imports vs natives

[gkdrummer]

ok - board has been a little boring today!  So - a question for the experienced........As I peruse amigos.com and msnlatino.com, I find quite a few ladies in my area (Florida) that are from LA (with quite a few from Colombia).  Again, I understand that I am asking for generalizations to which there are always many exceptions, however.....do you feel that these ladies still have the potential to be good marraige material?

[denvermike]

... in response to imports vs natives, posted by gkdrummer on Nov 20, 2003

Good question!

Before I transferred to Chile with my company, I dated a number of ladies from Colombia.  There is quite a community of Colombians in the Denver area. My friend married a woman from Cali, and she started introducing me to her friends one by one. They had a birthday party, wedding, or a BBQ nearly every weekend.  I was invited to some of the parties to be checked out by the single ladies.  It was like a job interview in some ways with a million leading questions. The married women would ask me the questions and feed the answeres back to the single ones.  The food at these parties was fantastic.

Most had lived in the Denver area for two or three years or more. Not any of the ones I met had turned into the Sex and the City crowd. They very much have retained their latin culture. They are proud of their culture and there is no need to turn into an AW. Once awhile an AW would attend one these parties and they were terribly intimated by the look and dress of the Colombian women. I must say, the majority of the married women were married to latin men not gringos.

If you can speak Spanish and dance a bit, you can be readily accepted into their circle of friends.  You will never be an insider but you will be warmly treated. Colombians love to tell lots of jokes. I can´t say I understood all of them but it waa fun to try.

I dated one woman from Bogota. She was 33 and absolutely beautiful. She had lived in Denver for five years, spoke near perfect English, and had her daughter in an exclusive school.  Her family had big bucks back in Bogota, so she was not looking for a meal ticket.  

We went dancing one night at a latin club in Lodo. I went to the head, and when I got back there were about two or three much younger than I guys hitting on her. She was very polite but blew them off very nicely.  She said the most important thing to her was to be a gentlemen at all times especially in public. She had career aspirations in the computer field. She also wanted her daughter to grow up in the USA instead of Colombia.  We dated seriously for two to three months. But my transfer to Chile ended the relationship. We are still good friends today.  

So the point of this whole story is that, yes if you can somehow get introduced into their social group, you can meet some very nice ladies.

[Jeff S]

... in response to imports vs natives, posted by gkdrummer on Nov 20, 2003

Here's a little bit different way of looking at it. If she's of good character, comes here, and maintains her character, a function of her upbringing, self esteem, and self confidence, it'll be obvious. Conversely, if her character isn't strong and she only behaves in LA because it's expected by her family and her father and cousins would beat the stuffings out of her if she strayed, she'll easily get led into temptation once here at best, and go hog wild at worst. Either way, that too would be obvious.

Now the big question, would you rather have a women who was exposed to all the temptations of the US and kept her wits about her, or one who you're not sure will turn into a sex-in-the-city liberated AW or not, which would you chose?

Just some hypothetical food for thought.

- Jeff

[Pete E]

... in response to Maybe a better choice, posted by Jeff S on Nov 20, 2003

Everything else being equal,the girl who has already made the transition would be a better bet.But everything else is not equal,not even close.If you are an average guy,do you want a 4 or 5 who is a known thing or an 8 who is a risk?.I think reality will show you that much difference in the 2 markets in term of what you can get.You make your choice and you take your chance.But most of us our not hanging out here talking about trying to find a 4 or a 5.

Pete

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Maybe a better choice, posted by Pete E on Nov 20, 2003

Personally, I didn't set out to find the best looking woman I could find who's personality I could tolerate. I set out to find the best woman I could who's looks I could tolerate. Fortunately, I ended up with a great package of looks, personality and character, but if I had to give up one, I'd give up the looks. Call me weird. No slam intended to the guys who have strict looks criteria.

- Jeff

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Maybe a better choice, posted by Jeff S on Nov 20, 2003

Jeff,
I basically agree.Thats what I have said for a long time.
But looks is a factor,particularly when we look at why we go there.Or consider options like tye subject of this post.
I guess my web site surfing recently has got me thinking I could get a better looking one than I have and it would be OK as long as I didn't bring her here.
But really,your right,better off with good character.Actually thats what I said I went for when I met my wife,and I think its basically true,she just doesn't love me.Which is the other thing I should have really been checking out.
Probably a woman who is crazy about you who is good looking enough would be the best choice.Because its really no fun at all when they don't give a damn about you.

Pete

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Maybe a better choice, posted by Pete E on Nov 20, 2003

You're right Pete. That's a critical element, her being crazy about you. Too bad you can't sit them down to a polygraph test.

- Jeff

[cancunhound]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Maybe a better choice, posted by Jeff S on Nov 21, 2003

Now there's an idea.  I'd say that would be appropriate if combined with Big Wally's list!

[Pete E]

... in response to imports vs natives, posted by gkdrummer on Nov 20, 2003

Do they have the potential to be good marrige material?
Sure.But there there will probably be some differences from a girl you would meet in Colombia.
First,how did they get here?Did some other guy get used in the process?Or maybe she is OK but just got a bad guy.I'm sure she would tell you the latter.Or maybe she got here without a marriage or fiance visa,but its unlikely.Maybe she has a tourist visa,they were possible to get in the past but almost impossible now.
The second part of the issue is supply and demand.She is now living in an envirement that gives her lots more options,so she is probably starting to get american woman picky.Its a whole different deal than if she is  in Colombia.Of course she has already gone through adjusting to the US,so maybe she is less likely to do a big change on you like if you brought her here.
I posted about a Colombiana living in the US on this board a couple of years ago.She was getting a divorce from the gringo that brought her here.She was cute.Alot of guys from here mailed me about her and I sent the imformation and her photo.She had guys from all over the country wanting her.I think just that experience changed her some more.The last time I saw her she was at a party at our house.She was calling guys and they were calling her.She decided to spend the night in ur guest room and we just got to bed when here was some guy at the door,who she left with.This girl became bad news real fast.
I guess my advice is try it,see how it works.I think it will be difficult to find what you want unless you have an eceptional amount to offer.If there is someone close by try to get together with her.
But the market is just so much better in Colombia why not just catch a plane?Its a few hours and a few hundred dollars away.It amazed me all the guys chasing that one Colombiana when ones like her were a dime a dozen in Cali.
Try,it,report back.Most guys here have traveled and know the other situation.But I don't remember anyone having any luck metting someone here.Of course these girls are meeting alot of guys who never even thought about going down themselves.They just run in to the girl.
But I will tell you one thing.If we were living in Cali right now I bet my wife would have an entirely different attitude.She even takes a different attitude when we are there on vacation.Good husbands,unlike good looking women,are not a dime a dozen there.Its the market,not the latin ethnicity that determines your success.

Pete

[Jersey Mike]

... in response to Re: imports vs natives, posted by Pete E on Nov 20, 2003

Pete,
I agree with the general theme of your message, but why would a latin woman be any different whether you find her in Colombia or if you find in the USA?  If she is going to change, she's going to change.  This is the risk in the equation that nobody can remove completely.

I have dated several few ladies that I met from both Brazil and other latin american countries who were living here.  Candidly, I'm a little disillusioned because these women were supersweet when I met them soon after arrival, and all changed for the worse after a few months here - more materialistic, promiscuous, etc.  When the numbers are in their favor like they are here in the states, it is a rare woman who doesn't change somewhat.

[mar33]

... in response to Re: Re: imports vs natives, posted by Jersey Mike on Nov 20, 2003

Mike,
   I have had the exact same experiences you have had. I noticed most of the women do change when the numbers are in their favor,and become just as picky as many AW.
    If a man travels and marries the hottest woman he can find, unless he plans to live in her country and never bring her here, he may have success.
   But if he brings her to the U.s. and he looked solely for beauty above charecter he is taking a chance. Especially if women in the states close to that caliber will not have anything to do with him.
   I started watching a reality show called "Average Joe". They gave this young AW 16 very average guys to get to know. Since she had stated in her Bio, looks were not a factor in her choice for a mate(all women use that line),and she wanted charecter and personality over looks, they wanted to see if women really tell the truth.
  Well, out of all of the guys, the only one she really made out with was the better looking of the average Joe's who was a jerk(I thought she was looking for personality and charecter?).
  Then,they pulled in a new twist.As soon as it looked as though she was warming up to the average Joes, they bought in some model type guys. Guess what?? Her eyes lit up, just as much as a man's does when a hot girl walks in( so much for the "looks are not important to me" line). Next preview shows her making out with the best looking of the model guys.
   Now, the "Average Joe's are upset they bought in competition. But even if one had managed to snag her,in the real world, she would be hit on by better looking men everyday. You cannot shield her from that. Better to find out now, if she settles for you because you are her only choice. Or if she loves you because she truly feels in her heart and soul you are the right man for her above anyone else.
  Women too want that crazy in love feeling we all yearn. If she only has lukewarm feelings for you and settles because you can offer her a better life,she will always feel something lacking in her life as we would if we were married to someone we were not crazy about.
         mark

[Jersey Mike]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: imports vs natives, posted by mar33 on Nov 21, 2003

Mark,
Sometimes the ladies who come from very traditional, conservative backgrounds in their native countries really go wild when they come here.  It certainly happened to my ex-wife who was from an eastern European country that is EXTREMELY conservative - she dresses like Christina Aguilera now.  It's a shame that our culture has such a corrupting influence on core values of many women.  (I sound like my parents now!)

Regarding the "Average Joe" TV show, I'm not too surprised by the young woman's reaction (although I didn't see it myself).  Most women are full of BS when they say that looks and/or money don't matter at all to them.

[Cali James]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: imports vs natives, posted by Jersey Mike on Nov 21, 2003


Just curious, what Eastern European country was your ex from?

[Jersey Mike]

... in response to imports vs natives, posted by Cali James on Nov 23, 2003

James,
She is from the Republic of Georgia.  I was not too familiar with Georgia before meeting her - it is a small country that was part of the former Soviet Union, located to the immediate south of Russia and to the east of the Black Sea and Turkey.  Georgians were very traditional and strict Orthodox (woemn expected to be virgins until marriage), but I understand that times are changing rapidly there.  Since the fall of communism in the early 1990's, they are experiencing a rapid increase in out-of-wedlock births and divorce rates, to go along with other social problems such as alcoholism and poverty.

What I found most disturbing after I married my wife is how much she abandoned many of her core values when exposed to life in the US after a couple of years.  Frankly, I was fortunate to know my wife for about 5 months before marrying her and thought I knew her pretty darned well.  Although she is basically a good and decent women and friend, she was a pretty poor choice to take as a wife.
Take care,
Mike

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: imports vs natives, posted by Jersey Mike on Nov 20, 2003

You certainly have more choices meeting the woman in latin America.I think the best scenario is to find one who truly loves you,then she will be less affected by the different situation here.She won't really be out in the open market being as influenced as single girls.But you are right.Its a
risk.Even the girl you thought truly loved you could decide she didn't.And I think the farther you stretch beyond what you could have gotten here the more potential trouble you are in.A woman who was very happy to get you could start changing her opinion.
The other tactic,I like this (he he) because I can do it,is to live there.You remain in that market.It keeps her on her toes.I think Calipro posted about the girl praying to god every day that you don't find a hotter one than her and dump her,which you could do. Or if she gives you a headache story you can just run down to the $14 bordello.Cuts down on the headaches I bet.With this scenario you can stretch things like age difference alot farther with less chance of it causing you trouble.
Women are just so much more used to putting up with problems from guys,because unless they are one of the few rich or proffesional ones they need a guy to have any sort of life at all.And most guys there can even provide them with much of a life at all.Or are they willing to try.Getting married means a hard life,so they would rather live with momma and play.The situation there is the  opposite of the womens lib statement " a woman needs a man like a horse needs roller skates".
BUT - - there is risk in getting that woman so much better than you can get here.You might not keep her. I know.
Would I do it again?In a heartbeat,I would just be more carefull.

Pete