Planet-Love.com Searchable Archives

**A serious question***   Does anyone know of successful relationships that have lasted more than 7 years and how many do you know of.  I am being told by several people who have traveled the world that I am crazy looking for a wife in SA because the odds of marriage lasting more than a few years are very slim. Please, someone help to ease the mind of an american who loves the beauty and big hearts of the SA women.

... in response to Going The Distance, posted by Nevergivingup on Nov 30, 2005

Over 4 years and counting

She became a US Citizen last year.

We met at Margareths.

Good women who has stood by me through good and bad.

It's worth it.

Good luck.

... in response to Going The Distance, posted by Nevergivingup on Nov 30, 2005

Quotes from my favorite book, How I found Freedom in an Unfree World by Harry Brown

Pg 204      Don’t make the relationship an end in itself that must be perpetuated at all costs.  That will lead to demands for sacrifices in the name of “making our marriage work,” “keeping our friendship,” or “making the business succeed.”  Relationships are only means to the ends desired by each of the individuals involved: when the ends are no longer served, the relationship should end.   …………    Let the relationship evolve as it will-as mutual self-interests lead it.

Pg 230      I want my lover to feel that they are getting the most possible from me while giving up the least possible.

Pg 247      Any relationship that isn’t based on mutual self-interests is bound to have poor consequences.

Pg 251      You are an individual, not part of a group.  Your relationship should be confined to those areas that are mutually beneficial.  And no relationship should have a lifetime contract implied in it.  You will decide for yourself what you’ll do with your life.  You can choose the indirect alternative of trying to please others by your actions.  Or you can choose the direct alternatives and live your life as you want to live it.  No one is holding you back.  Those who want to restrict you have no power over you; they rely upon your willingness to stay in the traps.  All you have to do is reject the traps and climb out of the boxes.  It’s entirely your decision to make.

Pg 267    You have to earn anything you want in life – and emotional security is no exception.  You earn it by living up to the standards that have meaning to you, finding other people who value those standards, and continuing to live up to those standards.  There is no final resting place-short of death-where you can stop having to earn what you want.

... in response to Going The Distance, posted by Nevergivingup on Nov 30, 2005

I think to some extent you can stack the odds in your favor if you don't fit the stereotype of men involved in this.  I married a woman who was only 2.5 years younger than myself.  I spoke pretty good Spanish, and had previously dated a Latin woman I met by chance while she was here on vacation, so I think that probably made my marriage more likely to survive (eight years so far).

Some guys are more interested in a hot piece of ass than they are a lasting marriage; some are socially inept and not capable of forming a lasting relationship with anyone.  Some women are into it more for bettering their position in life than to find a good man.  I think the success rate reflects these elements.

If you're not an idiot and are realistic with good judgment, then you probably stand a better chance than the "average" man involved in this.  I suspect the chances of a lasting marriage are better than they are with American women, but only if you don't fit the stereotypical MOH mold.

... in response to Going The Distance, posted by Nevergivingup on Nov 30, 2005

"the odds of marriage lasting more than a few years are very slim"

This statement is true in the USA with American Men marrying American women, especially if you further define "lasting" as both parties being happy and faithful.

Marital success is a challenge, at best, with any couple from any continent.  To increase your odds check out www.MarriageBuilders.com.

Just curious, how many of the people you talked to are ecstatically in love with their spouses (if they have spouses), with the feeling being mutual?  You might be surprised at the responses you get, when you ask people who "seem" happy if they are actually "in love" with their spouses... (not do the "love" them, but are they "in love" with them)...

As far as the naysayers go, there is a saying that "he that says something can not be done, should not interrupt person doing it." As you pursue happiness and success in life, there will always be people who will discourage you from living outside the box that they are in.

... in response to Re: Going The Distance, posted by Looking4Wife on Dec 1, 2005

Who says marriage is supposed to be a picnic??? Yes...it would be nice if it was.  Any type of relationship can be work, but it is up to both people being committed to fulfilling each other's emotional needs.  In a country where we seek instant gratification makes it hard to get two people committed to the same goals.

I agree with www.marriagebuilders.com for a more happy, successful marriage.  It still takes two people committed to the same goals (fulfilling each other's emotional needs).  Its not rocket science.  Its just social interaction.

... in response to Re: Going The Distance, posted by Looking4Wife on Dec 1, 2005

Are you happy with your marriage? I asked a lot of friends this question after all the complaining they do about their wives. Most, always say they love being married but the frown instead of smile makes me wonder. Words sometimes speak differently than the body language.

... in response to Going The Distance, posted by Nevergivingup on Nov 30, 2005


**A serious reply**...Just remember your handle name of Nevergivingup and you have your answer.  Most American men are content with what they have available here and never will experience what you will if you "never give up".

You are one of the few men that have considered searching for a foreign wife.  I am surprised that the people you mentioned who have traveled the world have such a negative outlook on marriages with foreigners.  From my viewpoint, foreign women have much more to offer in all the categories than most AW and as pointed out, domestic marriages have a high incidence of divorce.    

Don't let those few naysayers prevent you from your dreams.  If you take your time and do what is necessary to go the distance you will be glad that you made the decisions that led you to your future Latin wife.  Take it slow, learn the language and the customs, spend as much time there as possible, and look at the trips like a vacation rather than going on a "hunting expedition".  If you do you will enjoy the experience much more.

I would also recommend that you seriously consider living in a foreign country if that is possible.  It's not for everyone but man, the doors and opportunities in many areas are so wonderful.

... in response to Going The Distance, posted by Nevergivingup on Nov 30, 2005

Sure I know of marriages with latinas that have lasted more than 7 years but the odds are against you.

I would say that marrying a SA woman and bringing her here only slightly increases your chances of NOT getting a divorce.

If you are really worried about divorce I suggest that you do not bring your wife to the divorce capital of the world (the U.S.A.). Move to S.A.

... in response to Going The Distance, posted by Nevergivingup on Nov 30, 2005

We've been married a little more than 2 years and we are still very much in love. We'll see how we're doing after 5 more years.

... in response to Going The Distance, posted by Nevergivingup on Nov 30, 2005

For your friends that think "your crazy" to look to South America to find a bride...remind them that they "are crazy" to try and find someone here in the United States considering the divorce rate in this country is about 60%

... in response to Going The Distance, posted by Nevergivingup on Nov 30, 2005

The foreign bride concept gained significant popularity only about 10 years ago so of course it won't be easy finding someone who has been married to a Latina for more than 7 years. I would ask your friends if they have any data to back their claims of "slim chances" or are they simply pulling them out of their a$$.

... in response to Going The Distance, posted by Nevergivingup on Nov 30, 2005

Would you base your carreer on stats.  Meaning if lawyers have a high suicide rate, that your going to stop being a lawyer.

My point being, is don't base your future relationship on how other relationships worked out.  Just go into every relationship doing whatever it takes to make both of you happy.  If you don't think that she is happy, or yourself, then don't proceed further in the relationship.  However, if it feels right, then go for it.  But, expect to make sacrifices later on and hope that she plans to as well, because that's how a successful relationship lasts a long time.  You said in your post that you considered a successful relationship to last more than 7 years.  If you were to compare one day to seven years, it seems like a long time.  However, compare the rest of your life with seven years and it becomes a very short time.

In conclusion, make sure she is Mrs. Right and not Mrs. Right Now.  Follow your heart and follow hers.  Make sure she is willing to follow your heart and hers as well.

(Writing this makes me want to call my novia back again tonight, so good bye)

... in response to Re: Going The Distance, posted by Montrealer on Nov 30, 2005

I do not know of too many that have gone the distance because as Zack said, it is a realtivly new thing for so many guys to marray a latina from another country. I have a client that is American and is married to a woman from Equador, but they met in high school when she had been in the country for a short time and have been togehter 25 years. I think if you choose wisely and go for a woman of very traditional values and not the real hottie who is acustomed to be taken care of, you will have a better chance of success. Alsoi would sugest limiting the amount of lationo friends she makes when she gets here as they can only make things more difficult for your success byt undeminding many of the customes that you tru to teach her. As frustrated as i have been at times with the whole process and iritating latin customes, i would not go back to an AW for nothing. Maybe i will try a woman from the Philapines. I know several men that have long standing marriages with those women, but i am not as atracted to them as i am a latina

KB

... in response to Re: Going The Distance, posted by Montrealer on Nov 30, 2005

hey montrealer, how is she doing? things going smoothly? i'm sure you can't wait to get back there. how are the phone bills? thank goodness for calling cards, $3 for one hour to a cell in baq, more to a house phone. if you going back soon the months of december, jan are breezy so its a bit cooler. have fun.
JK

... in response to Re: Re: Going The Distance, posted by jediknight on Nov 30, 2005

Thanks for asking.  Things seem to be going great.  We have talked every night on the phone (except 2) since I've been back.  You would think that after such a short fling that the feelings might go as quickly as they came, but in fact I think that they have intensified.  We're able to talk on the phone about anything and usually last about 30 minutes or more.  The phone bills aren't going to be as bad as you would expect because I run everything through my business and I pay for blocks of time instead of by the minute.  So, I think a 30 minute call costs me about $2.15 CDN.  Not as cheap as calling cards, but much better than having to time your calls to match the time on the card.

Debit card update (since I took such a thrashing for that earlier).  She has still yet to use the card, but has asked if she can take a little money out to buy my christmas gift, which I said was no problem.  But she has decided not to, and she has found some more small time jobs so she can pick me up a bottle of cologne that I want.  Big improvement from my first wife.  "Honey, can I have a thousand dollars so I can buy you a gift?"  and all I got was a bottle of cologne and she got herself 2 new outfits.

I can't wait to get back there and share more wonderful moments with her and see if these feelings are 100% true between us.  Only 11 more days or so.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Going The Distance, posted by Montrealer on Nov 30, 2005

I wouldn't waste my time worrying about what others think.  People have the nasty habit of trying to impress their ideas and beliefs on others.

I say handle your business, and I wish you the best.  Attraction can begin with just a glance, but its up to you and her to keep that attraction going and growing (check out www.marriagebuilders.com).  The constant communication keeps that attraction alive along with the time you spend together. Its when the time between communication gets longer or you're just too busy to think about each other is when the attraction begins to fade.  That is what happens in most failed relationships.

In my opinion, you're doing everything right thus far.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Going The Distance, posted by EbonyPrince on Dec 1, 2005

Febuary is apparently a great month to go down there, but it may be difficult to find a room because of the Carnival.  Make some phone calls now and see what you can find.  I haven't been able to find a room yet for Febuary and am thinking about greasing some palms this trip to get a room anywhere.  Worse comes to worse, I may stay in Santa Marta and see if anybody else wants to split for a car service to Barranquilla daily for time with my novia and the Carnival.  Car service would probably cost about $100 - $150 daily, but split between 2 or 3 people would be affordable.

Keep me posted on your search and how the process is going with finding your future novia.

A tip that worked for me is you aren't feeling much of a connection after 2 emails, its time to stop writing and if she doesn't respond within about 4 days of sending an email (unless circumstances prevent), then she probably just isn't that into you.  This worked for me, but you can make your own decissions.  Again, keep me posted.

My private email is pphelp@bellnet.ca in case you want to ask anything outside the board.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Going The Distance, posted by EbonyPrince on Dec 1, 2005

I have never put much thought into what works or doesn't work for other people.  Every individual has different goals out of life and out of marriage.  I know what I want and I know what paths I am willing to take to get there as well as what paths I'm not willing to take.  If she accepts them and I accept hers, then great.  If not, and there is no room for compromise, then its to splitsville here we go.  The main thing I think is to be 100% honest and true to eachother, then with talking all problems will work themselves out.  And respect for eachother.

By the way, EbonyPrince, when you going down to Barranquilla.  Would be great to have a beer together.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Going The Distance, posted by Montrealer on Nov 30, 2005

so far so good on the debit card. have a great trip.
JK

... in response to Going The Distance, posted by Nevergivingup on Nov 30, 2005

Pick well and you should be OK. All SA rules end when you leave SA. The US is not conducive to marriage no matter who you marry. Any couple together for more than five years definitely have something special in this day and age. If you want a better shot at a lifelong marriage, move there.

... in response to Re: Going The Distance, posted by soltero on Nov 30, 2005

If she already has a kid, etc or other self interest incentive, chances are one will survive a marriage, at least until her incentive no longer exists to keep the man around.  Gringos have wishful thinking these women are doing this for him.  Excepting whatever incentive they have, most Colombian women would just as soon stay in Colombia close to their family.  Add to this all the distorted rights in favor of the woman in our the legal system, no wonder there are so many failures.  For all the hype, once here a gringo is at their mercy for the most part no different than with an AW.  

If one lives in Colombia, chances are the marriage will survive in the long term as the man is considered the head of the family.

... in response to Re: Going The Distance, posted by soltero on Nov 30, 2005

thanks everyone for your input. It has been very informative.