Judge not

[Pete E]

Lest you also be judged.I think that was another way of saying forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who tresspass against us.Seems very appropriate in my life right now.
I broke up with Donery last night.There was something that came up 3 weeks ago I chose to give her the benefit of the doubt on.A couple things came up in the last 2 weeks that make it seem overwhelmingly likely she has used me badly.I confronted her with them,she tried to act indignant that I would think such a thing of her,but unsuccessfully.She did not directly deny anything.Seemed resigned to being caught.
But even more importantly the relationship has changed from what I percieved it to be,what it perhaps never was,but sure looked like it was.I described several recent things to her.Then told her "no is amor."She did not object,seemed to concede I was right.
I was very kind with her.I have totally supported her,in a lifestyle way beyond what she had before for 5 months.If I gave details,which I will not,many of you would think she was an awfull person.
But I told her I understand,life is difficult in Colombia.I can understand what she did,if not approve.And I still think she is a good person.She is a wonderfull mother to 2 great kids she loves totally.Everybody seems to love her,as I did,and still do in a unique way.
I told her of some things I had done that I was not proud off.Recently I just flat screwed some credit card companies.That may yet cause me a problem,but not one being in Colombia cannot avoid I don't think.But those are banks,charging 10-30% interest and paying 2%.Risk is part of the deal,and it just bit them on the a-s.
But someone you are close too.Confide in.Kiss and hold close.Thats a different deal.But still I understand,and maybe its not so different.Maybe somewhat justifiable to her,as are my transgressions to me.
But there is a sadness about it to her.I think she does appreciate what I did voluntarily give her and doesn't feel good about this.
When Kiltboy was here the first thing came up.He said I don't know what the truth is,but there is a sadness in her eyes.He,and I also said,god,if you can't trust a Donery who can you trust?
He was cynical before that.I used to say you guys are just choosing blatently obvious bad girls.Then my good girl turns bad.Its the reason for my newfound cynisysm.But it won't last,because I am an
optomist!Some times I just need my realty lessons.
Donery seemed relieved,I think she was tired of living a lie,it was very hard on her.I was relived it was not so sad as I thought,but sort of a mutual agreement and relief on letting it go.She did thank me very much for all I have done for her before she left.I think she was sincere.
Today I look at the Dog figure she gave me,newspaper in mouth saying "Te quiro",and the little chocolate bear sucker that sits right next to her toothbrush that says "te amor".
Tonight I walk 2 blocks down the hill to our favorite restaurant.
We have eaten there maybe 25 times.All the waiters know us.Probably more for Donery's friendly talkative ways than anything I did.All they said was "Solo?" but probably waqnted to ask more.
Its sad,but not as sad as I thought it would be.It was mutual,I didn't have to throw her out.
So where from here?To the states to clear my mind,something guys come here to do.I will be ready to hit it when I come back in 4 weeks.Right now I just don't feel like it.
Also,I forget how much I shared here.The shingles I got healed but then I have nerve damage.My feet and legs are numb.I can't walk well.Coming back up the hill tonight,its not just numbness but weakness.I saw my Nuerologist yesterday.I am sorry I put off the MRI for over a week.He says there is something on your spinal cord.You need alot more tests.Go to the states where your insurance will pay for them.I asked him how urgent,I wasn't planning on being in California for 10 days or so.He says go do this FIRST.
I am leaving saturday,may still have time to hit the 50 year birth of rock and roll celebration at the old Sun Records studio in  Memphis July 5.I can't be seen in California before July 5.I think I will fly there from Memphis July 6,get seen  July 7.
I talked to Rocio(My colombiana ex in San Jose) yesterday.She was in ther middle of moving from our house.I had been told she found a new house that would take our dog,but she was elusive,said maybe she gets it in a week.She was putting everything in storage.Buddy our dog was barking in the background.She said he was acting crazy with the move.Its the only home he has known for 4.5 years,since he was 9 weeks old.I think he will be OK,my son will take if if Rocio can't keep him.
Anybody wanting to stay here mail me.I am having a guy I trust run the place for me while I'm gone.It was going to be Donery.
I always handle the big things very philosophically.My father dying at 16.My fiance dying 20 miniutes before our wedding at 43.My mother the next day.Losing every thing I had at 50.All of these strangly were big growth experiences,as I hope is my more recent lesson.
Its the little sh!t that drives me crazy!
Some time life wakes us up from our slumber.It can be good.Better than being oblivious to everything.
I will keep you posted.

Pete

[chris in cali]

... in response to Judge not, posted by Pete E on Jul 1, 2004

Hey pete shoot me an e-mail so we can talk. I lost your phone number.

chris
meyer1son@aol.com

[Phoenix]

... in response to Judge not, posted by Pete E on Jul 1, 2004

Hang in there Pete and don't give up.

[WS244]

... in response to Judge not, posted by Pete E on Jul 1, 2004

Pete the bright side of this, at your age there are only so many years left for you, unlike many of the "young wippersnappers" on this site, that have many more years to put up with this nonsense.
regards,
ws
not far behind at 58

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Judge not, posted by WS244 on Jul 2, 2004

Less time to put up with the nonsense?I was hoping for more time to spend with the right woman,and I WILL find her.
None of us knows how much time we have.But I look at it in terms of quality time,so the outside of my thinking range is 10 years.So I better get with it.
My little fit fiance that died was giving my cousin a bad time about drinking,smoking,being overweight.He was 2 years older than her and has outlived her by 18 years so far.

Pete

[zack]

... in response to Judge not, posted by Pete E on Jul 1, 2004

Pete,

I'm sorry about your recent misfortunes. It will all work out in the end because you are a good man and you're persistant. I know you won't sit around and say "woe is me".

Your fiance died 20 minutes before your wedding? And your mother died the next day? How did this happen? (if you don't mind my asking).

Regarding your shingles. I have never heard of such extensive residual effects from shingles. Your legs are numb, weak, and you are having trouble walking?? That must have been a very bad case of shingles. Your neurologist is right- don't delay getting this checked out in the states.

Good luck, and hang in there.

Zack

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Judge not, posted by zack on Jul 2, 2004

Zack,
OK,my fiance died ofheart failure 20 miniutes efrore we were3 going to be married.She had passed out 2 weeks before,scared me at the time.I said "I thought you Died."
She said "I didn't die." I told her go see your doctor tommorow.She said he was on vacation.She never did see him.She was a special education teacher who taught kids with illnesses and accident dsamage,including brain damage.In hindsight I think he thought she had a siesure.She knew from experience that if you have seizures the doctor is required by law to report it to DMV and they can take your drivers licence.I was worried about it,we were going to go to mexico on our honeymoon and knew it was not a good place to have an emergency medical condition.
The morning off our wedding she woke up,said I don't know how I am going to get through this day.It was just after christmas,we had been doing alot plus she was worried and working on everything about the wedding.But 2 hours and a few cups of coffee later she was flying high,very excited,said this is the happiest day of my life.20 miniutes before we were going to get married,it was going to be a small private wedding in the house than a big reception,she called me in to the bedroom.She said I just passed out again.I said just lie,there for a miniute.She was worried her hair was going to get messed up,she was just about to put on her dress.She saidc my heart is just racing.I felt it.Real real fast,like over 200 BPM.Then she passed out again.15 seconds later a groan and stiffening out.Then no heart beat.I knew right away she was not goingb to be rervived.In a strange way I knew it already,I was not surprised.Maybe it was the warning time.Or something more spiritual.
It was what is called Mitral Valve prolapse,a heart valve defect.Most people know they have it.Sometimes the first sign is sudden death.Another thing I think was a factor.
In her college days she lived with a groupm of people who were vegetarians,she became one too.She was feeling very tired.Went to a doctor.He gave her a medication she used for 10 years before another doctor told her it was speed,amphetimines.If you are going to be a vegetarian you had better know ALOT about nutrition,and not from off the wall sources.She was 40.Looked 30.Very healthy it seemed,exercised alot,in shape,said she was going to live to be a 100.
About my mother.She had a weak heart but didn't tell us.She excused out of the wedding,didn't come,she lived in a different state.The night my fiance died I was talking to the minister who was going to marry us.His new job was funeral.I said I forgot to tell my mother.It was 10 PM her time.He do not call her tonight,never give an old person bad news late at night.Call her tommorow.I'm glad I didn't call her.She died that night,I would have thought I caused it.I tried to call her all the next day.She never went anywhere.I was concerned.Late That night my brother in law,he and my sister had been traveling and I hadn't contacted them called,very serious voice.My first thought is how did he find out?My second thought was its about mom,not my fiance.I knew it befire he told me.
I guess I was in  shock,not feeling great sadness.There was this thinking I knew this and wow,this is very interesting.Also,I am not traditionally religious but spiritual.After reading "life after life",about "near death" experiences I thought they are fine,I don't need to be concerned for them,and feel I will see them again someday,as I will others,including Donery if I never see her again here.People reported this,including seeig their old pets,everyone very radiant and healthy looking.
Ok,the nerve thing.Shingles produces residual nerve damage in 50% of the people over 60 who get it.It is usually confined to pain and tingling in the area of skin damage after the damage is healed.It typically wraps around the torso,as it did in my case.My Nuerologists thinking is it dsomehow spread to the nearby spinal cord.At least it is not Guilliane Barre syndrome.It comes on very strongly,maximum effect in 2 or 3 weeks(I have had this 4)
and people can be almost totally paralysed,including needing a resperator to breethe.There is something simillar that comes on slower,does less damage but can hang around longer.It is a damage of the sheaths around the nerves.That usually comes on after bouts of intestinal illness.
I  don't know,but I am going to find out.The doctor mentioned another test,another MRI but done after some sort of fluid injection,perhaps even to the spinal area.
The simple MRI was 380,000 pesos here.The other test could add up to millions in pesos,and so far no $$ from my insurance for anything done here but its virtually free in the US.Most of these conditions are temporary.This one,the shigles,was probably brought on by an immune suppresant drug I was taking for my Chrons(? they are not sure) disease,an imflamaton of the large intestine,in my casr including a srticture or blockage.I mentioned once before one doctor thinking a successfull treatment of that would be to cut out my Colon and mount a bag of sh!t on me.No thanks,I will try everything else first,even at some risk.

Better post this before I lose it.Power goes out here.

Pete

[zack]

... in response to Re: Re: Judge not, posted by Pete E on Jul 2, 2004

Pete,

I still cannot believe that happened. What started out as the best day of her life ended up being the last day of her life. And then your mother dies that evening. What an aweful day for you and everyone else.

After reading your story it makes sense to me what happened to your fiance. I hope you don't mind me going into a spiel about this considering that you probably already know what happened. That amphetamine she took for ten years, was it Fen-phen? As you probably know, that drug pulled from the shelves by the FDA when they discovered that it causes heart problems, including mitral valve prolapse and arrhythmias. Did she have MVP before she took the amphetamine? In most third world countries, including Colombia, fen-phen is still avaliable. Her rapid heart rate was probably an arrythmia called SVT (supraventricular tachycardia), also caused by amphetamines. This is probably what caused her to pass out from time to time- she was in and out of SVT.  On her wedding day, the few cups of coffee that initially made her feel better, eventually induced the rapid heart rate once again (from the caffeine). SVT can lead to cardiac arrest, especially in the presence of mitral valve prolapse. This is probably what happened to her. Is this what you were told?

Regarding your nerve condition. You said "Shingles produces residual nerve damage in 50% of the people over 60 who get it. It is usually confined to pain and tingling in the area of skin damage after the damage is healed. It typically wraps around the torso, as it did in my case"   Agreed. But the residual damage in 50% of people is rarely as extensive as in your case, and you had shingles of the torso, not your legs. At least they know it isn't Guilliane Barre Syndrome. That test you mentioned, where they inject fluid into your back is called a lumbar myelogram. The fluid is a dye that they inject into your spinal fluid to allow better visualizastion of your spinal anatomy and nerve roots. Be aware that it often causes a headache that can last for weeks. I'm not trying to scare you- just be aware. But the good news is the headache is treatable with a simple procedure (another story). O.K., enough medical spiels. Good luck.

Zack

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Judge not, posted by zack on Jul 2, 2004

Zack,
From the top,no it wasn't fen phen.She took this like 1967-1977.No ,she did not know she had Mitral valve prolapse.She had not taken the amphetimines for 8 years or so before she died,but it could have damaged her heart before.
I know my nerve damage is way beyond normal,as I said the doctor THINKS the nerve damage in the area of the chest affected the spinal cord,which could then affect another area of the body.I presume they are related.I have numbness in the immediate area of the shingles also.
I'm not sure the test you mention is the one.They said something about fluids before the test,but you might be right.Headaches for weeks?Great.I guess they will tell me the treatment for that you mention,probably has undesireable side effects.

Pete

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Judge not, posted by Pete E on Jul 2, 2004

Sorry about the errors.The power goes out at least once a day,then the building generator kicks on,but I lose everthing I was working on.I didn't want to have to recreate that.
One more thing,on the spiritual side.The minister who was going to marry us but wound up doing the funeral told me a story.His mother was very sick,dying,unconscious.He and other family members were in the hospital room praying for her.She opened her eyes,told them " I have seen it over there ands its beautifull.I want to stay.Your prayers are keeping me here.Please quit praying for me."
They quit praying,she died.

Pete

[zack]

... in response to And - , posted by Pete E on Jul 2, 2004

I love stories like that. I can go on and on about similar stories. It just reinforces the power of prayer. I'm sure your former fiance is in a great place )

Take care,

Zack

[Nathan]

... in response to Judge not, posted by Pete E on Jul 1, 2004

Pete,
  I don't post much, but your tale is a good one...but some goodness and happiness no doubt awaits you, because at least you can recognize it for what it is...not like most, living in a suburban coma...

Nathan

[grant5432]

... in response to Judge not, posted by Pete E on Jul 1, 2004

Pete -
 Sorry to hear about the breakup and everything else.  Didn't know
about your fiance and mother passing away so close together.    Hope
things get better quickly.  Hang in there...

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to Judge not, posted by Pete E on Jul 1, 2004

Maybe Buddy was disoriented because he couldn’t find his usual things.  As you know, dogs are very territorial.  

Here’s a good article to give to your EX.

http://www.homestore.com/Move/Moving/DIY/Pets.asp?poe=homestore

[kented]

... in response to Judge not, posted by Pete E on Jul 1, 2004

Pete,

Thanks for sharing your story.  I can totally understand your mixed feelings.  Everyday it will keep getting better and the fact that you made a necessary move means that if you had done nothing it would have kept getting worse.

I'm going to CR to see my wife for ten days since BCIS isn't ready to let her come here.  

In two months, you'll wonder why you waited so long.  In Colombia, there will be a line forming at your doorstep when you return.