Reflection and Actions

[cc]

... in response to Reflection and Actions, posted by Howard on Apr 2, 2001

"it’s high time we started doing things as a couple and not only what I want to do."
I believe this is the most important for every marriage!

[curt]

... in response to Re: Reflection and Actions, posted by cc on Apr 2, 2001

nt

[curt]

... in response to Reflection and Actions, posted by Howard on Apr 2, 2001

It went back to your posts looking for something about the past.  I found that you said she had been distant with you from the beginning.  It appears you are trying to make something out of a losing situation.  I won't speculate on why you chose her even though she was distant with you and I cannot absolutely say what you should do but I would consider carefully if there was ever any reason for this relationship to work.  Something is very wrong here and you need to find out what that is.

[Howard]

... in response to Re: Reflection and Actions, posted by curt on Apr 2, 2001

Curt,

Thanks for your concern, but I think, until very recently, I haven't been competely in my right mind and it has been reflected in my posts.  

In fairness-not out of blindness--to my wife, she has done most of the compromising.  She left her family, moved a long ways away--with no hope of getting back should things not work out, beyond her trust in my word to her parents--has throuroughly cleaned and organized my house--which is now our house--does my laundry, cooks my meals, organizes my disorganization :c), puts up with my jokes, tolerates my need for attention and still manages to be in a good mood more than not.  Through soul searching I realize that I need to quit feeling sorry for myself and start trying to undo the damage I, and I alone, have done

Around the time of our wedding, when we had something to do every day together, we were making adequate progress, even by my standards.  After the Honeymoon, when I jumped right back into my hectic life, is when we started to drift apart.  I abandoned her and not once has she complianed.  She honestly believes that I am either too busy or tierd to be bothered with her needs, so she finds other things to occupy her time.  She is great with my mother.  I think alot of my self-pity comes from the fact that they have the kind of friendship that I am dying to have with my wife and I am jealous.  Why?  Because my mother finds time to spend with her at least six days a week.  After all of the brainstorming on here, it is so painfully obvious to me that this is my responsibility, that I am ashamed that I didn't figure it out sooner.  My wife has completely rearranged her life and put her trust in me and for the last little while I have failed her.  What kind of guy am I to complain that she doesn't run across the room, throw her arms around me and beg for sex in the hour that I am home before I go to school until after she's asleep?  She is so sweet an innocent and here I am bad mouthing her in a place that she cannot defend herself.  No man, I am to blame and I won't let this be the reason my marriage fails.  I just hope I haven't waited too long!  But if it fails now, it won't be from my lack of trying!

I totally appreciate your advice and promise to keep my eyes open.  I'm very street-wise and know when I am being taken.  Sometimes I just miss the answers that are obvious.  I will beware of every warning that people have given to me, but in fairness no one here can know the whole story, because it only comes from my perspective and it's impossible to sum up a relarionship in twenty paragraphs on the internet.

I know you're only concerned for me, and that's cool of you, but this one's all on me.  

Yes, my wife seems distant, compared to my former girlfriends, that I was having sex with within the first month or two of our relationship.  None of them were virgins and none of them paid any attention to the religious implications of pre-matital sex or sex for the sake of sex itself, NOT procreation.  She knows that I had sex with my former girlfriends and is probably not only petrified of the discomfort, but of not measuring up as well.

When you put everything into perspective, it's obvious that I hold the key to my own happiness in my hand.

I'll keep you informed :c)

Keep the Faith!

H

[nealtl]

... in response to Re: Re: Reflection and Actions--Curt and..., posted by Howard on Apr 2, 2001

Howard
BY this post and what you said here,in my opinion your problem IS SOLVED (MORE TIME WITH HER)
tneal

[curt]

... in response to Re: Re: Reflection and Actions--Curt and..., posted by Howard on Apr 2, 2001

Why do you think she is petrified of the discomfort at this time?

[Howard]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Reflection and Actions--Curt..., posted by curt on Apr 2, 2001

'cuz I'm huge? LOL!

I'm not laughing at you and I do appreciate your concern.  I know that I could just as easily be taken, but I have to keep my eyes open and follow my heart.  I owe myself that much :c)

H

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Reflection and Actions--..., posted by Howard on Apr 2, 2001

Hey Howard,

After I delivered a first baby for the first time...I felt so inadequate. Ain't nothing as huge as the big head. ;o))

After she has the first vaginal birth, your original worries will be over. But, the feelings of inadequacy will begin. LOL The hard part will be the immaculate conception for the first child. ;o))

Dave H.

[Pete]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Reflection and Actions--..., posted by Howard on Apr 2, 2001

*hint*...Let her be on top *smirk*

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Reflection and Actio..., posted by Pete on Apr 3, 2001

.

[Jim H]

... in response to Re: Re: Reflection and Actions--Curt and..., posted by Howard on Apr 2, 2001

..I think Sally would go crazy.  She requires a lot of attention.  When I spend too much time online she says "Why you post so much that board?" )

Actually, I did have your schedule back in the 80s going to night school.  I got divorced shortly after graduation.

Jim
(Jimbo from work)

[Howard]

... in response to Howard, if I had your schedule..., posted by Jim H on Apr 2, 2001

Jim,

Oh... Ummmmmmm.... Thanks for the encouragement, I think :c0

LOL

H

[Jimbo]

... in response to Re: Howard, if I had your schedule..., posted by Howard on Apr 2, 2001

And that's a great place to start!

Go get her!

Jim

[Dave H]

... in response to Howard your attitude sounds great!, posted by Jimbo on Apr 2, 2001

Hey Jim,

Do you think I should lend Howard my purple G-string, along with the Deuce Bigalow dance instruction sequence? ;o))
I don't know if it is possible to dance to the Backstreet Boys? LOL I will download them from Napster and see if I can work up any moves.

Dave H.

[Jimbo]

... in response to I want it that way!, posted by Dave H on Apr 2, 2001

..my pig tie!!  Wearing nothing but your purple G and my pig tie he's sure to be the hippest guy at the concert! LOL!

Jim