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I'd be interested to hear from you guys who corresponded with a latin girl for weeks, months, years and then went to visit her. And how the meeting did or did not live up to your expectations.

I'll be sure to post my experiences when I go to meet my girl in Peru in a few months.

UtopiaCowboy, Jimmy - Te amo Peru, any of you guys like to share a little about how the in-person meeting was after time spent corresponding with your girl.

BobEsponja

... in response to meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by BobEsponja on Jul 14, 2005

I met my wife from Matchingsys.com...just like Jimmy...buying e-mails addresses and then writing about ten women from that site.

I set up dates with all of them before I arrived in Lima in December 2003...my wife..who is at this moment is organizing the kitchen the way she wants it.....was my third date.

She has been here one week now and everything is GREAT!!!I will post more about my experiences later....

PERU ROCKS!!   Good luck to you and if you have any questions about anything with Peru or anything else with this process.....please drop me an e-mail at
KFremont@aol.com

... in response to Re: meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by Chris F on Jul 15, 2005

Thanks for sharing your points of view everyone. It's great that we all have different thoughts on how to meet someone, and we all have our methods or preferred ways going about it.

Like Chris and UC, I started writing a bunch of girls on amigos.com. I must have received emails and chatted online with about 30-40 of them.

As time goes on and you exchange emails you find that some girls fade away; they don't write much, or write very short messages that don't mean anything, for whatever reason. And you begin to see which ones you have something to talk about.

I got letters from hot looking girls who just wrote stuff like... *Hola me gustaria conocerte ok dame tu correo de hotmail un besitoo muaaaaaaaaa bye*

That's like a cut and paste job that she writes to all the guys, it doesn't mean anything. It also means she can't be bothered to spend 5 minutes writing about herself in her own language. (All letters I write are in Spanish).

So when you do find a girl who you have things in common, have lots to write about, lots to talk about on the phone, I think it is valuable to correspond before meeting.

My 2 cents.

BobEsponja

... in response to meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by BobEsponja on Jul 14, 2005

Hi Bob - My experience as an agency owner for many years has taught me some valuable lessions.  I prefer that the guys do not write prior to their trip.  iF THEY WANT TO WRITE THATS ACCEPTABLE as long as  THEY PROMISE TO NOT TELL their pen-pal their arrival date.

If they do tell their pen-pal(s) someone will be at the airport waiting for them and she will have made extensive plans for the next 3 or 4 days to keep him away from other potential girlfriends.  So many of these guys return to the US and tell me that they had a good time but the laDY THEY MET was just not the right one so now the guy has to make another trip and begin all over again. For the same reason I think it is a terrible idea to travel thousands of miles just to meet someone you have never met before only talked to or written.

If the client listens to me he first goes to our agency for 3 days and meets 10 to 30 ladies and then he calls his pen pal and meets her. It is very rare for the pen-pal to be his number one choice after he has met the other ladies and has a basis for comparision.

On rare occasions guys marry the girl they have met via the internet but because chemistry is so important I recommend that you meet from 10 to 50 ladies first and pursue those you have the strongest chemistry with.   Buenas suerte!

Jim Heinrich- President
www.latinlifemates.com

... in response to Re: meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by BogotaJim on Jul 15, 2005

I would take my wife over any other woman on the planet. I have had plenty of women to compare her with over the course of my life so I know a good thing when I see it.

... in response to Re: meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by BogotaJim on Jul 15, 2005

agency owner for many years has taught me some valuable lessions. I prefer that the guys do not write prior to their trip.

Jim ... sorry pal .. I have to dissagree with you on this ... by writing way before you go there gives you a better feeling about there culture . I have always enjoyed talking to these ladies long before I met them . You can find out a lot of things before hand .

I see your point that you make more money the way of your thinking but I feel it is not the best .........

... in response to Re: Re: meeting online vs meeting in per..., posted by Jake on Jul 15, 2005

I can't think of any good reason not to write first.

Chemistry??? If she smells bad or something when you meet her in person, then you can always ditch her and go to plan B :-)

Ray

... in response to Agreed, posted by Ray on Jul 16, 2005

Agreed

... in response to Re: meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by BogotaJim on Jul 15, 2005

.

... in response to meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by BobEsponja on Jul 14, 2005

Hi, I've done a bit of both. I prefer to do some letter correspondence followed up with a visit.

I think it works but it can be more time consuming if you don't ask the right questions, share a common language, and do your homework.  I have never been disappointed with this route. I have found that always the women were as I had determined over the phone,letter etc. The exception was my current lady in Peru.  She has a very lively personality and I have to say that I really didn't get a true feel for her until after some days with her as friends.  

all is all, meeting online first and then in person can work, but its not for everyone.  Do what you feel comfortable with.  Always however, have the name and number of an agency or another girl or two when you go and visit one girl.  If you did things right, you wont' need it, but sometimes it just doesn't work out and you have to make a hard decision to cut losses and move on.  I would however, caution you not to overuse/over-rely on that "Chemistry" aspect.  People use that term too often for my taste.

... in response to meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by BobEsponja on Jul 14, 2005

Hi, I've done a bit of both. I prefer to do some letter correspondence followed up with a visit.

I think it works but it can be more time consuming if you don't ask the right questions, share a common language, and do your homework.  I have never been disappointed with this route. I have found that always the women were as I had determined over the phone,letter etc. The exception was my current lady in Peru.  She has a very lively personality and I have to say that I really didn't get a true feel for her until after some days with her as friends.  

all is all, meeting online first and then in person can work, but its not for everyone.  Do what you feel comfortable with.  Always however, have the name and number of an agency or another girl or two when you go and visit one girl.  If you did things right, you wont' need it, but sometimes it just doesn't work out and you have to make a hard decision to cut losses and move on.  I would however, caution you not to overuse/over-rely on that "Chemistry" aspect.  People use that term too often for my taste.

... in response to meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by BobEsponja on Jul 14, 2005

i found my fiancee on amigos.com. we wrote to each other for 7 months, at first it was entirely friendly until about the 4th to 5th month when i started to realize that she had all of the qualities i was looking for in a woman.

be realistic, a year ago i was writing to 4 girls including my fiancee at one time. my finacee was in barranquilla and the others were in bogota, but i visited bogota first,met the other 3, one was very nice but not what i was looking for, the other was great over the phone but in person didn't have much to say and the other i started to detect red flags so i just cut her loose. then months later i decided to visit my fiancee and i'm glad i did becuase we both fell for each other, it can work if you don't put your hopes in only one person.

with long distance relationships, its better to write to a few at a time, maybe even in the same city that you plan on traveling to so you can meet all of them. sometimes it isn't feasible to meet that person for a while, because of work or money, whatever, the point is to enjoy the communication you have with that person without letting your emotions get out of control.

in jan i flew to colombia to meet my fiancee and her family, at first it was awkward, we were both nervous, such high expectations after so many emials, phone calls, webcam connections, instant messaging, that we didn't get comfortable until after the 2nd day, then things got alot better.

on that day her father had asked me how things were going, was it like i had imagined and i told him that frankly i thought his daughter was having second thoughts,that she wasn't as open in person as she was over the phone....he said, "i know my daughter.." and assured me that she was just nervous and didn't know how to act in front of me, her father actually reassured me that she was crazy about me and to give her a little time, well that evening we went out and we talked, laughed, everything, it was if the first 2 days hadn't existed, we laugh about it alot now, about how we both acted. on the 3rd day i asked her to be my girlfriend, that was in jan, now we're engaged. she told me that she had fallen for me before we met, it was after reading an emial i sent, something i wrote really touched her and then she knew....but she needed to confirm that i was real, she needed to meet me first.

don't listen to anyone who will tell you that developing an internet relationship doesn't work, it may not work for everyone but it is a viable way of meeting someone, it's worked for a number of people that i've met over the years. just be smart because its very easy to get excited about someone through phone conversations, pictures, emails etc..i had a few girls that i spent time on the phone talking to before meeting and once we met....nothing. but i don't feel that the time spent was a waste of time, i learned alot about what to look for and what i wanted.

good luck

JK

... in response to meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by BobEsponja on Jul 14, 2005

Tonight, ABC had a hour hour program on internet dating. It was interesting.  There much deception by many of the participants.   Also, the photos in many cases were not what the parties looked like.

Beattledog

... in response to Re: meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by david hagar on Jul 14, 2005

In my case, it went the exact opposite direction.

I saw my wife's photo on amigos and I thought, man, this chick really appeals to me. After we started chatting on Yahoo and she got a web cam and I saw her in the web cam, I thought she was even hotter than in her photos. I could not believe how attractive she was. Then when I saw her in person, I thought she was even hotter than in the web cam. Each level that was closer to the real thing was better than the previous level. It doesn't always work that way.

... in response to meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by BobEsponja on Jul 14, 2005

It's interesting. I met a Mexicana after corresponding with her for a couple of months and even though she was attractive, there was just something missing. I liked her an awful lot and she was a very interesting and engaging person but I knew as soon as I met her in person that we could be nothing more than friends. And we still are friends. I just can't put my finger on it - the physical chemistry is indispensable for me. I even met her again in Mexico for a few days a second time because I liked her so much and I wanted to be sure that I wasn't selling her short. The second visit only corroborated my feelings from the first visit.

With my wife, the first time I saw her, I thought to myself, man, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And again, I just can't say what it is about her that takes my breath away. Sure she's attractive but I am not sure that a neutral observer would say my wife is more attractive than the Mexicana. To me though, she is IT. I would have married her the instant I saw her in the airport and never looked back. Nothing that has happened in our relationship since that day has altered those feelings.

Based on this, I would say that you can put the groundwork in place for a successful first-time meeting by emailing and chatting online, but the test is the in-person meeting. Someone you thought might be the one like my Mexicana will not pass the test while someone like my wife will turn out to be everything you imagined and more.

... in response to meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by utopiacowboy on Jul 14, 2005


Utopia,

If you would have married the Mexicana do you think it would have worked out?
Could you have been happily married without having the "knock out" feeling you experience when you see your wife?

Cabo

... in response to Re: meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by cabocancun on Jul 15, 2005

We probably could have made it work but it would have been a marriage like so many other marriages where you are "settling" for someone. My wife is the woman of my dreams.

... in response to meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by utopiacowboy on Jul 14, 2005

Thanks UtopiaCowboy and guys,

I know that feeling you're talking about when you say you felt your wife was the most beautiful woman you'd ever seen. I feel like that when I chat with my girl on webcam for hour after hour till 5am. And see the 100's of photos she's sent me, photos from when she was a baby right the way thru to new ones taken today. I just think wow she is so hot. But to another guy she's just average or whatever.  I can't see how when we meet those feelings will change. But of couse who knows for sure. Chemistry is an ilusive thing - it's either there or it isn't!

BobEsponja

... in response to Re: meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by BobEsponja on Jul 14, 2005

Chemistry is a very important key

Beattledog

... in response to meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by BobEsponja on Jul 14, 2005

Had couple of problems of meeting online THEN meeting in person.  

1) since i didn't know which one would reply, i usually sent out bunch of "intro letters", get back about 30-40%, so if i sent 20 i got 6-8 replys.  From there i ended keeping in touch with 3 or 4.  To put it another way, 4-6 per city.  It's a problem..

2) Since i had several to meet in a short time frame, i always try to meet them all which dilute my time.  couldn't spend lots of time with any one particular.

3) Most of them are quite friendly and just as good in person as in the foto.  If you treat them nice, spend time with them, and show sincere interest they response very postively.  My problem has ALWAYS committing my time to one(or two) on the FIRST trip.  

I think if you're willing to return to the same city over and over, then it's not a problem.  You can use this approach to meet several on one trip, then come back and narrow down your choice next trip.  BUT since i'm more of a tourist and like to discover different cities in South AMerica.  I wouldn't know when i could return, so i didn't want to lead them on.  

If you are a type of guy that has NO PROBLEM with committing to one girl, then meet several during the initial 2 or 3 days(2 dates/day), then spend the rest of your time with one.

... in response to meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by BobEsponja on Jul 14, 2005

I went to meet my novia after writing back and forth for four or five months. Luckily, she was living in the usa for the last five years. She is from Venezuela.  We met via amigos.com.

All I can say is that she was far prettier than her photos that she sent me, incredibly sweet and caring. She even speaks fairly decent english.  Now for the reality check, even though she does speak fairly good english, there are still times when language difficulties arise and there are small misunderstandings.  One other thing that can still cause issues are cultural differences. I have found that it takes incredible patience on both peoples part

I could not imagine how difficult it would be if we did not speak a common language. My spanish is very poor, so thank goodness her english is good. While I congratulate those who have managed to make a relationship work without having fluency in each others language, the most important thing that I can do at the moment is to learn more spanish!!!!!

Please take to heart the constant refrain from people on this board to learn as much spanish as you can. In my humble opinion, it is invaluable.

mi dos centavos

Dan

... in response to meeting online vs meeting in person, posted by BobEsponja on Jul 14, 2005

I emailed, chatted and phoned a woman for a year before going to Bogota in person.
Bummer, no mutual chemistry.
We're still friends, still communicate.

You don't really know what you have until you meet in person. That's why I recommend just going and forget buying addresses or finding women on the internet.