It rips my heart out.

[Pete]

... in response to Re: I agree!, posted by kevin on Aug 15, 2001

Kevin,

Im not trying to wield superiority. Yes, I lucked out in my situation and you have had bad luck. My point was this: how many times are you going to post trying to figure out why "so many" filipinas are bad? How many times do we have to hear it? There are bad and there are good whatever people you want to talk about. Sure, poverty increases the chances of someone trying to take advantage of a situation...it's up to you to figure out what's up. I'm glad you nipped this problem in the butt...I'm sorry this stuff hasn't worked out for you...I mean it. It just seems very strange to me that just about every filipina you've met in your life has been bad (which is why I was suggesting that it just might be something in your personality...i wasn't trying to be spiteful...like I said...my brother is the same way). Contrary, almost every filipina I've ever met has been good. Is that luck of the draw? I don't know. What provoked me about your post is that it sounds as if you're condemning them all as evil, based on your experiences rather than taking a step back and looking at things objectively rather than seeing the good with the bad.

As far as not being able to "hold me in high regard," the feeling is mutual where you're concerned. If you're not talking about the evils of filipinas, you're talking about your bodily functions...over and over and over. (once..yeah it's funny...twice...ok, we know...three times ALRIGHT already!) I know others think it's funny as an ongoing joke...myself, it's not my bag.

Pete

[DonaVictorina]

... in response to Re: Re: I agree!, posted by Pete on Aug 15, 2001

Thank you very much, Pete for defending the Filipina!!!  Very well said!  

As I said in an earlier post that I do not tolerate nor condone these kind of Filipinas as they destroy the good ones.  Similarly, I would also not agree to Kevin's barking at Filipinas!  I think it's too much!  Not all Filipinas are dying to marry a Kano.  Some wouldn't even give you a second look!

And Kevin, --- Yes, we do get hurt real bad sometimes or all the time but please look at things both ways. A relationship is always a 2-way street. And perhaps, as they all said, that you are really kuripot --- well, hold on to your dear $$$$$$ --- it won't buy you love anyway.  

Well, good luck again Kev!!!  I hope you have peace again in your heart before  you get into another relationship. Best of Luck to you!

[tito]

... in response to Re: Re: I agree!, posted by Pete on Aug 15, 2001

Pete,

Thanks for saying it better than I ever could.Please,Kevin, give this thing a rest.For your sake and the Filipinas.

tito

[kevin]

... in response to Kevin,, posted by Ray on Aug 15, 2001

What crap?  I just reread the post, and though I was illuminating some things.  Anyways life goes on in the meantime, and I think it's better to take my time looking than just twiddle my thumbbs and look at a two-year time-table.

- Kevin

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Kevin,, posted by kevin on Aug 15, 2001

Kevin,

I have been around long enough to know racist crap when I see it. Now give it a rest!

Ray

[Dave H2O]

... in response to illuminating?, posted by Ray on Aug 16, 2001

We hear so many negative stories or experience a few ourselves, that we sometimes fail to see the world around us as it really is.  It is very easy to get caught up in our own personal problems or tales of others and miss the big picture. The truth is, there are good and bad everywhere. If someone is white, lives in a white neighborhood, has white friends, relatives, and associates, they certainly must know many more "bad" whites than African Americans, Asians, or Hispanics. Yet most don't say all whites are bad. If they hear of one "bad" person from another group, many people identify the entire group as being bad. That is simply being prejudice and/or racist and can't be justified. I am just trying to point out that what others tell us in the guise of advice or information, can often have its roots in ignorance or racism, whether it comes from a religious leader or "friend."

A different view...

The minister and his wife in the Presbyterian church that I attended growing up, were missionaries in the Philippines. Gardner and Viola were both white Americans and were first missionaries in China before they were driven out by the Japanese invasion during W.W.II. Gardner had grown up in Korea. Gardner and Viola were in Dumaguete, Negros Oriental with their 3 young children during the Japanese invasion of the PI. He was teaching at Silliman University. They fled to the mountains with Filipino friends during the Japanese occupation. A Japanese national, married to a Filipina and living in the Philippines, told the Japanese about his presence. Gardner turned himself in, because innocent civilians were going to be executed if he had not. He was sent back up the mountain to bring his family, but decided that they must flee to avoid mistreatment. He told his wife, I'll trust God and the good Filipino people to take care of you and the children." When he returned to the prison camp without them, he told them that she had run off with a Filipino. A half truth. The Japanese officer told him, "If that was the kind of wife you had, you have done well to get rid of her." Viola and the children spent the next 3 years in the mountain jungles and caves avoiding capture. They would not have survived, if not for the kindness and courageous efforts of the common people of the Philippines. Hiding and feeding them at great personal risk to themselves and their families. Eventually Viola and the children were rescued by submarine and taken to Australia. Gardner was transfered to Manila and eventually liberated by MacArthur. He also had many tales of kindness. "It is a story of many men and women of several different nationalities, incidents to break one's heart and heal it again." They were eventually reunited in the US. They truly loved and appreciated the Philippines and its people. Viola wrote a book about their experiences in the Philippines during W.W.II and gave a copy of it to my mother. I remember my mother reading it and talking about it when I was a teen. I found it recently and read it. I also remember Gardner's powerful deep voice, as he sometimes spoke about the Philippines. I had no idea where the Philippines were at the time, but I always thought that it would be a nice place to visit one day.

Dave H.

[Ray]

... in response to I am not ashamed of my fiancee's race..., posted by Dave H2O on Aug 16, 2001

…for the story. It’s nice to read something positive after some of the garbage posted here recently.

Ray

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Thanks Dave..., posted by Ray on Aug 16, 2001

Ray,

Your welcome! I'm proud my parents had these folks as friends. I'm glad I could tell their story of the Philippines, that ended happily.

I think that if anyone has any doubts about their fiancee's race or culture, they should reconsider getting married. You must decide which side you're going to be on when family, friends, or strangers make negative comments about your wife, based solely on race or culture. I have dealt with this with my Hispanic ex-wife. She always knew that I would not tolerate it from anyone. If comments were made about her personal character...well that's a different matter entirely. ;o))

Dave H.

[Zebson]

... in response to I am not ashamed of my fiancee's race..., posted by Dave H2O on Aug 16, 2001

Dave, hi! This sounds like a fascinating real life story...So this book was published? If so, could you get me the name of it, author or publisher...Thanks

Zeb

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Re: I am not ashamed of my fiancee's rac..., posted by Zebson on Aug 16, 2001

Hi Zeb,

The book is called "The Escape" by Viola S. Winn. It was published in 1975 by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois and by Covendale House Publishers Ltd., London, England. I will see if I can find it anywhere. I haven't seen Gardner since he came Michigan to officiate and deliver the eulogy at my mother's funeral in 1976.

Dave H.

[yorktr]

... in response to "The Escape", posted by Dave H2O on Aug 16, 2001

Go to www.bibliofind.com  It is now part of Amazon. Type in Viola Winn, (not Viola S. Winn). An outfit called "collch zshop" has one copy available for $2 I have used this service before, (though not this dealer); it is secure. Good Hunting...

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Re: One copy of "The Escape" i..., posted by yorktr on Aug 17, 2001

N/T

[Zebson]

... in response to "The Escape", posted by Dave H2O on Aug 16, 2001

Salamat Dave...

Zeb

[Don J]

... in response to It rips my heart out., posted by kevin on Aug 15, 2001

Kevin:

I tried to go back and read some of your post on your
situation with your Analyn. I just don't have the time or
patients to go back and find out pertinent information about
your relationship with her to make any kind of judgment, so
I ask if you would bring me up to date.

What are your ages?, have you been to the RP to visit her?
If so how long where you there? How large of a family does
she come from and where do they live (city,province)?
How long have you known her? Does she now work or did
she before she met you?

This will at least give me something to work with. Of late,
it seems that many people on this board are a little gun shy
when it comes to trusting their lady friends, stories like
Zebson's are an obvious contributor to this lack of trust
(not that his is not warranted). If anyone gets anything out
of this board, by now they should realize that family is very
important to these ladies (or girls in many cases)and saving
face is just an Asian thing to do.

Maturity is a big issue, a young girl is a young girl despite
what many on this board want to believe. I'm not saying that
all young girls don't have the maturity to enter into a long
term relationship but just think about it, when we hear about
someone winning the lottery, people go out and buy a lottery
ticket in hopes that they too may win millions. When these
girls hear of a friend or acquaintance marrying an American
and sending money home to their families, they too want to
find happiness in the US and be able help their families.

My wife was the cornerstone of her family and of what she
earned as an accountant she kept very little for herself, she
would buy her brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews
everything from school supplies to the food they ate,
leaving very little for herself. Before leaving to be with
me in the states, she explained to her siblings that now that
they are out of school they will have to become more self
sufficient. It's not been an easy transition for some of them
but they are getting on OK. We send money home monthly, about
the same amount that she earned when she was there. Does it
bother me? NO!, Because that $300 to $400 per month is making
a better life for the people who are very dear to my wife and
it makes her happy, almost the same happiness my wife has
brought to my life.

To all of you chasing the overseas bride dream let me give
you a look into the future, Your wife will probably want to
find a little job to earn money to send home to her family.
She will have bouts with mild depression over being home
sick. She will want to call home to speak with the family on
a regular basis. She will want to attend church regularly and
will expect you to attend with her. She will want to make an
occasional trip home to see her family, that means sleeping
with the lizards and hearing the roaster crow in the mornings.
These things I can pretty much guaranty you will become your
way of life, there may be exception to the rule and maybe, just
maybe you will become one of those who can totally change the
values that attracted you to these ladies to begin with.

Kevin; I don't know enough about your relationship to
make judgment on what you are experiencing, that's why I
ask these questions. I think back to a time when I was very
skeptical about my wives motives in our relationship before
we married and thank God that I didn't pull the plug for
mistrust on my part. Don't be to hasty in pulling the plug on
this one either. Consider what you have read from others on
this board good and bad and consider the pressures Analyn may
be under from certain family members.

Just my thoughts, I'll be happy to add more once I know
more details about your relationship.

Don J

[kevin]

... in response to Getting gun shy!, posted by Don J on Aug 15, 2001

Don, I'll try to answer youtr questions in a straightforward manner.

1) I'm 36 and she is 23 (will be 24 in October).

2) I have not been to the RP to visit her, but if things continued to progress, I'd plan a trip to visit her.

3) She comes from a family of 6 kids and is the oldest.

4) We've been corresponding for 8 months.

5) She's originally from Ormoc, Leyte but I beleive her whole family is now in Cebu City.

6) She works and has worked at Saturn Electronics in the Mactan Export Processing Zone.

I think I can provide more pertinent feedback later.  But I think you bring up a good point.  Pressure from family members.  I think alot of these mail-order-bride marriages are shotgun marriages.  Not just shotgun in the sense that a white Kano tries to woo her with his "wealth" like a male peacock spreading its tail feathers.  It can also be shotgun in a sense that parents or other family members might force her or brainwash her into marrying somebody she doesn't love because they want to make the transition from rags to riches.

You know, the thought of a rooster crowing, the smell of lechon, a San Miguel, and rain gently falling on a tin roof while on a vacation to me sounds romantic.  I mean romantic if I'm with the woman I love, who truly loves me, going back to the Philippines to visit in-laws.  The next time I get married, I'd much rather be married to someone who would rather make a return trip to the Philippines (hopefully she'd be glad to let me come with her), than talk about how important it is to take a nice vacation in Paris on a deluxe tour when I couldn't afford it.  I('ve never even been to Europe, but I'll put my resources to taking a trip to the Philippines before I'd go to Europe.

- Kevin