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Hey guys,

I recently went to Barranquilla and had seven citas.

One of the ladies that I met, called me after our second cita and told me she was interested in marrying me.
She then asked me if I interested in marring her.
I was suprised by this question and told her that I needed to get to know her better first.
She told me that in Colombia,many men and women have the relationship first and then get to know each other later because when a man is interested in a woman,he wants to move very fast.
I told her I was aware of that, but I was trying to move "poco a poco".
She told me that she did not think I was interested in her.
I told her I did not like the fact that she smoked.
She said she only smoked when she went out to drink and dance.
I told her I like to drink and dance on Friday and Saturday nights,so she would be smoking twice per week,if she was married to me.
Our conversation ended shortly thereafter and I do not believe we will talk again in this lifetime.

So guys - Why do some of the ladies try to get a marriage commitment after TWO meetings?

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

red flag! green card alert! push her to the curb.

... in response to Re: Do some ladies want to marry after t..., posted by whome on Jul 4, 2005

hey whome, hope to see you posting soon at the other place. dont get upset over that dumb thread

... in response to Re: Re: Do some ladies want to marry aft..., posted by papi on Jul 4, 2005

hi papi, ive been reading your posts. as far as posting at that other place...i doubt if i will.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Do some ladies want to marry..., posted by whome on Jul 4, 2005

come back my friend - we miss you

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Do some ladies want to m..., posted by papi on Jul 4, 2005

I never say never but right now im happy just lurking. I was really happy to be back posting then S feels he has to call me names and put me down. I just felt I really didnt need to accept that type of abuse especially from the man himself.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Do some ladies want ..., posted by whome on Jul 4, 2005

he gets jumpy sometimes. dont let it bother you. i'd come back and let it go - anymore flack and then say see you later alligator. i will make a post over there on this matter

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

Telling her to swim away.  What kind was she, canela, morena? Probably not a great white.

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

This is most likely a case of a woman wanting a ticket to the EEUU and then see you later alligator by the sounds of it.  There are successes but many horror stories...keep this in mind the next time a woman asks you to marry her after the second date

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

Dr Phil says if it takes two people a long time to get married theyve had to spend a lot of time convincing themselves that they can tolerate the other person.  Long engagments ar not good.  But rushing in is not good either.  every case is different.

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

this is difficult because on the one hand you don't want to rush into things but on the other hand you don't want someone to feel like you are stringing them along. long distance relationships are difficult and at a certain point women need to feel that you are serious and not wasting their time. while there isn't a set time frame to follow, generally speaking i would be suspicious of anyone who would want to marry after 2 dates. in my case i had written, spoken to, IM'd and video chatted with my fiancee (more on that in another post) for 7 months before meeting her. i met her in january and after a few days of talking to her and her family i confirmed what i had already known before the trip....that she was the one for me. i think that if the girl is pushy or in a rush for a commitment, then i would be worried. we are in control and should set the pace, within reason of course. if a girl isn't comfortable with going slow, move on to the next one, there are hundreds of beautiful, kind girls to choose from, guys seem to forget this and cling onto the first girl that shows alot of interest. don't let the girl set the pace or control the relationship.
JK

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

but maybe going slow is the worst thing you can do? And maybe some people just know, more than they've ever known anything, that this is the right person? I would say in general it's good to go slow but I didn't.

Corresponded with my wife for two months.
Went to see her in San Andres and Bogota for several days and we agreed to be married.
Married her on my second visit in Medellin.
Recipe for disaster?
Nope. Still married after two years and absolutely crazy about each other. We are just as in love as we were when we got married.

The advice is all well and good but sometimes you can ignore it and live happily ever after.

... in response to The most common advice is go slow, posted by utopiacowboy on Jul 3, 2005


Utopiacowboy,

Your success story and the others here,keep the rest of us going.
It is great when guys who are happily married continue to post.
I think communicating for two months gave you a good foundation for moving forward in your relationship.

Family counselors reccommend that a couple discuss many topics before getting married.

Did you and your wife discuss the topics listed below before you made a commitment to marrying her:
• Marriage expectations
• Personality issues
• Communication
• Conflict Resolution
• Financial Management
• Leisure Activities
• Sexual Relationship
• Children and Parenting
• Family and Friends
• Role Relationship
• Spiritual Beliefs
• Couple Closeness
• Family Closeness
• Couple Flexibility
• Family Flexibility

... in response to Re: The most common advice is go slow, posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

In our nightly conversations we discussed so many things. Both of us had had unhappy first marriages, hers ended wih the death of her husband and mine in divorce after 25  years. Neither of us wanted a repeat. They say opposites attract but I think a person is happier with someone who is fairly similar in outlook and personality. Since both of us are Catholics, we each attended the church's pre-marital classes, she in Medellin and I in San Antonio, and we compared notes on our classes and did the exercises together. I highly recommend the classes - they really force you to communicate about the issues you've listed if you haven't already. Some people actually decide not to go forward with their weddings as a result. When I was married to my ex-wife, I used to think about the phrase, "let no man put asunder what God has joined together" and I'd think, but how do we know who God has joined together? I never felt joined together to my ex-wife - it always seemed like a bad idea that we both tried to make work. With my wife, we really feel that God did join us together and that we were put on earth for each other. Just today I told her that it was hard for me to imagine that she had ever been married to anyone else because she seems so connected and attached to me. She laughed and said that she feels exactly the same way about me.

... in response to Si, Senor, posted by utopiacowboy on Jul 4, 2005

"With my wife, we really feel that God did join us together and that we were put on earth for each other"

this is really nice.... my fiancee and i feel this way also. there have been many instances where if circumstances had gone the other way, we wouldn't be where we are today. so many "what if's" that we feel that God has had a hand in guiding us and making sure we've made the right choices at the right time to help us be together.
JK

... in response to Re: Si, Senor, posted by jediknight on Jul 4, 2005

Yeah but to try to make some other understand THAT is an uphill battle which you should NOT even try to fight. If you KNOW you are right damn what anybody else says. Move on with YOUR life. I'm happy for you guys & I believe 100% in what your saying. You want to read a good book read "One Flesh" by Bob Yandian. EXCELLENT book, I would recommend it to any married couple.

... in response to Re: The most common advice is go slow, posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

my fiance and I discussed all of these and practice number 7 a lot ....

... in response to The most common advice is go slow, posted by utopiacowboy on Jul 3, 2005

In my case it was similar when it did NOT go well it was not ME who changed my mind. IF she would have chosen to remain married & faithful we'd STILL be. Everyone's different but if it WERE up to me well let's just say I'm decisive NOT impulsive as many are led to believe.

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

I have personally witnessed the several day engagement process occur at least five times. Things can indeed move fast. However, the visa application takes 3-4 months and provides some time to get to know each other a lot better through an additional visit, and numerous emails and phone conversations.

Gary Bala - how long does the visa process normally take nowadays?

There is also something to be said about buying yourself time. If you give her a ring before you return to your own country, it shows that you are serious and very interested in this woman. And I don't mean to imply that this should be done casually or taken lightly by any means. If you don't think she is "the one" then don't do it. Perhaps she has met someone else who is of interest, or casually dating someone locally. Once you return for the next trip you can determine over the course of a week or more together again whether this is actually the one for you. It's what I call "yuh pays your money and yuh takes yer chances!" or the "Hail Mary" game play.

I have no idea what the track record would be for this tactical maneuver.

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

Well in the first place she was OBVIOUSLY NOT so serious about marriage considering she backed off after your response. Also about the smoking issue...I got dragged through the mud before on this one but I would NOT back down on that. My ex wife LIED to me about smoking. She told me she did NOT smoke. Well when she arrived here she was smoking OVER 1 pack a day!!! WTF?! I just would simply stick to my guns on certain things. Don't rush it man. YOU have to be the one setting the terms as to how fast or how slow the relationship takes. Been there done that.

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

Give Papi here name this is just what he is looking for ........

... in response to Re: Do some ladies want to marry after t..., posted by Jake on Jul 3, 2005

Jake,

What do you think is the best way to avoid making a premature commitment?

... in response to Re: Re: Do some ladies want to marry aft..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

Time ......... any lady that wants to get married in 2 days I would be running to the hills. really you have aleast one year during the visa process to get to know her ... but I would like to know her before the visa process ......... It should be clear that both parties want to be married in the future ... but is the future tomorrow ?????????? been there done that ... guess what it does not work !!!!!!!!!!!!

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

"So guys - Why do some of the ladies try to get a marriage commitment after TWO meetings?"

They want to lock in the remittances.

Potential sugar daddies don't come by very often.  

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

It’s called "desperate” just like the men who go down there and get engaged within a week. Anybody with half a brain would call this behavior desperate, or very stupid. Being called a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" within a week is a little fast, but engaged, "moving at the speed of light".
I had a meeting with 3 girls, two were very normal, but one, wow, talk about aggressive, wanted to suck my face off in the 1st meeting, and didn’t care about the other two girls there. she even asked what room I was staying in at the hotel, luckily my translator didn’t give her the room # because  I know for sure, she would have paid me a visit , not that its a bad thing, but I wouldn’t of wanted to deal with her after the fact.

... in response to Re: Do some ladies want to marry after t..., posted by mudd on Jul 3, 2005

just kidding man.

... in response to Do you still have her info? I'd like to ..., posted by Frank O on Jul 3, 2005

yes i do, she belongs to jamie's agency in barranquilla

... in response to Re: Do some ladies want to marry after t..., posted by mudd on Jul 3, 2005


Mudd,

Is it possible to slow down a "desperate" person?

Even if I met the right person,I would want the relationship
to development naturally. Not in a heated rush.
What if during the first meeting,one was to mention that six months would have to pass before a commitment would occur?

... in response to Re: Re: Do some ladies want to marry aft..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

I think its possible if both people are into each other  for the right reasons, but you have to look at the motive, or reason why this person is in such a hurry, could be a lot of different  factors. girls reasons--- no money, no job, problems with family, abusive ex, cartel, plan to get to the USA with some sucker, and divorce him soon after.

guys reasons, desperate, cant get a girl back home, socially challenged, bad history with abuse with past girlfriends or wives, is lying about his financial status, where he lives, drinking problem ect.  You get the idea, and I have seen a lot of these things from both.