Adjustments from our end?

[soltero]

Moving to a new country, especially one where you might not even speak the language is a huge adjustment. What adjustments have the married members of this forum found that they had to make for their wives?

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Adjustments from our end?, posted by soltero on Nov 6, 2004

For a while I would come home every day and find the television tuned to one horrible telenovela after another. I thought, Jesus, I am living living in a foreign country in my own house. Luckily, since the kids went back to school, their English has improved to the point that they rarely watch Spanish language television any more. Sometimes you just have to have a little patience and things like that work out for themselves.

[Hoda]

... in response to Adjustments from our end?, posted by soltero on Nov 6, 2004

[This message has been edited by Hoda]

When was the last time (if ever) that you've lived with someone. Speaking only of wives and/or girlfriends. You'll be sharing your space w/someone 24/7. Are you ready for that? Let her re-decorate everything EXCEPT.......the electronics. My wife, once placed the stereo speakers right next to each other. Do you have enough space, where you currently live for the two of you? Be ready to forfeit two thirds of the closet space (lol).

This quest ain't cheap...just ask anyone who has a wife here. For the above mentioned redecoration. Have some "re-decoration funds" available for her, when she arrives. I'm not talking about a huge fund for brand new furniture throughout the whole house. But for drapes, dishes, all those little things, that allow a woman to put her stamp on her home. Get a brand new mattress while you're at it :-)

Good luck...

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Re: Adjustments from our end?, posted by Hoda on Nov 7, 2004

This is correct
My wife has been burning TARGET up with new sheets, drapes and rugs for the bathrooms.
They like the REDECORATE thing a lot.
Be Prepared !

KB

[Hoda]

... in response to Re: Re: Adjustments from our end?, posted by Kiltboy1 on Nov 7, 2004


My wife is on a "first-name" basis with the ladies at "Bed, Bath & Beyond, Pier One, Cosco's & BJ's". A whole lotta Latina's working at these stores. I have to give her credit...if there's a store in the area that has it cheaper...she'll find it!

[kented]

... in response to Adjustments from our end?, posted by soltero on Nov 6, 2004

My wife has what may be her finally visa interview at the US Embassy in San Jose this Friday.  So after an eleven month visa process, she will be here soon.

We've already lived together for four months in Costa Rica so I think we've gone through most of the relationship / living with someone parts of the trransition.  Those issues, which you'd have even with an AW, are part of the adjustments that we won't have.  

I'm going to try to make it as effortless for her as possible.  One of my frustrations in Costa Rica was that I didn't understand a lot of the things regarding her daughter's school and she just handled them without telling me anything.  I plan to tell her everything about school, my finances and life her.

Patience is the key.  I will be totally involved as husband, father and sometimes teacher.  My life will change completely but fortunately I have found someone who deserves to be pampers and I hope I can make her happy.

[Red Clay]

... in response to Adjustments from our end?, posted by soltero on Nov 6, 2004

You need LOTS of patience, patience, patience. Understand that you will be all she has here. There will probably be times when she feels frustrated as she tries to adapt to her new home. If she is well educated but takes a low-paying, entry level job here at first, she might feel like she is working beneath her potential, maybe even a little embarassed about it. Of course language issues alone can cause difficulties and frustrations, as well as homesickness for some. When you have arguments, she can't run home to mom for a day or two to "cool off". Depending upon the circumstances she likely can't even go shopping alone as "therapy" to get away from you for a few hours until she is ready to talk it out. She might struggle to learn to drive, many women in LA have never done it. She will probably expect to have some say-so in how your house is decorated/arranged. Be prepared to compromise.

Frankly there will be times when you feel like a babysitter. Learn to be patient with her is the best advice I can give. If you're not sure you can, you should question whether or not you should be bringing her here at all, IMO.