what are your suggestions

[Calipro]

... in response to Re: what are your suggestions, posted by Seeker on Feb 21, 2004

You know I kind of like agencies just the way they are. I like the fact the colombian women are nice as who they are and are willing to go and meet a gringo that they don't know a thing about. Almost all the women I meet at marriage agencies are so open and optimistic. I can't remember ever feeling like I wasted my time meeting any of them even if I knew the moment we met that she wasn't marriage material. They all have a story to tell and I feel like I have learned something from each of them.

And,I don't really want to give a women the opportunity to turn me down before they have ever met me in person. I'm the one who is paying and I want the opportunity to meet what ever woman I want. I'm almost always satisfied after an interview whether or not we hit it off or not. My curiousity is satisfied and I had the chance to sell myself. All I really want from a marriage agency is the opportunity to meet very attractive women in a short period of time and they do a pretty good job of that already.

[Seeker]

... in response to Re: Re: what are your suggestions, posted by Calipro on Feb 22, 2004

I also have never felt that I've wasted my time talking and getting to know a woman at an agency. I hope that all of the women I've met have felt the same way after spending an hour of their time with me, even though they instantly knew that I wasn't marriage material for them. However, when all the beautiful women have come and gone, I'm in the same boat as before: I haven't begun to develop a meaningful relationship that will lead to marriage.

I understand that you don't want to give women the opportunity to turn you down before they meet you in person. Who does? Perhaps you have greater confidence in your charm and personal appeareance that a woman who would initially not be interested in you at all after only seeing your photo and reading a brief biography, will eventually want to initiate a relationship, possibly leading to marriage. Maybe I'm too cynical to believe this. I want to meet attractive women too. Again, who doesn't? However, I'd prefer to only meet attractive women who think I'm at least "average" looking, as some of them state on their profile.

You know what it is Calipro, I've gone to Colombia three times in the last 9 months and although it has been fun, I still haven't met the woman of my dreams. It is taking longer than I thought and I'm wondering how many more trips and how many more $1,000's of dollars will I spend before I meet the right person. In other words, I'm beginning to question if this whole thing is worth the effort and expense.

[Cali James]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: what are your suggestions, posted by Seeker on Feb 22, 2004

Listen everybody's different, there's no exact prescription for how long it will take but hang in there and don't give up.  Don't be discouraged either, any idiot can get hooked up in Colombia fast but how many of these relationships will stand the test of time.  Sure find someone you find attractive but put more emphasis on her strength of character and on her care for you.

[Seeker]

... in response to what are your suggestions, posted by Cali James on Feb 22, 2004

Thanks for your encouragement. This past January I flew to Bucaramanga to follow up on a beautiful woman I had met in Cartagena in September. As you may know, we flew to Santa Marta and spent 5 nights at an elegant one-bedroom apartment in the South of the Rodadero. Anyways, things didn't work out.  I have very high standards in terms of values and personality, and this person simply didn't fulfill my needs. Attractiveness is almost by definition inherent in a Calena, Paisa or any other Colombiana. This woman was physically gorgeous, but shallow and immature. Although I'm fairly certain she would have married me, I'm not going to settle for someone who I know is not the right person. I agree with you that any idiot can get hooked up in Colombia. However, I'm no idiot, and I'd much rather continue living alone than accompanied by a woman that contributes nothing to my life, regardless of how attractive she may be considered.

[Calipro]

... in response to Re: what are your suggestions, posted by Seeker on Feb 23, 2004

Selfishness!!! And selfish needs.

And now the truth comes out. You really are meeting beautiful women that like you but they just don't meet your standards.

You need to open your heart and your mind. Any women that sincerely loved you would bring something to your life.

What made the woman in Medellin so special? The fact that she didn't want you? I see people that really are the cause of their own grief by setting the bar so high that nobody can ever reach it.    

To answer your question: How many trips and how many 1,000's of dollars will it take to find the right one?

It looks like it is going to be very expensive for you.

[Calipro]

... in response to what are your suggestions, posted by Cali James on Feb 22, 2004

[This message has been edited by Calipro]

I sounds like seeker hasn't had any takers yet. It seems to me that he is going to have to go with the first one that says yes and hope for the best. I don't think he is going to have the option of picking the one with the best character from a number of attractive women.

Seeker

Don't worry! Just start by telling us what happened on your first date and we will try and help you figure out what went wrong.

[Cali James]

... in response to Beggers can't be Choosers..., posted by Calipro on Feb 22, 2004


I don't no anything about Seeker but if he's a decent guy with a normal personality, he can hook up with a reasonably attractive woman in Cali.  It doesn't always happen overnight, but if a guy's persistent he should be able to find one.

[Calipro]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: what are your suggestions, posted by Seeker on Feb 22, 2004

Seeker

Your profile says you are 34 years old so there isn't an age range of women that is out of your reach. If you are simply looking for a wife that is a notch or two above what you can get here in the states, you should have hooked up already.

If you are telling me that you have been to Colombia three times and you haven't found any women that have taken a serious interest in you, then you are doing something wrong. I just don't know what.

When you go out with the women what to they say and do? I mean you should have some idea what's going on in their head. After three trips if you haven't even gotten into some kind of intimate relationship with even one of the ladies, I would not just chalk it up to just bad luck.

If you are really over weight or real short, you might consider going to the philipines instead of Colombia. If you are in a reasonable height weight range, it is probably something you can fix like attitute. As much as women at agencies say that they don't want a macho man, they still want a guy with some balls.

[Seeker]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: what are your suggestion..., posted by Calipro on Feb 22, 2004

As you may recall, I visited a woman in Bucaramanga in January that I had met in Cartagena in September. We spent two days together in Bucaramanga and then flew to Santa Marta where we stayed 5 days. I believe that even someone with your high standards physical beauty, would have found her very beautiful. The issue is not wheter I can have an intimate relationship with a beautiful woman in the U.S., Colombia or Brazil. The issue is that I'm seeking a wife, a lifelong partner and friend, not a one-night stand.

When you meet a woman in Cali, do you consider what kind of mother she would be if you had children? I do. Do you look 30 years down the road and ask if you think her values and morals, her intelligence and personality
have the capacity to flourish with time and overcome apparently insurmountable obstacles in your journey through life together? I do.

I think Cali James is right. It is a matter of persistence and determination. I do have faith that I will find an ideal partner in Colombia, but sometimes the task seems daunting.

[Calipro]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: what are your sugges..., posted by Seeker on Feb 23, 2004

[This message has been edited by Calipro]

I am getting the impression that you are making this search of yours much harder than it has to be.

There is no perfect women.

I think you need to be more forgiving of the faults of others.

According to a socialogist who's name I Can remember. Love is made up of three things, intimacy(which isn't just sex but a sharing of your inner most feelings), passion (which is pretty much just lust) and commitment (Your a ability to stick it out when things get rough).

I can tell you that I do a pretty good job of finding women that are intimate and passionate but they lack the commitment necessary for a life long relationship. Hell I have to admitt I think I'm lacking in the commitment department as well, so I really need to find a super commited woman.

The bottom line is if you can find a beautiful woman that really loves you, I mean that is itimate, passionate and committed to you, I would be painfully forgiving in the values, morals, personality and intellegence department. Almost all those things will change over time anyway. Also never try to see 30 years into the future. You can't see that far and You'll go blind trying.

[larrydarrell]

... in response to With all due respect......., posted by Calipro on Feb 24, 2004

I look at those among the American wives of my friends here who before marriage were pretty but self-centred, superficial, materialistic, un- and anti-intellectual.  Five or ten years down the road, Calipro, the only thing that has changed is the looks.  The personality issues have generally not improved, and may have even become worse (think house, mortgage, car, children, clothes etc.)

I think I would always take a 6 or a 6 1/2  who has a great, happy, thoughtful personality over a 8 or 9 who is self-centred, immature etc.

Fortunately, I believe that we south-bound pioneers on this board do not have to accept that kind of trade-off.

[beenthere]

... in response to Re: With all due respect......., posted by larrydarrell on Feb 25, 2004

What about an 8, or, 9 (or 10 for that matter) who's not self-centered and immature, etc.  There are more down there than you think.

[cancunhound]

... in response to what are your suggestions, posted by jim c on Feb 21, 2004

jimc my 2 cents is that it should be approached as more of a hobby than a business venture, 'cause the competition seems tight.  Having said that, if I recall Cartagena would be your target - and it seems that a classy operation would have a place there (seems like the tours are the MOA for Cartagena).  If approached as a hobby with good intentions it may very well be profitable.  Appears to me that Cartagena clearly is the most desireable tourist destination in Colombia from the gringo perspective - I would think that to be a plus.  Of course, Cartagena is not that big hence the sheer number of women would be difficult to obtain like possbile in the larger cities - regardless of what people say about this city or that city has prettier women - it seems like at the end of the day what matters is the amount of women available.  Case in point why Cali is so popular - not only are the numbers there but a great many are unemployed - hence no waiting around to actually meet.

Now my more worthless 2 cents is that there are some very overlooked "lesser" cities in Colombia that have yet to be tapped.  I had always thought that perhaps a shop that truly "owned" operations in a couple of cites - say Cali, Medellin, Manizales might be a good sale offering a 2 week or some-such package at each of the individual shops - with emphasis on excursions to the local attractions at each pitstop.  In essence, a dating/travel outfit.  Now reality is there are not many guys that would consider such a "dating trip" in "Colombia" - "it's unsafe" - the same old tune of the bad rap.

I would also consider running it like a real agency - in other words Colombian men would be potential members - it wouldn't be just a gringo outfit.  One agency that comes to mind is in Bogota (vogulys.com).

I think another thing to be considered would be the overall presentation from the onset - you've probably seen that draft master list I prepared and placed over at CaliGringo.com - there really doesn't seem to me to be any one agency that truly stands out - it's the same song and dance.  What does stand out are the agencies charging ridiculous fees - with that kind of dough I'd be expecting detailed background checks and such, not just shelling out a couple of grand to stay in a B&B with a shared bathroom!  I would think a study of that list would be in order to understand exactly what not to do - IOW what they're all doing.

suerte!

[lswote]

... in response to what are your suggestions, posted by jim c on Feb 21, 2004

Best agency I know is Latin Intro in Bogota.

The one thing that makes an agency standout is service.

[ald07]

... in response to Re: what are your suggestions, posted by lswote on Feb 21, 2004

Is Latin Intro the same as Latin Introductions?