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Some of the posts were written by me; some by someone else using my handle.
I checked around; I was told that there is no law against someone using a handle or a name; and there was not much I or anyone could do about it.

I do not subscribe to RWNA.

I think Planet Love is the best board there is for RW/AM relationships. Different views are expressed here, and everyone has an opportunity to listen to varying experiences.

This having said; I have always advocated caution in this pursuit; on this board as well others several times.

This pursuit is not for everyone; and many would get their fingers burnt; and would lose a lot of money in addition to emotional damage.

I can only tell from what I have seen; and the results are not always good for the AM and for the RW as well.

LP and Dan here have described their words of caution much more eloquently than I have.

I will say it again, know your  girl well before you marry, and make sure she is not here for a visa. The problem is that most men are charmed by the beauty, and RW are certainly beautiful women, and pay a price later.

If most people think that I should stop warning people about the possible disaster they may be courting... I would stop; and probably Dan and LP would too.

Finally for the record, many times my handle has been hijacked, I don't have the time or energy to check them all, so I just let them go.

Mark

... in response to mdante99, posted by mdante99 on Oct 31, 2001

I have asked this question before; why is it that after the RW arrive here, we never hear from the men again? The only answer I was given was " they are too busy ".

I think the Board is deprived of the experiences, once the RW arrives here.

The only inference I can reach is that men do not like to talk about unpleasant experiences; though I wish I was wrong.

Ken C of course is an exception; his posts are very valuable; and he also advises caution. As I recall he says that look for the same kind of RW as you can get AW in USA.
How many of us heed KenC?

Mark

... in response to A Question... Disappearing In The Sunset, posted by mdante99 on Oct 31, 2001

I think there is a significant number of married men, including myself, who visit this board and contribute.  Getting her here is just step 1.

... in response to A Question... Disappearing In The Sunset, posted by mdante99 on Oct 31, 2001

I've been posting regularly since 10/99, and have been married for 20 months.  So your observation is way off, implying that KenC is the only married regular poster.

Stevo

... in response to A Question... Disappearing In The Sunset, posted by mdante99 on Oct 31, 2001

Mark,
Your logic is faulty, again.  Why is it you can infer that because married guys are not posting, they then must be unhappy?  Why couldn't they be happy?  Or just too busy?  Or just don't care to help others? Or just frustrated with debating with guys that think they know it all and have yet to accomplish anything?  I could think of hundreds of reasons why guys would not post after they got married; being unhappy would be just one of them (and not even the top of my list).
KenC
ps (your 33% crap below is crap)

... in response to what about Karl? Bob S? Dan? JonF?, posted by KenC on Oct 31, 2001

And every now and then happily married for 20 months Jack will post something Ken!

I am a firm believer in, and have told many guys, that once you have found your dreambride, after all the time, the effort, the heartache, once your dreambride has stepped off the plane in your city, you are now halfway there.

Now you learn about each other. Now you see how much care and love their is between the two. Now the real test begins.

Seeing and helping many married couples involved in this most wonderful pursuit I have seen that the first year is often the most critical. As my own second year anniversary is quickly approaching, I am wondering when my own Natalia and I will have our "tough times" that I see many couples experience.

I think for the guys who abandon this site, or others they were using, is a foolish mistake. You need the help, the advice, the wisdom of this (or other) Russian boards as much now as you did before.

These boards are great instruments in helping to locate other couples close to you. You must try to find other ladies for your wife's sake, in that she needs some friends who can relate to her and what she is going thru. My own experience has shown me that I must meet 3.2 other couples, or Russian women, for my wife to find a friend she can bond with. So I need to introduce her to 10 other Russian ladies for her to find three potential close friends. In North Texas I have been lucky in that we have found and built a pretty good group of about 50 couples, but it took work, this group was not created overnight, and a lot of these couples came from the use of this and other Russian boards.

So to me the guys who abandon the Russian boards after there lady arrives are making a mistake.

... in response to Re: what about Karl? Bob S? Dan? JonF?, posted by Jack on Oct 31, 2001

Jack,
You were on my list too.  But then I forgot when I went to type the subject line.  DUH!
KenC

... in response to what about Karl? Bob S? Dan? JonF?, posted by KenC on Oct 31, 2001

Dave the Kiwi posted a couple of months ago.  He sounded happy.  He said his wife was very attractive.  Several other guys just made a few posts after getting married.  I think a decent guy will usually hold onto his wife.  

Guys only use this board for advice while looking.  After they have their wife there's better stuff to do.  Their wife probably has a lot of housework for them to do and would consider surfing the net a waste of time.

... in response to A Question... Disappearing In The Sunset, posted by mdante99 on Oct 31, 2001

Mark and all,

  I pop in occasionally to see how guys are doing 15 months after I was married. If I can field any ????????please shoot!\
JOnF

... in response to Re: A Question... Disappearing In The Su..., posted by JOnF on Oct 31, 2001

Did your wife insist on living in California?  I have lived there and I know that some immigrants think it is the only place worth living in the US besides NYC.

Were you worried about your family and friends accepting your foreign wife or you for getting a wife like this?

... in response to I have some lame questions?, posted by BubbaGump on Oct 31, 2001

BG,
Oh yes... and about friends and family,  I told everyone up front what I was doing and some were a bit doubtful...but over time they see and talk to my wife and see we're happy together. My guesstimate is about 12 months for people to realize it's legit and I didn't have to trade cattle to her family for her hand  and that she's got good intentions. They all think it was a novel way to meet one's spouse.
JOnF

... in response to I have some lame questions?, posted by BubbaGump on Oct 31, 2001

BG,

  My wife likes California, but doesn't want to live there. We live in Arizona, but will be moving shortly to the Pac NW. Yes, you're right...the common concensus is that there are only "cowboys" between NYC and CA...
JOnF

... in response to Re: I have some lame questions?, posted by JOnF on Nov 1, 2001

Yeah, I forgot you were from Arizona.  I tell women how hot it is here and they say they just can't even imagine it.  I aways wanted to take women to see the southwest when I was living other places.  It has more to see here than I even knew about.  

BG

... in response to Re: A Question... Disappearing In The Su..., posted by JOnF on Oct 31, 2001

hello jonf, what has been the biggest challange in the past 15 months?

how has she adapted to being away from home?

has she started driving or working and what was all that like if so?

how long did you search, where did you go, how many ladies did you meet before you found the right one?

... in response to Re: Re: A Question... Disappearing In Th..., posted by ron on Oct 31, 2001

Ron,

  Well, there have been quite a few challenges in these first months. I'll list a few.
1) Homesickness. If anyone ever thought RW would come here without a thought of Russia, boy is that wrong. There is not a day that goes by that Nata doesn't miss her family and friends...and dog.

2) Food. Nata doesn't really like much American food. When we do find a restaurant she likes, she gets burned out on it quickly. At home her mom cooks...

3)  Language. I would call Nata's english good but finding good quality college esl classes or tutors has been difficult. She desperately wants to be fluent and is frustrated. BIGGEST language challenge!!!! The Russian language has no ARTICLES and this makes english difficult.

4) Entertainment. Finding sufficient activities is a bit difficult. Nata loves to travel, so we've been burning quite a bit of jet fuel

There are others but I can't really think of them...

Adapted to being away from home...she misses home and calls 3 times per week. She spent 6 weeks in russia last summer.
She does well here, but still thinks Americans are a strange, talkative, superficial, chatty and gossipy sort of folk. She has just a few Russian girlfriends here in town.

Driving...she wants to and has a learning permit, but is still a bit overwhelmed. She will improve and want to drive more as time goes by.

Working...she has a p/t job and likes being busy. She also liked opening a checking account and getting her first VISA card!!

My story... well it's almost a bit lame after seeing all of the excellent stories out there! In April 1999 I started writing 25 or so women. I used Anastasia and wrote personalized letters delivered via express mail. The first response was from a 24 year old 5'8" blonde bombshell with intelligence and a good heart and what can I say...
I received quite a few more letters and none had the magnetism or charm of Nata's. We wrote letters (SNAILMAIL) for nearly 6 months BEFORE we even began talking on the phone. We talked on the phone for 4 more months before I went to meet her. I KNEW everything about her BEFORE we met. NO SURPRISES. With all the pictures we'd exchanged, I knew exactly what she looked like. NO SURPRISES. We had a great time, were engaged the first week and I was walking on the clouds...Yeah, I know... I could have played the field and had some FSU fun, but stuff happens. I traveled 14000 miles to meet 1 woman, my wife. Oh make that 30000 miles I forgot I returned in July, 2000.
This is way too long...I'm sorry. If there are any specifics, shoot!!!
JOnF

... in response to Our Story, posted by JOnF on Oct 31, 2001

You are doing good. I am sure you will continue to do very well.

You also have a good handle on the problems.
First year is the most difficult, so the worst part is over.

Mark

... in response to Our Story, posted by JOnF on Oct 31, 2001

thanks for the info jonf. seems you will have much experience and advice to offer others regarding russian women once she get's to america. however i am amazed at how a man can write one woman, meet one woman and marry this one woman with-out ever having meet a second russian woman.
i hear what you say about her being wonderful and all but how could you possiably know she was the right one, the best woman, if you never had a second, or third russian woman to compare her to?

... in response to Re: Our Story, posted by ron on Nov 1, 2001

Hey now,

I, too, have the most wonderful Russian wife, and I wasn't looking for either a Russian woman or a wife of any sort when I met her.  Never met any other women until I was staying with my fiancee on my first trip over last April; didn't have a thought about it after she met me at the airport.

While I am not making any recommendations for anyone else, I am thrilled things turned out the way they did for me and for several others who had the same "only one" approach.

Remember that some women won't have anything to do with you if they think/know they are part of a pool of applicants being reviewed.  Mine certainly would have stopped talking to me if there was anyone else in the picture.

Also, it may be riskier, as far as getting married in the first place, to meet only one woman, but I do notice that a lot of the marriages that have turned out to be successful and happy have been the ones who met only one woman

Everyone has a different story, that is what makes life so interesting.

Steve M.

... in response to Everyone has a Different Story, posted by SteveM on Nov 1, 2001

Enjoyed reading your reply Steve. Your positive experience has to be encouraging to others.

It is good to hear of your personal findings of many successful marriages of men who only met one lady. My personal knowledge unfortuantly is that of only a few successful marriages, less than 7, where the the couple only met each other whereas I know of a LOT of unsuccessful marriages in which the couple only met each other (many such guys on the Shame board).

Of the men I have talked to, and have personal knowledge of, who met several ladies over a period of time, experience a much higher percentage of successful marriages.

... in response to Re: Our Story, posted by ron on Nov 1, 2001

else the quest can never end.

... in response to The search is for a good woman, not the ..., posted by CinTexas on Nov 1, 2001

Absolutely correct CinTexas.

In all things in life, there never was, and will never be a level above being satisfied with what you have.

But so many seems to forget this in their struggle for the golden pot at the end of the rainbow.

Jan

... in response to The search is for a good woman, not the ..., posted by CinTexas on Nov 1, 2001

i think i will continue to search for the best woman for me. the best woman for me will ofcourse be a good woman

i read of other guys who took there time (dan,kenc,jack,de, rags,oatmeal,etc) and met many ladies and found a good woman who was the best woman for him. the quest ended for each of these guys. i like this approach better than marrying the first and only russian i ever met.

some guys will buy the first house they see or the first car they drive or marry the first russian woman they meet. these guys had to have felt it was a good house, a good car or a good wife or else they would not have committed. i just am not that type of guy to not compare. i will look at a few house's before buying, test drive a few cars before i buy and meet a few russian women before i marry one. i could not know this was the best car without comparing, i could not know this was the best house on the market without comparing, i could not know this is the best russian woman for me without comparing

... in response to Re: The search is for a good woman, not ..., posted by ron on Nov 1, 2001

ron,
Thank you for your kind words.  However, I REALLY went to meet just one woman.  The others that I did meet were just to make sure I was not overwhelmed by the "Russian experience".  LOL  My plan "B" was more like plan "x" or "y" or "z" because I was not serious about anyone other than my wife.  For me it was something to do in Russia if Lena and I met and it went horrible between us.  Needless to say, it went waaay better than that (over two years and counting).  You shouldn't "meet just one" but rather "meet the ONLY one" that is right for you.  How you can accomplish that varies.  Best of luck to you.
KenC

... in response to Re: The search is for a good woman, not ..., posted by ron on Nov 1, 2001

n/t

... in response to If you'd just looked at one more house y..., posted by CinTexas on Nov 1, 2001

n/t

... in response to Re: The search is for a good woman, not ..., posted by ron on Nov 1, 2001

remember that in the process of comparing, sometimes the item is taken off the market via a prior sale.  Sometimes, if a person has looked enough previously in related markets, they just know a good deal when they see it, if even for the first time.

... in response to Our Story, posted by JOnF on Oct 31, 2001

1

... in response to A Question... Disappearing In The Sunset, posted by mdante99 on Oct 31, 2001

Other than advertising your web site and your repeated words of caution, what have you written about your relationship with your wife? I don't remember you sharing any expirences or giving any advice on what you/we can do to make the transition to life here easier or better (other than she got a job right away). If I'm wrong, please fill me in on what I've missed...trick or treat

... in response to my ?, posted by Stan B on Oct 31, 2001

I have been married for a while now.
If you go back into archives during April through July, I gave frequent progress reports.
From what little I know about your case; I can only suggest that you should get to know and become friendly with other people from EE in your area. RW are very social; and they like to be with other RW. Your RW is very Ukrainian, she may not understand much about America; some RW are very opinionated about USA; just let it pass; don't argue.

I think work is very important; it gives them an opportunity to get out and talk to other Americans. If she does not know how to drive, and their is no public transportation, that should be the first order of business.

Above all know it that it is a tough road ahead; many many times more difficult than marriage to an AW; I was married to an AW before, so I know.

Mark

... in response to A Question... Disappearing In The Sunset, posted by mdante99 on Oct 31, 2001

once I return from Warsaw.  I had planned on posting a final "Thanks" for all the help everyone has been but I don't see any value to hanging around after Lena and Sasha get here.

... in response to I, for one, look forward to deleting all..., posted by CinTexas on Oct 31, 2001

Having gone through the process; I blieve the real work starts after your lady arrives here.
In my experience finding a RW is the easy part making a happy marriage is an altogether different story and far more difficult.
There is no hard data; but it is promulgated that about 33% of the K-1 recepients leave without ever getting married.
Another 33% leave within one year of their arrival to USA.
In other words only 33% are still here after one year.
Depending upon who you listen to; the long term ( 5 year or more) is thought to be between 10 to 20%.

May be other people have some more concrete data.

Mark

... in response to A Question... Disappearing In The Sunset, posted by mdante99 on Oct 31, 2001

I don't think it's necessarily that they're having bad experiences.  Some guys just aren't altruistic enough to hang around and advise others after they've already gotten everything they wanted out of a discussion area.  I've known some guys personally who dropped out of the Latin board but who are definitely happy.

Keep up with the warnings.  I think some guys need them.