. I sure would never recommend you as a good source for information regarding FSU women in any regard.
KenC
ps (On your website are you going to recommend crying for sex like you did on your trip?)

... in response to Re: Re: hmmm a WHOLE ten days?, posted by KenC on Dec 20, 2001

You just read my words then make up your own little fantasy. I have never said that I am the know it all or that I have all this experience to lead people the correct way but when the agencies gouge people in this process I think that yes I can make comments on that matter. I have said collaboration in every post putting together the good common since information that can help others make wise decisions. You like to attack me on a personal level but you address nothing of the fact about how your agency people gouge others for a profit. I realize that is board is filled with people of your writing style and “Agency views.” There are also enough here to realize what I am saying make since. Some examples:

SOME examples For Men looking:
You can place adds in newspapers for $8 including a picture that run for a week. Put an E-mail address in your add and wait for the letters to arrive. Use online translators or convert from Russian if need be.

You do not have to send some agency up-words of $60 for an invitation to travel in their country.

Paying for your girls English lesions through an agency is simply crazy where there are far cheaper avenues for Russian women to learn to speak and language with much more professional teachers. (The whole issues of getting these lesions can be debated)

Paying to have a car and driver by the hour while you are in the Ukraine is silly. Walk, ride subways like everyone else you get to learn about the cultural and see some wonderful things.

Placing adds in men’s catalogs need to be debated and researched

Getting a hotel room in Ukraine can be expansive it is best to find a flat.

SOME examples for the women:
Use the Internet café’ exclusively when available. Have a person call you and get their E-mail address and forget the agency.

Educate them on the signs of picking out men that have bad intentions. (Free information)

Use only certain type of agencies that do not charge you for posting your add. Educate the woman on all their options. (Yes more research will have to be done) Teach them how to pick out the bad agencies.

Educate the women about cultural differences in a straightforward manor. Lead them to support groups on the Internet and in the U.S.A. etc.

Ryan

... in response to Yes we all know your a jerk KenC, posted by Ryan on Dec 20, 2001

Ryan,
There are good agencies and bad ones. To paint them all with the same stroke is foolish. How can your information regarding agencies be the least bit credible when you have never used one? I did use one and I would recommend them to others. They did exactly what they promised. I had a driver and interpreter meet me at the airport and they both were available to me 24/7. My flat was pre-rented and they set up my appointments just as promised. The agency was a perfect match for my experience level at the time. Did they "gouge" me, as you suggested? No They charged a fair rate for services rendered. Could I have done the same things cheaper on my own? Not at the experience level I was at the time. The hours of phone calls I had with them prior to my trip was priceless information that I desperatly needed. To sum up my agency experience, I would say they were a bargin.

It is curious at best that now you are preaching to everyone here how to save a few dollars on ads, invitations and such, when you were so out of control with your money before. With a phone call to a good agency, they probably would have saved you a considerable sum of your expenditures. I know Jack would have slapped some sense into you for free. Your obvious mistake was over estimating your own abilities before, and you are doing it again now.
KenC

... in response to your selective thriftiness is amusing, posted by KenC on Dec 20, 2001

Your negativity only serves to push myself on further. I thank you for this. My expenditures in the past were little and most because of my big heart. I did make some great friends in the Ukraine and they continue to be my friends even to this day. I do not send anymore help to them as my money is short right now as I am completing my BS degree in Electronic Commerce yes in encompasses all aspects of conducting business on the Internet. My first will be a non-profit driven service. I want to inform and educate by leading everyone to the good guys and dispelling on the myths on all sides of this issue. Keep it coming.
Ryan

... in response to A good lesson for new guys searching, posted by Ryan on Dec 19, 2001

Ryan,
I have to disagree slightly with your statements as they are very GENERALIZED and opinionated. I agree with your feelings about alot of the agencies, however one must realize that agencies are like car dealerships. There are good ones and there are bad ones. Unfortunately the bad ones far outnumber the good ones. As in anything, you must take your time and utilitze the resources of good people...regardless if they are citizens or agencies. The plus of a good agency that you are missing is in logistics, ease of life, and opportunity. I don't own an agency, don't have anything to do with an agency...everyone knows I'm in Anesthesia. Marriage agency is not my bag. However, I have done it your way FOUR times. I leave sunday on my 5th trip. 3 to Russia and now a second to Ukraine. The previous 4 I wrote to girls on the net for free. I NEVER paid a dime for any correspondence costs. I met some great girls and had some great trips but was basically disappointed FOUR times. Now, with Jacks help I have planned one heck of a trip. To be honest, the logistics of the trip would be a nightmare without his help and precious time wasted would be the ultimate cost. Personally, I enjoy subcontracting to Jack or anyone like him to handle the logistics of this trip. Not to mention the 20 plus girls I have lined up to meet on my two city excursion. Just my two cents, ride the pony for what it's worth. Ryan, I think you'll do just fine but remember, what seems RIGHT to you may not fit others. To each his own and be careful with ABSOLUTE statements and generalities....they don't always fit.

Mark H.

... in response to Re: A good lesson for new guys searching, posted by Mark H on Dec 19, 2001

...I know, I know -- I should talk LOL! I haven't posted here much myself anymore -- I've settled down a bit with my new Chinese-Canadian girlfriend (second generation) so the RW pursuit has been abandonned. But I've still been lurking quite a bit and I wondered what happened to you. Weren't you planning going to go live in Russia for a year or so to complete some of your (nurse/anesthesiology?)studies at one point? I guess it didn't pan out, huh? But hey it's good to see you're persistent, you're obviously taking a totally different approach and aside from that you're one of the few guys here AFAIK that has the good sense not to go chasing after women who are 15-20 years younger than yourself.

Which reminds me:

Gotta to acknowledge KenC -- you're the only regular poster here now whose name I recognize. While overall, I think that anyone who marries someone with a significant age difference is asking for trouble, there are I admit exceptions to this rule and you're obviously one of them. How long have you and Lena been married now? -- 4 years? A pretty good length of time and you and Lena are obviously happy -- all the best to you both, you've earned your happiness. This board is a lot like the cast of Saturday Night Live -- gradually the people change over the years but the origninal veterans are always the ones you remember best. On that note -- do any of you know what happened to these guys: JohnCC, DaveTheKiwi, WmGO, DanM, and Porsche?

And a word of thanks to our board moderator (or janitor, as he calls himself ) Patrick -- the user registration system was a very wise move indeed and I think I speak for everyone when I say your hard work is appreciated.

Gotta go

Happy Holidays to y'all and see you in 2002 (maybe)

Regards,

Niall

... in response to where the heck have YOU been, Mark! :-), posted by NK on Dec 20, 2001

Niall,
Good to hear from you as well. I was going to try to study language a bit in Russia but passed on that when I realized how much money I would be losing each month I'm away from my work...don't want to do that. SO, I'm still looking and having a ball. I get teased alot around the hospital because I travel so much, known as a international man of mystery type. Hmm, whatever. As for Ken, all we can keep trying to do is emmulate the man and talk with him. Maybe some of it will rub off. I haven't posted much in the last 6 months or so because I tired of all the whining and trolls. The information is pretty much a rehash, any post you see is a post we've already seen over the last 3 years. The veterans who hang around are the serious ones. We keep taking trips, keep learning, etc...

As ryan talked about, on my four previous trips I always stayed with the girls and their families. I got a ton of exposure to this "culture" he speaks of. Also, I will say that all 4 were different, so his ideas will change also as he makes more than one 10 day trip. He's on the right track in most respects but I think his "let's save the girls" attitude will head him for trouble. That's the common mistake among alot of american men...."these girls need to be saved.....". BS. They do just fine on their own and will eat and spit out the most savvy american male if they wish. So, you must be careful....who is saving who?

SMiling,
Mark H.

... in response to where the heck have YOU been, Mark! :-), posted by NK on Dec 20, 2001

Niall,
Thanks for the nice comments. I hope everything works out with your new woman. The important thing is to find the right woman for you, not where you found her. LOL. JohnnCC is in Moldovia right now with his girlfriend. Things seem to be pretty serious for them. Wmgo is still posting and looking for love in the FSU. Porsche is long gone. I don't know if DanM is Dan that is now married and still very much posting or another Dan. Dave the Kiwi drops in every now and then under DTK name. Best of luck to you and happy holidays.
KenC

... in response to is this the REAL Mark H? LOL, posted by KenC on Dec 19, 2001

Ken,
THe ball bustin Mark H is on vacation. After the fourth trip in October, and alot of other hindsight, I realize the real truth behind these pursuits. NO time to worry about the other fellas and their "good or bad strategies". I just don't care anymore. I have to do what is right for me, not anyone else. ALso, It's fruitless to try to talk to anyone who is set on something. SO, in the end...offer your advice and move on. Period. How's the weather in SD?

Mark H.

... in response to Re: A good lesson for new guys searching, posted by Mark H on Dec 19, 2001

If these so called agencies were really on the up and up. Do you think they spend as much time with the women getting them fixed up as they spend with us men? I think we all know that answers there.

Someone needs to step in here and start helping out these women and not just being pimps. Yes they are poor little money but they have a number of options. The Internet is everywhere even in the Ukraine. The industry is getting a bad name and a bad rap not because of just agencies screwing the men out of money but by exploiting the women. We need some creativity and some compassion. In the end the scamming women will be left sitting in the agencies

... in response to Re: A good lesson for new guys searching, posted by Mark H on Dec 19, 2001

Point well taken... For those that want to spend more money and less time yes... But will they learn about the culture things? I guess in time it will come. Jack has been a great help to lots of people here he has also help me in more of a reassuring way as I was scared on my first trip but I didn't use any of his services.

Yes you are going to play the numbers game and it has been proved to work well. Get out their meet as many women possible and try and get some sleep in the mean time. Stay sharp and eat lots of small meals to keep energy up.

I would like to have a web site that took into consideration all the different approaches. You have to know yourself and pick the best for you. If your ugly to average or great looking etc. My thinking was also an approach that would educate the women of the Ukraine about options that they have. I think many of them get sucked into the agency world and don't like what they see. They should know all their options as well.

Good Luck,
Ryan

... in response to A good lesson for new guys searching, posted by Ryan on Dec 19, 2001

Ryan
I agree with you and I'm trying to make this same point known on my web sight ( as soon as it's finished ) I was lucky enough to have been to many countries while in the Marines and had a good time meeting women and not knowing their language, anyway if I had not already known it was not a big problem it's hard to say what I would have done when making plans to visit Moscow. I just got a ticket and went, and the only planning I did was locate a place to stay when I got there, and having someone meet me at the airport. I did all this without a service. Hell I met my wife at McDonalds there !

Mike

... in response to A good lesson for new guys searching, posted by Ryan on Dec 19, 2001

Ryan - good observations re "cultural differences" for a guy that's spent a total of 10 days in the FSU. You seem to catch on quick.

As for avoiding "meet and greet" agencies I couldn't agree with you more. Yes, the alternative does require a little imagination, not to mention some b*lls, and some basic Russian language skills. (I think too much is made of the "language barrier." Its amazing what two people can do with a Russian-English dictionary.)

Anyway, looking forward to your website. If you need some input, let me know....William

... in response to what are these 'big cultural differences..., posted by Stan B on Dec 19, 2001

Stan - How about these:

(1) plastic bags and other stuff I normally would throw away are "collector's items" for my wife (our house is bursting at the seams);
(2) whistling in the house (forbidden - means you will not have money);
(3) the meaning of dreams (dreams are like windows to the future for my wife);
(4) coffee (better know something about "Turkish coffee");
(5) mayonaise ( what is labelled "mayonaise" in the US has no resemblence to the Russian stuff);
(6) the concept of time (my wife gives the term "fashionably late" a whole new meaning).

Anyone care to add to the list?

... in response to what are these 'big cultural differences..., posted by Stan B on Dec 19, 2001

Well it is great that you like the same food but when I was with my friend in Lugansk she would eat the raw or smoked fish as if it were a steak dinner. I could not even sit at the same table as the smell was making me sick... Ok that was not a big culture diff ok..

They would leave the chicken out on the window sill all night and not put it in the frig. Ok that was not that bad I could live with that ... Just would not eat..

They would drink juice and such either warm or room temp etc. They said if they drank it cold like I was doing by putting in ice etc. They would get a sore throat and be sick. Now that was strange...

I will not even get into all the crazy Superstitions...

My friends in Ukraine are used to big families and they are close. They must rely on each other for support and most of us in U.S.A. are not like this. At least my family is not that close. They will be alone and bored...

They are used to a different working environment in their country. We here in U.S.A. work all the time.

I know I could think of more but I think you get my point. Just face it you have a gem of a women...

Your a lucky man,
Ryan

... in response to smoked fish and chicken on the counter....., posted by yoe on Dec 19, 2001

Reading this was funny. When in St. Pete my friend picked up some smoked fish on the street. They were small and I am told are a nice snack. Well I am from south Louisiana, and we eat anything that flies, swims, or walks, just about, but I must tell you this was a little different. You see earlier that day I walked down to the river in the middle of town and the water was so polluted and full of everything that could float, that I almost tossed my cookies. To make it worse, these poor people were fishing in it, and I was certain nothing could live in that water. It was about 15 minutes later when my friend very nicely offered me the smoked fish, complete with eyes. Well, I declined. I am sure it may have been tasty, but after the river, I was concerned about where it came from.

Robert D.

... in response to My favorite...., posted by Ryan on Dec 19, 2001

Fried eggs and bacon, any cardiologist will tell you how good it is for the arteries.
In the morning he should eat a big meal, it is for ourselves.
At noon, eat lighter, it is with for and with our friends.
At night, eat very lightly, mainly soup, it is for our ennemies a big meal at night.
It is a question of metabolism, it does get weaker the farther we go during the day.
But fried eggs, potatoes and bacon in the morning at the corner's greasy spoon, ohlala. Fast food also.
All europeans do think, after a visit in North America, that the people are too fat and getting fatter,
Very soon, big will have to be beautiful.
Hormones, antibiotics, grease, biologically modified organism, along with the McDo, Harvey's, KFC, etc..
a lot of girls will be playing the line in NFL, soon.

... in response to Ummm ok.... Here..., posted by Ryan on Dec 19, 2001

They are used to walking everyplace they go. We here in the U.S. drive. Maybe why they are thinner.. Well it might help.

They buy their eggs that sit in an open market in the sun of the day. Yes it is fresher that we have but come on...

Their meat is not of the best choice lots of fat in the pork. Ok this is not bad... leastr it is not shot up with stuff like we eat...

They have pets (Dog or CAT) and do not really feed them dog or cat food like we know it.. They feed them anything.. Potato's were big when I was visiting...

They are used to not smiling all the time... They can be hard to read at times...

They do not complain with something is wrong they keep it in. They feel that their voice means nothing. My friend drank some bad juice and got real sick.. I mean bad.. I was pissed I would have went to where she purchased it and went nuts on someone... She let it pass.. They ride on trains with bathroom in total disarry I would say something to someone I mean that is gross and someone can get sick... Again they feel they have no voice.

They do not trust banks and know little about investing. I feel they really have no concept like we do of how to make your money work for you...

Can I stop yet?

RYan

... in response to No I'm not done...., posted by Ryan on Dec 19, 2001

They eat very little meat and that keeps their weight down. Meat has more calories and it's more filling. The women in Europe walk everywhere but they don't seem athletic even when they're young. They go for that thin model look. I notice young American women play a lot more sports than 25 years ago and they are very strong and athletic.

We are aging as a population in the US, so our weight is going up with age and we do work longer now. Walking a couple of miles a day does help keep the weight off.

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GoodWife / Planet-Love Archives => Threads started in 2001 => Topic started by: Stan B on December 19, 2001, 05:00:00 AM