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Hello Westerngrrl,

I am 20 at the moment and will be turning 21 some time this year. I met the love of my life when I was 19. He was 45 that time (he is 46 now). As we go along with our relationship as friends, I didn’t know that we would end up marrying each other. Surprising to you I know but I could not lie to myself that I am falling in love with this 46 yr-old man.

I had a boyfriend before who’s a year older than me. I did care for him but he didn’t care. He seems to be abusive and doesn’t mind what I was doing for him. I had friends before and up to now who have boyfriends who are just of the same age as them but all of them told me how lucky I am to have a very loving and wonderful husband. Yes, they are right. I am very lucky. In fact, I am the luckiest and the most blessed in all of God’s creation. To be able to have found the sweetest, the smartest, the most intelligent, the most handsome, the most loving and caring husband is just a proof that God has blessed me so much.

Age doesn’t matter. Love is always possible whatever age you may have. It is not right to think that it is impossible for a younger woman to fall in love with an older man or vice versa. I do believe that the essence of being a woman is to be a good and loving wife to her husband and a good mother to her children. This might sound weird for you or something you disagree of but I am happy when my husband is happy. I love it when he smiles and let me know that he is extremely happy and thankful to God to have found me. The happiness makes me feel warm inside and it just made me fall in love with him more and more each day.

I hope you found out something that could answer to your question.

Bear’s Honey

... in response to A message for Westerngrrl, posted by Honey on Jan 22, 2001

You're 20 and you're married?  Don't you want to experience life as a "single girl" going to clubs and hanging out?  What about school?  The typical 20 year old I know is working towards her bachelor's degree, dating, clubbing, studying and perhaps working at the campus coffee bar or at the GAP.  Really, she wouldn't want to be at home cooking and cleaning for a man.  That can happen when she's 30.  A 20 year old girl needs to have fun.  To have The Experience.  There's plenty of time to settle down in her 30's.  I'm in my junior year right now.  After getting my BA, I'm going to graduate school, and then to work. I want the best possible wedding for me and my future husband (whoever he may be), complete with the church wedding and a reception at a fancy hotel, country or yacht club.  You need to have money for that (we're probably going to have to borrow from our parents :-) )I want to be able to take my future children to Asia and Europe so that they can learn first hand about the older civilizations.  I want them to go to the best schools, have the music, ballet and tennis lessons.   I want to be able to afford a house in a good area.  I want the works for them.  I'm sure YOU'D want the best for YOUR kids too!

... in response to Re: A message for Westerngrrl, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

Western Girl,

You are a great example of why many American men chose to look abroad for a lifemate. CLUBBING? What benefit does one get out of clubbing? Not exactly the place to find people of good moral character and substance. Hanging out? Try hanging out in a church group or go on a mission to a third world country and see how the other side of the planet lives. Seriously, the experience may change your life forever.

In the RP there are thousands of well educated college degree holding young people working at fast food restaurants or as sales clerks in shopping malls at 170 peso's per day (that's about $3.25 per day US) because of corrupt Government lining there own pockets with money from the hard working people of the country. Their health care system pays about 30% of the health care and ends when you turn 65 years of age. There is little chance to have those material things you speak of when you live in a third world country. Good for you that you want the best for your future children, but as Honey say's, the most important and valuable asset you can give to your children is love.

To Honey,

Art is a very lucky man, your response below is articulate and very well spoken. You are what all men are looking for in a lifemate. At 20 years young, you demonstrate more maturity than most 30 to 35 year old women I know in the US. My wife who is from Cebu has many pinoy friends here in the US in just 1 short year, they still have the same morals and values that they grew up with and many are very successful here in the US.

Bear, take care of this girl, show patients and understanding with her, you will become a better person because she is in your life as I have become a  better person because of my wife.

I wish you both all the happiness life can bring.

God Bless,

Don J

... in response to Re: A message for Westerngrrl, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

Westerngrrl,

I have experienced enough of the life as a single but I am not into going to clubs. My parents raised us to be more conservative. We were thought at home and in school that women should be good wives and good mothers when they get married. We were warned from going out to clubs but I think it was also because I really do not want to experience such things. I am happy and contented with the life I am having.

I was working in my college when I met my husband. I am studying and like you, I am also in my junior year right now. Why would I wait for me to become 30 before I get married when I already have found the right guy? I want to take care of my husband and my kids now that I am still young . I want to have the best times with them.

Yes, you're right. I also want the best for my kids but the best doesn't mean giving them all the material things they wanted or needed like travelling around the world. Giving the best to your kids is giving them love, care, support, and proper upbringing. Having a complete and happy family would also mean giving your kids the best. I know that me and my husband will be able to give and do our best to provide for our children's needs.

Please stop criticizing others' opinions in life. I know we have differences but I think you should also respect my idea about life as I do to you. I am happy and contented with my life right now. I feel fulfilled for having the best man in my life and I think you should understand that and be willing to accept that fact.

Bear's Honey

... in response to Re: Re: A message for Westerngrrl, posted by Honey on Jan 22, 2001

That at 20, you've found the right guy?  I know a few people my age who are married, and guess what? They're already fighting.  21 years old.  Besides, why have an older guy when you can go out with a Ryan Phillippe lookalike?

... in response to How do you know, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

....because I have been praying for it within nights and days and found great answers from God. Besides, I've got an experience that enabled me to realize that I really do love him. Hey! My husband is more handsome than Ryan Phillippe.

... in response to Re: How do you know, posted by Honey on Jan 22, 2001

But personally, I have problems with a huge age gap.

... in response to To each her own, I guess, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

Honey and Bear's lovely Wedding at www.geocities.com/bearhoney143/wedding_pics.html
Westerngirl welcome to Planet-Love, I'm sure that we can help you find a good Foreigner for Love and Happiness smile. You sound like a sweet girl, cool ad calm :-); BTW, How do we know that Your a Gal? You could be a Man or whatsoever hehehe

... in response to Westerngirl Check Out, posted by greg on Jan 22, 2001

Cool pics!

... in response to To each her own, I guess, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

Someone please tell me who the heck Ryan Phillippe is? Is that the name of Ricky Martin's new boyfriend? Yah...I know Ricky is not gay. Right! I have met him.

Westerngrrl, I know that you have a problem with "huge" age differences. Any problems with same sex relationships?

Dave H.

... in response to Who?, posted by Dave H on Jan 22, 2001

Ryan Phillippe is married to Reese Witherspoon and is in the new movie "Antitrust" (the blond guy)

... in response to Re: Who?, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

N/T

... in response to Re: Re: A message for Westerngrrl, posted by Honey on Jan 22, 2001

:)

... in response to Re: Re: A message for Westerngrrl, posted by Honey on Jan 22, 2001

nt

... in response to Re: A message for Westerngrrl, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

Western Girl:
No one here (well maybe I shouldn't speak for everyone here) but from what I gather from many of the men here, myself included, is that we have no problem at all with women seeking a career. My sister and daughter both have graduate degrees and are extremely pleased with their careers. They travel, have fun, date, go skiing, do all sorts of fun things. I think it's great, too. (both are single and have no immediate plans for marriage) I have no problem with women in business and know quite a number who are sharp, great to work with and lots of fun. What WE, here on this board are looking for, is something very different. We're not interested in a career woman who we can share 50/50 the tasks of making income, cleaning up the house and raising children. What we're looking for (and many of us have found) is a relationship like our grandparents had, a wife who is dedicated to the family, not her career. One who WANTS that lifestyle, not one we have to force into it. I, for one have no problem making plenty of money to support my family's lifestyle, and then some, to stash away for the rocking chair years. My wife is quite content with her life raising children, taking care of the house, cooking, running our investments, going out to lunch with her friends, etc. etc. I've always told her if she wanted to work (or go to college or??), she was free to - and yes, she's a college graduate.

I guess the bottom line is that we're not putting you down for wanting your career, we just don't think you'd be  marriage material FOR US. Your soul mate is out here and my best wishes for you to find him. Don't put us down, though for going on a quest to find our soul mates either, nor for wanting a lifestyle where the family is th ecore of our lives rather than two careers.

... in response to Re: A message for Westerngrrl, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001


That contradicts the principle of being independent.

Anyways, different strokes for different folks.  With marriage and family, comes responsibility.  One must be in love enough to want to give up one's autonomy (or INDependence) for a greater purpose (INTERdependence).  Once one makes a commitment, there's no painless way of turning back, especially if children are born.

If clubbing is so important to you in your 20's (which implies other things) it could impair the integrity of future relationships.

Perhaps, I've been conditioned to think that gainful adulthood implies spouse and family.  Marissa is an adult and was ready to make a commitment to a special man to share her adult life with.  Life is, to an extent, what you make of it.  If Art's life includes Marissa, and Marissa's life includes Art, they will grow together throughout life and bond.  There will be rosy times and not so rosy times, but the core commitment should be there.

Think about old happy couples.  They got married, probably, in their 20's.  They raised families.  Their lifestyles revolved around each other from 20-something to 80-something.  Times weren't always easy, but they stuck together.

Unless you change your attitude, you might be a lonely old lady someday.  The clubbing scene will not include any memories to cherish with your special someone.  Someday you might wish you had a special man that you could love, be your companion, and have a bond with.  This is something to think about.

Now, it seems you enjoy slamming guys in persuit of happiness because it infers the unconventional of how women ought to be.  When you get old, perhaps you might remember some of these remarks, and be wishing you had a life companion.

- Kevin

... in response to Borrow from your parents ?, posted by kevin on Jan 22, 2001

First there was the depression in the 1930's and then came WWII.  There were less opportunities for girls at the time as well.  Today, the door is virtually open to everyone.  We just want to experience life before settling down.  Besides, I like dancing :-)  I don't drink too much nor do I do drugs.  I'm pretty much more decent than most young women my age.

... in response to Things were different in those days, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

There's nothing wrong with opportunities in persuit of something good and positive. I'm trying to take advantages of opportunities too that I otherwise might have to forego if I were married.  Hopefully, this might help be enriching for married life later on.

- Kevin

... in response to Re: A message for Westerngrrl, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

western-girl--I also want my daughter to experience life before she marries. But what you must understand is that in some other cultures girls who are your age have already experienced many things that you have not.
Why do you judge so harshly, a woman from another culture, that you have no experience of?? If you want your children to travel around the world, I would suggest the first step to take is to study other cultures, so that when you visit their country you can be open minded eonogh not to judge of make fun of. I think that is why americans get such a bad rep in other countries. We go over there and expect everyone to be just like us.
Open your mind, see the beauty in other cultures, learn from it. You will grow in your mind and in your heart.

... in response to differances, posted by Lori on Jan 22, 2001

But can she fit in to an older husband's society?

... in response to differances, posted by Lori on Jan 22, 2001

Your point is right on target and well said Lori!  You are wiser than this Westerngrrl will ever be, no matter how many college degrees she may aquire.

And if you were in a spelling contest with tneal, one-on-one, I would put my money on you!!! :-)

Jim

... in response to Re: A message for Westerngrrl, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

clubbing, dating, working at the Gap or coffee shop is not every ones vision of experiencing life. " I want", "I want" " I want" "me" Me" "Me" fancy, expensive, the best, eeeehh gads!!

... in response to Re: Re: A message for Westerngrrl, posted by FL on Jan 22, 2001

YOu gotta have money to pay tuition, and even if the parents are footing the college bill, you have to have the cash for necessities like tooth paste, shampoo, etc. Where else are you going to get the money?

... in response to Want?, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

I suppose that is the purpose of having men in this world (just kidding).  All too often, it seems, men are only good as ATMS on two feet.

- Kevin

... in response to Want?, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

who is financially and emotionally secure and stable. Not some yuppy puppy that has to borrow money his/your parents.  Larry.

... in response to From your husband..., posted by shadow on Jan 22, 2001

Why would a 20 year old student living in a dorm be married?  That isn't typical.  She gets her own money by selling lattes to her peers.