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[This message has been edited by Spanky]

The plan has always been for us both to return juntos to Colombia for the holidays. I can't believe the prices this time 'round--$1200+ each from NY. Last year i bought at the same time-in Oct-and paid $800 for my ticket. Taking off work is an even greater expense. I've had enough vacation time in the last two years. Know what i mean? I've made enough sacrafices. Anyway, as far as another trip to Colombia goes, i am thinking, why is it necessary i go this time? I've been 6 times. For now, I'm pat. She says she won't go without me.

Her family is expecting her. Her mother cried for weeks when she left for USA. They have never been separated. I am wondering why she can't travel alone now. She's a big girl-just turned 30. There are 3 reasons that could apply here:

1) She is afraid to leave thinking i somehow will forget her and won't allow her to return.
2) She can't chance forgoing the opportunity at that coveted green card.
3) She can't survive without my magic pene grande for several days.

What do you boys think? Soy todos los oídos.

... in response to She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa con ..., posted by Spanky on Oct 31, 2005

Spanky,
You need to be a man and follow through on your plan.  By breaking your plan, you are no longer the loving husband that you are supposed to be to your wife.  Imagine if your wife promised that when she moved to the US, she would love you and spoil you to her ability, and when she got there she just used you for a green card, and left you.  How would you feel?  About the same as she feels right now.

You need to grow a pair.

You live in the US, so how about using credit to pay for the added expense.  Maybe make the trip shorter than she wants so that you don't have to miss too much work, and by offering that idea to her, she will see that you are not breaking the plan, and she may feel more comfortable by staying and visiting with her family a little longer after you leave.

Grow a pair and be the man she met when you found her.

... in response to Grow a pair, posted by Montrealer on Nov 2, 2005

[This message has been edited by jediknight]

do not use credit to pay for your trips, start saving early or change your travel dates to get cheaper fares. the last thing you should do is to make an expensive trip even more expensive by going into debt and paying interest charges. one of the biggest problems the arises in any marriage involves money,the lack of it or how to manage it, don't make matters worse by going into debt.
JK

... in response to bad advice, posted by jediknight on Nov 2, 2005

:-)

... in response to bad advice, posted by jediknight on Nov 2, 2005

I don't seek to manage my financial portfolio here. You guys are missing the point.

... in response to Re: bad advice, posted by Spanky on Nov 2, 2005

[This message has been edited by jediknight]

will you enlighten us then? what is the point? you whine that airfares are expensive, you complain that you cannot afford to take time off, it appears that you need advice on how to manage your money. if money is not the issue then why not go? your wife wants you there, why not go with her if it will make her happy?  many women complain that men change after getting married, they are not as thoughful, considerate and attentive as before they got married. is it because she doen't trust you to be alone? does she think you will cheat on her? is the honeymoon over? is your wife afraid of what the family in colombia might think if she travels alone? do you not get along with her family? do they think that your wife made a mistake in marrying you? are you bored with colombia, her family, your wife? what is it?
JK

... in response to well then what is the point?, posted by jediknight on Nov 2, 2005

[This message has been edited by Spanky]

The point to the original post was to answer the question of why my wife can't fly solo. I gave 3 possible answers to this question: i'd forget her, she'll risk forgoing opportunities for her green card or my massive meat stick (-: Whether or not i can afford $2400 (or whatever) for 2 tickets has no bearing on this question. However, some here want to ask another question: why should she HAVE TO fly solo?  That is a good question. To that i say this: How much is enough?  I've spent nearly two years going back and forth to Colombia (6 excursions). I don't have to add up this cost for you gents. Once again, i own two businesses, and the business i forgo is a much bigger expense then any plane fare will ever be.  Moreover, you can't compare gringo/Latina marriages to a normal marriage. Senora Colombiana must understand this.  Of course a woman wants to be with her husband AND her family for Christmas. This is a given. However, we are not talking about driving across town to see her folks.  We are talking about a several day excursion. Plans must be made, schedules must be shuffled. I have employees to compensate. I have a 12 year old son and care giving for two weeks is a massive endeavor. She left her home, family, and friends to come here, but it is important that a foreigner realizes what is in store for her.  With me it is life in the fast lane baby! There are no siestas around the 'ol Spanky ranch. YOUR wife may need to realize this simple fact also, and if she doesn't then i'd say the hell with her.  As far as my wife is concerned she WILL fly solo, or wait for me until spring break.

... in response to  the point Senor..., posted by Spanky on Nov 2, 2005

so now you'll fly during spring break, that's good, you're making progress.
JK

... in response to She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa con ..., posted by Spanky on Oct 31, 2005

Well, you just better get used to it. These latinas are nothing but overgrown children .There culture is not independant. My 8 year old daughter is more mature then most latinas i have met. Just the culture difference. As far as the airfare goes, you got 2 things working against you in the cost of Jet Fuel and the fact that any Colombian that can affrord to travel, goes back for the month of december starting around the 15th, thus a lot of demand and seats are gonna go for market rate. Me, i always told my wife she better get used to going alone as i do not care to be in colombia for the holidays . She never has gone back since we were married. Good luck, but you are going to either be going everyyear, or she is gonna whine until you do

... in response to She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa con ..., posted by Spanky on Oct 31, 2005

Well, at first I was going to say "What's the big deal? My wife went for a visit to Colombia solo (and she even came back, thank you very much)." Money (or more specificly, the lack of it) was the reason that she went solo in our case. But, after reading some of the other posts, I caught something that I missed the first time, so I went back and re-read the orginal post. Ah, here it is. Quote: "The plan has always been..." That sure sounds like you promissed her that you would go with her.....and like Hoda said, this gives her the idea of "What other promisses will he break?" Sorry Spanky, I know $1200 is a lot of money (at least it certainly is around my place) but unless it will cause you to get your car repoed or your house forclosed (or evicted, if you're renting) you GOTTA spend it.

I do offer a travel tip that might save you some money....before you book NY to Colombia---check the prices for NY to Miami and then Miami to Colombia (as if it were two seperate trips).....no promisses, but sometimes becasue of a 'special' on one leg or the other, that works out cheaper (be sure though to allow yourself PLENTY of time to make the connection).

... in response to Re: She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa ..., posted by Michael B on Nov 1, 2005

[This message has been edited by Spanky]

I appreciate all the feedback here. Paying $1200 does blows donkey balls, but the greater expense is taking 2 weeks (or whatever) off work. I don't know. With the acception, of course, of our hero-kid hardon-(Caliahole)perhaps most of you guys are retired here. In any case, she's got to understand the source of origin of cashflow that got her to usa in the first place...dang it all! (-:  . Dinero no grow en los arboles-baby!

... in response to the $1200 is not the half of it Pal, posted by Spanky on Nov 1, 2005

You're in over your head.

You can't afford her so let her go before you lose everything.

I'd laugh but it's not funny.

I didn't follow rule number one it's obvious and now you are paying the price of attracting a woman with your money and not your charm.

... in response to the $1200 is not the half of it Pal, posted by Spanky on Nov 1, 2005

Don't have enough vacation time? Sure now, and that's a horse of a different color... Why, you could get fired if you left work without permission (wink, nudge). Then for sure you'd get both repoed AND evicted..surely she wouldn't want THAT to happen?....but in future, don't promise her things you can't and/or don't want to do.

... in response to She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa con ..., posted by Spanky on Oct 31, 2005

when we have the new drama queen....Spanky. hehehe!

... in response to Who needs Papi....., posted by Calipro on Nov 1, 2005

[This message has been edited by beenthere]

hehehe...

You know, I've been reading these forums for over 2 years now, and the more I read them, the more I can see that for many men here, the gringa wasn't the problem in their failed marriages/relationships (although they just LOVE to blame her)...

... in response to Re: Who needs Papi....., posted by beenthere on Nov 1, 2005

Good observation.

... in response to Re: Who needs Papi....., posted by beenthere on Nov 1, 2005


cuz your "over 2 years" of observation post would most definitely be one them....

THANKS MUCH....

... in response to Dayyum, I wish, that I could "BOLD&..., posted by Hoda on Nov 1, 2005

[This message has been edited by beenthere]

come again???

... in response to Re: Dayyum, I wish, that I could "B..., posted by beenthere on Nov 1, 2005

Oh, sorry Hoda, I understand now...I caught your post on the "other" forum..

have a great day!!

... in response to She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa con ..., posted by Spanky on Oct 31, 2005

You know, it always blows my mind when I read posts like this...Guys are tired of American women, are looking for something different, a woman who has traditional values, is loyal, loving, etc., etc.,...so our friend Spanky goes south, finds the woman of his dreams, but refuses to spend the holidays with her and her family??  Someone help me out here!!!

Spanky, if you were married to a gringa, she would expect you to spend Christmas with her family (if you promised such), or at least part of the holidays.  Man, you should be bending over backwards to keep your wife happy, after all, I assume you went searching for her, spent alot of time and money doing so, because you were tired of gringas.  Now that you have her, you could care less about her happiness...and then we're are supposed to feel sorry for you one of these days when you make a post on this forum, crying the blues because she left you for another guy??

Get your sh*t together Spanky!!!!!!!!

... in response to She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa con ..., posted by Spanky on Oct 31, 2005


in you and/or her "not" going! I wish, I could get away to spend the holidays with the family in Colombia! The food, the fun, the laughter...

I hope that the three reasons you've listed were meant to be "tongue in cheek." If not, they're just lame excuses for you to go back on your word/plans. Maybe, she is afraid, that this won't be the last promise/plan you back out of!

... in response to She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa con ..., posted by Spanky on Oct 31, 2005

[This message has been edited by jediknight]

don't be an a**hole, have some respect for your wife, your 3 reasons are stupid. if you don't fly down with her, after making plans to do so,it makes it seem like there is trouble in paradise. it's your fault for waiting until the last minute and not getting tickets early enough to make it affordable to travel, having traveled so many times should make you aware of the peak seasons,$1200 is normal for last minute purchases, i got christmas tickets in june for $600, so be a man an spend the money, make her happy and it's soy todo oidos.
JK

... in response to Re: She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa ..., posted by jediknight on Nov 1, 2005

thanks, for, the, advice,

... in response to thanks, for, the, advice,  senor, n/t, posted by Spanky on Nov 1, 2005

depending on where in colombia you are flying to, flying from jfk after dec 25 is a lot cheaper. one holiday season i was quoted $900 before christmas and $490 flying on dec 28th, i flew a few days after christmas and saved $400. remember that in colombia they celebrate until the first week of jan, dia de los reyes, so if you fly before new years until the 2nd week of jan you would still be fine. the point is to be flexible, the world won't end if you don't fly before the 25th, however, things could get worse for you and your marriage if in her mind you are the one holding her back from seeing her family.
JK

... in response to Re: thanks, for, the, advice,  senor, n/..., posted by jediknight on Nov 1, 2005

I am not holding her back senor. I just don't see the absolute need to accompany her.

... in response to Re: Re: thanks, for, the, advice,  senor..., posted by Spanky on Nov 1, 2005

rationalize it all you want but you said she won't go without you so in her mind you WILL be holding her back. find out why she won't go without you, this should be interesting.
JK

... in response to She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa con ..., posted by Spanky on Oct 31, 2005

"The plan has always been for us both to return juntos to Colombia for the holidays"

Sounds like you made a committment already. Probably the best to honor your committment :-)

... in response to She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa con ..., posted by Spanky on Oct 31, 2005

How about she loves you a great deal and doesn't want to be without you on the Holidays!

... in response to Re: She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa ..., posted by Keith NC on Oct 31, 2005

You can also add on that possibly she does not trust him to be home alone.

... in response to She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa con ..., posted by Spanky on Oct 31, 2005

She probably wants to spend the holidays with you and her family together.  She probably misses her family deeply and knows that her mother misses her even more, so she wants you with her during the joyous occasion of the holidays and the time to re-unite with her mother.

This is a great thing.  This means she cares about you more than her family cause she is willing to give up time to see them to spend the holidays with you.  But don't let her skip the holidays with her family, otherwise she may hold a resentment towards you about it in the future.  Spend the extra few bucks and go with her.  You will make her the happiest person in the world, and that's what a relationship is all about.  Making sacrifices to please the other person.  Think of the sacrifice she made to move to the US with you.  Giving up her family and friends, in hopes that you will be a good man and care for her.  Don't let her down.

... in response to She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa con ..., posted by Spanky on Oct 31, 2005

I think it might be number one with a small change. Alot of times these grils are
afraid you might find another girl and forget them. I would never want my wife
to go alone only because I would miss her too much.

... in response to Re: She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa ..., posted by Fuzzyone on Oct 31, 2005

"I would never want my wife
to go alone only because I would miss her too much"

This was the first thought that came to my mind when the question was asked :-)

... in response to She Wont Go a Colombo Solo.Que Pasa con ..., posted by Spanky on Oct 31, 2005

None of the above... :P

Just kidding :)