Colombiano philosophy

[Pete E]

Today I had lunch with my ex wifes family(I say ex even though the divorce is not final).They were nice as usual.Her mother didn't have any questions,she understood,said thank you for all,gave me a very warm hug and kiss.
A friend of the family was there,a guy who knows my ex.He told me she had told him recently she missed me and loved me.I told him how many times we had sex last year(I can count it on my fingers).With that he threw up his hands and gave up,no way that could be justified in Colombiano logic.Love was obviously not present.
Back at my apartment,through my whisky and halfway through my rum he offered me some Colombiano advice.I could almost hear Kenny Rogers singing "if you are going to play the game son,you need to learn to play it right."
He told me with his girlfriend,if she ever does anything to pull away or want to do something without him he says,fine,ok,go for it,no problem.Not pursuing them,acting as if you could care less pulls THEM back.He never pursues,never seems needy or desperate,is always willing to give her up.It works like magic,she is back after him.Its a game,even though important things are at stake.You have to be willing to let them go,seem more than willing to let them go.
He tells me this with smug reasurance.He has confidence.There are lots more out there,never pursue.This does not mean he does not try to intice women.This smug assurance gives him a playfull fun attitude.He loves to banter and joke with women and compliment them,piquing their interst,then let them pursue him.He is interesting too them.Fits the old wanting what you can't have mode,which seems to work better than handing them the world on a silver platter.
Usually there is quite alot of dishonesty involved in this approach.Be with other women if you can,it will boost your fun and self esteem(not said,my take on it).
He wants to come over to my apartment with a friend and girlfriends this weekend.I told him my girlfriend will be out of town.Fine,let me bring another woman also for you to meet ,we can have fun,go out on the town.I said I was in an exclusive relationship.He said hey,she is gone,its your apartment,whats the problem?
Interesting,I told him I  would think about it,not being too happy my girlfriend would not be here anyway.
Having been a guy to give everything to women then get taken for granted,I must admit it has some appeal.Why not just play the field,have enough women that they pursue you,not you them.I guess one why not is it just doesn't seem like me.But maybe I could get used to it.I am a little tired of giving so much and being taken for granted.
He also told me be aware,girls see my apartment and will see $$$ signs.He reiterated what I have become more aware of more recently.Guys,much of it is about our money and what we can offer,to a whole lot larger extent than many of us would like to belive.
He also told me my apartment was a very famous apartment in Cali.
Tino Asprilla,the owner is a soccer player and one of the most famous Colombian athletes.I didn't know he ever lived here but this guy said he lived here with his girl friend,last name Noriega,I didn't catch the first name,who was a famous Colombian singer or actress.He said the place made the news often.Asprilla would shoot guns off in the air and the cops would show up.He played loud music and would tell people he didn't give a f--k if they complained.I guess the residents got together and got him kicked out.He still owns it but can't live here.Something we might have to do to our newest residents,guys who moved in 10 days ago and have had 3 all nighter parties,including last night.When the music went off this morning the  rooster next door was crowing.

Pete

[Pete E]

... in response to Colombiano philosophy, posted by Pete E on Jun 15, 2004

That was Tino Asprilas girlfriend in my above post about happenings at my apartment.She is an actress in a Bogota Novella and someone said she was a former miss Venizuella.
My friend said the happenings made the TV news alot,with shots of the apartment and building here,making my apartment a famous one in Cali.

Pete

[valleydude]

... in response to Colombiano philosophy, posted by Pete E on Jun 15, 2004

After reading your post...the nice guy bad/boy debate sticks in my mind. Though I won't go there, your Colombian friend is probably correct in both. 1: That she does miss you and 2: that girls like his attitude. Girls who play these guys games get put through the wringer, and go back to the nice guys. There's a healthy balance between the two. I'd like to tell you about it, but I'm still trying to figure it out.

I totally agree that there is to much dishonesty in that crap. It also reminds me of the days when I was a kid and trying to keep 13 different stories straight. Man that was a lot of work. It sucks. I like a clean conscience these days.

Then again you could have a lot of fun too.

V-Dude

[adventuro]

... in response to Colombiano philosophy, posted by Pete E on Jun 15, 2004

For me I think it is important to go very slow with getting real involved and commited to a colombian women. Especially if you have the opportunity to live in colombia.  Moving someone from a life working on the streets to suddenly living in a "castle"!!  Just imagine what must go thru your girlfrinds mind.  Rags to riches. I cannot imagine a women who would not deny you anything, at least until married, with that kind of life altering opportunity.  I guess for me I am just hoping that if you do decide to end the relationship that her strength and anger that she seems to have does not cause her to become to crazy with you when she heads back out to the streets.  I am thinking of a "fatal attractin" kind of senario.  I have learned that "strong" women are great...........as long as you are a team, but when they are on the other side.....look out!!  I also am definetly in the camp of downsizing your pad and lowering any expectations that a new girl might have in seeing your lifestyle.  If money is the big attraction I think  just about any relationship will go down the tubes at some future date.   I think money is a hughe potential drug if not controlled.  Great to have.  And someone who has worked hard to earn it knows just how hard often it is to get it.  Not only hard work usually over many years, but usually involves also taking risks with what you have slowly saved........risk in stocks or real estate etc.  But someone who falls into a big load of cash, like some Calenas, just will not get it.  And trying to explain things about money to a colombian just does not work, at least in my experience.  You have money or you do not.  You have a little money or a lot.  That is all that they see.  Anyway Pete, just be sure you are taking care of Pete.  And a good way I have learned to take better care of myself and not give everything away to a women, especially all "my power", whatever that is in the particular relationship, is to talk to people who know me well and that I can trust and lay out all my concerns and feelings.  Just my two pesos worth........which is alot less than two cents.............

[kented]

... in response to Re: Colombiano philosophy, posted by adventuro on Jun 15, 2004

Not appearing rich was one of the key things I did when I moved to CR.  I earned $750 a month, double to per capita income, but certainly not enough to be rich.  No one would have dated me for the money.  

I'm sure a few people lost interest when they saw that I didn't live like a "rico" but that was just what I wanted.

[Heat]

... in response to Re: Colombiano philosophy, posted by adventuro on Jun 15, 2004

great post!

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Re: Colombiano philosophy, posted by adventuro on Jun 15, 2004

Excellent post !!!!

[Cali James]

... in response to Colombiano philosophy, posted by Pete E on Jun 15, 2004

[This message has been edited by Cali James]


Hey Pete, it sounds like you're having some doubts about your gal.  I can't comment on it other than I think it was a mistake to have her quit her job initially .  Once you did that, she and her kids were dependent on you financially.  You became the bread winner husband and your gal was then more or less free to start asking for things.  What she asks for may start causing doubt, does she like me for me or me for my money.  Doubt is the precursor to problems I think.

Anyway, if you do move on, find a woman with older children or none at all.  Someone who would be happy to move with you wherever you decide to go.  Most wives move to the States, mine would be dancing in the street if she thought we'd be close to Cali as in Cartagena.  

If you stay in Cali, think about downsizing into something more modest.  Your buddy Jim C was right all along about big apartments and what they attract.  An alternative might be to rent a modest 600,000 peso apartment on the side and meet any new gals there.

Gotta run....take care...James

[jim c]

... in response to Colombiano philosophy, posted by Pete E on Jun 15, 2004

Hey Pete

 Sorry you are having thoughts about being used. Settling for someone to keep you company and take care of you is often a rebound tactic when another relationship fails. Your male Colombian friend has a style which can work if you are independant. Are you ready to learn spanish yet? Until you do, you will be dependent on someone to take care of you there. If you are going to stay out of the country, you really have no choice. Its not like you are too busy. With some language skills you can have a little better idea what you are getting into. Walk out and see the possibilities that await you when you have freedom of movement. I go for my pensionado visa on the 21st and fly out to Cartagena on the 24th. I will come up to see you as soon as I have my business deal settled. JIMC

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Colombiano philosophy, posted by jim c on Jun 15, 2004

Jim,
Right again,another reason I need better spanish.
Best to cc at peiguren@hotmail.com  AOL is not working again.

Pete

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Colombiano philosophy, posted by Pete E on Jun 15, 2004

Pete

I agree with the idea that you have to be willing to let them go.  You're in the ideal position to have that attitude.  In Cali there is always a replacement available on short notice.

I don't agree with being dishonest.  If you tell your woman you are being faithful, you should be faithful.  If you tell her there is no such commitment then enjoy yourself.  I want my wife to be equally honest with me.

Steve

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Colombiano philosophy, posted by DallasSteve2 on Jun 15, 2004

Steve,
I agree.I am never dishonest and would not play that part of the deal.I just hate lies,so I can't do it myself.

Pete

[Heat]

... in response to Colombiano philosophy, posted by Pete E on Jun 15, 2004

I always thought you got hooked up pretty quick after arriving here.  The first thing you must learn to say to a women here is no.  They will always ask for the moon.
And be happy with a ticket to the movies.

I understand the urge to have a girlfriend, but in Cali I just can't stop meeting new women who are hot and interesting.  I know it's the same for you.

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Colombiano philosophy, posted by Pete E on Jun 15, 2004

Hi pete

Email me and give me an update on things. The girlfriend you speak of that the soccer player had is a Colombian singer and an actress and can be seen on the Novela "PASSIONES DE GALIVANES" which shows in cali i believe. She plays the character of the accountant and occasional singer of a bar .She is all PLASTIC and paid for by Sparilla

I am glad your eyes have opened a bit. It is a shame that searching for a good woman has come to money and lies, but at least we know that going in . E amil me.

Andy

[kented]

... in response to Colombiano philosophy, posted by Pete E on Jun 15, 2004

Living in Costa Rica, I became totally aware of what you are talking about.  Latin America is truly a man's world.  Woman come out of the woodwork when you live there.

It is hard to believe that my wife has reason to be jealous of me and I can trust her completely.  You certainly don't have to settle for a girlfriend who takes you for granted.