It is not a necessity to speak her language

[jediknight]

... in response to Re: It is not a necessity to speak her l..., posted by mudd on Dec 16, 2004

of course it goes both ways, exactly why i feel that both should learn each others language. i don't get your point about YOUR friends, kids, brothers, sisters etc not speaking spanish, of course they don't and noone is saying that they should but you expect your soon to be wife to learn english so that she can communicate with them, right? like wise it is reasonable to expect that you should learn spanish to communicate with her family. this idea of not having time to learn is bs, just an excuse to justify not wanting to learn. no one is saying that you have to goto night school, there are other methods, watching the news in spanish, getting cd's, videos, listening to tapes in the car, whatever will make it easier to do it, a little everyday will add up and your wife can help you just like you'll be helping her with her english.

[soltero]

... in response to Re: It is not a necessity to speak her l..., posted by mudd on Dec 16, 2004

Going to school is a waste of time, or you will end up like your friend, able to read and write but unable to speak the language. Getting a book can help at first, but you have to get out and actually talk to people who speak the language. Most people are too arrogant to do that because they don't want to appear stupid or ignorant and I think that is the main problem people have with learning languages. It isn't that hard, especially for us because American English is basically a mixture and corruption of everything else anyway. Not learning the language of someone you are interested in enough to marry is a copout. If you don't have the mental ability to manage it, just be real about it and people will understand, just like they would if they saw you at least trying to pick it up. As far as family members, they are another story. They aren't as invested in this, so they don't really have too. It depends on how supportive they are. It isn't that hard to at least get good enough to be understood and to understand most things. Anyone who says that learning the language isn't important needs to stay here. But don't worry, with the waves of illegal immigrants coming in daily, you will be speaking rudimentary Spanish soon enough.

[kented]

... in response to Re: Re: It is not a necessity to speak h..., posted by soltero on Dec 16, 2004

...is not a waste of time unless you don't bother to practice what you are learning.  It teaches you the basic grammar and sentence structure and is a bisis for using the vocabulary you learn and for communicating.  

It helps to say the sentences outloud as well as write them and think of conversational applications as you study.  

I agree with you that not learning the language of someone you plan to marry is a cop out.  Actually livng in Costa Rica for seven months taught me so much about the experiences my wife is soon going to have when she gets to the US.

[jediknight]

... in response to Re: Re: It is not a necessity to speak h..., posted by soltero on Dec 16, 2004

fear will always prevent you from doing anything if you allow it to. when i speak spanish i know that i still make mistakes but i don't care, i just ask if what i'm saying is correct and hope that the person i'm speaking with will correct me.

[thunderbolt]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: It is not a necessity to spe..., posted by jediknight on Dec 16, 2004

Excellent point about making mistakes.  You can't learn anything: spanish, salsa, drive a car, walk, whatever, without being brave to try and make mistakes.  You will not speak like Cervantes, but you will get a great deal better.

In regards to schools, they are not entirely a waste of time.  They can teach you grammar, rules, whatever.  But the main thing is of course to practice, that's how you learn.

Also, even an attempt to learn her language and culture will communicate a great deal of respect towards her.  Yes, it is not absolutely necessary to learn it if the girl is OK with it, but just make an effort; she makes a lot of sacrifices to be with you and you have to make some too.  Also it appears that a lot of guys really underestimate the need to communicate to her family.  You don't just marry the girl - you form a union with her family as well.

Other posters made a good point that some people are 'better' at learning languages than others, some are certainly older, others are busy, etc.  That's understandable, but nonetheless an effort on your part is simply necessary in my opinion.

[soltero]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: It is not a necessity to..., posted by thunderbolt on Dec 16, 2004

I misspoke in calling going to school and taking classes a waste of time. It is very helpful with grammar and learning the basic sentence structure and the mechanics. Most schools teach Castillan Spanish, and that will only get you looked at strangely in SA as it is not Spain. I not only want to learn the language, I want to talk the talk. Personally, when I was dating a woman from another culture before, the first thing I did was attempt to learn as much of her language as possible for the simple reason that it shows RESPECT. I have lost most of them through lack of use, but I was ok at the time. So far, I picked up Spanish, Korean, German, French, Italian, Japanese and Portuguese, but I have forgotten most of them except for Spanish because I use it everyday. You may get away with not knowing the language with your lady, but she has family, and when she takes you around them, you can be sure if you show them that respect, you have a foot in the door. When I call my novia sometimes, the phone gets passed around the room, and it's a good feeling. I am also quite sure that if she did want to do something contrary to our relationship, she would have to hide it not only from me, but from them as well. When you respect others, usually, they grow to respect you, too. I am looking for someone I can start a family with, so I try to be sure to include the one she already has.

[thunderbolt]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: It is not a necessit..., posted by soltero on Dec 17, 2004

I agree with you basically on most things you said.  If you do want to learn 'to talk the talk', the only way to do that is practice, make mistakes, learn from them and practice again.  And you should not be afraid or embarrassed by the fact that your spanish is not perfect - it most likely will not be - and so what?

As for the guys who posted earlier that they did not learn the language and they were fine - it is possible of course; everyone is different.  Just in my opinion if one goes that route (without making any effort to learn her culture and language, developing the relationship with her family, etc), he will either have to be extremely attractive to the girl vis-a-vis others or she has to be desperate, and his chance of attracting someone who is primarily interested in using him rather than making a lifetime family bond increases exponentially.  Many people seem to underestimate the attachment that every person has to their own culture, and the role of one's family in spanish culture.

[jediknight]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: It is not a nece..., posted by thunderbolt on Dec 17, 2004

thunder, i agree with you with the importance of family in the spanish culture. nice points.

[mudd]

... in response to Re: Re: It is not a necessity to speak h..., posted by soltero on Dec 16, 2004

thats true, give the US about 10 years,and we will all be speaking "spanglish"