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So maybe you have been to S.A and you see the poverty. You have seen how some people work so hard just to eat and have a roof over their head.

So (like me) maybe you think that girls from these type family cant be spoiled and lazy right? I mean surely they must be able to see what a good opportunity coming to the USA would be right?
I mean there is no way that these poor girls could already be very spoiled right?
You have seen their house and they dont owm much so how could they be spoiled?

Well let me say that you can be spoiled at any income level. My wife is a lot of great things but hard working....... ahh no.

And guess what boys? She is not the only one. She has a cousin who comes from an even poorer family and she is way more spoiled.

When I think of spoiled I think of a rich parent who gives the kid everything and anything they want. But there seems to be other levels to this. I never dreamed that a poor family would just let the kids do nothing, teach them nothing about work, make them do no work around the house, no cooking, no cleaning etc.

Another thing to remember that even lower middle class (by SA standards) have maids. Thats right boys MAIDS!!!!

So guess what happens when they meet a "RICH" guy like you. Yes you - you are RICH!!!! (in case you didnt know it)

Now i know there are super hard working girls from SA.

Oh another thing I have learned - going to school is the "in" thing to do. Everyone is a student. The school business in Lima is a huge business. The schools are not even that good but they are a big business.
I know getting an education is important. It justs seems to me that there are a lot of professional students. Also you learn that some people only go to school a few nights - hours a week and that is a FULL TIME student to them

OK - I am done with my rant. Can anyone tell I am in a bad mood???

TE AMO PERU anyway!!!!!!

jim

... in response to Can poor girls from SA be spoiled rotten..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Jul 23, 2005

Jaja, sorry.  Reality is a bit different than the fantasy we create in our heads.  If she's a great gal overall and she loves you, things will change and adjustments will be made by both to ensure a good marriage.  Good luck -TNC

... in response to Can poor girls from SA be spoiled rotten..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Jul 23, 2005

Jimmy did you just notice that about everyone having a maid? My ex-wifes family had no money but still had a maid I could not believe my eyes. It was even a bigger shock when my ex came here and could not clean or cook and could care less if she ever did. As mentioned before she is a employee at walmart and has to clean which I know hurts her right to the bone.

... in response to Can poor girls from SA be spoiled rotten..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Jul 23, 2005

Same thing over there. Everyone is EDUCATED but no one works. You have "attorneys" that have NEVER practiced law etc. It's VERY important to them to have an education but actaully WORK?! Well that's a WHOLE other thing. Also I spoiled my ex in a bad way. Apparently the average income per month in Ukraine is like $75 to $100 a month. Well I wanted her to live confortably, I mean she WAS my WIFE right? Can't have her live unconfortably. Well I was sending her a little over $300 month. $100 more than her father earned per month, they were middle class. Well that RUINED her. A young 20 year old with THAT kind of money?! Well she partied her cute little A$$ & wound up ruining our whole marriage. Oh well. Live & learn. I always figured people form these "poor" countries would APPRECIATE what we are willing to do for them. It sometimes doesn't even SINK IN that we are spending a lot of $$ to FLY AROUND THE WORLD for basically a fricking date to get to know them when the MEN in their country wouldn't even pay a cab to go visit them.
Anyways you put me in a BAD MOOD!!! LOL!!!

... in response to Can poor girls from SA be spoiled rotten..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Jul 23, 2005

Jimmy,

You are not going to like what I am about to tell you.  
But.. You married a child bride.  

At 19 she is just a kid.  You are pushing forty.

You had better lay down the law now or she will walk all over you.  

This is not going to get better it's going to get worse.
Start now or pay down the road.

Did you bring her here on a fiancé visa?  Did you do a
pre nup?  Things you might want to think about.

But you better crack the whip.  Now Amigo.

... in response to Tough Love or Heat knows Best......., posted by Heat on Jul 23, 2005

Yep, the sooner the better because it won't get any better unless you do.  BTW, it may get a little worse before it gets better. -TNC

... in response to Tough Love or Heat knows Best......., posted by Heat on Jul 23, 2005

good advice but i would imagine easier said than done...especially if the girl does not have it in her. sounds like he is going to have to live with her or try an exchange

... in response to Tough Love or Heat knows Best......., posted by Heat on Jul 23, 2005

It sounds like you are in a VERY similar situation to what I was in. I married a YOUNG one as well. I paid for it DEARLY. I'm not even talking financially I'm talking EMOTIONALLY, she broke my heart man. I really DID love with & would have died for her. She simply was NOT ready to marry. She was a young naive girl who THOUGHT she was SO wise & knew it all. Now she has NOTHING & is pregnant to boot with another mans child who she probably doesn't even know who he is. Very sad man. Sounds like you are in HOT HOT water man. All I can say it like was just stated you might be in for a heck of a LOT WORSE. I wish you THE BEST man but I'm still smarting over what I've gone through. I truly do wish you don't go through what I just did. I would NOT wish that upon ANYONE.

... in response to Tough Love or Heat knows Best......., posted by Heat on Jul 23, 2005

FYI
shes 20 and I wont turn 38 for two more weeks

so HA HA!!!  ;)

TE AMO PERU!!!

jim

... in response to Re: Tough Love or Heat knows Best......., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Jul 23, 2005

Huh?

OK, you are still pushing forty and she's still a kid.

You asked for advice and then you don't seem mature enough to respond.

Have at dude.  Sounds like to me your problems have just started. I wouldn't start laughing at everybody yet.

The game is not over.

... in response to Re: Re: Tough Love or Heat knows Best......, posted by Heat on Jul 23, 2005

Heat
 
   I think he will realize his error some day when he comes back here to tell everyone he made a big mistake but that is ok, I was in that same boat and it is funny but it also was a girl from Peru. I think almost a 20 year difference here in the U.S. can be real bad especially if the woman is immuture.

... in response to Re: Re: Tough Love or Heat knows Best......, posted by Heat on Jul 23, 2005

Heat these guys would not date a girl in there own country .... because of all the advertising that you can marry a lady 20 years younger or more .... they get sucked into  it . What in the world would a 19 year old have in commom with a guy pushing 40 ......... they just create there own heart aches ...yea looks good when you are down there ... but when there feet hits the US soil ...funny  how things change .

My lady is actually begging me to move to Brazil ... she would live anywhere in Brazil if I choose to move there ..

Mike sayd hello , to bad you could not have joined us . It would been a real good laugh for the day ... Maybe next time ... will even invite Papi .....

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Tough Love or Heat knows Bes..., posted by Jake on Jul 23, 2005

how old is your novia? she looks young

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Tough Love or Heat knows..., posted by papi on Jul 23, 2005

believe it or not , she will be 30 in October . the photo I sent to you she was 29 ....... I met her when she was 27 . I tryed a few of those 20-21 year old  and there was just way to many problems for me in the future . Also In Brazil the really pour have no maids . SO that is one area I do not have to worry about ...

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Tough Love or Heat k..., posted by Jake on Jul 23, 2005

no way 29, send some more pics

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Tough Love or He..., posted by papi on Jul 23, 2005

[This message has been edited by Jake]

first ones were free .... they will cost you now .. would you like with clothes or with out and how much would you like to spend .. Born Oct.3 1976

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Tough Love o..., posted by Jake on Jul 24, 2005

I will consider you a true friend and worship the ground you walk on if you send sin ropa

... in response to Re: Re: Tough Love or Heat knows Best......, posted by Heat on Jul 23, 2005

Dude

Maybe you didnt see the little ;)
its called a wink - i was joking!!! ;) wink wink ;)

ALSO - where did ask for advice?

lighten up a little

TE AMO PERU!!!

jim

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Tough Love or Heat knows Bes..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Jul 23, 2005

so are yu happy then with the Mrs and just venting a little?? understandable

... in response to Can poor girls from SA be spoiled rotten..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Jul 23, 2005

Jimmy,

Like some others on this board, it sounds to me like you have had a fight with your young wife, and you are trying to get some prospective about that. I have never been married to a latina, so I can't say about that.  But, I have been married twice before to AW.  But, women are still women, anywhere you go(at least about certain things).  It is my understanding that your wife is 19.  Well, that one is rather obvious.  You have a very young bride to deal with.  My first wife was also very young when I married her(over 25 years ago).  We both made some mistakes, but you must accept that your wife is still young and must mature along the way. Naturally, since I don't know her or you, I can only guess about the rest.  But, if you are on the one hand, buying her many things (like a car), and then you are expecting her to handle this "new life" with maturity-- FORGET ABOUT IT!  She is overwhelmed with all of this new culture, new husband, etc.  You will have to learn to set the parameters for your marriage (ie what is acceptable and what is not acceptable).  But, try to also have some patience with this girl (easier said than done-- been there, done that).  If this girl has some real solid character inside her, it will start shining through soon.  For both your sakes, I hope so.  But, you need to focus less on trying to impress her with all the stuff you can buy her, and start to discuss the important issues of life.
(family, kids, faith, being and acting responsibly, etc).  Sometimes that works, and other times it does not.  I was married to my first wife for 10 years; and we had 3 sons together.  I tried my best, but I also made some mistakes along the way.  At the 10 year mark, she started cheating on me, and it was all over!  That was almost 16 years ago.
Well, at any rate, best of luck to you.

                             OkieMan

P.S.  Why did you buy her a Lexus?  I believe you commented about that in an earlier post.  It's none of my business, but if you do that, you are making the problem bigger!

... in response to Can poor girls from SA be spoiled rotten..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Jul 23, 2005

[This message has been edited by doombug]

No, it wasn't really a rant--or, at least I didn't perceive it as such.  It read more like thinking out loud.

You made some excellent points; many that I, as a former Lima-ite, also noticed while living there for two months.

"I never dreamed that a poor family would just let the kids do nothing, teach them nothing about work, make them do no work around the house, no cooking, no cleaning etc."

"Another thing to remember that even lower middle class (by SA standards) have maids. Thats right boys MAIDS!!!!"

The nanny/maid of my ex did EVERYTHING around the house.  For US$70 a month, she cooked ever meal, washed everyone's clothes (but never my own, which I explicitly made clear not to do; I prefered to have mine done at a lavandaria), cleaned the house, helped bathe the daughter of my ex, ran errands to a variety of places, and put up with the often viscious/cold demeanor of the ex.  I once made the grave suggestion of buying the nanny/maid a birthday gift, and my ex got angry, feeling that I was somehow misdirecting my loyalties.  That $70 to the maid was a sizeable chunk of my ex's earnings, but she took advantage of ever last sole (the currency of Peru).  Funny how I grew to sympathize more for that maid than ANYONE in my ex's family.  Not because of any secret desires I felt towards the nanny (actually, she was a somewhat homely girl); but because she obliged to being treated so horribly.  I seriously doubt my ex has any inkling as to how much I learned about her through her interaction with this maid.  Which fits well with your other remarks...    

"So guess what happens when they meet a "RICH" guy like you. Yes you - you are RICH!!!! (in case you didnt know it)"

"Now i know there are super hard working girls from SA."

Our nanny/maid was EXTREMELY hard working.  She was one of the most deserving people I've ever met.  With a few more degrees of beauty, all of it would have been corrupted.  Maybe.  At least, I hope there are some beautiful women in this world who are as truly giving as these forgotten ones.

"Oh another thing I have learned - going to school is the "in" thing to do. Everyone is a student. The school business in Lima is a huge business. The schools are not even that good but they are a big business."

"Also you learn that some people only go to school a few nights - hours a week and that is a FULL TIME student to them."

My ex fit this mold.  She seemed proud to be a student, but her major--and her degree of study (a few "hours a week" also)--were lacking.  And after seeing her "text books," I now understand why universites in the U.S. are resistant to accepting credit transfers from schools abroad.  Reminds me of an ex-AW-girlfriend, years ago who majored in French, but couldn't speak it, and never applied it.  Went on to do simple, low-wage, entry-level clerical work.  It may sound "cool" to call yourself a student, but if the neurons are yawning, what are you learning?

I most liked your opening remark, though.  Anyone can be spoiled.  Sadly, even some of these hard working nannies/maids who are currently being shat on.  One of the cruel hoaxes of nature is that she made beautiful women so irresistable, then infused them with such intense shallowness.

Great post, Jimmy.  Everyone has their favorites, and that post was among mine.  It brought back a lot of memories.

Peace out!

p.s.  I just re-read your post, and thought the signature was freaking hilarious:

"TE AMO PERU anyway!!!!!!"

The "anyway" was milk-thru-the-nose spurting funny.  Fortunately, I wasn't drinking anything when I read it.

... in response to Can poor girls from SA be spoiled rotten..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Jul 23, 2005

realiazation as set in . and the honeymoon is over ?????

... in response to Can poor girls from SA be spoiled rotten..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Jul 23, 2005

Jimmy,

This must be your first negative post. I knew you had it in you! :)

The bottom line is, even the most poverty-stricken woman can be spoiled if someone else pays her bills and she does NOTHING. And when such a woman hooks up woth a "rich gringo" her laziness will only get worse.

Zack

... in response to Can poor girls from SA be spoiled rotten..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Jul 23, 2005

[This message has been edited by Red Clay]

Same here, I had to teach my wife some things about housekeeping. Her family had a maid alot in Peru also. My wife was the main income-earner in her household in Peru and she felt that was her contribution to the cause, and that someone else would handle the housekeeping. When the maid wasn't there, her mother did it.

My wife doesn't act spoiled about it, she doesn't mind doing it, sometimes she just doesn't think about it because she never had to. It has improved with time. She works very hard in her office, fast-paced streesful environment there. She's not at all lazy, just took her awhile to get into a better habit about it at home.

... in response to Can poor girls from SA be spoiled rotten..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Jul 23, 2005

1. yes, the women from poor families can be spoiled - especially by dumb gringos

2. yes, some are lazy especially from the hot climates where they move at a snails pace

3. yes, maids are cheap and affordable for many

4. yes, just about everyone in LA is a "student"

5. yes, it sounds like you got in a fight with your wife because the house is a mess

By the way, my first novia from Cali kept the house clean, was not lazy, was not in school and happy if i brought home a chicken (although, as i recall she favored Kroger pollo over the competitor)

suerte

... in response to Re: Can poor girls from SA be spoiled ro..., posted by papi on Jul 23, 2005

"1. yes, the women from poor families can be spoiled - especially by dumb gringos

2. yes, some are lazy especially from the hot climates where they move at a snails pace"

I don't think "dumb gringos" make them spoiled; I'd wager that the tendency is character driven.

As far as "hot climates" making one lazy:  Why aren't the maids lazy then?

... in response to Re: Re: Can poor girls from SA be spoile..., posted by doombug on Jul 23, 2005

on point one, have you been to Cali? on point two, have you been to Barranquilla? I rest my case

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Can poor girls from SA be sp..., posted by papi on Jul 23, 2005

"I rest my case"

Sidebar.

So, what you're attempting to tell this court is that Colombian women are ravaged by inherent laziness and are thoroughly and irreversebly spoiled by the goodwill of gringo tourists?

Your Honor, I move to dismiss this case, and I ask that you direct the bailiffs to manhandle the lawyer for the plaintiffs.