Attachment Blues

[Seeker]

I just read an e-mail from my girl in Cali in which she told me she couldn't wait to be together once again. She added that although she hadn't written me in a few days, it is better this way because it is good for me to miss her. She closes by saying "te cuidas mucho un beso grandote ATT: una personita que te quiere mucho y te extraña,"
Fortunately for me, she unintentionally, attached a very recent e-mail that basically is a love letter to her boyfriend and her boyfriend's reply. This attachment is so good, here you have it:

GORDO NO SABES CUANTO TE AMO ERES PARA MI UNA PERSONA MARAVILLOSA
SIGNIFICAS TODO PARA MI,MI AMOR LO UNICO QUE TE PIDO ES QUE NUNCA
PERO NUNCA TE OLVIDES DE MI POR QUE YO NUNCA LO HARE CONTIGO POR QUE
TU FUISTE EL PRIMER HOMBRE EN MI VIDA Y SIEMPRE LO SEGUIRAS SIENDO
TE AMO Y OJALA TODOS US PROYECTOS Y DESEOS QUE TIENES EN MENTE SE TE
HAGAN REALIDAD PASE LO QUE PASE.MI AMOR LO UNICO QUE TE DIGO ES QUE
CUENTAS CON MI APOYO INCONDICIONAL MENTE POR QUE YO TE CONSIDERO
APESAR QUE NO LLEVEMOS UNAS ARGOLLAS DE MATRIMONIO MI ESPOSO MI
PAREJA ASI SE OPONGA EL MUNDO ENTERO Y MI AMOR Y LO QUE ME HACE MAS
FELIZ DE TODO ES QUE TU CREES EN MI AMOR Y YO ESTOY SUPER SEGURA DEL
TUYO TE AMO CON TODO MI
COLACHONCHITOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
TU NENITA XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX

Hola Chiquita:

Mi amor la verdad es que nunca habia llegado a imaginar que tu me amaras tanto como tu me lo dices en este mensaje, creeme que estoy como un poquito anodado porque esto para mi es un pequeño respiro de felicidaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......d TE AMO MUCHISISISISISIMO.

Nena yo tengo un sueño muy grande que es el de porder estar contigo, y aunque se que es un poco dificil para los dos, solo es es cuestion de tiempo y por eso deseo que tu me comprendas mucho. Preciosa te agradesco mucho por darme ese aliento de apoyo.

Tu para mi eres un tesoro muy grande y jamas XXXXXXX jamas, quisiera perderte porque creelo que sufriria mucho con el solo hechode pensar en que yo este realizando un sueño sin la persona que yo mas he amado en toda mi vida, y con la cual deseo estar el resto de mi vida.
XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX

I'm shocked! I'm devastated in the sense that this is the best relationship I've been able to produce after four trips to Colombia. I'll have to remove our picture from my desk tomorrow morning. Anyways, just be careful out there and proceed with caution. I thought the world of this girl. She seemed one of the most honest girls in Cali that I had met. Regardless, I'm thankful that this mishap happened sooner rather than later.

[Pete E]

... in response to Attachment Blues, posted by Seeker on Oct 26, 2004

That the E-mails may be old ones she had saved,that this relationship is one in her past?
There are two different approches,kind of watch for other inconsistencies or confront her with it.Since your attitude will obviously be so different you might want to just copy the whole thing,send it to her and ask what it means.There might be an explanation,I'm sure she will try.
If she could somehow show you the mails were old it might make a difference.

Pete

[Seeker]

... in response to Have you considered, posted by Pete E on Oct 27, 2004

Good suggestion Pete!
I went back and noticed that the e-mail in the attachment is from 9/25/'04. I had assumed it was from this month. However, the fact that it is from a month ago makes very little difference to me. In fact, that was right around Colombia's Valentine's Day in which I made an effort to call her and tell her how much I wished I could be in Cali with her to take her out to dinner and dancing.

I like your idea of sending her a copy of the entire attachment just to see what happens. It would be interesting for me to see the kind of story she comes up with to try to weasel herself out of this one. Either way, I can't trust her in the future, nor would I ever consider wasting my time with her again.

[Pete E]

... in response to Attachment Blues, posted by Seeker on Oct 26, 2004

S,
This type of situation is probably quite common where a girl has a Colombian boy friend but wants the benefits of a US boyfriend or just can't make up her mind which one to go for.Rarely would she be so blatently caught.This should be a real eye opener for guys out there.
Knowing you I know this girl must have been very convincing.Some guys might just presume you are a real virgin at this.But not only do you speak excellent spanish but you have lots of experience and in my opinion good and carefull judgement.So guys beware,Seeker is no fool and she fooled him.To me that means she could fool about anybody.Best to be real carefull and allow lots of time for the truth to come out.A case could be made for hiring a private dectective just for insurance  to protect yourself since these girls can be so good at deception.I would say if there is even a small sign of inconsistencies this could be a good idea.
I reported about 4 weeks ago a girl was over at my place being introduced to me.Another gringo had left THAT DAY who was working on fiancee visa papers for her.A guy staying with me knew him.
Beware!Things MIGHT NOT be what they seem or we would like them to be.

Pete

[Seeker]

... in response to Beware guys! If she can fool S anybody c..., posted by Pete E on Oct 26, 2004

Pete,
I appreciate your vote of confidence even though Calipro flat out disagrees with your assessment of my judgement. However, I will say that I'm a native Spanish speaker and it is easier for me to catch small inconsistencies in language than a person who has learned Spanish as a second language.

This girl's family described themselves as very Christian and purportedly with very high moral standards. The disturbing part is that how could they possibly have not known of the other boyfriend's existence. In a way they were accomplices in this whole fraudulent scheme.

Pete, an important point you made was that we all need to be very careful and look for inconsistencies. After this experience, a private detective seems indispensable once you begin approaching the "proposing marriage" phase.

[Heat]

... in response to Re: Beware guys! If she can fool S anybo..., posted by Seeker on Oct 26, 2004

This girl's family described themselves as very Christian and purportedly with very high moral standards.""

This is for me a danger sign.

But it sounds like you know what your doing.  You're no rookie.  It just happens.

[Locii]

... in response to Danger Will Robinson.......Danger, posted by Heat on Oct 27, 2004

Ha, I cannot agree with you more.  I tend to find that anyone who sells their high morals has done just that, sold them a long time ago.

Ciao

[Calipro]

... in response to Beware guys! If she can fool S anybody c..., posted by Pete E on Oct 26, 2004

Pete,

I don't trust Seeker's judgement as much as you obviously do.

Remember when he had a so called girl friend eventhough they were not having sex and he ended up buying her a lot of clothes at the mall.

If it turns out that he wasn't in an intimate relationship with this woman either than she was never his girlfriend in the first place IMHO. Who knows it might even be the same girl that took him at the mall.

The bottom line is caleñas have sex with their boyfriends. If they are not having sex with you than you are not their boyfriend for SURE!! But, it is also postible that she could be having sex with you and someone else so always keep your eyes open;-)

[papi]

... in response to Re: Beware guys! If she can fool S anybo..., posted by Calipro on Oct 26, 2004

CPRO, IF MEMORY SERVES ME CORRECTLY, I THINK YOU ARE THE AUTHOR OF RULE #1. THIS SHOULD BE THE BIBLE OF PL AND EVERY GRINGO WHO VENTURES INTO THIS ENDEAVOR. WE'D HAVE A LOT LESS PROBLEMS IF GRINGOS ALL OVER LATIN AMERICA STOPPED REACHING FOR THEIR WALLETS AT THE FIRST GLANCE OF A BEAUTIFUL LATINA. TAKE COSTA RICA – IT IS ALMOST AS PRICEY AS THE EEUU – THE GRINGOS HAVE MADE MATTERS MUCH WORSE FOR THE MORE EXPERIENCED TRAVELERS SEEKING VALUE IN LA NOT TO MENTION AVOIDING THE SPOILED COLOMBIANS NOW ACCUSTOMED TO SPENDING GRINGO PESOS AT "STUDIO FU FU"

[Seeker]

... in response to Re: Beware guys! If she can fool S anybo..., posted by Calipro on Oct 26, 2004

Calipro,
I appreciate straight shooters like you. However, I don't think it is my judgement that you don't trust, rather it is simply a matter of differing values- you don't agree with mine. I prefer not to have sex right away someone that I'm considering for marriage. Sex is cheap, especially in Cali. The most important issue for me is whether or not I'm invited to the lady's home and am given the opportunity to meet and visit with her immediate family. Meeting her extended family and friends is a bonus. Last time I was in Cali I visited with her family and relatives many times.

The term "girlfriend" takes on a whole new meaning when you are talking about a long distance girlfriend that you haven't seen in months. I think "lover" would be more appropriate for your definition of girlfriend. I have trouble with this term because it is so vague. Anyways, when I use the term "girlfriend" there is an underlying agreement of exclusivity. Otherwise, I wouldn't be wasting my time calling her so often and bothering to have our picture on my desk at work. Up until last night, I really saw the possibility of marrying this girl.

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Beware guys! If she can fool S a..., posted by Seeker on Oct 26, 2004

SEEKER, I HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH CPRO ON THIS ONE. NOT THAT I AM TRYING TO CHEAPEN THE RELATIONSHIP, BUT A WOMAN NOT WILLING TO GET INTIMATE IS NOT YOUR NOVIA. NO PROBLEM WAITING UNTIL A RETURN TRIP OR TWO – BUT TO SPEND MONEY ON A WOMAN THAT IS NOT YOUR NOVIA (SEE MAKING LOVE) IS A BAD DECISION AND SHE MAY EITHER NOT REALLY READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP OR WORSE SEEING A COLOMBIAN ON THE SIDE. I APPLAUD THE RULE #1. ONE GRINGO WHO HAD JUST MARRIED A WOMAN FROM BOGOTA ONCE TOLD ME THAT IF A LATINA IS NOT BITING ON YOUR EAR BY THE FIRST OR SECOND DATE SHE IS NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN YOU. I TRY TO REFER TO THAT ADVICE WHEN COURTING

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Beware guys! If she can fool..., posted by papi on Oct 27, 2004

I can do without the biting,even if it is a sign she is turned on.My girlfriend tries to restrain herself,knows I don't like it.Biting on the neck,like last night preffered to bitting my lip.I don't like that one at all.

Pete

[Locii]

... in response to Re: Re: Beware guys! If she can fool S a..., posted by Seeker on Oct 26, 2004

Bingo, Seeker.  I have had many lovers, a few that I would call genuine girlfriends, one wife, another near-miss fiance...and I see them all differently.

Sorry you had to deal with that disappointment.  It never ceases to amaze me how deceptive some people can be in an attempt to enhance their lives.

Ciao

[kented]

... in response to Re: Re: Beware guys! If she can fool S a..., posted by Seeker on Oct 26, 2004

I agree that sex is cheap and having sex right away is not vital.  But I think it comes about the smae time you go on shopping trips using your credit card.

One day in CR, I received a call on my cell phone with a girl who wanted to meet me.  I met her and she was gorgeous and very young.  We had dinner and she asked me to buy a fast food dinner for her friend.  I really had no way out so I did.  ($3)

Later she asked for cab fare home and I suggested she take a bus like I was doing.  She told me if I wanted a young pretty girlfriend I would have to pay.  I told her that me buying lots of stuff for her came about the same time we were having sex.  Since I hadn't asked for sex, she shouldn't expect me to spend gobs of money on her.  

[Calipro]

... in response to Re: Re: Beware guys! If she can fool S a..., posted by Seeker on Oct 26, 2004

[This message has been edited by Calipro]

Seeker,

I appreciate your ability to take a little criticism without getting your feelings hurt.

Everything you say is true including sex is cheap and the value of meeting her extended family. But, I have to tell you that sex is a very important part of a boyfriend girlfriend relationship in Cali.

I would try and work on my hang ups about having sex before marriage because quite honestly I haven't ran into to many caleñas with those kind of attitudes towards sex.

Speaking spanish is a big plus but don't just judge this women on what they say. Judge them on what they do. And if the two of you are not having sex well that's kind of like playing tennis blind folded IMHO.

Having a long distance relationship is tough enough without using all the tools at your disposal. Never under estimate the power of intimate relations as a tool to really get to know someone. A couple of hours in the bedroom (if you both enjoy each other) can take the place of days of recounting gut wrenching, tramatic stories of your life to reach a very nice level of intimacy in a relationship. Besides if you just sit around the house talking to her all the time, what are you going to do while you are having dinner? Have sex?? Hey, that doesn't sound like a bad idea?

Anyway don't worry about sex cheapening the relationship. Those are american hang ups not colombian.

Trust me;-)