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Well
first I want to express my deepest thanx to all who showed concern for my scenario and the love that Michelle and I had for each other ....
I have found solice knowing (after talking to many family members) that Michelle was never Soo happy as she was in her last days .. Her Aunt Albina says that she never seen her that content and filled with life.. What a shame that my niece was taken from us but Mark always remember that you are the reason she was so filled full of love! And mY family wants you to know this and that you will always be part of our family.. " albina

So I must say I am So fortunate to have fallin in with a truly beatiful family that is in my book one to be treasured..

ANd NOW THE GOOD NEWS  if there is any in this saga.....

Its funny but as I talked to Aunt Fran(lives in Usa) Her husband mentioned why? Not see if Mark would want to see one of the other cousins.. Just as I was also explaining I had the same thoughts ..
And then Aunt Fran called Cebu and was talking to Aunt Albina and here they already was thinking the same thing..

We all laughed at the coincedence of thought..
And at that moment we all felt in the presence of Michelle..
knowing that she would want OUR happiness in this time of hurt ..

Now funny thing is every email every phone call every chat etc.. was being accompanied watching by her best friend her cousin Tina and I had talked to Tina briefly once before.. And Me and Michelle had often talked of the possibility of finding Tina a nice kano... heck they were close they slept together.. common I understand...

I have already begun phoning and emailing Tina.. She is just like Michelle I am finding out ...

And one more thought that hit home in my heart ...
Aunt Albina said to Aunt Fran ..
Mark is good man and it would be a shame to not have him in our family .. He really cared about My Michelle it showed so much!
I hate to see him go to another family ....

NOW People that is truly touching and I must say I have come to respect the culture but most of all the people..
Never did I ever dream  what has happen to me would ..

But you know I  have gain many REAL friends from this experiance..
Ones that are to be cherished....

Well 45days and counting ...
I feel so much better nowing that when I get off that plane ..
That people that truly care about me will be there with open hearts..

I wasnt really looking forward to getting off thatt  plane and just looking out beyond me and feeling ALONE! UNSURE! with no direction ...

I am a nurse and I also do extensive webmaster work..
So at this very moment I am creating a website in dedication to Michelle and I will keep you UPDATED: when it is finished...

And I have had some encouragement from some that my story could successfully be a book in the making ..
I am told  its a nightmare with a good ending possibilly..
I dont know but I guess I am just taking day by day ....

Isnt that what life is about ..
Dealing with each day as it comes...
Enjoying it to the fullest one may...
for we never know if we will wake and see another days light..
I am just thankful that I was able to love Michelle and know that I was the light in her last days...

Thanx! All!

MarkUSA

... in response to UPDATE: Good Things HAppen To Good Peopl..., posted by MArkUSA on Jan 5, 2002

Mark:

I'm Don J's wife Mechele and I am from Ginatilan, Cebu which is near the place of your friend Michelle(Oslob,Cebu) perhaps I know their family.  Please let me know where they lived in Oslob or perhaps I could share some information to you.

Regards,

Mechele J

... in response to UPDATE: Good Things HAppen To Good Peopl..., posted by MArkUSA on Jan 5, 2002

Mark,

First of all, my condolences on your tragic loss.

I know that some of the guys here will warn you that the family is only trying to get into your wallet. I guess those views are based on their own personal experiences with a very few families over there. But I must tell you that there are many very fine Filipino families that I have known, so any implication that they all act the same and are a bunch of liars and crooks is just not true.

Any advice to be careful is always good advice, but if you know her family pretty well and are comfortable with them, then a personal introduction within the family can work to your advantage. If you think they are being honest and open with you, then by all means investigate the possibility of forming a new relationship within the family. I think that your odds of finding what you are looking for are probably much higher than if you went in blind with some pen-friends you met through address agencies or on the Internet.

Use your own common sense in evaluating the character of the family members. If there are too many red flags popping up, then you would be wise to be concerned. Many Filipinos have a high sense of self-dignity and are too proud to ever ask for a hand out. If you are getting requests for monetary help from family members that you never met, then you should expect this pattern to continue in the future. If they never asked for help with medical expenses or other emergencies, then that is a positive sign. If there are many brothers and sisters who are uneducated and unemployed, then there is a higher possibility that they may have monetary motives in mind, but that doesn’t necessarily make it a given. It depends wholly on the character of the individuals involved and not on what others have experienced with their own in-laws. But keep in mind that marriage to a Filipina is also a marriage to her family in many respects. If you look at that way, it will be much easier to evaluate the odds of a successful marriage to any individual lady.

I think your plan to meet other members of her family with the possibility of forming a future relationship is a good one, but I wouldn’t expect too much. Take nothing for granted and use all of your senses wisely, but keep in mind that there are a lot more honest Filipinos than there are dishonest ones and I can personally vouch for that. Before you form any serious bond with the cousin in question, I would try to wait and meet other female members of her family also. You never know what other gems you may be passing up until you get there.

I wish you luck on your upcoming trip. My advice is to try to enjoy yourself and look upon this as a vacation as much as you can under the circumstances, and don’t feel that you need to rush into anything.

Ray

... in response to UPDATE: Good Things HAppen To Good Peopl..., posted by MArkUSA on Jan 5, 2002

Mark:
Best wishes on your trip, and I hope it works out as you dream. I'm with Don and others, though, that suggest you approach this with some healthy scepticism. There's an old adage that if things are too good to be true, they probably aren't. If you were dealing with women in their late 20s or older, I'd be more inclined to shut up, but since these girls are teenagers, you have to deal with the parental influence on the girls. There is sometimes a lot of family pressure to marry a daughter off to a (what they believe is) a rich kano. Don't believe it happens? go back and re-read the adventures of Howard in the archives. Here's a guy who was married for many months before he discovered that his wife was simply acceding to the wishes of her mother, and was way too immature for the kind of marriage Howard was looking for. There's also a plenty of threads in the archives about sending money back to the Phils, and you'd be surprised at how much some Americans are sending. In some cases, enough for a ten or twelve people to live a comfortable middle class lifestyle. Again, I'm not trying to rain on your parade or make any negative predictions, just hoping you have keep enough wits about you to prevent getting sucked into a situation you may regret in a moment of vulnerability.
-- Jeff S.

PS. Absolutely, I'll be happy to put in a link to Michelle's memorial site on my Asian Sweetie site.

... in response to UPDATE: Good Things HAppen To Good Peopl..., posted by MArkUSA on Jan 5, 2002

Be careful with your money, Filipinos think all Americans are rich. I think you should go ahead and meet other Filipinas while your in RP. Tell them that your poor, so they don't take advantage of you. Btw, I'm sure plenty of Pinays will be awaiting to meet you :o). greg

... in response to Re: UPDATE: Good Things HAppen To Good P..., posted by greg on Jan 6, 2002

alot of Filipinos are habit Liars, so don't believe everything they tell You. You know most Penpals make a big deal about how they dislike Liars, Pretenders, that Pinays only want to hear the Honest. Lying seems to be part of their tradition, so you never know when they are telling the truth. :o(

... in response to Re: Re: UPDATE: Good Things HAppen To Go..., posted by greg on Jan 6, 2002

Greg, THINK before you say something like that.

I agree with tneal...

Ray

... in response to Re: Re: UPDATE: Good Things HAppen To Go..., posted by greg on Jan 6, 2002

I disagree that comment about PI women are liars i found most all tell the truth,it is NOT there way of life to lie nor there religious belief,you had a bad one but don't blame them all for your mistake
tneal

... in response to Re: Re: Re: UPDATE: Good Things HAppen T..., posted by tomtneal on Jan 6, 2002

It's wrong for to make this comment becuz of my situation with one Pinay. Sorry to all Filipinas. greg

... in response to UPDATE: Good Things HAppen To Good Peopl..., posted by MArkUSA on Jan 5, 2002

Just be careful.  DonB's and Bear's posts may sound like  the worst of all evils, but you must consider all strategies here, not just the positive ones that are presented to you on a silver platter.

Walk carefully here friend.

Brian.

... in response to UPDATE: Good Things HAppen To Good Peopl..., posted by MArkUSA on Jan 5, 2002

Hey Mark, glad to hear things turning around for you.
One of the first girls I really fell for in high school was named Michelle.
She was my first date we saw "TOP GUN".
Anyway The Beattle's song "Michelle" is one of the most beautiful songs out there.
Maybe you could have that playing in the background of your site.
Hang in there.
Taliman/Dingo

... in response to UPDATE: Good Things HAppen To Good Peopl..., posted by MArkUSA on Jan 5, 2002

Hello Mark,

I am much relieved to know that Michelle's final time here on this earth were happy ones.  Like I had said earlier, the reason for Michelle's happiness was you.  I am glad that you have found some consolation in knowing that.  In addition to that it appears that you have touched the lives of others and visa versa.  Best wishes on your future and God Bless!!!

yc

... in response to UPDATE: Good Things HAppen To Good Peopl..., posted by MArkUSA on Jan 5, 2002

Run Mark Run.  Your being setup.

Bear

... in response to Run!!!, posted by Bear on Jan 5, 2002

Mark,
 I would be very careful, and go very slow if I were you.
Maybe it is all sincere, but something just does not smell
right.  I hope I am wrong, but I do think you should keep your eyes and ears wide open.
Btw, most Filipinas seem very much alike when you first meet them, it is part of their culture.  Please take your time to get to know the true person inside.  I was with my wife, in person, everyday for about 6-7 months before I truly got to know her.

Best of luck,

Don

... in response to Yep......., posted by donb2222 on Jan 6, 2002

Yes, perhaps the sequence of events is a little "too perfect", but for the benefit of naive fools like myself, what exactly are you suggesting? what kind of a set-up could this be?

... in response to Bear / Donb - what are you saying?, posted by Eman on Jan 6, 2002

...I would say its more likely that Michele married someone else and the family is aware that MarkUSA is a typical Kano, generous and giving, and they want to see if they can get him involved with someone else.

I know most of the people in the R.P. are good people but I have seen the bad side too.  Its just smart to be suspicious.  Ask questions to trip them up.  Refuse to send money and make statements like you never will.  

Occasionally go a little nuts and see how they react.  

This is the rest of your life and its just stupid to be naive about it.  Howard was a shoe-in and look what happened to him.  I have found that if you are stupid they will very willing use you and although some don't like to hear it they can and will lie.  I think no different that any other group with an agenda but they will lie.  I heard so much of it on my last trip.

Bear

... in response to Playing the Devils Advocate..., posted by Bear on Jan 6, 2002

In the midst of tragedy and death you see a scam.Devils advocate?You're warped.

tito Matt

... in response to UNBELIEVABLE, posted by tito on Jan 7, 2002

I think overall I will have to side with Bear on this one. Maybe not to the extent of saying "Run", but at least to the extent of thinking something MAY BE amiss here, and proceed with caution.

I have seen many different scams there, and the first thing that ran through my mind when I read Mark's post was this sounds fishy. I don't think I would immediately discredit what the family was telling me, but instead would go see them, and after spending a little time with the cousin ask to see his beloved's grave. It should seem like a natural request. Does she balk at this?? Does she start making excuses? Or try to put it off? If she does take him to it, is it marked? If not, will a different family member take him to the same grave?????

There is no limit to the scams some of these families can think up.

Back when I was somewhat of a newbie to this, I once got a letter from one girl who called herself Mira, who said she was 30 YO, single, no children, worked in a customs office. I did not respond to Mira right away. About 6 weeks later I recieved a letter from a girl named Mercy, who said she was 28 YO, single, with one child, who also worked in a brokerage firm. I didn't respond to Mercy either.

Several months later I was planning a trip to the PI, and finally responded to Mira, explaining that I was coming soon and would like to meet her. All was fine. Then  the day before I was to leave I am going through all my emails and I find something a little amiss. Mira's email addy and Mercy's email addy are the same! (annagirl@amanet.net, yes it is forever burned into my memory) Upon closer inspection, the writing style is the same, the same words are misspelled, and they both live in Mandaue.  I was going to take copies of both emails with me, but accidently left them sitting on my desk when I left.

Anyway, I met Mira, and she seemed REALLY nice. We got together on several occasions, and had a good time together. During these times together I asked her if somebody else used her email, and if she new a girl named Mercy. She answered "No" to both questions. After returning home, I sent to her copies of BOTH emails, asking her if she could explain. I never heard from Mira OR Mercy again. I still don't know whether it was Mira or Mercy. I DO know they had the same email addy, wrote the same, mispelled the same words, lived in the same neighborhood, etc.

As far as what Mark has been told, NOTHING would surprise me about the truth of the matter. I would, however, advise him to proceed with caution. It won't hurt to investigate it a little, but to go in blindly could hurt a LOT!

Larry.

... in response to Sorry, guys, but..., posted by shadow on Jan 9, 2002

Nice to see you posting again Larry.I hate to disagree with you(LOL)but one girl using two email addresses is different than a family claiming a girl died when she really just married another Kano.I would be the one to eat Dave's purple G-string if that theory was proven:)

tito Matt

(got a new cookie and account name)

... in response to Re: Sorry, guys, but..., posted by Matthew on Jan 10, 2002

one address, with the claim being the girls don't know each other.

Your right, your honor, Relevance. Example only, not meant to be coincidental.

... in response to Two girls,..., posted by shadow on Jan 10, 2002

Hi Larry,

I didn't know you were a lawyer!I had to reread your post about the Mercy/Mira scam a couple of times.It probably won't surprise you but I really believe you are wrong.One chick-two identities.Thats how I see that scam.Different guys look for different things.She was just trolling with different baits.IMHO.

I am awaiting with interest for your post regarding Charitable works in the RP.I'd love to hear your ideas and help if I can.Take care.

tito Matt

... in response to Two girls???, posted by Matthew on Jan 11, 2002

it was one and the same girl. She wouldn't admit that, of course, and when I sent her copies of both emails I never heard from her again, sooo... there is only one conclusion I could come to.

Still working on the other thing. It would be quite an undertaking, and would require 100+ people to make it work. The way the bylaws will be written up, I don't think the 100 people will be a problem, just a matter of who will do what. Ran into a stump. I need to figure out who should be the president for the initial period. It needs to be someone who is stable, (in the US) doesn't mind paperwork, and has some free time on their hands. I have someone in mind who occasionally posts here, but until I get it all put together I'm unsure how to approach her with it.

All for now.

Larry.

... in response to UNBELIEVABLE, posted by tito on Jan 7, 2002

...you see this guy going through things like some of the others are going through I bet you have a different prospective.  I bet ya'll tell him to divorce her quickly like everyone is telling Howard to do.  I personally believe its better to look at all points of view and make a good decision to start and not act on emotional issues alone.  Guys come here for advice so the "attitude", to keep quiet because someones feelings might get hurt, defeats the purpose of why anyone might come here anyway.  If we didn't have guys like Humabdos constantly reminding us that he did a lot of things right but got his butt kicked there would be more going through the same things.  Oh, and yeah, I hate it too.  It is very negative and hard to constantly have to read but it takes all kinds.

I'm sorry but I can see this guy really being in love and I think this "Aunt Fran" too convinient to the situation particularly that she is recommending he meet other "cousins" when one of her own just died.  Where is it is possible that this is all true I think extreme caution is advised.

Oh and these are opinions too.

Bear

... in response to When..., posted by Bear on Jan 7, 2002

Bear,

As evidenced by the title of your post "the loosers of this game" your attitude seems to be shoot from the hip and peoples feelings be da**ned.You sound pretty arrogant for a guy who is just starting life with his very young wife.How do you know Humbados did lots of things right?He has admitted he screwed up from the start-getting involved with a 19 yr old brat.

Yeah, I know you put disclaimers on your posts that these are just opinions.That doesn't make your list of "loosers" or your scam theories any more palatable.Post like that are a disservice in my opinion.I'm sorry your in your limited knowledge of the RP you have been exposed to a nest of hornets.Too bad for you.

Remember,Bear,Our Heavenly Father requires humility.Try it!

tito Matt

... in response to Re: When..., posted by tito on Jan 7, 2002

I guess to you it is better to hurt their feelings after the divorce and say you might should have considered...

As for the guys you think I called losers I have a lot of respect for because I feel like I at one time went through things much similar.  If we can't give advice and not worry about walking on eggshells, why post at all.  Just put on your rose colored glasses and turn off your computer.

Bear

... in response to UNBELIEVABLE, posted by tito on Jan 7, 2002


WARPED!

Jay

... in response to UNBELIEVABLE, posted by tito on Jan 7, 2002

I also found that response to be quite sick and totally uncalled for under the circumstances. Even if someone truly believed in the possibility of that scenario, I find it very cruel to post it here, especially now.

Sometimes it’s just better to keep your opinions to yourself.

And that’s my opinion!

Ray

... in response to Bear / Donb - what are you saying?, posted by Eman on Jan 6, 2002

I am only suggesting that Mark go nice and slow.  Something that I would recommend to anyone.  I feel a sense of urgency in his posts and his web page.  I think that he should just go to the Philippines with only a vacation in mind, and try to meet  many people while he is there.  The more he knows about the country and culture the better off he will be in a relationship with a Filipina. Also, there is no need for him to limit himself to meeting only one Filipina.  My guess is that this family will chaparone him everywhere, and not even give him the chance to meet other Filipinas.
His web page is:   http://www.filipinos.8m.com/

My dos pesos only,

Don

... in response to Re: Bear / Donb - what are you saying?, posted by donb2222 on Jan 6, 2002

:)

... in response to UPDATE: Good Things HAppen To Good Peopl..., posted by MArkUSA on Jan 5, 2002

The family is going to take me to Michelles grave..
when I get to Cebu .. The gravesight is in Oslob and I have made arrangements for a angel like tombstone for Michelle.

I am so happy to be able to do my part ...
And being involved has help to lessen my grief...

Ok Just wanted to share all my thoughts ...

Thanx
MarkUSA