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[This message has been edited by Spanky]

There is this peculiar money thing going on with my wife. As any other gringo here with a stateside bride, I have a Colombian file full of receipts: "Visa", "Barranquilla Boda", "Western Union money transfers", "Dentista"...all of which matters not to her. I don't think she has any idea. I'm not sure how it translates, but i have this idea that my wife thinks i'm cheap.  

When she finally arrived last June, we received several belated gifts from my large family. One was a $200 Target gift card from a brother. My wife finally used it last night. She bought a wonderful bathroom decor set. For four full months she carried this thing around. It was HERS. I'm no expert but i thought that wedding gifts had a dual ownership. Maybe i'm wrong. One day last month we were in Targets. I bought a "MASH' 6th season" CD Set. She wanted me to use her gift card and give her the $35 in cash, but she then changed her mind. I don't think she wanted to sell shares to this coveted card.

My wife got a new summer wardrobe during her first month here. We are working on the fall line now. I give her money to go shopping with one sister-in-law. My wife doesn't ask for much, but she has expensive tastes. We just bought a new house this month. We looked at plenty. Her favorite was $50K more then the second most expensive house we viewed. She seems attracted to every set of the most expensive livingroom furniture in each store we shop even before she becomes aware of the prices.

I own two small businesses. My wife helps with each. She cleans and organizes the house very well. She still wants to get a job. The very expensive furniture set i bought worried her. She felt i spent too much.  Whatever i give her she doesn't see as hers. Maybe one day i'll show her my Colombia file so she can get an idea of what's been invested in our relationship.

This morning she filed her "Target" receipt into her own private slot. When i asked what that was she remarked: "Its mine; not yours-ok?".

... in response to Money Honey, posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005

Rein in your wife's crazy spending and quit letting her walk all over you.

I would be nice if the guys than have actually brought a woman here could help the others out by giving good advice instead just being a poster child of what NOT to do in a latin-american relationship.

... in response to Quit being a door matt......., posted by Calipro on Oct 17, 2005

[This message has been edited by Spanky]

Wow! what do we have here? the site HERO? (-: and look at clones he has like the one below clinging onto his every word. It looks like our hero, Caliahole, is now infatuated with Spanky! apparently he is not used to a little confrontation. Mommy did not love him, daddy often reprimanded him, and teacher historically scolded him. Tsk! tsk! Now it is I, Spanky who must guide young fry through this fine message board with literal aspects of spelling and comprehension. The post wasn't about my wife's "spending problems" at all (4 months to spend her $200 gift card) dear amigo, but rather that her financial outlook is a little peculiar. What someone needs to point out to Caliahole is that we are all grown men here. In life, there are problems. Every little mishap in a relationship is not necessarily a red flag for little fry to chime in with his TV makeover logic and point out the friggin' obvious.  Cierto hombres?

... in response to Re to: Superhero Caliahole, posted by Spanky on Oct 17, 2005

Hey I´m not trying to be confrontation.

You're the one calling me an a-hole and I wasn't even talking to. I understand that the things I said about giving women money has touched a nerve with you. But it's about time that you wise up.

I don't dislike you Spanky hell I don't even know you. But, you and I both know that any man that calls another man names over the internet he's a punk. It's like the guy flipping you off while he is driving away. He's a pussy plain and simple. But, I don't have to tell you that.

Personally I think your post was a cry for help and I'm here to give you a badly needed dose of tuff love brother.

Quit letting your old lady rule the roost. Get some backbone and quit letting her use you as a money bag.

Now get back there and straighten your old lady out. If you keep it up, the word will get out that we gringos are nothing but a bunch of pussy whipped bastards.

So just chill out Spanky. I can see you have problems and I don't want to kick you when you are down.

... in response to Quit being a door matt......., posted by Calipro on Oct 17, 2005

CP, you should write a How To book on Cali. seriously! call it:

CaliPro's Guide To Cali - Finding Love in Latin America!

Have sections on MOB, immigration, hotels, safety, agencies, shopping malls, restaurants, etc, etc. I will be happy to assist as long as you agree to dedicate the book to El Papi..hehe. I think the 2 gringos wrote a book - maybe something fresh on cali would be a hit and probably beats the agency business. but dont look at me for a sponsor - the trust fund ran dry..haha and I have had my fill of romance businesses

... in response to Money Honey, posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005

Purchase her a goat so that she can mow the lawn, a mule for transportation, a clothesline for a clothes dryer, a washboard to wash the clothes, , tiller for the garden, seeds to plant the garden, etc.

Beattledog

... in response to Re: Money Honey, posted by Beattledog on Oct 16, 2005

my ex-novia was happy when i brought home a chicken yet alas i was making good money back then and spoiled her but she is still a good kid. i think she married here - she refused to go back to cali

... in response to Money Honey, posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005

[This message has been edited by Calipro]

You didn't follow rule number one.

Did you?  DID YOU?

I knew it when you gave your pithy response (a-hole) to a post I made about giving women cash before you actually bed them.

The problem is you paid to much for it right from the very start and now you are trapped in a long lease in a high rent district.

There are two courses of action. Run like hell and let the courts come after you for the rest of the least payments until someone else leases it. Or get a second job and hang on for dear life until the lease expires. Anyway you look at it you are probably going to have to move.

Anyway we´re sorry we got to you to late. There is only so much us credit counslers can do.

OH I almost forgot! You could try and sublease.

Anybody here want to take over payments?

What does your wife look like? I hear Papi is in the market for a model type. hehehe!!

... in response to Let me guess........, posted by Calipro on Oct 16, 2005

Calia-hole assumes i married early i guess. He is babbling about some lease???  I don't know how he arrives at his facts, but isn't it great having a fellow member to lean on for advice in style, romance, and finance...friggin'Ricky Martin and Alan Greenspan all rolled into one?

I see you didn't learn from your buddy Papi's spelling errors either. Its "too" not "to". Also, try "counselors" vs "counslers".

... in response to Re: yeah...guess away , posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005

You're not the only one on this board that has woman problems.

We already determined that being a good speller was in no way an indicator of true intellegence (on another board).

And now we find out that being a good speller doesn't preclude you from having marital problems either. LOL !!!

OK! OK!

You could probably beat me in a game of scrabble. What a nerd....hehehe !!!!

... in response to Re: yeah...guess away , posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005

Spankster, dont go bringing me into your issues with CP. I feel that he has a good handle on the project - I dont know you except that you have an issue with your wife thinking you are cheap. cheers

... in response to Money Honey, posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005

My former Calena novia was very similar.  She had no conception of how to handle money. She spent until her money ran out.  Budgeting, saving, prioritizing were completely foreign to her.  I showed her comparison shopping (BEFORE buying) and she said she had never known about that.  None of her friends or family had ever compared the price of something in different stores in order to get the best bargain.  She also had no inkling of how her behavior and decisions imposed costs on me.  She seemed to be aware of or concerned with only herself.  Her lack of awareness of the monetary consequences of her decisions was a factor in my deciding to end our relationship.

My current noiva is as cost conscious as I am.  

"Whatever i give her she doesn't see as hers."

I think that is an EXCELLENT sign!  It means that she sees her ownership in your house and relationship coming fom the effort she puts into it and not from entitlement.  That is an outstanding attitude to have in a spouse!

... in response to Re: Money Honey, posted by Brazilophile on Oct 16, 2005

Iteresting observation. My sister-in-law is a great teacher in the ways of bargain shopping.

... in response to Re: Re: Money Honey, posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005


There you go: dump you wife and marry her sister.

JUST JOKING!!!!

Peace.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Money Honey, posted by Snoopy on Oct 16, 2005

Well, he started out in the right family, just needed to fine tune and make a move on the sister.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Money Honey, posted by CelticUrge on Oct 16, 2005

I'm talking about

... in response to Re: Money Honey, posted by Brazilophile on Oct 16, 2005

I have sort of the opposite problem most people seem to have.  My wife's too cheap!  She'll spend two hours comparison shopping to save $5.  I dread shopping with her.   I also caught her a few days ago saving gift wrapping paper to re-use.  But all in all, I prefer her the way she is to having a professional shopper for a wife.

Perhaps Calipro is right in a sense about the guy paying too much from the start.  I'm not saying this was Spanky's problem, but guys who use money to attract a woman are going to have problems.  That's what a lot of guys do when they want a hottie way out of their league after they find out the offer of a green card doesn't impress her.

Now how many of you guys out there reeading this are going to  admit to showing off photos of your car and house?  The next step after the woman yawns at the photos is to take her shopping.

... in response to Re: Re: Money Honey, posted by Patrick on Oct 16, 2005

I have never sent a picture of my car or anything else material to impress a girl, but there are a couple of exceptions to the rule.

When I was involved with the Venezuelan it used to drive me a little nuts because she would not take any of my money. I wasn't throwing it around, but I did want to send a couple of bucks for phone cards after I made a visit and things became serious. We had a "talk all you want" plan that was out of Venezuela and I brought down a prepaid VISA on my trip for her to use in order to help pay for it. The calling plan was 20 dollars a month and 6 months after we broke up it still had 40 dollars on it. She even sent me 100 dollars after the break up to pay for it.

After I began to get serious with her I did send a picture of where I live. I also sent a picture of my car at this time too. It was not to impress her, but just give her an idea of my everyday life. It was just kind of: "This is where I am when I call you and we talk" thingy. You know, give her a visual.

On the other hand, I have probably written to and called 100's of girls and have only sent money twice and I would do it again. For me, my limit is 100 dollars if I think I will really like the girl and really considering visiting her. I think it is the best test one can do. Let me say, I do not do this all the time, like I said, 2x without meeting first. Both times I really liked the girl. Once I said I would send 100 dollars. I sent $120. I checked it all out and it was legit. She needed a hundred and the extra 20 was to see what she did with it. I hoped she would be thankful for the extra and buy a phone card or two. I don't regret sending it at all and I got to see what was important to her.

The second time was very recent. I am talking to a girl and she calls me all the time on her dime. So much so, that I began thinking that I should send her a couple of bucks. I finally sent her a hundred bucks and I do not regret it. Besides that, I actually feel good about it. Quie honestly if a girl spends all her money calling me and things don't work out, I am going to feel bad. Now, if things don't work out when we meet, I am cool with it.

I am on the letter writting side of things and I think it is important in certain situations to let the girl know that you are serious about meeting her and this lets them know. "Rule #1" stuck in my mind at this point both times, and I seriously doubted doing this, but for us letter writters I think it is a good gauge. However; only after you have thought it all over and the end result is that it is something you want to do. The knowledge that you get about the girl afterwards is the reward. Do not expect anything except to learn about the girl in the experience and do it out of sincereity. It gives me a guage and that 100 dollars will save me what it costs in phone calls until I make the next trip and discover this in person. It also warrants whether or not she is worth the trip.

On a side note: I don't even mention where I live and talk about the things that I like. It kind of sucks that I have to watch this, but I do. They must think I am a totally boring guy with no life, but how can I say, "Yeah we went down to Hollywood last night" without these girls thinking glitz and glamour?

All in all, sending a couple of bucks is a good gauge for me if there is a possibility, because if she handles it well then I am not concerned about her jetting off with the guy in a Ferrari. If I was in another state I don't think I would do it because I can hold my own in about any other state, but SoCal is a totally different ballgame when it comes to cash.

Ok, I think I may have gotten off topic a few paragraphs ago.

V-Dude

... in response to Re: Re: Money Honey, posted by Patrick on Oct 16, 2005

Patrick:

I've posted several times that photos are a great asset for conversations and getting to know someone, but the content makes a huge difference. Family, friends, trip to the store are GOOD. Large house, expensive car, boat or yacht, and expensive assets in general BAD. That invites exactly the same situation we went south to avoid. If you show it some, not all, will attempt to extract it, and you deserve the scam that you invited. Like offering "bait" to the hungry wolves.

... in response to Re: Re: Money Honey, posted by Patrick on Oct 16, 2005


"...you guys out there reeading this are going to admit to showing off photos of your car..."

I show them a photo of my LOADED SUV doing a "wheely", and they say, "Ay nooo."

http://www.kens-bikeworld.co.uk/assets/images/autogen/a_donkey.jpg

... in response to Re: Re: Money Honey, posted by Patrick on Oct 16, 2005

I agree. Basing a relationship that relies on what you have instead of what you are inside is the beginning of the end.

... in response to good call!, posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005

LOL !!!

... in response to Re: Money Honey, posted by Brazilophile on Oct 16, 2005

That's an excellent quality if she sees those things as "theirs" and not "his" and still wants her own. That is a very important distinction.

... in response to Money Honey, posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005

"The thing that made me laugh out loud was the part where you would determine whether he should go back to Cali or head to the Phillipines. You sounded like a big-league scout telling a ball player if he had the stuff to go to the bigs or was destined for minor league ball in Modesto."

As CaliPro and Utopiacowboy pointed out below you wanted a big league Latina now you got to pay the price, she is the starting pitcher and expensive to keep otherwise plenty of other guys out there may offer a better price.

... in response to Re: Money Honey, posted by stefang on Oct 16, 2005

That's a good point. Some women can be bought. My wife comes from a upper-middle class family (if this term translates into Colombia). Her father owns a furniture store/factory. She didn't live in wealth, but she got what she needed-private schools, college. She is constantly comparing our prices to Colombia's saying, "no lo creo how much they want for this!" She is always pointing out how much less things are in Colombia. She is much more then that though. She values family and her religion. She love me. I have no worries.

... in response to Re: Re: Money Honey, posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005

Keep telling yourself that Spanky! hehehe!!

We all know you are in trouble. Not because of your whining posts about how much your wife spends but because you get pissed when guys start talking about fools that attract women with their money. LOL!!!

... in response to Money Honey, posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005

I think it is great! let her have some athority. After all you took her away from everything she had her whole life. Make her feel comfortable with the things what you have show her that they are also hers.

But make sure you share all aspects of the busines and finances with her so she knows this is no easy task and money doesn't grow trees.

The more you make her feel like she is a part of everything you have . The more she will share with you. If she doesn't then be open about how you feel. Ask her if she thinks you are cheap. Explain to her why you are sucessful.... for that reason exactly.

Good Luck!
And oh yeah! One more thing! Establish a little budget for this shopping spree! Don't want this to get outta hand.

Regards, Mike
www.yourlatinwife.com
mike@yourlatinwife.com

... in response to Re: Money Honey, posted by Gringo Loco on Oct 16, 2005

My wife screwd up her finances so much and it would cost me a lot of money in late fees, bank overdraft , ect. I bought her a used Jeep Cherokee and she complained for 2 months because i had the title in my name, that she wined so much i told her fine, i will put the car in your name, but it is now your responsability to handle everything about the car. Well, of course she did not factor in insurance, taxes, upkeep ect, that all these bills came due and she needed tires, oil changes and frion in the AC , well i said not my problem, its your car not mine, REMEMBER. She learned a hard and expensive lesson because she had to spend the money she worked for and was used to spending on crap, makeup, and toys that she had to spend it on the car. She now knows a little more the cost of things. I hated to get hardass with her, but some of these women do not understand anything else.

... in response to Re: Money Honey, posted by Gringo Loco on Oct 16, 2005

When my first novia came to live with me in Michigan a few years back, she arrived with a couple pairs of jeans and some sandals, which are not going to fly in Detroit in February.  I spent an absolute fortune on her between clothes, medical, entertainment, family in Colombia, etc. etc., etc.  I did not keep a file – I don’t want to know what I spent but I don’t regret it either - I just wish that there had been more chemistry. It was too easy - she had a visa and i pulled the trigger

... in response to Money Honey, posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005

"Its mine; not yours-ok?"

Sounds like she's got our national anthem down pat--and so soon.

... in response to Money Honey, posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005

Get used to it. My wife once told me her money was hers and my money was hers, Many Latin women i have talked to think this way. I do not accept that in my life anymore  but i suppose you need to accept it. Good Luck

... in response to Money Honey, posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005

Remember this.  

Whats yours is mine and what is mine is still mine.

That is how a women thinks.

... in response to Money Honey, posted by Spanky on Oct 16, 2005

Don't take this the wrong way, but that comes from not having had much before. She also probably had siblings or other kids in the household with which she had to share items or received hand-me-downs from. Now that she is in a place where she can have her own. She wants to. This may not lead to anything more. She may even insist that she have something that is hers that you don't touch, like a security box or something else with a lock on it or claim a bathroom or space in the house as hers alone. Again, this might just come from having had to share everything she had or not having enough money to consider anything personal. It can get extreme, and if it does, look out, because she might be setting you up for that magical date when she plans on bailing. Don't shoot the messenger, it's always a possibility. There are two ways that you can handle it. Let her have her way until she feels comfortable that you aren't going to take anything from her or set boundaries and explain that you are in it together and you will not accepther hoarding anything because you do not do that with her. Depending on what is causing her to act that way, this can be a very touchy thing for her.

... in response to Re: Money Honey, posted by soltero on Oct 16, 2005

I have experienced a little of the same problem with my new wife. I agree with Soltero that they have had to share with their family and have had very little of their own. For me, I want my wife to work so she can learn the value of a dollar and appreciate what I do more. There is nothing worse than a spoiled brat.

Typher

... in response to Re: Re: Money Honey, posted by typher on Oct 16, 2005

On the subject of money I'd have to give my wife an A. We view everythings as ours and have complete confidence in each other. She is now knowledgeable about interest rates and how they are calculated. It was funny because she thought I was paying too much interest on a home purchase. I had to pay it off quickly just to get her off my back.
In addition she is very aware of credit and credit scores. I am just in constant amazement on how she is handling the money issue. I truly have a gem, the proverbial Total Package!
The biggest purchase she has made so far was a Movado watch for my birthday and I'm not talking entry level.
What really impressed me about her was that she knew she had alot to learn and trusted me to lead her right direction. I have done everything to strengthen her trust and I spoil her with personal things likes back rubs, flowers, chocolates, and little side trips on the spur of the moment. Disney really made an impression.
Here is the clincher that many miss..My wife is very strong willed in her beliefs. When she was adamant about things that I knew weren't good for life in the US, I didn't cave in and go along with her. She now says she is glad that I had the backbone to stand up to her when she was thinking in Colombian when she first arrived. Now she makes good decisions and we rarely have a disagreement.
I had a plan, I let her know what she would have to learn concerning money. That was a non negotiable. Now she is the best! I'm truly blessed.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Money Honey, posted by JaySlo on Oct 16, 2005

If you had a plan it certainly shows you were thinking about more than just meeting someone. Congratluations on your success and finding someone who appreciates both yourself and your ability to plan ahead. Enjoy your time together.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Money Honey, posted by CelticUrge on Oct 16, 2005

Thank you. I have had my share of frogs along the way, so I really appreciate what I have.