Wives going back for visit

[nutman]

For you married guys ...how much crap does your wife haul back home when she visits ? Does all the extended family members put in their order before she leaves the USA ? I took a peek in my wifes suitcase tonight when she wasn't home just to she what was in there, I just about fell over when I saw she had everything except the kitchen sink in there !!! I've come to the conclusion there must be something about "it came from the good ole` USA" that attracts them to haul so much sh*t back home. Almost all of it can be bought there, just has to have the USA stamp on it.
My wife doesn't drive yet so my Latin friends must have drove her around so she could get all this stuff. We did pick up some small things that were appropriate for the kids back at home and she said that was enough, but this looks like Christmas 10 times over !! What gets me is she very deceitfully buys all this junk behind my back with the help of her Latin friends. Ever notice how they can just ever so slightly twist the truth so it's not quite a lie and how all the Latin people kind of stick up for one another ? I was very clear about me not supporting her family when we got married. She comes from a well too do family the way it is, even by American standards.I know at first her lazy sister wanted $200 a month from me. I told her to tell her sister to go F herself, seeing she's 30 years old and never had a job in her life.The joys of having a Latin wife.

[jonno]

... in response to Wives going back for visit, posted by nutman on Sep 14, 2004

I don't feel a lot of love in that post there.  As far as who gets more love-you or her family-that depends on who she loves more. Simple as that. However, Latinas are more family oriented in general. That is why they make better wives.

[wizard]

... in response to Wives going back for visit, posted by nutman on Sep 14, 2004

My wife just got back from a trip home... She took many gifts with her for family and friends... It's more of a culture thing than anything else... When people visit from afar, it's tradition to bear gifts... And yes, people want something that comes from the US...

She actually got a little tired of people expecting something from her though... Acting as if she had hit the jackpot by marrying a gringo and coming to America... The thought process is prevalent that in the US the streets are paved with gold... They have no concept of the fact that we work hard for what we have here...

Don't sweat it, it comes with the territory...

[kented]

... in response to Wives going back for visit, posted by nutman on Sep 14, 2004

I'm married but my wife isn't here yet so perhaps I will have the same problem.

Basically, if all your wife wants toi do is bring presents to a family which she seldom sees, what is the problem? Staying close to her family is a basic prerequiste of a Latina.  

She wants to bring [unnecessary] gifts to her  family.  Is this the only problem with a woamn who cherishes the ground you walk on?  Why aren't you driving her around to buy these gifts instead of forcing her to sneak atround behind your back?  

I don't want my wife to place her extended family ahead of me and her daughters but this is an area requiring communication and not me ordering her to do what I want her to do.  

My observation that is this is the only problem you have, you are a lucky man.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Wives going back for visit, posted by nutman on Sep 14, 2004

You write as though this kind of thing comes with having a Latina wife. Not so. My wife would never think of going behind my back and doing this kind of thing. Also, she would never put her family or her friends ahead of me. We are quite clear about this - we place each other ahead of every one else including our children. If we want to help a family member, hers or mine, we discuss it and mutually agree on a course of action.

[littlebhuddha]

... in response to Not necessarily, posted by utopiacowboy on Sep 14, 2004

I guess I got lucky too. My wife and I also feel that the most important relationship is between her and I. We both have made it clear to our families that we are number one to each other.
As for bringing stuff back, I am leaving for Cali tomorrow and I have half a Walmart packed. Everything is "better" from the US. Supposedly the Pepto Bismol in Colombia is not as good as the Pepto Bismol here!? Whatever! I usually bring back a lot new clothes from Arturo Calle so it works both ways.
On another note my wife received her packet from the embassy yesterday. It worked out perfectly. I'll be there to help her fill out the paperwork and get it off back to the embassy by Friday. She just may be here for Christmas.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Not necessarily, posted by littlebhuddha on Sep 15, 2004

I think your chances are good that she will be here by Christmas - barring any unforseen screwups or delays. I wish you the best of luck! Keep us posted.

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Not necessarily, posted by utopiacowboy on Sep 14, 2004

Cowboy

I do not know if it is a Medellin thing or you just got really lucky, but the part about "my wife puts me above her family and children" is not indicative of latin culture. Almost every woman i have met would put her family above her husband. Could be culture or the fact that for years they have seen there fathers or mothers boyfriends, or there boyfrineds , screw them over time and time again, so there instinct is to put the family first.

My hats off to you for finding a woman that will be your equil and partner and put you first.

Continued good luck

KB

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Not necessarily, posted by Kiltboy1 on Sep 15, 2004

You may very well be right, KB. I may just be lucky. Neither of us had good first marriages partly because we placed our children and family above our spouses. We discussed this before we married and we both agreed on two things. First, we are each other's highest priority. Second, sex is the glue that holds a marriage together so let's make sure there's plenty of glue! So far so good!

[Troy]

... in response to Re: Re: Not necessarily, posted by utopiacowboy on Sep 15, 2004

I can't believe your comment.

How can you not place your own child in equal terms with your spouse?  That child had no say in coming into this world and having needs; that was your doing; you and your spouse.  And yet, you believe that you and your wife's wants and needs are more important than the infant that the both of you produced?  HUH!!?  So I guess if the two of you wanted to vacation in Vegas, so much for junior?!?  Unbelievable.

That has got to be the most tragically selfish and destructive comment I've heard since I've been with this board.  Hands down.

[kented]

... in response to Re: Not necessarily, posted by Kiltboy1 on Sep 15, 2004

I think you've put your finger on a critical cultural difference and a potential source of serious conflict.  UC certainly has a wife who treats him as #1 and I am going to emphasize to my wife that if she wants me to treat her as #1, she has to treat me as #1  also.

[Patrick]

... in response to Wives going back for visit, posted by nutman on Sep 14, 2004

My wife has me weigh the suitcases to be sure they're 69.999 lbs each (weight limit is 70 lbs).  Brings gifts for everyone.  Some things are hard to get or more expensive in Colombia.  I don't sweat it and don't think you should either.  It's customary to bring gifts on a visit.

I usually go through my closet and pick out any clothes and shoes that I no longer like and include those.  I also had two older cell phones I no longer used that I threw in during the last visit.  Why not bring these things to people who can use it and need it more than we do?

Most of this stuff goes to friends of my wife's family like the 16 year old student of my sister-in-law who was kicked out of her home after she got pregnant.

[Pete E]

... in response to Wives going back for visit, posted by nutman on Sep 14, 2004

As an ex married guy I experienced this.She is the one who hit the jackpot and came to the US.Family members expect a gift when she visits.AND its important for her to play that role,to oblidge them.Its an honor for her.Might be hard to understand because most of us do not come from such a close family.And it might be the only very limited gifts they are getting for awhile.
As far as being available there,most everything is but much of it at a much higher price.
So don't rain on her parade.Let her be the hero and she will be a happier person for it,and even appreciate you for it because you really are the source of the opportunity even if she earned the money.
Its not supporting her family.Sending money is a different deal and be happy if you are not,because most guys wind up doing that also.

Pete