Just different priorities (longish)

[Westerngrrl]

Maybe you guys are right.  Maybe girls here, no matter what ethnicity, have different priorities than girls in Asia.  Over here, we are encouraged to go to school, get our degrees and then go out to work before settling down.  Maybe it's just different over there.  We may think that we're really grown up, wearing little numbers at age 12 (which I didn't.  Girls in the early 90's just didn't do that), but we are still very much little girls.  (In fact, we always will be, to our parents, even at age 50).  Sure, the young women of the Philippines may not want to "have fun", but we sure do.  Why do we, as educated women want to be bound at home while our husbands are at work?  See, to the young women in developing countries, any man from the developed world is seen as a knight in shining armour, saving her from her turmoil there.  We as western women don't need that.  We want a life long friend and companion.  We don't need to be saved, because we have jobs and can survive on our own. With the money we have, we can provide, or help provide for our familes.  These girls, as you have said, cannot.  They need a man that can help them.  We don't need that.  What I'm saying is that you can't call me a "loser" or tell me to "grow up", just because I'm a Canadian woman.  I am functioning at a very normal, if not more mature level for someone my age.  I don't do drugs do I drink as much as most people my age..I've never been drunk to the point that I pass out.  I am a good girl.  

You know, you may think that by marrying you, young women in the Philippines are not as picky as western women.  If these girls weren't picky, then they would have married a local village boy.  You are to them what my dream guy is to me.  Just by being from a developed country, you are attractive, even if you're 50 years old and five billion times uglier than Woody Allen.  You their Jude Law, their Freddie Prinze, Jr.  If you look at it that way, then they're even more picky because they want a "rich" guy, someone who's far better than they.  I don't necessarily want that.  I want someone who is "Within range".

[Don V and Vicky]

... in response to Just different priorities (longish), posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 27, 2001

Vicky is up talking back home, some small family emergency. I refuse to go to bed alone, so I'll try and answer you.

Okay, most of the ladies in the Philippines value education far more than American women, from the statistics. Also, when Vicky wrote her post, she was speaking not of the desperation of Filipinas, but their choosiness. Why do you think so many are unmarried virgins at 30 plus? How many American born, white women are unmarried virgins at 30? Darn few. Filipinas are patient and strong in their beliefs. Most American women attend some sort of church and profess to follow a religion, but few pay all that much attention to it, or else they'd all be virgins when they married, or die hymen intact if they never married.

Filipinas don't latch on to an American guy for money. If you believe that you'd better reread some of the ads they post on their introduction pages. So long as the man has a steady job, and is not a lay-about, they are as happy with a baker as they are with a banker. So long as he can support a family, and does not cheat on her, a Filipina will have little to criticize him over. Filipinas are not averse to working, either. They are used to it. It is natural to them as they have seen it all their lives. They prefer not to work when they have small children, but will roll up their sleeves and work like a stevedore if there is a reversal of family fortune. None of this "I'm leaving because you lost your job" stuff with them. They are in it for the long haul.

About infidelity. If you want to see a quiet Filipina go ballistic, let her think her hubby is cheating. It is so prevalent in the Philippines that she expects it and is always on the lookout for it. She knows the signs, too, as she's seen it time and again in her own family and circle of acquaintances. But sometimes she will see things the wrong way. Vicky and I had to have a few heart-to-heart talks about this. Thankfully Mrs. Mayor assisted ably in this area. Just because I hold the door for a woman twice in a row, or get something off a tall shelf for a strange woman, does not mean I have ideas about bedding her. Also female friends and other men's wives who meet me and give me a quick hug and cheek-peck are not my harem of home wreckers. Social differences.

American men the world over are seen as desirable husband material. Our laws are very protective of women, whereas the laws in a lady's home country (pick one) are usually not so equal. Anywhere in the Middle East, Africa, most of Asia, South America. About the only places where women have equal legal protection that is actually enforced is the US, Canada, Britain, Australia, New Zealand, Germany (enforcement can be spotty), Switzerland, Belgium, Holland, and the Scandinavian countries. Russia's laws are good but they are in social upheaval. Even Italy is hard on women due to the overwhelming influence the Church has in Italian society and government. France, despite their appearance, has somewhat relaxed institutional enforcement of domestic abuse and infidelity laws.

So the American male (North American, really, most people make little difference between the US and Canada other than Canadians) is seen as having economic stability, having a generally better attitude towards women, an excellent father figure, good looks with age, excellent personal hygiene (go to France, you'll see what I mean) and overall is a rather congenial partner to spend a life beside.

The laws protect her better in the US/Canada, the American male ages fairly well and her children have an excellent place to achieve. Also the American society pretty much has about anything she could ask for, culturally, if she looks. There are NO, or almost no, Philippine markets in Greece, or Chinese deli's in Turkey, or Greek markets in Peru. In the US you can get lumpia, moo-goo-gai-pan, lasagna, baklava and southern fried chicken all in one block in many cities. She can always get something to remind her of home. Phones are commonplace and calling costs back home are a heck of a lot cheaper than from home to America. Especially when compared to her new family's expected income in America. Makes it easier to phone home from Nebraska than from the Ivory Coast. She is coming to a place with excellent medical technology and high health and sanitation standards. Clean water is a turn of a faucet away and she doesn't have to carry a "honey bucket".

These ladies are looking for the best man to father and help raise their children, and the man who it will be easiest to spend a lifetime with.

Travel the world a little, and you may come away with an appreciation for the North American male. Spend some time at the street level of other nations, not just the tourist areas. I have been around the world a couple or three times and I am continually surprised at what men get away with in other nations, and what women will put up with, willingly or not.

So they aren't desperate, they're choosy. They could have an older, wealthy man in their own country if they wanted.

Don V

[Windmill Boy]

... in response to Re: Just different priorities (longish), posted by Don V and Vicky on Jan 28, 2001

Don V

Thanks for that Post  I thought it was a very interesting post with some new points that I have never really given much thought to.

Thanks also for the "they are as happy with a Baker as they are with a Banker" line -- It gives me hope  ha ha ha.

All the Best to You and Vicky  we really apprecieate your informative contributions.

That Windmill Boy Charector

[Dave H]

... in response to Just different priorities (longish), posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 27, 2001

WG,

Actually, education is highly valued in the Philippines. Although having a Bachelor's degree will probably only get you a job paying $3-5 dollars an hour. Many of the cashiers that I met had degrees in accounting. My fiancee's sister falls into this category. My fiancee's family was very poor, but their father made sure that their schooling came first. They were not allowed to have a serious relationship until they earned their Bachelor's Degrees. There are 6 children in her family. 3 are nurses, 1 is an accountant, 1 an electrical engineer and the youngest will receive her Bachelor's in mechanical engineering next month. She would like to continue for her Master's. Their father died 2 years ago. She will have to work for a year or two to earn the money to pay for further schooling.

My fiancee's father was the oldest of 16 kids. He quit school at a young age to support his family. He was working on a farm at age 8. Eventually he was able to find work on the docks. He worked his way up to become the foreman. He
was the barangay captain (like a mayor of a small barrio or community). He always dreamed of going to college but was never able. Through his hard work, he was able to put 10 of his brothers and sisters and his 6 children through college. Even though I paid for it, I took my own education for granted.

Marriage is also important in the Philippines. At 27, my fiancee is considered an old maid and past her prime. However, she has had offers of marriage by both Filipinos and western men. She turned them down because she was looking for the "right one." My fiancee does not need me to support or help her. As a RN she has a good chance of coming to the US on her own. Many Filipino nurses are recruited every year by hospitals all over the world. Her sister wants her to join her in Saudi Arabia or England. She wants to come to the US to be with me. Why? Because she loves me. She would prefer to have me move to the Philippines. She knows that I can't, because I have custody of my 2 sons and can't take them. Coming to America (US or Canada) is not a big prize for everyone. We in the west are just to arrogant to realize it.

Dave H.

[FL]

... in response to Just different priorities (longish), posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 27, 2001

"What I'm saying is that you can't call me a "loser" or tell me to "grow up", just because I'm a Canadian woman".....Your fooling yourself again.You've earned that title and suggestion based solely on your self centered, self indulgent, biased, and now insulting (study/research??) posts. This is all about you, isn't it?? Bye-bye

[Bear]

... in response to Just different priorities (longish), posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 27, 2001

Different priorities.  Asian girls want familes.  American girls want... and want... oh and want...

Girls of the same age all over the world do want the same things.  You call it fun because you don't know what you want but in reality but it really is the same thing.  We, and i take the liberty of including the men, want love, security, comforts, respect and the basic necessities of life.  Funny that in a country where poverty abounds like the Philippines, you'd think that the Filipinas would want the basics first.  But they seek the love.  In America where we have it all, our women seek the basics and comforts.

BTW, more than half the women in the Philippines have college degrees.  Most make between $1-3/hr with their hard earned wealth and spend the rest of their lives trying to help their family because it was the family that worked to put them through college.

You say you are taught to make it on your own?  Why?  Do you not see how impossible that is?  You have been well protected and provided for but the door of rude awakenings beckons.  Loneliness, the pains of relationships, will rip you in ways you didn't know it was possible to hurt.

I do not think that you deserve many of the flames you have gotten but there are a lot of people here who have (and many in very crude and cruel ways) poured their hearts out to you in warnings.  Every time you told us of your wants.  You repeated the liberal indoctrine that is destroying our country almost word for word.  You do not need anyone.  You can do it on you own.  I hope they put it on your tombstone so that no one else makes the same mistakes.

Yes, American Men are the dream of many women around the world, not just the Asian countries.  I do not think they see us as rich but they do see us as good providers and caring spouses, thats what they want.  Love, family and someone they can depend on because they are tired of "doing it themselves".

Good luck gal because you are going to need it. Your membership in NOW awaits you.

Bear

[Steve B]

... in response to But why?, posted by Bear on Jan 27, 2001

Can't we join an organization for men (Families First)?  How is that for the name of our new organization?  I teach school for a living bear, you should see the way the kids act and speak to adults.  If they had the benifit of a full-time mom like we did, most of the kids would be the better for it.  I was double lucky!  My grand-parents lived next-door. If mom had to go somewhere, they were always there to see to it that we were cared for.  When we cut a finger or had a boo-boo, man we went to grandma, she patched us up and had candy!  These are the things that we will treasure the rest of our lives, not having a good time while in college.  But, i didn't know this at 21 either.  If westerngirl gets anything from this board, it should be the benifit of experience we have from age!

regards,

steve

[curt]

... in response to Is it time for us to speak up?, posted by Steve B on Jan 27, 2001

a clue why students can't properly read and write.

[Ray]

... in response to Reading your post gives me, posted by curt on Jan 28, 2001

Does this mean that you are assuming the position of Spelling and Grammar Sheriff for the board now that Harry is gone? This is a big responsibility. Are you sure you’re up to it? OK, you’ve got the badge.

But maybe you should start by learning the proper usage of who’s and whose?

ROFL

Ray

[curt]

... in response to Don't you ever have anything nice to say..., posted by Ray on Jan 28, 2001

nt

[Ray]

... in response to You were wrong - show me where???   nt, posted by curt on Jan 29, 2001

Clinton was the ultimate "feel good" president. One who's tenure was loaded with corruption. Don't you remember that Reagan was a man of principles and ideals? One who was focused in bringing down communism? That is why the liberals are so into dissing him. Don't you remember that Reagan had a DEMOCRATIC senate and congress that wrote all appropriations and budgets thus leading to the large deficits?

[curt]

... in response to Don't you ever have anything nice to say..., posted by Ray on Jan 28, 2001

critical of one that teaches a living bear.  I thought he meant he was a teacher of our children.

[donb2222]

... in response to But why?, posted by Bear on Jan 27, 2001

You bring up a really good point in that most of the
women around the world see American men as being good
husbands.  American men have the reputation of being
faithful, responsible, sober, young looking, family oriented, and more.  Not all of that applies to every American man, but it is the reputaion that we have in most of the countries of the world.
The problem is that Western Girl has not travelled, she has no idea what the rest of the world is like.  She does not understand that in many countries the men do not work, they drink all day, and all the reponsibilites for money, education, food, and more fall on the shoulders of the women.
I know that the more that I have travelled, the more I appreciate the American way of life.  That is the problem,
WG has not seen the "real world", she does not know what
life is like for the vast majority of the world's population.

Don

P.S.   The more accurate income for a Filipina is about
2-5 dollars per day.  Most earn about $100 per month.

[Ray]

... in response to Just different priorities (longish), posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 27, 2001

You're full of it!

Ray

[cc]

... in response to Just different priorities (longish), posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 27, 2001

"Over here, we are encouraged to go to school, get our degrees and then go out to work before settling down."
Nothing wrong with that!!! You must realize that you are at a different stage of life than most guys on this board, thus your priorities in what you are looking for in a relationship are different. When I was in my 20s, on top of my list was "cute smile and big boobs" - character, faith and honesty were less important. You get older, your priorities will change. You will see!

"We want a life long friend and companion. We don't need to be saved, because we have jobs and can survive on our own."
Well, if this were true, why wasn't "lifelong friend and companion" on top of your list? If I recall, being sincere and faithful was on the very bottom of what you were looking for in a relationship!?!?!?

"You are to them what my dream guy is to me."
Yes!!! I think you are beginning to understand why a 20 year old Filipina can fall in love with an older guy: for the same reason you are falling in love with your "dream guy".

Thanks for posting WG, you are on the right track!