I need help

[dann]

I need help on the best way to make my soon to be wife ajust to life in the U.S.

This is my story.....I went on a tour last november with a agency called Southamericanladies...I do not think they are around anymore.....If anyone was in Cartagena from nov 3 to jan 10 an saw a guy rideing in a electric wheelchair in bocagrande; then you saw me...Anyway, my lady is from San Andres, but worked an just graduated from the university; i'm african-american 38yrs old an she is 22....She was the second lady I met at the social in november( i could not believe so many ladies were so happy to be with me) after spending 4 days meeting different ladies on dates; I decided I wanted to be with the second lady i met at the social; I really hit the jackpot...I traveled to Cartagena with a lady who works for me anyway she got sick an could not help me; so for the last 30 days I was in CTG my new found love took care of me; an I mean did everything for me( she help me with my shower, the bath room, get dressed etc.etc.) an she found time to make love an cook for me.........After the month in CTG I knew she was the lady for me; I visited her for 10 days every 2 month over the past year...She is arriveing here in Jan on fiancee visa, but we will be married in march 05......I live in southwest fl so the weather should'nt be a problem; I am still learning spanish an I know she will have to go to english classes......We have talked about almost everything(think god for translators) she wants to be a house wife an take care of me an our future kids....( I have no kids nor does she)what else can i do to make life here for her an easy transition?

thanks

[dolphin]

... in response to I need help, posted by dann on Dec 17, 2004

Hey Dan:

I also live in South West Florida.  Where in SW Florida do you live?  The best thing to do is give her time to adjust to her new living environment.  Also, when the time is right, allow her to look at what kinds of jobs are out there that she may want to apply for.  It's good also to allow her to keep her identity (culture).  See if there are any Colombian stores around where you live (deli) that specializes in Spanish food or goods.  This will make her feel more at home.  talk to you later.

Dolphin

[dann]

... in response to Re: I need help, posted by dolphin on Dec 17, 2004

thanks Dolphin; I'll check for colombian stores today; she has a degree in economics so i'll check around, but she an I are aware here degree may be no good here in the u.s.i'm going to be very patient when she arrive here.....I live in the Tampabay area........

[kented]

... in response to I need help, posted by dann on Dec 17, 2004

My wife of thirteen months and two daughters get here Monday.  

First accomodation is that Tuesday we're having Thanksgiving.  Then three days to get ready for Christmas.  She understands the value of money cause we lived together in Costa Rica for four months.  Becasue I have total trust in her to not waste money, I'm really going to let her do anything she wants to make the home feel like Christmas.  I'm Jewish but I realize how important this is to her.

My wife is giving away a houseful of nicve furniture this weekend and preparing for her departure Monday from life as she knows it.  IT IS INCREDIBLE WHAT SHE IS GIVING UP FOR ME.  Any man must appreciate that our wives and fiancees are giving up far more than we are because they love and trust us.

Good luck with your fiancee.  I know exactly what my wife needs to be happy and I plan to give it to her.

[thunderbolt]

... in response to Re: I need help, posted by kented on Dec 17, 2004

First of all, I wish the best of luck to everybody who posted here.  Just guys, don't concentrate on material things and details of life; as long as your affection for each other is genuine, and both of you are open-minded, everything will be fine.  Just be open and optimistic!

Now, main question.  Kented, I am Jewish also, and I was just wondering if this has presented a problem in your search.  How do ladies in LA react to that thing, and what has generally been your experience?  I am not religious myself, and will not insist that she has to change her faith for me, but I will not change mine either.

And what is the costarican food like?  I always assumed that it is similar to Salvadorean - pupusas and ... well, more pupusas

[kented]

... in response to QUESTION FOR KENTED, posted by thunderbolt on Dec 17, 2004

My religious beliefs are similar to yours.  One lady I dated in Costa Rica was horrified (or at least appeared to be shocked) that I had been divorced twice.  

Papi and I have had a discussion on this board about Spanish Eyes (a CR agency which had introduced us).  I told Purita who runs the agency about my date's concern and she gave me a few insights into how Catholics view divorce.  It turns out that the fact that I wasn't Catholic (and my divorce wasn't from a church wedding) made it OK.  Many women would consider two divorces an indication of an inability to have decent relationships.  It turned out as long as we weren't married in the church and then divorced, it was OK.  

The biggest obstacle in CR and Colombia is that there is no separation of church and state.  Both countries are about 85% Catholic, 13% evangelical Christian and 2% other (including small Jewish populations).  The US is very diverse and knowledge of other religions is inevitable where it isn't in LA.  

My wife never went to church during the four months we living together although I would have gone with her.  Her nine-year-old takes catechism classes.  My wife prays before she goes to sleep and when she wakes up.  She prefixes everything with "si Dios lo quiere"  [if it's God's will].  I really repsect how her religion has been the most stable force in her life and how she derives strength from it.

Sometimes I ask her questions in a Socratic dialogue like, "if God is all powerful and controls everything, why is there povery or why did the Holocaust happen?"  She answers and I follow up, never arguing but just understanding her point of view and getting her to think about things she won't unless I mentioned them.  

I really haven't found being Jewish to be much of a factor in relationships although some women want to meet "a Christian man" and I confine my search to the 95% of the available women who don't consider that essential.

[Troy]

... in response to I need help, posted by dann on Dec 17, 2004

Hi, I'm Troy (screen name).  

Although your lady's a bit young, I admire the way you took your time (one year) to get to know her.  Florida having a lot of latinos may be both a help and hinderence to you, depending on who she hooks up with.  There are some highroller type latin men down there who may attempt to influence her away from you.  But on the other hand, being around other latinos may make her feel more comfortable and at peace.  

My wife and I are right in the middle of I-130 processing.  I anticipate her interview in a few months.  (btw; she's 28 years old, peruvian, never married/no kids, I'm African american, 37, a high school teacher, never married, no kids).

10 things I'm doing to make the transition easier are:

1)  I'm going to buy her a MiniDV video camera so that she can record all of her friends, family, and familiar things on video, so that when she gets homesick, she can pop in a video or two.

2)  I've bought her a car (an older Camry) so that she can be mobile.

3)  I've communicated with my family and friends about her, including the absolute truth about how we met (Cherry Blossoms), and her limited english, so that they can react properly to her.

4)  I've obtained info on colleges she may want to attend to improve her english and/or pursue her trade of interest (cosmotology).

5)  I spend about 15-30 minutes a day teaching myself spanish.

6)  I'm setting up her own bank account so that she can put away money to help her family, if she wants.

7)  I'm getting rid of all my furniture (well most of it) and saving up money so that she can select the type of furnishing she desires for our home.

 I've found a few Peruvian restaurants here in the Los Angeles area, and I'm locating all the spanish language TV and radio stations available.

9)  I remind her that we have money, a home, cars, and that there's no pressure on her whatsoever to learn english or find work (although she wants to both very much).

10)  I tell her everyday how blessed I am to have such a special friend like her in my life.

good luck to you.

[Jeff S]

... in response to nice to meet you, posted by Troy on Dec 17, 2004

Good thoughts, Troy. The adjustment period can be the most stressful part of the relationship. Not right away, since everything will be new and exotic to her, but afterward from a couple of months to a year or two. Sounds like you've throught it through more than most.

Best wishes to you and your new sweetie.

- Jeff

[Looking4Wife]

... in response to nice to meet you, posted by Troy on Dec 17, 2004

.

[kented]

... in response to nice to meet you, posted by Troy on Dec 17, 2004

Good post.  On Monday my wife and kids get here.  My wife doesn't drive so we need to study the driving manuel (the test is in Spanish but the manuel isn't).  

I lived in Costa Rica so when I returned I bought my new home three miles (a short bike trip) from the local CC where she'll study English.  All my furniture is new since I threw out most of my stuff before I left.  except she gets to buy new living room furniture at once.  

Not too many Costa Rican restaurants in Phoenix.  Not really much demand for Gallo Pinto.  It sounds like you've definately planned everything so your wife will be happy.  

Good luck.

[Jamie]

... in response to I need help, posted by dann on Dec 17, 2004

The best think would be to ask her what you can do get her accustomed to her new life. Normally they will want as much time with you as possible and to see and learn about new things.
Jamie
Engage the Exotic - Latin Women
http://International-Introductons.com

[slojas1]

... in response to I need help, posted by dann on Dec 17, 2004

Shoot me an email and I will give you a few pointers. My girl is also from San Andres, chances are that they will at least know of each other especially since my girl won the queen contest a few years ago. I'm suprised that she doesn't speak some english being from SA.
Seems that you are on the right track.
Best of love and a happy holiday season to you both.

[papi]

... in response to I need help, posted by dann on Dec 17, 2004

I would not worry too much about it. First, you live in Fla with a large Spanish population so that should help.  And as you mentioned she does not have to deal with the cold. I would suggest you lineup English and/or ESL classes, which are usually free. Also, driving lessons if she needs it and wheels. You might also want to hire a maid service and carpet cleaners before she arrives so the house is tidy on arrival. Other than that is sounds like you are on top of things assuming she is sincere and truly in it for you and not something else - but only you can be the judge of that.  Suerte!

[thunderbolt]

... in response to Re: I need help, posted by papi on Dec 17, 2004

FL does have a fairly large spanish population, but west coast is not at all like Miami-Dade; it's mostly Retired American

[dann]

... in response to Re: I need help, posted by papi on Dec 17, 2004

thanks for your reply.......