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Ok guys, I decided a few days ago, after Ted correctly observed that lots of what was being said had nothing to do with latinas, we were just giving opinions on stuff like politics  something I do, and even worse in my mind playing gotcha if someone seemed to be doing something stupid instead of being helpful.
So, I think, lets get back to talking about Calenas.  I think the best way to do it is a series of posts  with real stories of how guys including myself have screwed up proceeding to some stories of how guys have done it right in my opinion.
I even stated a post on my ex girlfriend of a year ago, trying to explain why she was so hard to read, it was that she really was or was trying to be what she purported to be most of the time, but then there was a big part that did not fit, which eventually emerged to kill the deal.  I lost the post after 30 minutes, frustrated the hell out of me.  But, as Soltero has told me, do it first on word, then post.  You will never lose it plus you will have it there to use  as part of that book I think you need to write.  Thanks AMIGO, once again very good practical input.  And if someone who knows you well thinks you have a book in you, well, it makes you think, he MIGHT be right.  It’s ego inflating at least.
AND, I have a better idea of what to do right now. - STORIES IN PROGRESS – Things that are happening right now.  We don't know how it will turn out yet.  And we can ask questions mid-stream if we want, or more exciting, MAYBE WE CAN EVEN AFFECT THE OUTCOME if we come up with something useful.  REAL TIME BOY MEETS GIRL IN COLOMBIA.  SOUND INTERESTING?  If you say no, I have to do a HODA on you.  You are dead and stinking.
OK, the motivation.  Two guys show up here last night.  They will stay 10 days but one, my friend Charlie will do a side trip to Barranquilla for a few days to meet a woman in person he has been writing.  I posted about that and I thought it was probably a mittake to do,now IO do not.
OK, I have know Charlie about 5.5 years,  Ever since I first took my Calena ex back to San Jose and we started having get-togethers at my house every month or so with gringos, Colombiana wives, girlfriends, other friends, or anybody interested. Charlie’s story is unusual.  I will brief it with to me he is a guy for whom a high stress big $$ lifestyle did not work and did not make him happy so he has chosen what I will call an "under the radar" lifestyle that I think does make him happy.  But it is not as simple as with most of us.  I get on guys.  You can be here NEXT SATURDAY if you really wanted to.  Who me?  What about my job?  Hey, take a vacation, a leave of absence with out pay.  Quit, you could do that.  Money?  You probably waste more than you need to be here,  You don't have the money?  Borrow it.  You will get in debt?  Sell something.  In short, you don't HAVE TO wait..  Once you ADMIT that you might take a shorter term approach,  instead of waiting five years, or quitting next week, you might figure out how to be here in lets say, three months, IF you are SERIOUS.  If not, you are doing mind f- - ks.  The guy who lurks forever never gets his butt on a plane, always has a reason to not have what he wants now, and maybe dies never having lived his life.  LIFE IS NOW.  WE DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH TIME WE HAVE.  DON'T PUT OFF YOR HAPPINESS.
So Charlie, for whom it IS more difficult, lines up his ducks to get here.  Then he is thrilled.  We have been talking two weeks about him coming.  He is soaring,  It’s like somebody just let him out of jail, the self imposed jail of his chosen lifestyle, but a hard one to change.  Making it THAT MUCH MORE EXCITING to change, it seems Charlie is like a kid in a candy store and he hasn't even got to the candy store yet,  All he did was drive in from the airport in the rain last night and hang out  four hours with us last  night and he is thrilled to be here.  So, with that attitude, you think he will have a good time.  You better believe it.
He shows me the girl in Barranquilla on a web site.  They have been writing,  She writes a lot and is always anxious to hear from him.  She is very pretty and looks very sweet and sincere.  She is very anxious to meet him.  I changed my mind,  Go for it; it looks real good.  And I am a guy who knocks writing because I have seen a lot of disappointment after the meeting,  But I must admit a lot of success also.  Jimmy St Louis, I thought he was setting himself up for a fall.  Wrong!  They are thrilled with each other,  Seemingly happily married.  Congratulations Jimmy!  I have not posted much re you, because I am more Cali oriented, but I followed.  You did well guy.  Another friend of mine from San Jose, met a girl on the internet.  He came to Cali and met,  It worked, they  have been married five years.  They seem very happy.Charlie say ONCE you have DECIDED to come its OK to write,before that you are just jerking the girl around.A huge number o guys write and never come.In have heard stories of a girl getting mails from 100 guys and nobody ever coming here.Thats not an exclusive group.If she is even answering you she is probably new at it.
SO, I  think we will get some good Charlie stories.  He says I am so happy to just be here, even if nothing else happpens, How can he go wrong?
The other guy who came, Charlie’s friend, is even MORE interesting.  This just could be really AMAZING.  I will call him Ted.  I don't want to intrude to where he would be recognized, at least not without his permission.  He meets a girl last night that he had been mailing.  It looks real good.  It could be the one.  Just like that, it COULD be that simple.
Here’s a little of the story.  He has been here, several times before,  He just broke up with a girl from here.  He found the new girl on CALI VIP.  OK, I need to clear something re Cali VIP.  I have given Mike a bad time in the past, so I THINK  I should be allowed to say some good things without being called a shill.  Basically, I took someone else’s side of a story - a friend of  mine who had a dispute with Mike.  I do not know what the facts really are, but there are two sides to the story.  I took one, and gave Mike a bad time.
I did just what I criticize others for doing here.  I played gotcha with someone.  Any bad rumors, I spread them.  Negative story, I told it.  It really is not like me to do that, if you know me, but I did.  And of course Mike did not appreciate it and let me know he did not.  When my friend Jesse met him he liked him, and knowing me for years was
amazed we could fight over things.  It was so unlike me.  That perhaps was the beginning of me taking another look at my behavior.  When I heard Mike had found the woman he wanted to marry, exactly why he said he was doing this, I was truly happy for him, but didn't get around to apologizing and congratulating him until last week.  Mike was very gracious about it.  We will have lunch next week when he returns.  Only one objection Mike, the lunch is on me.  It’s always on you, and I am the one who owes you the lunch on this deal.
OK, I have said some good things on Cali Vip before.  Like I love the house,  I stayed there twenty-one days in 1999 and 2000.  And now Mike has fixed it up a lot.  He has added computers, refrigerators, and ac in every room.  So, at $100 a night, which was what I paid in 1999, it’s an even better deal.  AND, I thought that was good six years ago.  You need to remember some things on costs.  A hotel will charge you tax on the room rate.  I think you will pay 12%.  I think you will pay for laundry, phone calls, and probably get no or little food.  I tell people that when I merely rent them a room.  So, add to that the services of an agency, introductions, translations, and a good place to meet.  I loved it because if the girl was late or did not show I could be lying by the pool or working out in the gym.  I didn’t need to look at my watch in some office thinking, “Where is she?”  It's ust much more comfortable.    Even at my place agencies will send the girl over here to me guys.  Remember, you pay the taxi.  Be happy you didn't have to do the trip too.  Expect to pay 3,000 to 10,000 pesos EACH way depending on where she lives.  Don't be the cheap ass here.  They cannot afford to pay for a taxi.  OK, two other good things about Cali VIP.  My girl friend was very impressed with the on-line English lessons they provide for their girls.  As she was studying it, she kept saying, “Thank you Cali Vip.”
BUT, much more important, Ted, the guy I am telling you about, finds a girl on the Cali Vip exclusive gallery.  Now I am not a big write advocate, but if you are going to do that, it a REAL PLUS if you have seen 50 pictures of her.  At least you know what you are getting.  In this case the girl looks even better.  They are REALLY hitting it off,They both seem thrilled with each other.I am thinking it looks like there is a good chance here 2 people just found each other  It could be trhast simple.I hasve seen it before but not for awhile.It seems most guy around here are not looking for a wife anymore,but mybe just to play. She just showed up here this morning with the cutest little girl.  IT COULD BE that simple.
OK, I need to cook breakfast.  I am it on the weekends.
This is fun.  Reminds me how exited I was the first time I came here
I weill keep you posted on both of these guys,because I am exciterd for trhem.ASnd we can use somne good news.Sometimes we just don’t haerv the outcome.Guys quit posting after  they find the right woman.

Pete

... in response to REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STORIES, posted by Pete E on Sep 24, 2005

hey fellow searcher you sound terrific....the "right woman" ...ok man you got our attention.....by the way how are you and your calena doing?   i hear you're back with lupe?...give us the full story don't skip any delicious nuggets....best of luck to you maestro....

... in response to REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STORIES, posted by Pete E on Sep 24, 2005

Thanks Pete for attempting to steer the ship in the right direction. All of the bickering and B.S. surrounding politics, "playing gotcha", etc. on this forum is discouraging and alienating, IMHO. I have a fascinating "Story in Progress" that I would like to be sharing with this forum, but sometimes feel like I have nothing to gain from a forum that often illicits criticism and ridicule. Anyways, your Captain's call has inspired me and I'll hopefully have my personal "Real Story" on the forum shelves soon, for all to enjoy. I'm willing to follow your lead and encourage others to do the same.

... in response to Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STORIES, posted by Seeker on Sep 25, 2005

S,
I followed your story about the Medellin Girl.It sounds good to me.Sorry I did't respond much before but I followed the story,I am happy for you,hope its still goin well.I should have given you congratualations at the time after all your support of me,I was preoccupied.

Pete

... in response to Re: Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STORIES, posted by Calipro on Sep 25, 2005

He logged in on my computer,I guess I was in guest,not my
account,so it showed ass him.

Pete

... in response to Not  from Casi pro, posted by Pete E on Sep 25, 2005

Pete,

So, Calipro is staying at your place right now?  How is that going?

... in response to Re: Not  from Casi pro, posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

No,he bought an apartment.He used the computer sometime past,I guess I was in guest not my account so it posted as him,his cookie was logged in I guess.

Pete

... in response to Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STORIES, posted by Seeker on Sep 25, 2005

Seeker,

Please share your story.  I get criticized here too sometimes, and I know I still have a lot more to learn.  But, Pete is right.  We need to get back to the "basics".  If so, then I think we will all benefit.  So, please share your story.  Take care.

                            OkieMan

... in response to REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STORIES, posted by Pete E on Sep 24, 2005

Thanks for the kind words.

I did real well but writing and chatting so much before meeting my wife but that method does have its risks.

My wife is working now everyday and her english only gets better. Life is good.

believe it or not we are actually working on our suitcases for Peru at Christmas!

TE AMO PERU!!!!!!!!!

jim

... in response to Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STORIES, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Sep 25, 2005

Jimmy,
Good for you.Writing can work,as a starter.Plus From You and Red Clay I have a very high opinion of women from Peru.

Pete

... in response to Re: Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STORIES, posted by Pete E on Sep 25, 2005

Thanks Pete.

My wife and I had the pleasure of finally meeting Jimmy and his wife Labor Day weekend. It's always fun to meet other "MOB" couples to compare stories. We saw a video of their wedding in Peru, a KILLER ceremony on the beach with full catering, live band, etc., for only a couple thousand dollars if I remember right. Price even included a bunch of hotel rooms (14 was it?) for the night!

Thanks for the hospitality, Jim. We had a great time!

... in response to REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STORIES, posted by Pete E on Sep 24, 2005

Pete,

Thanks for sharing.  I wish those men the best. I just hope that both the men and the ladies are straight up with each other.  Even if it doesn't work out with those particular women, at least they will have had a shot at it, and then move on to someone else.  What I hated about my deal is I thought the girl was being straight with me-- but she wasn't!!   So, next time, I will just be more careful.  Maybe the next one won't lie to me.

                             OkieMan

... in response to Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STORIES, posted by OkieMan on Sep 24, 2005

Pete is correct
YOU DO NOT GET IT OKIE !

All these woman lie to some extent  be it just not wanting a confrontation. There is no logic in there thinking as we are all taught to believe in. They are not like AW in there thought patterns and being STRAIT UP  is something there are TAUGHT BY THERE MOTHERS, not to do, never give away your angle in latin life or it might get you killed, or screwed. YOU NEED TO FORGET WESTERN LOGIC HERE OKIE AND GO WITH PLAYER LOGIC, THEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THEM

... in response to Re: Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STORIES, posted by Kiltboy1 on Sep 25, 2005

Kiltboy 1,

So, based on what you are saying there is not way in hell that a woman is going to tell me straight out, so I might as well forget it?  Well, isn't that comforting!!  It's like I've gone from fat into the fire!  I thought we were supposed to be sick of the head games the AW were playing. So, what is this now, I have to start acting like a Colombian jerk-- the one she is supposed to be sick of?  I know I have a lot to learn, but I will not ever play those games.  I'll quit going to latina land first!!  However, something tells me that there is some "middle ground" that I can find, and still better understand the latina.  Utimately, we have to make our own way, so that's what I will do.  But, to wind this up, I am not so convinced that at the end of the day, these latinas are really that fed up with "Hector".  Who knows, maybe they like getting treated like crap?  I certainly don't claim to know.

                               OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STO..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

Nice guys will always complain that chicks often go for bad boys but there's one thing about bad boys. They usually know what they want and go after it. That kid of assertiveness is appealing to a woman and you don't have to be a convicted felon to have it.

Also some of the Latinas are logical and straight-up. My wife is a chemical engineer and she thinks like a man. Any issue is simply a problem to be solved so let's solve it and get on with it is her attitude.

... in response to Women do have a thing for bad boys, posted by utopiacowboy on Sep 25, 2005

UC,

Well, with your wife's training and background that makes sense. As usual, I can see how you are so lucky!  But, the "bad boy" crap is just that!  They want to go out on Saturday night and drop their pants for him.  But, when he knocks them up and knocks them around, they go home crying to Mommy!  That always made me want to puke!!  My Dad was and still is a strong natured man.  My mother was a stay at home Mom.  I came from a very conservative, traditional family.  Now, I will admit that in many ways, I don't want a woman like my Mom.  I love her to death, but I don't want a woman just like her.  But, I greatly admire my parents for working out their many differences for well over 50 years of marriage.  So, I know what it means to be the leader-- to wear the pants in the family.  One the one hand, I have been married twice, so I have the experience. It's just that the marriages did not work out, so I guess my track record isn't so good.   One thing is for sure,  I  don't want to put up the head games, etc.  So, I will continue my search and get on with my life.

                         OkieMan

... in response to Re: Women do have a thing for bad boys, posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

Don't go for the women that like the bad boy type. They tend to have low self esteem and make horrible choices as partners so don't even think you are getting shafted because these women are not interested in you, they just aren't worth it.

... in response to Re: Re: Women do have a thing for bad bo..., posted by stefang on Sep 25, 2005

Yep, I totally agree.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STO..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

Okie

It is what they now and respect. Sorry if it burst your bubble of a latina, but you need to treat them with respect, but let it be known 100% who the boss is or they will destroy you. Sorry, just the way there culture is and the way they are taught. In some ways an AW is much more suited to be a wife to us from a logical standpoint. Nobody looks for a latin wife for intelegent conversation and logic, they look for  afection and someone to need them.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI..., posted by Kiltboy1 on Sep 25, 2005

Kiltboy !,

I have no problem being the "in charge" type of guy. I am also a very sentimental, romantic type guy.  But, this "reading the signals" is where I drop the ball.  From that stand point, most women are like that in one way or the other.  But, I still don't like it.  But, I guess that's women for you, and there's no changing them.  So, maybe, I should just adopt the "Caveman" approach that you or someone said on the board.  Just drag them by the hair of the head into the cave, and show them who's boss!! ha
Boy, if the women's libbers could only hear me now! ha

                                 OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STO..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

From what I have heard from others and experienced myself Latinas want an edge to you. Even my ex fiance seemed to want to cause some fights to spice up the relationship. I didn't have that type of personality I am a slow burner that would just get more pi$$ed off as I went but she could turn it on an off like a faucet. everything is stereotyping in one form or another but I think they want Hector with an American paycheck.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI..., posted by stefang on Sep 25, 2005

Stefang,

You could be right; sort of like that stupid show- Desperate Housewives.  Eva Langoria can't keep her pants pulled up, but her character sure likes the lifestyle that her husband gives her.  I wouldn't have a woman like that!
Fortunately, I think there are many women who are good and honest and decent.  It just seems difficult to meet them.  As far as the temperment goes; when I was young, I had a bad temper. I never hit my wife, but I had a short fuse. As I have gotten older, I am much more patient.

                                     OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME ..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

She is hot. I'd like to see her TV husband give it to her right in her chiquito.

... in response to Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STORIES, posted by OkieMan on Sep 24, 2005

My opinion,she changed  her mind.The only non strait thing was she didn't tell you why.
I know more,I hesitate to be brutal.But you don't
get it so  I will send you a private mail.
In an hour or so,busy bright now.

Pete

... in response to Re: REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STORIES, posted by OkieMan on Sep 24, 2005

"Maybe the next one won't lie to me."

In what way did she lie to you? When did you realize you were being lied to? How are you going to be more careful the next time? Are you planning on returning to Cali? Have you been looking into other Colombian cities or other Central or South American countries? When do you plan on taking your next trip? Could you elaborate more on your general perceptions of the Colombians you encountered in general and the culture? How did your initial meeting with your lady go? Did she see you off when you left? Did you get any kind of indication that she wasn't being honest with you? If so, could you share that with us? Have you been corresponding with anymore Latinas since you got back home? If you have, have you felt like any of them are lying to you as well? Do you feel that you can gauge someone's personality through and email? What was your initial feeling about her level of honesty when you first met? Did you think she was a liar before you returned home? The next time you go, do you plan to stick with one or do you plan to meet more? How is your spanish coming? Are you able to find time practicing the language? Do you know any hispanic people that you can practice conversing with? Are all of the questions that you are asking helping you to get a clear picture on how you want to proceed in this venture?

... in response to Just Curious..., posted by soltero on Sep 24, 2005

Soltero,

Boy, that is a long list of questions! You're not a police interrogator are you?  Just kidding.  I will try to give you a little insight to what I am referring to.  The lady I was referring to was a lady that I started corresponding with via emails through Latin Internet last January.  After a short while, I thought I sensed that this lady was a very special lady.  So, we corresponded through May.  I had been planning a trip to Cali, since I had enjoyed myself there one time before.  So, as I made my plans, I let her know when I would arrive.  She arranged to meet me at the airport.  An interpretor was there to help us, since I do not speak much spanish.  After visiting for a good while, we made plans to spend my time in Cali together.  Actually, we had talked about that for quite some time when we corresponded; but as you know, it's different than meeting someone in person.  Well, she was very beautiful to me.  She was 35, with 1 grown son.  I was staying at Pete's apartment for the 9-10 days I was there.  The lady and I spent a lot of time together, and she even gave me a birthday party at her apartment.  She introduced me to her sister and her family.  All in all, a great time.  The problems started after I got back home, and she was not emailing me for several days.  I did several things to follow up,  I made calls and sent emails; but no answer for over a week.  Then, when I did get in touch with her, she claimed that her mother was sick. In fact, she told me her mother was sick while I was in Cali, and supposedly after I came home, the old lady went into the hospital.   I probably will never know if that is true or not, but naturally I showed a lot of concern for her mother.  Through more emails and calls,  we had agreed to continue to stay in touch via emails,and I also made more phone calls. After all, I thought that this lady and I were in a "relationship". The last phone call was a 3 way call with an the same lady interpretor I had used in Cali.  But, then everything stopped, and later  the intrepretor told me that she had talked to this lady  and she seemed to have changed; and she was no longer interested.  Pete had also become a little involved because he and his girlfriend had met the lady I was with when I brought her Pete's place.  This is way too much a "soap opera" for me.  My point was that if the lady had not been truly interested, all she had to do was say so.  I had asked her repeatedly how she felt.  I did not want to simply assume anything. If she had bowed out, I would have had time to see other ladies.  However, I thought that there was something really special about this girl, so I only saw her.  BIG MISTAKE!  Still, I am not the first guy this has happened to and I won't be the last.  But, my bigger concern is trying to learn from my mistakes; and also learn the language and the culture.  That will take time, and I understand it would be better if I was fluent in spanish.  But, you don't just snap your fingers at make that happen.  And yes, I am trying to check out other cities as well; with Medellin being on the top of my list.  But, I haven't written off Cali either.  However, next time, I will focus more on meeting several ladies, and trying to see how it goes.   Based on what I have read on the board, I believe you have a lot of experience travelling to Colombia, and maybe other Latin American countries.   How do you handle it?  I am really attracted to the ladies, but I certainly don't understand the culture yet; but I am working on it.  That's the best I can do at this time.

                           OkieMan

... in response to Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 24, 2005

You know, Okie, the whole episode is still very strange to me. Was she evaluating you the whole time you were togther and then afterwards decided that you weren't right for her? It still seems to me that she did several things that would lead me to believe she cared about you such as introducing you to her family and throwing you a birthday party. I am also wondering if something happened with her mother that made her reevaluate whether she could leave Colombia. MAybe she realized that her mother did not have much time left and so she had better not pursue the relationship with you. There are a lot of unanswered questions. She really doesn't sound like the type to play you and I am not sure that you were, in fact, played. I have to agree that this is one time when it would have been good to be able to speak her language.

I also hope that if you encounter someone else who turns out to be worthy of your trust, you respond to her without this baggage.

... in response to Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by utopiacowboy on Sep 24, 2005

I agree UCB

In my experiance with latin women the american words of affection do not do anything to stir emotions in theses ladies. I LOVE YOU  or  I NEED YOU or I MISS YOU, just does not cut it with them and in that respect , they may become bored with the man and crave the attention and romance that a latin man, or a man that knows how to put his words of admiration into her language, only can give her. One thing i have learned in all my mistakes and acomplishments with these women is that  THEY GET BORED VERY EASY.So you always need to be crative in how you shower them with affection  because a latin man will always win if you become complacent. Just like a post a week or so ago stated that his girlfriend went to a soccer game and saw many of the agency women that had gringo boyfriends, with a latin man as well--BECAUSE HE HAS GOT GAME AND A REALLY SLICK TOUNGE TO CHARM THE PANTS OFF OF THEM .

Learning the basic words of affection will get you miles with them. I cannot tell you some of the ABSOLUTE LOSERES  i have run into in colombia that just could not understand why these women were not falling at his feet. HELOOOOOOOOOOOO

NO GAME PERIOD !
BAD HYGENE !
BAD HAIRCUT !
BAD CLOTHES !( DRESS ITALIAN)hint hint

At least armed with some wordsl of affection and style, you have got a better then average of meeting a great woman and more important---KEEPING HER.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by Kiltboy1 on Sep 25, 2005

Kiltboy 1,

Ok, now we are getting to some interesting stuff.  You mentioned that the girls don't relate to the words we us; the I love you, etc.  If not, then what are the words? Please tell me the spanish and the english translation.  We will probably never understand why the girls do what they do; but I find it interesting that the latinas want the "silver tongued devil", so to speak; but if the guy literally talks her out of her pants, gets her pregnant and then dumps her- what has she got?  Supposedly, they are complaining about that kind of crap, but they are falling for it again, and again?  Is that it?  That is pure stupid!!  Now, I realize that all women are not alike, so I don't want to lump all of them together.  I would be willing to bet that the biggest problem with the latinas is the same problem with teenage and 20 something american girls-- they are young and immature.  Big shock there, huh?  I am more interested in what a 30 year old lady with a great body, and a great heart thinks.  But, if the 30 year old is still dropping her pants for the line of bull that "Hector" is putting out, then she is really stupid.  If she is not, then she is smarter, but mainly lonelier.  Well, here I come to the rescue, Baby!! ha  At least that's the plan.  So, getting back to your post, what "sweet words" can I use on the ladies?  I know it would be better if I were fluent in spanish, but if I have a few choice words or phrases, maybe it would help. As far as the personal hygiene, I got that covered.  I'm no Brad Pitt, but I am not some pig either.  I always dress well for the ladies, smell good, etc.  Still, I would like to "get inside the ladies' heads".  But, I find it funny and interesting also-  I don't think the latinas are concerned at all about getting into our heads.  I guess we must be fairly easy to figure out.  With us the challenge is to think with our big head, and not with our little head! ha

                             OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

Okie

Remeber this only my experiances as i see these women in a more skeptical light then many idealist here on the board, so as they say in advertising "INVIDIUAL RESULTS MAY VARY"  and i have no trouble meeting or dating latin woman and i usually get the  one i am after . I am not sure why as i am average looking but i am just as "SLICK TOUNGED"  as my latin counterparts when it comes to expressing  words of affection.I only learned this from observing the many ladies behavior that i have met and since i am in sales, i ask a tremendous amount of questions  of every woman i speak with  be it in person, the internet, phone, i really ask lot of hardass questions  but at the same time complement them as well . Larry King with the softball approach i am not.I know how to touch there hand and at the same time tell them they better not play me because i am savey to that game and also how beautiful they are in the same sentence. Now maybe it is more illusion then reality, but most latin  woman want illusion in there life and the reason they will maybe be sexual with a latin man is because they really only live for the moment because many of them do not believe they have much of a future, which is sad .I have said this before that if you really want to be successful and KEEP  your woman, learn to tell her what she wants to hear. no woman want to hear english words they do not understand . contact me by email okie and i will give you the words to learn and know.Oh, the 30 + year old women are even more lonely, even the really hot ones. to me better then the younger ones.

... in response to Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by utopiacowboy on Sep 24, 2005

Utopiacowboy,

Yes, the whole episode was very strange indeed.  In fact, I am left to guess about much of it.  While I was in Cali, she never gave me any indication that she was "playing" me, or that she was that type of girl.  However, since I repeatedly asked her how she felt, she had many opportunities while I was writing to her, and certainly after we met to just bow out.  Then I could have moved on and looked for someone else.  I have purposely not jumped right back in- in order to let go of the emotional baggage concerning this failed attempt.  Naturally, it would have been better if I could speak her language, but I hired the interpretor to help with that.  If she did not want to continue, all she had to do was say adios.  Now, I consider myself a practical man, and so I feel like I approached it in a common sense manner.  However, I would say that she did not; why I don't  know.  And remember, she was 35, she turned 36 in July, so she is no kid!  Oh well, just a lesson learned I guess, but one that I don't want to repeat!

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

[This message has been edited by stefang]

Deleted

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

Okie maybe  you should spread your horizons a little and look into Asian women as well. Go to the Asian board and ask questions. Before you know it, you will probably get some introductions from some of the guys about their wives sisters or cousins looking for a possible future husband.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by stefang on Sep 25, 2005

Stefang,

Thanks for your suggestion, but I am not attracted to Asian ladies.  However, I do understand that they often make great wives.  Still, each man must find where he will feel the most comfortable.  So, how is you search going?  I can't remember if you are married or not?  Take care.

                                   OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

Damm, I am. I was corresponding with one for a while - she was 40 and had the face and body of a school girl. The only problem was we had to correspond in English and her English did not go any further than "I am fine. How are you?". That is too much of a communication gap for a real relationship. I have to be able to joke and fool around with a woman and I couldn't do that with her so what was left? As horny as I am, even I can't have sex 24x7.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

I am starting over I almost married a Brazilian. Now I am chatting with a Pinay that I was given an address from the Asian board.

I found a lot of things I didn't like about Latinas but they are very beautiful. The problem is beauty does not make a long lasting relationship if the personality is horrible. I am just a long term thinker compared to the day to day life, so my personality does not match the live for today model of most Latin women.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

You repeatedly asked her how she felt?
I don't know, wouldn't you find that annoying?

Also, these are not American women, they are not going to just come out and say "get lost". As in Asian culture, there is an aversion to the word no.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by Avispa on Sep 25, 2005

Avispa,

I understand what you are saying.  What I was trying to say, was that I thought it only fair that I would try to "take her temperature" over a period of time?  In these situations, it would be normal that people can change their mind; that maybe one or both people discover it's not a good fit for them.  For me, that was not the problem.  She waited until I had already come home, and then seeminly dodged me.  She never admitted to me the truth.  Finally, after I had already given up, she told the interpretor she was no longer interested; but that was about a month after I came home. That is lousy, I don't care how you slice it.  The truth is still the truth.  I could handle her changing her mind. I just thought she was less than truthful, and her timing stunk!!  But, now I am trying to learn from my past mistakes.  So, here I am again,attempting to learn more.  That's why I am asking certain questions on this board.  I think that is why all of us are sharing.  We are stronger when we "join together", so to speak. No man is an island, and all of that stuff.

                          OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

Okie,

"The truth is still the truth." it's NOT always the case.  Even in US, women rarely tell a guy they're not interest, they usually give you BIG Warning sign(no more calls/email or less frequent, ignoring your calls/email, giving harmless excuse, etc.,)  How many times have you heard "i'm busy, I've work, i'm doing my hair, etc.,"..ONLY when you corner them, do they come out and tell you "i'm not interested"..  PS.  Try not to corner them.  

I learn this lesson in my 2nd yr in college.  I liked this girl, she was nice to me even gave me her number(which i took as a good sign).  Well i called and called(telephone stalker! LOL!) for about a week, but she never pickup EVEN after me leaving messages.  Finally, her roomate came out and said, "she NOT interested in you, pls stop calling!".. She did me a favor, taught me to LEARN to read the signals, BEFORE it gets to a confrontational point.  This was in US.

In COL, they're even LESS willing to be direct/confrontational.  Just like Kenny Roger's song, you gotta know "when to hold'em and when to fold'em"..  That's always have plan b, c, & d ready.  You DONT need to ask if they're having a good time, or if they like you, etc., because they're action will tell you.  Especially, in COL where being nice or spending time with you DOES NOT mean they INTO YOU.  Granted it's good sign, but you have to look for other signs.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by caslug on Sep 25, 2005

Caslug,

You are right, and that is one reason why I grew tired of dating when I was in my 20's.  That's not to say I didn't date, because I did, and dated alot.  I just got tired of the games. So, when I got married the first time at age 26, I thought I was taken care of-- and we had a good marriage for several years.  But, then the weird stuff and her affair started; and it went down hill from there.  Now, I know I am not a perfect man; but then again, no one is.  Overall, I was a good husband.  But, getting back to the signals; keep in mind, I have been out of the dating game for a long time.   Then you put in the language and cultural differences-- well, we all know that there can be many "missed signals".  I am still trying to learn more spanish, and more about the latina culture.  But, by no means is this a stroll in the park. I know that you know that.  Well, life goes on, and I will still keep after it.  Take care.

                             OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

[This message has been edited by beenthere]

Too many gringos make the mistake of just concentrating on one woman on their virgin trips to Colombia...by virgin trips I mean first or second trip.  Hell, I've made many, many trips to Colombia over the years, and unless I have a steady girl, I NEVER zero in on just one.  Experience as many woman as you can...don't be in a rush, take your time...this is how you learn about the woman.

Secondly, you Okieman, and others are too hung up on "how a latina thinks", like it some kind of mystery...these woman are not that much different than any other women.  What you and others need to do is concentrate on YOURSELVES, and forget about what the latina thinks!!!  Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself "why would any woman be interested in me??"  How is your self-esteem??  Your etiquette??  Your hygiene?? Your teeth??  Do you smell good??  You do you dress??  Okieman, I remember before your trip to Colombia you were wanting to wear a Hawaiian shirt...how did you dress while in Colombia??
Of course Spanish is crucial...what are you doing to learn the language??  Are you an interesting person?? or are you boring??  How is your sense of humor??
Quit worrying about the latinas and work on improving yourself...If you have alot to offer, you SHOULD have no problem...also, set your sights a little lower...as TEO posted, if you are a 5, you better not try for a 7...better shoot lower...

And just because you are a gringo, don't buy the bulls&*t that any Colombiana wants you...far from it.  So many Colombianas are disilusioned with the quality of gringo that joins an agency looking for a woman, this is the reason for the high number of no-shows in the agency.  In fact, many agency women think that many of the gringos are losers, who can't get a woman in the US, thus they go to Colombia...sorry these are their words not mine...

So Okieman, start looking at yourself TODAY, and determine what you can improve on to make yourself more desireable to a woman.

... in response to Ok, a little advice since you asked...-, posted by beenthere on Sep 25, 2005

Beenthere,

You make some excellent points.  It is apparant that you have travelled to Colombia more times than I.  I commend you on that.  I noticed on your profile, that you are basically a "man of mystery".  Care to share anything else about yourself?  You age, where you live, etc?   Do you desire getting married, or are you currently married.  I am asking that because some guys on this board don't wish to get married, and I just want to make it clear that I do.  So, my goals may or may not be the same as yours.  You make very valid points about looking at one's self, but just keep in mind when you said the latinas are no different then any other women-- those are not comforting thoughts!!
Most of us, including myself would not be on this board, if we had not had some, if not many bad experiences with American women.  I have been twice divorced.  I think that is terrible, and I take responsibility for my part in those failed marriages.  But,my 2 wives both were the ones wanting out of the marriage; and it wasn't because I cheated on them, beat them, etc. In fact, my first wife was cheating on me, with 3 little boys at home!!  By the way, I got custody of my sons, and finished raising them.  There's not too many cases of that today.  Just remember that as far as most of us are concerned, the feminist movement has ruined the "marriage pool" of american women.  I must further confess that I wish things could go back to the way they were years ago-- again the "traditional marriage" concept.  After all, that is what many guys on this board claim they want.  Well, I may never get "Ozzie and Harriet", but I certainly like the concept.  The only difference is, this time around, I want her to look like Selma Hayek and screw me bow legged!! ha  But, seriously, I am still learning, and I can probably make it work.  But, in my mind, this process shouldn't be so complicated.  I am more than willing to do my part, but I don't like being played the fool either.  So, for now, I am still trying to learn more spanish, work on myself, like a good little boy, etc.  The question is-- will the latinas really give a flip?

                          OkieMan

... in response to Re: Ok, a little advice since you asked...., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

[This message has been edited by beenthere]

I'm not going to reveal too much about myself, since I have been plagued by a troll impersonating me on other boards for a long time...but many people on this board know me and my experiences...Yes, I do want to get married, but I don't make that a priority in my trips.  I just try to meet as many woman as I can, as well as, keeping in touch with some of the girls I have met in the past and have had chemistry with.  Right now I have a girl that I think I could marry, but we'll see. In the meantime I'm not burning any bridges with some other girls who are special to me, since it's too early.

Regarding American women...I think guys make a big mistake when they go to Colombia and start bashing American women in front of the Colombianas.  Many Colombian women have told me that they just HATE to hear it, and it makes the men look like bitter losers (their words not mine)...I personally don't have a huge problem with American women, and still date some here from time to time.  I know many American men who have great wives, who aren't feminist...Yes American women can present some problems, but so can some of these Latinas...we need to be realistic..

But in a nutshell when I say Colombian women aren't that much different than AW I mean, they all want a man they can adore, the guy they dreamnt about when they were children.  Someone who can provide for them, who'll be loyal, who is attractive, and a good lover, who will be a good father to their children, who is intelligent, and is a good communicator...I think as a whole these are the same things all women want in a man, not matter the country.  Now, look at the things I just listed, and ask yourself, am I all of these things to this woman (your latin woman)??  It's no mystery what these women want...Unfortunately, guys get scammed and deceived for many reasons...they are in too much of a hurry to get married (desperate), or, they can't communicate (in english and in spanish), or they don't make enough trips to Colombia to expose themselves to the maximum number of women (like anything else, it's a numbers game)...plus many more...

Okieman, this latin romance thing isn't for everyone...you might be one of the ones that it is NOT for...only you can decide.  You had bettter be financially able to make MANY trips down there to find the right one...it could take years...and you better make a HUGE effort to learn spanish...Are you ready to do these things??  If not, maybe you should re-evaluate your options here in the States...

Good Luck!!

... in response to Re: Re: Ok, a little advice since you as..., posted by beenthere on Sep 25, 2005

See here O-Man, this wraps it up in a nutshell...

"Yes, I do want to get married, but I don't make that a priority in my trips."

Make it a Vacation.....

... in response to Re: Re: Ok, a little advice since you as..., posted by beenthere on Sep 25, 2005

Beenthere,

I appreciate your comments.  Thanks for the tips, and I must say that I have really appreciated the help that you and many of the posters on the board have given to me, especially over the last few days.  I think that I have many of the qualities that these ladies say they want.  I am handling this situation in the best way I can.  The rest will just take time to find out.  That's all any of us can do. Thanks again for your comments and advise.

                         OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: Ok, a little advice since you as..., posted by beenthere on Sep 25, 2005

"AW are such bitches. Say, did I ever tell you about the time....."

They don't want to hear that crap (even if in many [but not all] cases it's true).

... in response to I agree, that can be a BIG mistake, posted by Michael B on Sep 25, 2005

Michael B,

You are right, and I try to limit any of my comments about past relationships.  Besides, I don't want to dwell on the past; but naturally we do have to discuss certain things that might require mentioning the former spouse or significant other. I will say that I certainly want to find out as much as I can about what types of relationships the latinas have been in.  I can only hope that the lady will be forthcoming about that, so I guess this all takes a delicate balancing act.  Like the other poster that quoted the old Kenny Rogers song, The Gambler
"You got to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em."  Well, that the trick isn't it?  Take care.

                              OkieMan

... in response to Ok, a little advice since you asked...-, posted by beenthere on Sep 25, 2005

If Beenthere doesn't qualify as an expert, he is as close as it comes to one. He has given me some excellent advice and it always pans out. I would like to add a few more specifics to his very sage general advice that might help. Especially for Okie's personality type. Take this as constructive criticism as I hope that you find what you are looking for. You are trying to analyze a force of nature which is a waste of time. If the way a Latina thinks is so confusing, it is because YOU are overthinking it to death. Latinas are women in the simplest context. They are looking for someone to respect, that treats them decently,that can take care of them and show them a good time. It's that simple. They don't respect you if you appear too needy or ask too many questions as they figure as the man, they need you more than you need them and you should have most if not all of the answers. Anything that you don't have the answers to will be revealed in time when it comes to them. Asking them how they feel about you will be ok in the right setting, time, and place, but to constantly try and get confirmation will piss them off and become boring. Being boring to a Latina is your death nell, because their lives are already boring enough without you. Anything you ask them more than once will make them think that you either didn't pay attention the last time or you think that they were lying to you. Look at repitition as a social coffin nail.

Be confident even if you aren't. Confidence or the appearance of it makes them feel secure that you know what you are doing. Be or appear sure of yourself. Don't rattle on whether you are nervous or not. Try to at least find out how to say the main things you want in their language. Even if you don't learn the language completely, get your point across caveman style with a few choice words and phrases. They will get a kick out of it. You will get better as you go along.

You know how your luck goes better than anyone. Don't base your success at first on someone else's. When you are in a different culture and don't know the language, trust me, unless you are better looking than them, it's all dumb luck. If you aren't that lucky, then know that you are going to have to roll the dice and take your hits until your luck kicks in or you stumble across the right one. Don't take it personal because it isn't. Move on with a smile. Getting knocked around will teach you more than asking any questions because every situation is individual.No one can tell you how you messed it up if they aren't there with you. Your version, especially not understanding the language is going to be the least likely close to what really went on so talking about it is useless.

THE BIGGEST COMPLAINTS I HAVE HEARD FROM LATINAS

These are things that Latinas have told me more than once that they don't like concerning gringos:

Language - They can't stand interpreters. It takes away from being able to feel connected to the guy. The biggest complaint is communication bar none.

Hygiene - They roast Europeans more than Americans on this, but their hygiene complaints rank as follows:

Bad or discolored teeth
Odor
Style of dress
Details - Having your nails trimmed (Hands and Feet)

Being cheap - Bitching out loud about little things such as cab fare or he price of a meal. Many of them don't even know the value of money, but if you don't want to do something just don't do it. Don't do it and then bitch about it.

There are others, but these are the main ones. Lastly, if they aren't showing you constant affection and a little fear that you might move on then do exactly that because they aren't into you. Believe it, accept it, and go to the next one. If they aren't holding onto you like they think you are going to run off then do. Eventually you will find one that will and that is what you need to be looking for, because that in a nutshell is how their TRUE affection plays out.

... in response to The cruel truth, posted by soltero on Sep 25, 2005

worthwhile reading for anyone and everyone

... in response to The cruel truth, posted by soltero on Sep 25, 2005

Soltero,

I think you have written an excellent post.  I really appreciate it.  I will say one thing that you commented about that hit me between the eyes.  I do have a tendency to analyze too much. ( a guy thing)  But, in this case, it is not because I am some weak, indecisive type.  Frankly, in "real life", I have a strong personality!  Sometimes too strong to suit the american women.  But, as you already know, I am out of my element in "latina land".  But, that's not because I don't enjoy it.  Heck I love it'!!  I really, really enjoy the country, the culture, and certainly the ladies.  But, with my personality, I have  difficulty to just enjoy it.  I guess I have the need to "conquer" things, etc.  So, I attack this situation, like many men; and I obviously  I have made many mistakes.  As far as asking a lot of questions, I only wanted to be courteous to the ladies and show that I cared about their feelings.  Based on what you said, I need to tone that way down. I will go for more of the "me Tarzan, you Jane" approach. ha  Believe me, I will work on that.  You helped me because you gave me specific points to work on that related to the latin culture.  I really appreciate the insights that you gave.  I guess you said the latinas told you some of their "pet peeves".  Well, I think that's the kind of insight that all of us need.  I know I do.  So, I will have to re-educate myself on these points, and the next time I am down there, just go for it.  Plus, I will be seeing several ladies instead of one.  But, keep in mind, at the time, I had been writing that one lady for 5 months, and I thought we had something really special.  I guess that's what thoughts will do, because it blew up big time.  Maybe next time I can do better. In the meantime, feel free to share with me.  I liked what you said.

                           OkieMan

... in response to Re: The cruel truth, posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

Okie, don't think that I consider over analysis a bad thing. I am the same way, but I had to learn that in that culture, it's just like having a third eye in the middle of your forehead. Latin culture is day to day and usually they just don't worry much, at least not openly. They are basically a "give and spend and God will send" type of people. I know it's hard when you come from a culture that plans out everything in minute detail, but just be aware that if you show that to them, or even think that way while you are there, it will work against you more than for you. I hope that this helps and I am on your side and the side of anyone who is trying to make this work better for them. Bottom line, just go with the flow, and if it isn't flowing your way, keep expanding your options until it is.

... in response to Re: Re: The cruel truth, posted by soltero on Sep 25, 2005

Soltero,

I think that is excellent advice, and you are right.  I have to change that part of my approach.  But, at the time, I did not understand that.  These little "nuggets" of truth I can handle and benefit by.  Thanks again.

                          OkieMan

... in response to The cruel truth, posted by soltero on Sep 25, 2005

n/t

... in response to Ok, a little advice since you asked...-, posted by beenthere on Sep 25, 2005

[This message has been edited by jediknight]

...he has given you valuable advice. his point on working on yourself is golden and if you don't read and re read his advice you will never find the woman you are looking for. do not waste your time trying to figure out how a latina thinks, as if she were a different breed, women are women, they are the same there as they are here and if you think they are not then you are in for a surprise. they are smart, clever, strong, loving, caring, irrational and unpredictable....in other words...women, period.

then why did i look outside the US to find a wife? because i knew i would have a better chance of finding someone who would be more family oriented, someone who would GLADLY put their career or desire to have one on hold to stay home, raise the kids,take care of their man without feeling guilty or like they are missing out on something, these are the things i wanted and found. there are women here that want to have families but the difference is that AW have been brainwashed to believe that they can have it ALL, career, family, everything. i think thats BS, something has to give, i don't want my kids being raised by a babysitter and i don't want my wife to be a super mom doing more than she can handle, i want my wife to be there when the kids get home, to make sure they are properly fed, doing their homework, etc but there are few american women who want to stay at home. american women feel guilty if they are working and can't be with their kids and the ones that are at home feel guilty that they don't have a career....raising your kids is the most important job they will ever have. latin american women will be happy to have kids and stay at home, although i have noticed that things are changing in colombia, women want careers also but this may be because there are few dependable colombian men and women need to fend for themselves, not depend on the guys. also, the ones that are in realtionship have to work to make ends meet, few men earn enough to sustain a household, things are like here.

also, BT's point on what do you have to offer is right on. guys go to latin american thinking that being an american is enough, as if these women are that desperate to hook up with the many losers i've seen in colombia. guys blame the women here for their misfortunes, but are not willing to face the fact that whenever a relationship ends, BOTH parties are at fault. guys are quick to say that their wives cheated or changed...putting the blame on them, when in fact there were things that pushed these women away. these are the things that men need to work on before looking for another woman, whether its here or in latin america. i have seen many gringos act like jerks in colombia and know that they were the same here, it's no wonder they can't find a woman here, american women won't put up with guys that are jerks, what makes you think a colombiana will? maybe a desperate one?.

ok, so perhaps you are not a jerk, but how is your self esteem, your confidence level, your "game"? are you a puppy dog that goes around asking your girlfriend how she feels all the time? are you one that talks and thinks things to death? are you someone who is afraid of losing your woman, so much that you will do anything so that she will stay? well, the first thing is to have the same attitude as a colombiano...that is you have to let your woman know that you can take her or leave her without shedding a tear. women can smell a desperate and weak man, they don't want that, they want a strong, take charge kind of guy, not someone who will always ask her what she wants, someone who cannot make a decision. a guy should ask his woman want she thinks but she has to know that it is the man that makes the decision, even if it is contrary to what the woman wants. you cannot allow yourself to be jerked around, women can see, smell, taste confidence, this is "game", this is what all women want, what they hope to find is all that plus respect, which is what is lacking in colombian men and what they hope to find in an american, but never let her forget that you are in charge.

women also need to know that they are not the only one you are getting to know, that there are others and in colombia there are thousands, i still cannot figure out why someone would concentrate on only one girl unless she is his girlfriend. have the women bend over backwards looking for you, seeking your attention, the ones that don't you should kick to the curb. i remember that when i first contacted my fiancee i was also writing to and had met 3 other women. i was giving these women more attention because i knew i would be meeting these women in bogota, my fiancee was in barranquilla so i wasn't paying too much attention to her. she kept on  writing, she showed a lot of interest and hung in there,i would respond to her emails days later not minutes after recieveing her messages, with her persistance she showed me that she had the qualities in a woman that i was looking for.

also, be realistic about yourself and expectations. as a general guide, go for a woman who is max 10 years your junior and don't go for the woman who is physically a 9 or 10 when you are a 6, please guys, you'll be divorced in a couple of years. very few young hot women will stay with a much older guy for long.
JK

... in response to Okieman,read beentheres post several tim..., posted by jediknight on Sep 25, 2005

Jediknight,

You have also written an excellent post. I thank you for your "words of wisdom".  But, just so we understand each other; you mentioned that women are the same, etc.  And then you turned around and said the reasons why all of us got out of the "american women" circus.  The feminist crap, the women that want it all, etc.  Well, that is what I meant.  So, if what you said is true, then they aren't all the same!! Certainly, women all want to be loved and feel secure, etc.  But, the american market has gotten so bad, that we have all fled for the "latina dream".  My questions have been intended to get the advice that many of you have now given.  We all come from different backgrounds, families, regions of the country.  But, we do have some similar basic needs.  Whether some of you think the latinas are a mystery or not; to a guy that is brand new, or someone like me, who has travelled south of the border a little( got my feet wet)-- the information that I have gotten today is very valuable.  So, I will go back to the suggestion that Pete posted.  This the type of information that can help many of us, and it is certainly why I bother posting on this board at all.  It is not because I have nothing better to do.  It is because for now, this is a great way for me to gain some insight on the latin culture.  However, I am still curious to find out if the latinas are half as interested in us as we are in them?  Maybe you can give me your opinion on that one?  From my prospective, it seems more than a little one sided.  Naturally, men are by nature the pursuers, but since we are talking about going to foreign countries to find a bride, there are some unique cirmcumstances here.  Let's face it; in the past, the men weren't asking.  They came from conquering, warlike countries and cultures; and they were raping and pillaging the countries they went to -- all in the name of their king or religion, or whatever.  Here we come many centuries later via airplanes, with gifts in hand.  Some guys only want to get into the girl's pants.  That is a lot of fun, but there's not a real future there.  I want a wife, not a whore!!

                           OkieMan

... in response to Re: Okieman,read beentheres post several..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

Okie,

all the advice/observation fr COL vets are on the money.  In a nutshell, If you got game in the US, you game goes a lot further in COL.  as other poster said, COL women pretty much want the same thing US(or anywomen) want.  When you first go out with them, couple of things, i'll add,

is that you better know how take care of them(be gentlemen), example..

I went out double date in MED w/ my gringo buddy, my amiga and her amiga, both professional, cultured, educated types, good family, financially decent, attractive, late twenties.  My buddy is very nice, smart, down-to-earth, speaks excellent spanish, but not agressive, a little clueless regarding manners&game.  At the beginning of the evening, there was NO attraction on her part to him, he was talking to her, but showed NO interest(he's a little shy).  I gave him two crucial advice that open the door for him.  a) she(and him) were smoker, when she got out her cigarette, i told him to offer her a light(very gentlemenly) and b) when we left the bar, it was raining a little.  She didn't have a jacket, but he did.  I told him to give her your jacket AND put it on her.  After those two action(combine with his nice personality), she started warming up to him.  Those two action, are simple, we do it in the US all the time.  In COL, little things like that goes a long way, because less guys do stuff like that.

another thing, you better show her a good time, JUST LIKE THE US, if you can make her laugh, throw in some romance(ie, dancing), some good conversation, show her you think she's special, you're IN!  In terms of financial stability, maturity, being a good father, husband, serious conversation, etc., really doesn't come into play(AS much) in the first week or two of ANY relationship.  You gotta show her a good time AND look good(charming, confident, well manner, etc.,) while doing it.  

Now those points are not earth shattering, there's no mystery to em.  Just many guys(incl me at times) forget about them.

PS.  I always told all my friends in USA, that dating in the US is the major league.  If you got game in US(ie, decent batting average), in COL it's like taking a major leaguer and have him bat against minor league pitcher.  His batting average will be LOT higher.  

PSII. having an interperter does kill the mood, EVEN when i had 5 weeks of Spanish lesson(via pimsleur), i never used an interpreter, just pen, paper, & dictionary.  My dates and I had a great time trying to communicate, also it's a excellent way to tell which girl is into you for reals.  The ones that really like you(or think they do/will) will make and effort to be helpful AND patience.  if i wanted to say they're pretty, i looked up the work in the dictionary, point to her and try to pronounce it.  Most/all col gals love it when you try/make and effort to speak/learn spanish, they'll giggle(good sign) and your poor attempt.

... in response to Re: Re: Okieman,read beentheres post sev..., posted by caslug on Sep 25, 2005

Caslug,

I agree with you 100%.  I make every attempt to show my best manners for the ladies; go the extra mile, make her laugh-- all that.  The weird part is that I can handle that, no problem.  As far as the interpretor, I only used them in limited situations, like the initial introduction, or getting back with some follow up questions.  But, on the dates, I took my spanish book, pointed at pictures, and we had a great time.  The rub came after I came back home.  You know all the good times I thought I had; well I guess it wasn't enough because now it was adios.  See you later alligator!  Well, I just wish I had "read the signs" better, then I would have still had some time while I was in Cali to look for another girl.   Really, the 2 biggest mistakes I made was 1) only seeing the girl I came to see 2) believing that she was telling me the truth when she said she wanted to continue to see me, write me, etc.  So, next time I will still turn on the charm, but I will have many ladies that I will see, and go from there.   Sounds simple now, but back in May, I thought I had met Ms Right!  What a crock!  Live and learn.

                             OkieMan

... in response to Re: Okieman,read beentheres post several..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

Howdy Okieman,  I don't know if I am in a position to give you suggestions but I felt like chiming in so here it goes!

You seem very interested in the latinas so why not drop whatever you are doing and make a point to go Colombia for a few weeks.  If you do not find a gal than go back again in a few months for another few weeks.   Just make it the number one priority in your life. From what I can gather it is a biggie for you and who the hell cares about work and all that bs anyway. LOL  

If it does not work for you after that sort of effort than you may conclude that is not meant to be.  By spreading your trips out so long you are using up all your good years here wondering rather than going and doing.  I do not think this will be an easy process for you.  You are looking for a gal 15 years younger and HOT.  That would be an impossible task around your parts and I am guessing a very difficult task even in Colombia.  If you do one week a year you may be doing this for a long, long time.  

As for me I am going to Cali tomorrow and intend to go back to Colombia again within a month or two if I find a girl or if I do not find a girl.  I am going to make this a priority and besides I had a great time while I am there the first time and expect to again this time.  The cost for me is a week away from my kids and in my case that is an expensive price to pay because they miss me greatly.  Your cost may be more in fiancial terms but this whole endeaver comes at a cost it seems.  Thats what 401K's are for or home equity lines! LOL
 
I hope you make yourself get back on the horse soon.  You seem like a hell of a nice guy but you just gotta go for it.

See ya
Fathertime

... in response to Re: Re: Okieman,read beentheres post sev..., posted by fathertime on Sep 25, 2005

Fathertime,

Thanks for your comments.  I do appreciate it.  I am currently working on many ideas for my next trip.  Just keep in mind that I have only been to Cali twice, so I am just getting started.  Even though I have had a few bumps in the road doesn't mean that I am giving up. I am very tenacious by nature, but after going through 2 divorces, I have had to become very cautious too.  So, with God's help I will figure this all out.  I can't just drop everything right now.  My book business is tied to the schools, and now is my busiest season. But,  I have been using this board to help me refine my approach to this latina thing. I know it won't happen over night; so I am still working on it.  I do wish you well on your trip  Take care and best of luck.

                             OkieMan