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As some of you know, I went to St. Petersburb for a week now one year and a half ago.   Met a nice sweet simple woman, with nice values, but decided the language, cultural, time and space thing just would not work for me, but I thought she was so nice, and not a scammer, that I continued to send her money even after I told her we had no future and I would just be her friend.   I give her advice from time to time and send her about $100 per month for the last two years.   She never asked for money, but appreciates it.  I think I will do it for a while longer.   My question is, does such a sum really help her? She lives in a small town about 3 hours out of Moscow.  
She works at a retail shop in her town.

Your thoughts.

Robert D.

... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

I certainly understand your desire to help this woman and I am sure many AM are doing the same to some degree for whatever reason.

But if you really want to help then I know many babuskas that would benefit from your $100.  You could divide it five ways and give $20 to each one and they would really appreciate it.  It would make her life so much better and it would really give you allot of satisfaction since she would have nothing to give back to you.

Everyday I see old women and men that have spent their entire lives doing back breaking work, bundled up against the cold bitter winters here, looking for work or food to eat, just to survive.  They have no one to look out for them, no family to help them, no future.

Recently, I met an older woman here whose husband kicked her and her daughter into the street and stole their apartment.  She had no where to go.  No one to help.

Another babuska I know lost her son. He mysteriously disappeared.  Now she must go it alone without any help.  The government may be giving her a meager pension of $10 a month to live on.  Not much.

Many young women here know that they have something that other woman of the world don't have.  They have beauty and youth.  They know that very well.  Don't kid yourself.  I have been here a year now and I see many of them that understand that aspect oh so well.  And they know AM are very curious about them and have traveled long distances just to get a look.  Plane loads of AM arriving here to find a beautiful woman.

Well, when you get here and walk the streets of Kiev then take your eyes off the short skirted girl for a moment and watch the older babuskas and others not so beautiful.  They are the real ones in real need of the generosity of others.  They don't have the necessary physical appearance to attract a man that will help.  All they have is the spirit to survive and they do it with class.  Recently I was driving my car through a village near Chernobyl and stopped to give some money to a babuska walking nearby.  She refused the gift!  Her pride would not allow her to take it.  Imagine that!  I was very embaressed.

Since I have been here the newness of the beauty of the younger woman has somewhat worn off.  I don't get in a lather like I used to.  Now I see far more.  There are women here that will use you.  There are women that won't.  You have to decide who will and who won't and do they really need your money and what can they give back to you.  If you get nothing and expect nothing for your generousity then I say let your heart rule.

Where I live $100 a month is allot of money for someone.  Especially if she is already working. The expats here employ local ladies to clean house and the average monthly wage for this is $100 a month.  Ladies here line up for the opportunity to clean house everytime someone new arrives.  For them the chance to clean an expats house is a dream come true.  To hook up with an AM is like the ultimate dream.

Well, I could go on and on about this but I only try and give you my perspective.  Yours certainly may vary. I only say be very cautious with your money and who you give it to and why.  Here survival is the word of the day.

Best Regards,

Jimmy
Ukraine, Kiev Region

... in response to You want to help?, posted by Jimmy on Dec 1, 2001

n/t

... in response to You want to help?, posted by Jimmy on Dec 1, 2001

.

... in response to You want to help?, posted by Jimmy on Dec 1, 2001

You'd be taken aback, especially if you've been to a school in a village or smaller town - they are trynig to teach English with almost no resources.
Every trip I take as many books as I can, and, there are several "Friendship Awards" presently in place in schools across Crimea.
These 'awards' are only 50 grivna at the Christmas/New Years break, and 100 grivna at Year-End, and there is one for the males and one for the females.
They are awarded by the teachers selecting the recipients, based upon scholastic effort, citizenship and need.
As RW has so capably stated, "sometimes it's enough to know that someone actually cares!".

... in response to You want to help?, posted by Jimmy on Dec 1, 2001

This one rocked me back in my chair and made me think for a long time...

Well done...

... in response to You want to help?, posted by Jimmy on Dec 1, 2001

Thanks for your first hand view.  I think also,  that any thinking young woman must also look at the poor babushka's and wonder if that in 25 years....that could be her lot in life.  Her fate?  I am sure some of the babushka's were once knockouts too.  How is life in Slauvich (close spelling)???  Best,  Tim

... in response to Thanks Jimmy, posted by tim360z on Dec 1, 2001

Tim,

There are a couple of ways of spelling Slavutich/Slavutych.  I know some 40+ older gals that know soon they will be "grandmothers" or "babuskas" as they call it.  In reality they the meaning is not the same as we would consider in the US.  The meaning goes deeper.  It means someone that is too old to attract a man if she needs to.  It's nearly an end of life for them, end of the road.  In America we consider that the time to settle down and retire with a life of ease and travel.  Not so here.  It is not that way.  It means a harder, more difficult life.  No more youth, no more beauty, no more ability to attract a man should she lose her husband.

Most of the security felt by these woman come from "their man".  I have heard it so many times, "You're my man" or "You're my boy".  Life for a woman here revolves around her man and his ability to bring home the bread and butter.  Our country used to be like that but changed sometime in the 60's and 70's.  I remember it well.  I am 56 and remember life then.  The woman in the US changed for many reasons.  I know I can't pinpoint all the reasons but I am sure many here can give us some.

Well, I have been here over a year now and will be returning to the US in Jan or Feb.  I have mixed feeling about going home and some days are better than others.  I will sometime soon write a long post detailing some of my observations, experiences, and maybe mistakes.  I hope I can belp some of you realize what is here and how to deal with it.  It has been very difficult in some ways for me.  I am glad I did this here and not in the US.  The pain would be deep.  Take care.

Best Regards,

Jimmy
Ukraine, Kiev Region

... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

You're a saint. I understand what you are feeling. Keep it up.

... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

Of course it helps her.  Heck, send me a C note every month, it would help me too.  :)

... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

darn well that this money (about $100 per month)will really help her!
If you're seeking *kudos*, then that's OK and I will grant them to you (especially if the gift has 'no strings'!).
If you trying to promote more of the kind, I sincerely wish you luck.
There are many, many wonderful folks in the FSU that are suffering from a 'cash flow' problem - insufficient or non-existant cash flow, that is.
To selflessly 'gift' to another is truly a noble execise.
Remember, many believe in "What goes around, comes around."

... in response to You've been there and you know......, posted by Del on Nov 30, 2001

Thanks I guess I was trying to be sure that to continue was not insulting in some way.   That was really my issue.  

Thanks
Robert D.

... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

Well Bob,
  Heres my little take---- for what its worth.  No one person has given more to Russia/Ukraine/Fsu than Mr.  Hammer did for many decades.  Millions and millions of dollars.  By the boatload and by the convoy.
Surely,  by the people there,  he was not resented for it and certainly all,  including Uncle Joe Stalin,  Krustuahev, Brezenhev and the Politbouro were amazed.  Because,  for himself or his companies he asked for nothing.  Not one iota.  Not 1 little thing.  Shiploads of help was not a problem for him.  I think he was a very good man.  A selfless and a generous gesture.  Of course he had a special attachment because his ancestors came from there.  And he had made it bigtime in the USA.

  Now,  you have met the girl and you know both her and her situtation and you know your philanthropic budget.  Maybe this 1 person will go on to have a better life because of your generosity.  And she will touch another and then another---- in a geometric progression.  Maybe you will give her a good advantage and I think $100 per month is a great advantage there.  You do not seem to have some "romantic adgenda" with her...so I think its cool.  Some may disagree with my opinion and that is fine with me.  We all have our own conscience and our own values and few among us has the greatness to make a judgement on your selfless generosity.  Best,  Tim

Ps:  When you have the time,  check-out Mr.  Hammer.  He is an interesting person and probably the only American completely welcome in then,   the Communist USSR.  Welcome by people,  great and small.  Oh! And the sum of $100 can certainly help her....it just depends how your grant is applied....so I would check with her on how she uses it.  You may have some good advice

... in response to Armund Hammer aka Arm & Hammer, posted by tim360z on Nov 30, 2001

nt.

... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

I think your gift is very appreciated. Especially since she has not asked for it and you continue to be good friends.
It's hard to tell if money would be sufficient, but I think if she is careful with it, it certainly helps. Sometimes it's more important to see that somebody just simply cares and remembers about you.

Thank you,

Russian Wife

... in response to Re: money  A Question for any Russian la..., posted by RW on Nov 30, 2001

thanks.  I think so also.  I think she makes about $70 a month at her shop.   So I am sure it helps.   I will keep sending her money until July I think.  That will give her time, I hope to get on her feet.  
Thanks for the advice.

Robert D.

... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

Robert,

Cudos to you.  The point I think some people fail to see is that you are doing it, BECAUSE you want to...not because you have to.  Caring is a quality that I feel we sometimes lose sight of.  You feel she needs it..then do it.  Would the same questions be posed to you if you questioned $100 per month to the Red Cross(for example)?  I don't think so.  Because you are giving to a RW then people only think "scammer".  What she does with the money can only be speculated; but if you trust her then you know that the money is probably going to something good.  Is the money only going to her? Is she helping her family?  her friends?  Bettering herself?  Who knows and frankly....Who cares?!!!!!!  Do what your heart says!  Remember...you only have to answer to you!

Who are they to judge?

Still lurking,
BrianC

... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

We all make our own decisions which I respect. I was talking to someone else who has been sending money to a woman from the FSU. I wonder how many other men are doing this? I just got back from Ukraine and saw a few women that I had been writing to. I have not sent them any money via mail. When I was there I did buy them a few inexpensive gifts. Inexpensive for me but probably expensive for them ( around $100 ). I am now paying a few dollars in translation fees a month ( around $75 which I can afford ) and have a time limit for this ( my next visit in May/June ). I am skeptical about this but I do know the women exist and do not speak good English. Anyways my point is I met them on absolute agency and since I have been back I have seen their ads reposted on that site as well as friendfinder more than once. Actually about once every week or two. I am NOT going to send them spending cash and maybe someone else is? ( again their choice ). I am not about to buy their friendship or love. They are also not going to be my "charity" ( to the suprise of many of you? :-) My poiunt is all of you people "crying" that these girls are scammers. Well I think the men have created this "monster"!!!!! When these women hear ( you know they tell their friends ) what someone sent or is sending them why shouldn't they "play the game"? Go right ahead ( it is no business of mine ). Do what you feel is right for you. Why ask us anyways? Just DO NOT say she is a scammer when you decide to stop!

... in response to Re: money  A Question for any Russian la..., posted by KenMan on Nov 30, 2001

I do understand, and frankly don't care what she does with the money.  That is not why I send it.  So I will say more.   When I was in St. Pete, I did a little shopping with and without her.   I was shocked to see the prices of some food items and fruits in the store.   She we had dinner together, she ate tomatoes like there was no tommorrow.  
"I like tomatoes"she said.  She seemed to appreciate things we seem to take for granted.  She did not drink or smoke, and once when I wanted to go to a casino, just to see what a russian casino looked like, she did not wish to go as it was "a bad place"    I did not feel she was acting the part.  The reason I posted this was to get some idea as to whether this was appropriate to do from a Russian woman's perspective.   If she uses the money to find a man, I would not mind.   I hope if she ever does, he is a good man and she appears to deserve one.   She is not as beautiful as many of the girls photos I see on the net, but she is sweet and seemed very nice.

RobertD.

... in response to Re: money  A Question for any Russian la..., posted by KenMan on Nov 30, 2001

Some have stated that they are fishing for women. When I read posts like this I think. Maybe it is the women who are doing the fishin'.. and it ain't for men.. it is for DOLLAR$

... in response to Fishing???, posted by KenMan on Nov 30, 2001

that you have such a narrow viewpoint. Thus why are you looking for a RW?

... in response to its a shame, posted by Stan B on Dec 1, 2001

Bro, why don't you read Jimmy's post. Why don't take a look at Jack's First Dreams scammer section. I think there are more ( or at least as many ) beautiful women in his scammer section than in his sincere and honest one. If you don't think these young women know what is up you have the narrow point of view. Wake up, smell the coffee. The internet and people's charity towards women has definetly corrupted a few. Mostly corrupted the Agencies. All it takes is a few bad apples to spoil the barrel. So yes!!! There are many women ( especially the young beautiful ones ) who are fishing for Dollar$! Or maybe a green card!!! Like Jimmy said give it to some older folks who are in need ( or maybe the chess school :-) Why am I looking for a RW? I believe that is a "personal" question! I have my own "personal" reasons. Are you that interested anyways?

... in response to Re: its a shame, posted by KenMan on Dec 1, 2001

he's helping a friend, not corrupting the process. You just sound afraid that he's making it harder on you and that he's helping to create a new cult of scammers.
As for your 'personal' reasons, if its that big of a secret, then no I don't need to pry it out of you...aloha

... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

my thoughts, you are either very wealthy, very caring or very crazy!

... in response to Re: money  A Question for any Russian la..., posted by ron on Nov 30, 2001

very caring is the word.    She was a very nice girl and poor.   I was poor once.   It hit me like a tone of bricks.  Her english needs work.  St. Pete was very nice.   I have not seen poverty like I saw there in many years.  That was all.
Why crazy?  
Robert D.