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Has anyone experienced this:  ladies hot and heavy or at least very interested in you during your visit but write less and less after your return home?

... in response to Ladies interest level, posted by Ramblin on Nov 30, 2001


  These women live for the now and if you are not directly returning etc the interest does fade. It does depend on how much time you spent with them, and if they are sincere about you. It is funny when I e-mail them that I am coming in a month the responses are quick. They can't afford to share small talk but details of when you will be there in their town or near, make you authentic. I'm sure there are exceptions and I hope I encounter one my next trip.

... in response to Ladies interest level, posted by Ramblin on Nov 30, 2001

I can imagine this scenario, among others:

As a Ukrainian woman searching for a better husband and a better life, you tire of Ukrainian men who have discovered they can keep several relationships at once, following their whims, and being downright lousy partners, you entertain the idea of an American man, and manage to meet one via internet or social. You get to know each other as well as can be expected by email, and meet for a week or two. Things look good, but maybe your guy dissappears from the face of the earth... Perhaps he found another somewhere, or just gave up due to frustration, or he was only looking for a good time and left when he got it.

Bummer. But not the TOTAL pessimist, yet, you begin to correspond with someone else who seemed interesting, who also found you the same way.

It seems to me, after getting burned once or twice, I'd develop a sense of "show me the goods!". Out of a sense of self-preservation, and profound loneliness, I'd set some kind of time limit on how long I'll correspond with someone, under the expectation we were going to be a monogamous couple!

As an American man, I am impatient, and I frequently come face-to-face with the realization of how short and unpredictable life can be. Add to that just a taste of the Russian/Ukrainian pessimism that one can develope (its easy - go to Ukraine and just try to complete 3 or 4 errands/tasks involving other people in a 24 hour period - one almost feels selfish wearing a seatbelt - it will slow down the removal of your body from the next traffic accident... *author's note: ranting over*)

Anyway, for someone (like myself) who has fallen deeply in love with another (Ukrainian), I feel as if I die a little more each day without her. I can sense the same from her.
The visa waiting is deplorable. I try not to talk about it too much with her because she is 99 percent convinced it will never come through anyway. I know it will. I value her situation and feelings so much (and I am so impatient, and want and need intimacy) that I have promised her that we will never spend more that two months apart. And I stand by that promise.

It has rearranged a lot of my priorities in life, and even made me realize that living in America is not mandatory for me. Preferable, but not mandatory. And that's saying a HE** of a lot, if you know me.

My point (finally), if you are looking for a lifetime penpal, let that be known up front. If you are looking for the right person to spend the rest of your life with, don't expect her to wait the rest of *her* life to start being with you...  Life is short. Life in Ukraine, as far as I can tell, is even shorter.

Lance

... in response to How long can one wait for love? (post is..., posted by LTB on Nov 30, 2001

in the sense that what is short for one, may be long for another.  I agree, if you want a pen-pal, stay home.  If you want sex, its cheaper to go to Nevada or your local hooker hangout.  The rest falls into a large gray area.  I truly believe that when one finds the "right one", one will know and then things will seem to progress way to slow.  That sort of makes time an important factor in this search, journey, or whatever you want to call this endeavour.  There is no real time requirement, what works for you may or may not work for me or her.  I think the measurement and relativity of time is just another tool, signal, reference or whatever to be considered in the search.  But I tend to think that time is your friend and that true love can survive time, although at times it may seem to be your worst enemy.  But lack of taking time CAN definately be your enemy.  Its like odds, with time, the odds are relatively more even, but over short periods of time the swings can drastically work for you or AGAINST you.  It becomes more of a crap shoot versus an educated decision.  But then again, time is only relative.......

... in response to Re: But time is relative, posted by DE on Dec 1, 2001

OK... not wanting to start a strange thread... or seem like an expert or anything...

But actually there are two things I want to point out (being a Vegas affecianado)

A) Prostitution is not legal in Las Vegas.
B) My understanding (though I have never done it) is that Vegas is very expensive when it comes to "sex tours". It might actually be cheaper to go to russia...

FWIW (which isn't much)

What I found curious about the post, though, is Rambler clearly said that he went over in his original post. But LTB's post answered him as though he never did...

OK... that's my senseless aside... we now return you to your regularly scheduled programming...

... in response to Vegas Hookers, posted by MarkInTx on Dec 1, 2001

Yes I did go to Kiev and I didn't make any promises and I've only been back since September 9, so that is why I was wondering why once a week letters would start turning into once a month letters.  Two months is not enough time to forget about me, is it?

... in response to promises, posted by Ramblin on Dec 2, 2001


I think that SOME promises must be made to keep them interested. Not neccessarily promises to marry them. But if you start talking of your next trip, it gives them something to hang onto.

I know that Maria and I started fading about the time I told her that I couldn't come back in June like I had previously planned. Which, of course was fine by me, since things were changing on my end anyway.

But I think the other post is right -- with no promises, and no return trip to plan for... the interest wanes...

Which, I think, is pretty normal. I would probably be the same way, some to think of it...

... in response to Ladies interest level, posted by Ramblin on Nov 30, 2001

I believe, and of course can't confirm this, that they may be somewhat dis-illusioned because you did not propose to them on the trip.  They hear of how other girls/women have men come over for a 10 day or two week visit and wha la, they're engaged to get married.  Of course these men don't always have a clue as to what they are doing, but it makes those of us that are taking our time and really trying to get to know the person prior to asking them to marry us difficult.  They also hear of how some men just visit, and visit and visit but never ask them to marry (although this is probably rare or even more of a myth).  I just had one break it off with me after nine months of writing and one visit because "I was taking to long".  Although I had explained to her up front that this would be a long process and had even already made plans to return (which I did four months after the initial trip to see her).  But as she said "I was taking to long".  Obviously, she was more interested in getting the K-1 the fastest way she could.  Time is the best screening process.

... in response to Re: Ladies interest level, posted by DE on Nov 30, 2001

the fact that a lot of men make promises and then they don't live up to them. My fiancee told me many stories of her own and her friends of men that made promises to visit or to come back and they never did. Thus when another good prospect came along they broke off the old relationship to start a new one. I know thats how I found mine.

... in response to Re: Ladies interest level, posted by DE on Nov 30, 2001

Yeah,  I think all the things they "hear" is like some kinda cottage industry.  Like there are some pamphlets out on the street and all the gossipers spouting drivel.  A "how to manual". And then,  there is reality.  Well, reality is a killer with a soft glove.  I think BOTH people have to put in some time for a good relationship and focus on knowing each other better than all the gossip mongers "good advice",  on either side.

... in response to Ladies interest level, posted by Ramblin on Nov 30, 2001

I think that are a fair amount of them that have no intention of a long term relationship but are nice during your visit because they receive gifts, dinners, maybe trips to other places, night clubbing, site seeing etc.

Dalton

... in response to Ladies interest level, posted by Ramblin on Nov 30, 2001

I have heard this scenario often.
Explaination? She has second thoughts either about you or America after you leave.
Contrary to some people here, I believe there is a fair number of FSU women who are reluctant to move to USA, as the case was with my wife.

Mark

... in response to Re: Ladies interest level, posted by mdante99 on Nov 30, 2001

some women who are reluctant to move for good to the USA.  I also think the better their life is there...the more reluctant they will be to move here.

... in response to Re: Ladies interest level, posted by mdante99 on Nov 30, 2001

Hi Mark,

  Some,  I beleive toy with the option.  Like maybe it would be a good idea.  But,  then they think it over.